So then he called me twice, making me feel crappy both times, and then showed up at my house this morning at the crack of dawn to wake me up with more angst. I got to work and had huge amounts of flowers on my desk.
Why can't I just have a normal boyfriend?
Last night I just wanted some peace. Forest loaned his car to a friend, and needed a ride, and it was going to make me feel a bit more like myself to lend him a hand. That's the kind of thing that the Real Wendy does. I help out my friends. I relax. I don't get stressed out or overly emotional, and I don't HURT people.
Of course, for what little time I spent helping someone out, I ended up cornered by Boyfriend and spending twice that much time hurting someone.
I realize that this should be the dream of every all-american girl. I should want showers of flowers, and romantic poetry, and essays on my beauty and a man begging me to let him ever closer. These things in themselves are all wonderful, and I'm not really ungrateful.
They are just all coming at the wrong times, and I suspect for the wrong reasons, and I'm drowning in them! He can't make up for 4 years of misbehavior with 4 days of obsession. I can't even get him to talk to me about this. He won't listen. He claims he wants to be close friends again, but he won't listen! It's so very frustrating.
He also won't accept any middle ground. The only way I can get him to back off, he says, is if I tell him I don't love him. Then he will go away altogether. Well of course I love him. I love a lot of people. He's been a friend for a long time. I'm not going to lie and say I don't just so he will let me breathe. For that matter, it stuns me that he would be willing to throw away something as valuable as he claims our friendship is, all to manipulate me.
So tonight he has promised *again* that he won't pressure me or pester me, and won't come by first thing in the morning. I hope that's the case. This whole thing is starting to give me the hugest headache imaginable.
