In Coriolanus I was offered Virgilia, Coriolanus' wife. She's in a few scenes, and basically follows his mother around and adds little one and two-line echoes to what has already been said. I think her purpose in the play is to show that Coriolanus has a son who could accede after his death. Wwhhheeeeeee. Not fun either, and not really a show I'm interested in doing.
So what do I do now? I've got until the 22nd to consider whether I accept all of this or not. In the meantime I don't know of any other summer shows I could try for. I really wanted to get back into theatre, but is it worth it for me to accept a bunch of bit parts I don't really have any interest in whatsoever? Then I will have the pleasure of watching someone else play the role I wanted, and having to be a quiet good sport about it for months on end. I've done it before, and I know I'm capable of it.
If I just want to do theatre, at a bare minimum, I ought to accept the parts. It will get me on stage. It would be something to do. Yuck.
Trouble is, there's no opportunity to do the things about theatre that I really like; creating a complex character, moving emotions around between actors. There aren't any great lines to savor, no fun combat scenes, no transitions (you have to be onstage more than a minute to have one) and no challenge.
It's kind of like having $40,000 to spend on a car, and rather than selling me one really nice Mercedes SLK 320 Convertible, they're trying to sell me 4 Geo Metros. Yeah, they still have seats, wheels, and engines (sort of), but the comparison ends there.
Ack. Well now I'm pretty thouroughly bummed. As I predicted, the petite blonde *young* theatre student who got to spend more time at auditions than I did got "Kate". I didn't see her give a good read, but I'm sure she must have bedazzled them somehow. Like I said, I missed part of Monday's auditions while I was at choir rehearsal. I'm sure she will be wonderful.
New topic.
Umm.
Last night Master Kim was out to kill us again. Forest and I were there at 6 PM, and started running forms shortly thereafter, and worked kicks up and down the floor, and were a bit on the sweaty side before class officially began, at 8:20. Things started out easily enough, with the usual calesthenics and stretching, blocking and punching. Then we ran forms, which is when I knew I was in trouble. I prefer that to be at the end of the class, because it's less physically demanding. No such luck. After forms, we did Chun Pubs, happily only 5 on each side, and I'm not sure if we were supposed to be jumping, but we did, just in case. Then we drilled every kind of kick I'd done, and a couple I hadn't done before. Then we did free-sparring, which is even more exertion than the rest. Class didn't end until after 10, and Forest and I weren't the only ones red-faced and drenched in sweat.
As tired and sore as we both were, I would have thought we would collapse into a heap when we got home, but the shower really made things better, and when we crawled in bed, we were both in the mood to talk. We spent close to an hour talking, about this and that, and there were actually some interesting insights! I love to talk to Forest, he's one of the wiser people in the world, and I greatly respect wisdom. I don't agree completely with him sometimes, but it's usually a difference of perception, not of idea.
By some coincidence, yesterday he and I both realized (from different angles) that we're different personality types when we're together than we are in the rest of the world. If you think in terms of Keirsey values, we're both generally ENTJ's. In talking last night, though, we found that there is a different set of circumstances and personalities between the two of us as a couple.
For instance, one of the questions on the personality sorter is: In general, is it better to be just, or merciful? In the rest of our lives, Forest and I would both answer 'Just' in an instant. If you take out the words "In general" though, and substitute "With Forest," or "With Wendy", the answer comes out completely different, we're both more prone to consider mercy.
What that amounts to is that we are just to the left of our ordinary selves when we're together. Some of these things have been adaptations we've made to be close to each other. For example, he lets me soothe him and take care of him when he's sick; he lets me know when he's miserable, and we somehow share that. That's really not part of who he is with anyone else. I think it arises out of my need to take care of him, and to help him. On my end, I have dissolved my usual blockade, and tell Forest when I'm hurt, sore, or otherwise down. With anyone else in the world, it's not in my nature to share those things. I think in his case, though, it arose out of his need to know.
From these things come others. I'm softer with Forest. I'm more inclined to listen with a sympathetic ear than I am to try to logicalize his feelings. We're less decisive when we're together, less inclined to plan ahead, more inclined to just let things go where they will. I'm less of a control freak. He's more sensitive with me than anywhere else. It's just a whole new way of relating.
When we discovered this, we both smiled, kissed each other sweetly, and accepted it as a cool thing. Maybe that's what true loves do when they find each other? Maybe they develop these new parts of themselves. It's as though we're uncovering parts of ourselves that we held inwardly until now, and now that they've found their matching receptors, they are channeled between us somehow. It's pretty cool.
Then we got into a conversation about the nature of change. I've always believed that change is the one true constant in the universe. As I told Forest last night, I feel like I have a very good sense of him, and who he is in the moment, but I expect that there will be changes every day, since that's the nature of all life.
His response was that he believes that in actuality, all things are constant, but we as people perceive change in them. So he is remaining the same at his core, and I am perceiving parts of him at different times which give the impression of change. In actuality, they are all always there, but they only come to light in smaller pieces. A fascinating idea, isn't it?
This led to a complex and interesting discussion of the nature of reality, and our views on that reality.
Then at one o'clock in the morning, we smooched, snugged, and fell into a nice sleep. It was quite enjoyable. I love Forest so much that sometimes I can't even comprehend what it means to me. It's just an earth-shattering experience to be this close to someone in the first place. Then, to have all my love, respect, and affection returned to me is almost more than I can bear and continue to breathe. It's a beautiful thing.
I think one really important thing I reminded myself of in our discussion last night is that it's important to never assume you know everything there is to know about a person. It's just not possible. By my own definition, people are always changing. By Forest's definition, people are always revealing different aspects of themselves, throughout their lives. Either way you look at it, there is always something new about your partner to discover, so it's important to always keep an open mind. I consider myself to be an openminded person, in general, but I've always been fairly passive about it. It's better to be actively openminded, I think. To look for new truths.
I think the hardest times that Forest and I endured, early in the year, were when we had trouble accepting each other's inner selves (Keirsey folks call them "shadow selves".) As they were slowly and inevitably revealed, we both had a great deal of difficulty communicating, and everything seemed strange to us. It hadn't occurred to either one of us that we would be different people as a couple. I knew on some logical level that we would have to find "our way" of doing things, as opposed to his way and my way, but I was thinking more in terms of how to clean the house, or how to plan a weekend. I certainly never thought that it would mean finding our own personality dynamics as a couple.
I think we also went through a period where we felt as though we were betraying ourselves by acting on these newfound "couple" perceptions. I'm different with Forest than I've ever been with anyone, and I recognized the change while it was occurring. It felt like I was leaving myself behind, somehow, although I didn't understand the feelings at the time. Forest had many of the same feelings, and communicated as much. After a very difficult weekend a couple of months ago, we decided we would relax, explore things, and let things grow as they would. Hence, the new "couple personality" emerged.
I'm glad we're freely exploring this, because I think we've been learning a lot about each other, and gaining and ever-surer sense of each other's identities. I'm also more comfortable in general than I've ever been before, because some of the unyeilding, harder parts of myself that always cause trouble in my relationships just plain don't apply to him anymore, and for that I'm grateful beyond measure.
So part of the confusion has been that when we met each other, we both knew who we were, very well. We were comfortable in our identities, and knew what our reactions to various situations would be. Actually, we had a lot of these in common, and that's part of the reason we liked each other so much. We were both grounded people who knew what we wanted, and generally didn't hesitate to look for truth in the world. I don't think either of us would have predicted that we'd have such a different approach to each other than we have for the rest of the world. It really shook us up for a while there.
But I think we came out on the other end accepting that we hadn't changed, however we'd uncovered parts of ourselves that we never knew existed, and may only have existed for each other. That's a very special thing.
I can't wait to see what we discover next. I'm ready for anything, and most importantly, I'm confident that I have one of the wisest, sweetest, most openminded lovers around, and that whatever we find on our path together, he'll love me just as much. He's just that damn cool.
Sorry for the gushing! It's amazing that while I would ordinarily be inconsolably bummed about getting cast in icky parts I didn't want, I'm still pretty upbeat, because I've got my wonderful honey, and he's great. I'm fulfilled, just by being with him. So PPPBBBLLLLTTTT!!! to Outing Productions. Hee hee.
Forest's response is that this will give us time to audition for Othello. I'm inclined to agree.
