A bit of paradise in the middle of fall.

This was an absolutely beautiful fall weekend. It was sunny and 70-something, with a slight breeze. The air was dry, the nights were cool and pleasant for sleeping. It's my utter favorite type of weather. The only downside was that Forest ended up having to work open to close all weekend, and wasn't a terribly happy camper about that. Basically the Store has lost all its weekend employees to one malady or another, and they will be closing for the year next week, so there's no sense hiring and training a new person.

This made for a grumpy Forest, indeed. I think this would have been a grand weekend if only we'd been able to share it.

Friday night we had plans for our usual dinner with Bill and Kathy, which Forest couldn't attend, because he had to close the Store again. Kirstin and I went anyway, and had a pleasant time. While the kids were in the other room, we discussed what our future approach would be when it's time to get Kirstin on a contraceptive. I think it's great that we're thinking so far in advance. I only hope she appreciates it. We aren't moralists, but we are going to try to teach her to be selective, safe, and realistic when choosing the inevitable sexual partners. Really, it's about forming relationships, and only keeping the relationships that are healthy for you. How do you teach that to a teenager?

I shudder to think.

At least we've got the ball rolling and are giving it some thought.

Kirstin and I left Bill and Kathy's shortly after dinner to go out to my mom's bonfire. It was the perfect night for it; not so cold that the fire wasn't toasty enough, not hot enough for mosquitoes. The stars were all out and beautiful, and on the way there, Kirstin and I watched a huge sliver of a crescent moon as it settled below the trees.

It was nice to see everyone again, and I realized that mom wasn't kidding. These were all people I had known since I was about 2 years old. It was really pleasant to be able to see everyone again, and once Forest arrived, it was fun to introduce him around. Everyone there will probably attend our wedding, so it's nice that they won't be strangers. I haven't seen a couple of them since Karen's wedding two Junes ago.

Forest also enjoyed himself, although he was already dreading the weekend's work, I think, and tired from too many days of too much work in the past. We're both looking forward to closing the Store for the year. Maybe by next spring they will have some other employees again. Right now it's just Forest, and that's just too much work for one person.

This week will not improve the situation. His dad's new job started today, so Forest will be doing all of his own work and his dad's ex-work besides, and still teaching taekwondo, gaming, and taking judo classes. To top it all off, his athsma kicked his ass last night and he only got three hours of fitful, restless sleep.

I worry about my sweety sometimes.

At the bonfire on Friday I overheard Karen being frustrated that Jim had to work on Saturday. Apparently he was supposed to have the day off, and they had planned to go tailgating together. Since that was the exact same situation I had with Forest, Karen and I decided that the two of us would go while Forest and Jim were working. We ended up getting tickets awfully cheap, and actually seeing the game! It was an abyssmally bad game, however it was a beautiful day, and the marching band was as wonderful as always. We nibbled animal crackers and raisins, I took a few photos, and we enjoyed a few hours in the unseasonably warm sunshine!

Afterward we stopped by the Store to say "Hi" to Forest, and I realized I hardly wanted to leave. I'd rather stay and work at the Store just to be with him than go home and relax. Isn't that nuts? It was hard for me to leave.

I've been using my spare time at home to play Final Fantasy. It's an amazingly difficult and confusing game, but I'm enjoying the story of it. It's kind of like reading a book; so much so that I actually get irritated when random game occurrances take time away from the plot! I'm terrible at it, but I enjoy it.

Forest ended up getting home a little late, and I bounced to the door with big smiles to greet him. I'd been looking forward to seeing him all day. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. As it turned out, he'd been planning on having company, but none of them could come, and he ended up being awfully sad about that, and not in the mood for a lot of merriment. It's hard to get people to come visit us; it's a long drive. I can't blame Forest for being sad about it, either, I've been there. He misses his friends; they used to hang out practically every night, and now they're lucky if they can get together once on a weekend. I know how he feels, and can sympathize, but of course that didn't make it any easier for him on Saturday night. He was also bummed out because it was supposed to be his day off, and he ended up working when he'd rather have been at the game with Kirstin, Karen and I.

We ended up going to bed early, and I laid awake for an hour or so, wishing there was something I could do to make him happier. He pointed out that I'm in 99 percent of his life, and that I *do* make him happy. He thinks he is just having trouble adjusting to the way things are now, and says he needs to 'grow up'. I think that's not really true; while I believe you have to accept life's changes, I don't think that seeing his friends once every week or so is an unreasonable expectation. Anyway, he was pretty much inconsolable at that point, and we both hoped things would feel better in the morning.

In a way they did. He got up and went to golf with his dad, which usually cheers him up greatly. Then we all went to breakfast, and he tried to psych himself up about going to work again, and I tried to get excited about spending one of the most beautiful fall days in the shopping mall. That was Kirstin's choice of an activity; she wanted to go shopping. *sigh*

We ended up finding some bargains. I replaced a skirt I tore last week with one I found on Hudson's clearance rack for $5. I figure that's a pretty good find. I also got a pair of black slacks for $7. We wandered through the mall, and Kirstin and I talked, which I suppose is what it's all about. She is in a stage of her life where she's very interested in clothes, and while I am not all excited about them, at least I can talk about what colors go together, and what is easy to wash and dry. She is really into leopard prints and tiger stripes, though. Yikes. I just keep my motherly mouth shut on that one, though, and try to redirect toward things that are still trendy but don't reflect an attitude of cruelty. I just don't understand the mentality of imitating the flesh of an endangered animal on your child's clothing. Ick.

We headed home by way of the video store, where we made the regrettable decision to rent The Tigger Movie. I love Pooh and Tigger and the gang, but this movie was just plain depressing. It made me cry, and the end was *almost* happy enough to redeem it after hours of sadness. It's a movie about loneliness and abandonment. Just what you want to watch after a weekend of missing your sweety.

Not that I feel lonely and abandoned; but it just wasn't the right mood for me at the moment, okay?

After that lovely movie experience I put Kirstin to bed, then settled down to filing photos into my album and captioning them, waiting for Forest to get home. We had planned to watch a movie together, and I was expecting him around 8:30. Then he called to say he was going to visit his sister on the way home, and would be in around 9:30. That's fine, I can be flexible.

Then the smoke at his sisters' house set off his athsma, and he ended up stuck in Lansing waiting to be able to breathe well enough to get home. He made it home around 11 PM. I filled the time with Final Fantasy, so I wasn't upset or anything; but then he was really tired and still very wheezy and in pain, and couldn't lie down to go to bed. So he ended up playing Final Fantasy while I tried to cuddle him and watch. Of course I fell asleep by about 1 PM, and even though I wanted to keep him company, I physically couldn't do it. I really wanted to spend time with him, and it just wasn't possible.

He ended up making it to bed at about 4 AM, still horribly breathless, and we both had to be out of bed at 7 this morning. Of course we ran late, and he forgot to pick up bananas for the Store on his way in, so I will not get to see him during my lunch hour because he's going to have to go get bananas while I cover for him at the Store.

Then we'll have about 15 minutes between work and class (his) and bell choir (mine).

Aren't I lame? We've had several great weeks together during which I didn't feel too clingy or too lonely. Things were in balance, and going great. Now he has one bad weekend and I want to grab onto him and hog him completely? I think this is just another way that I overreact to his occasional bad moods. I've got to learn to understand that even people who are in the happiest of relationships can occasionally be unhappy about other things. Being unhappy about other things will make a person not terribly great company for his or her mate. It's normal. I don't need to freak out about it and get all clingy.

Maybe tonight after class and choir we can chill out a bit together. I don't anticipate much happiness from him, though, after 3 hours of sleep, a full day's work, and a workout. It's okay, though. Things will have to be better soon.

After all, who am I to look for the tiniest of insignificant blemishes on the brightest spot of my life?

I can't remember if I mentioned it or not, but we finally finished refinancing our house last week. It's a done deal, and as soon as I verify that the electronic transfers have gone though, I'll go straight to Epinions and write a thirty-page diatribe condemning my previous mortgage company. I'm seriously considering writing to the Better Business Bureau about them. They were just plain dishonest. It feels really good to finally have all of that settled, and I'm optimistic that we're financially going to be okay, Christmas and a wedding and all.

Here's where you can all feel good about yourselves; this wouldn't have happened without this journal. You gave me perspective on the situation, allowed me to step back, and see the hope of rectifying things. Who would have thought that journalling would be good for my financial future?

I'm even allowing myself to dream about a honeymoon again. Who knows? It could happen!

PS: I touched up the main journal page using a WYSIWYG editor for the first time today. If you experience any problems with it, please let me know. I'm considering someday moving myself out of notepad!