This year I hopped online and sent him a book from Amazon. I had them wrap it all up and send a personal message in it. He should have gotten it last week, but I haven't heard from him. Ah, well. At least I'm thinking of him. Happy Birthday Dad.
This was a more laid back weekend than I usually get, and I enjoyed it. Friday I'm happy to say that my secretary had a little boy, who weighed almost 10 pounds (not so little I guess) and is named Jacob. That's a cute name, I think. I'm tickled for her, and think she will be a great mom.
While she was busy doing that on Friday, we had our company's 10th anniversary party. There was cake, and ice cream, and I realized that I only know about a tenth of the people who work here. It's bizarre. Basically, our company is segmented into seperate little units in 12 different suites spread over three buildings, plus two satellite offices. If my project doesn't directly interface with theirs, there's a good chance I've never even met a coworker. Happily, I work for OTIS (our acronym for the Office of Technology and Information Systems), so I don't have to try to socialize with everyone. OTIS always ends up facilitating something. I was the company photojournalist for the day, and took about 150 photos with my boss's expensive digital camera, wrote captions, and posted them on our intranet by the end of the day. It kept me busy, made the time fly by, and helped me resist the huge quantities of cake and ice cream I really didn't need to eat.
Besides, as much as I'm mostly politically immune, I just don't think it's a good idea to throw pies at the person who signs my paycheck. Uh uh.
Friday night was our tae kwon do party. All of Forest's students were invited, and we had no idea how many people might actually attend. Unfortunately there was quite a thunderstorm, so we were forced to have everyone inside, and cancel the bonfire idea. Still, I think the dozen or so people who showed up enjoyed themselves. I know a few folks stayed until after I went to bed, and one guy was still in bed at 11 AM the next morning!
I, however, was up at 10, like the good little scout that I am. It was my only chance to plant my flowers this weekend, and I wasn't going to let it go to waste. I tried to involve Kirstin, since she had expressed interest, but she complained about the breeze and didn't want to get dirty, and soon enough went back inside. So I guess gardening together isn't a good project for us as a pair. I'm trying to find something we can do together, because despite all of the time she and I spend together, she's always complaining to everyone about how much she misses me.
Along the same lines, I decided to take her along with me for the short concert I was playing in that afternoon. Every year my bell choir plays in one or two nursing homes, free of charge. Mother's day weekend is one of those tough ones when the homes are always looking for something to distract their residents from missing their children so much, so we are in high demand. It's an informal performance, so I could give Kirstin lots of hugs and kisses, and she could even talk to me during some of it. I thought it would be an educational experience for Kirstin to get out and do something for someone else, and I knew there would be ways she could help out. I also knew the old folks would be thrilled to see a little kid there, even if it wasn't a relative.
She did really well, once she got over the initial shock of all those people with wheelchairs and walkers, and the faint smell of medicines and adult diapers. All the old folks were really nice to her, of course. I was glad, however, that she mostly gained the attention of one sweet old lady in the corner. Somehow I became the focus for an elderly gentleman, who kept wheeling up to me and pinching my butt while I was playing. Finally I kindly asked him what he wanted, because I turned around and saw that he was trying to get my attention, not so much pinching me.
"Will you give me permission to go to the bathroom?"
Umm. I looked around for a staff person. Why did this guy need my permission for that?
"It takes about ten minutes, and I don't want you to play while I'm gone. Can I have permission?"
So I called an impromptu intermission. What the hell.
"Good, because I gotta piss like a buzzard, and I don't want to miss anything."
A buzzard? That's a new one on me.
After that mini-concert, we had a few free hours before the main concert of the evening, so I took Kirstin out to Emil's for a nice candlelit dinner, just the two of us. We took a full hour and a half to eat, and I let her dink around as much as she wanted to. (She always wants to. A LOT.) We yammered on about this and that, and she smiled a lot, which I took to be a good sign.
Soon, we picked Forest up from the Store, since he had offered to help out. It turned out it was a good thing he came along. At about 7 PM Kirstin decided to turn back into a 2-year-old, and threw him a doozy of a fit. I'm amazed that he's still able to be in the same room with her after this one. Basically, I spent all sorts of time with her all day. 10 minutes before the show, though, I had to go backstage and change into my concert clothes, and ready my props. Forest took her into the auditorium to pick out seats and get comfortable.
At 5 minutes to showtime, she sat on the floor. Forest told her no, she would have to sit in a seat. Next thing he knew, she was throwing a crying screaming temper tantrum right there in public, demanding to get to go backstage and give me a hug, and not listening to him, and being completely irrational.
It was a real test of Forest's not-quite-a-parent more-than-a-friend fortitude, but somehow he managed to speak calmly to her and get her to settle down before the curtain went up. He really does a good job with her, and she claims she wants him to be her stepdad, and loves him dearly. But at the same time, she does things like this that basically sabotage him. She went out of her way to try to piss him off and make him feel bad when we had company this week, too. I don't think it's a conscious effort, and she doesn't use the words, but it's almost as though she's pointing out that he isn't Jeff, and isn't her daddy, therefore she can defy him and act hateful toward him. This week they were playing together, and she tossed him her teddy bear. In a split second, she snatched it back, and screamed "I'll kill you" at him, and pouted, because he had held the bear too tightly. What the hell is that? It's a hateful thing to say, and completely uncalled for, and it really hurt Forest's feelings.
I can't wait at this point to get Kirstin to a counselor. Whatever the hell I did that screwed her up so much, I'd be glad to hear about. Even if she wants to resent me for the rest of her life, I don't care, as long as she knocks off this passive-agressive bullshit. Every night this week at about 7 PM she reverted to her 2-year-old mentality. She's almost 9. I just plain don't care to see that anymore. And I'm sure Forest isn't so keen on it, either. I love her to death, but this stuff is just plain intolerable.
After that lovely Saturday evening, we went straight home and to bed. Sunday was mother's day, and I had the luxury of lounging around in bed until Kirstin let me get up, which wasn't until nearly 11 AM. It's the most sleep I've had in probably a year. Forest stayed with me for most of that, then got up and cooked me a lovely breakfast. I'd never tried french toast with strawberries and whipped cream before. Yummy. Kirstin decorated the whole house with streamers and homemade 'Happy Mother's Day' signs. I enjoyed my morning's laziness very much!
Kirstin went for a mother's day celebration at her great-grandma's house, and I decided to go into town and get some supplies for Forest's and my trip up north this week. My favorite sporting goods store was having a sale on camping equipment, so even though I didn't plan on it, I got a little two-man back-packing tent. It's pretty cool, and it was only $50, because it was a display model. Among my other conquests were foam sleep pads, pocket-stashed raincoats, and a daypack. I probably would have gotten more carried away than that, but Forest called in on the cel phone, and asked if I'd like to join he and his dad for a game of golf.
Even though I had never played, I agreed. What the hell, how hard can it be, right?
It is kind of harder than it looks, but I enjoyed being out in the sun, and scooting around in a little cart. And actually, when I hit the ball, it goes pretty straight, even though it doesn't go very far. I just have a problem swinging a thousand times and only connecting with the dumb ball once. The good news is that it doesn't count against you! It's not like baseball, where you can strike out if you miss too many times. That's a good thing.
All in all, I didn't do too badly. Once I got the hang of it, I got 2 over par for a couple of holes. Forest seemed to be subtly proud of me. It was a nice feeling.
Soon it was time for him to go back to work, and he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to get out to visit my mom with me, so I bid him a sad farewell and headed for my mom's place alone. Laura was there, with KC (Karen's puppy she is dogsitting), and we had fun catching up. Just as the steaks were making their way to the table, Forest pulled into the driveway with a half dozen roses for my mom and for my grandma Ruth. Is he slick or what? I still have no idea how he managed to get the evening off, but I'm glad he did. Family things aren't the same without him anymore. Strange, that.
After dinner he, Kirstin, Laura and I ended up in the backyard playing on the trampoline for hours. As predicted, at 7 PM Kirstin threw her standard "I don't want to be a big girl anymore" fit, and was promptly ignored. None of us felt like dealing with it, so we just let her pout. Logic doesn't do any good, anyway.
The weekend ended over a glass of piesporter by candlelight, with Braveheart on the screen and massage oil on my back. Damn, do I ever love that man!
To my delight, he filled me in on his thoughts of the future last night. He wants to finish school in the next four years. Then, all things willing, he'd like to be a dad; just once, and commit himself to being really great at it. Of course that's a long way down the road for the two of us, and he's mostly dreaming, but it's nice to know where someone's headed, and doubly nice to know that he knows what he wants to do, at least in the short term. Triply nice that he shares it with me, and that in his fondest thoughts, I'm in the picture. What a sweety. I certainly haven't developed an opinion on all of this yet from my own perspective, except that it's a long way off and I'll cross that bridge if I get to it. Who knows, I might like to actually try being a parent the easy way; with all the bills paid and the stuff bought, a washer, dryer, dishwasher, Diaper Genie (MUST HAVE), health insurance, money for child care, and with people around me who are in remotely the same phase of their lives. I'd go in knowing that there's no way in hell I'm a stay-at-home mom, and with the confidence that yes, I can do this, at least to a degree. It might be neat.
And if I planned ahead, I could get in a couple of three-week vacations before then, and at least do a little of my adventuring before beginning another 19-year senten... errrr, parenting experience. Hee hee.
Of course it worries Forest, because he knows I have plans to ditch my house after Kirstin graduates and take off for some of the adventures I want to have before I'm too old to enjoy them. He worries he's asking too much of me, to have me give that up, and wouldn't want to have me do anything I didn't completely want for myself.
As if I'd ask him to give up his dream of being a dad just so I can take some vacations. Geesh. My off-the-cuff response was that I didn't know if it was something I wanted or not, because for years I've closed my mind to the possibility. See, when you're my age and you've decided to have no more children, you're tortured by it on nearly a daily basis until you learn to filter it out. Everyone around you starts having babies, and they are adorable, drooly, sunshiny lovely little critters with toesy-woesies and cutesy-bootsies. Your hormones go crazy, and you want to have one every time you see one. I'm embroiled in a constant stream of baby showers, baby pictures, and pregnant people at work, all of whom are filled with joy and exhilaration, and showered with gifts and attention. When I was 18 the great big belly was a stigma; now that I'm 26 it's one of the more coveted things among my peers.
So for a long time I have just plain refused to have any thoughts on the matter that I didn't squelch instantly. So now I guess I'll open up my mind and heart and give it some contemplation and actually see what my feelings and thinkings are.
'Cause while you're considering your honey, getting to know him, and feeling out whether you're right together, it's important to consider these things.
This is a short week for me. I'm spending the next two days getting ready for our Mackinac trip. Mainly that means getting my office ready for me to be gone for three days. It shouldn't be a big deal, but I do have to train someone a little bit. I'm not a complete waste of space at work, you know. Heh heh.
