So at the end of each month, I at least skim through the previous month's writing. I didn't do this back in my pen and paper days, and I didn't know what I was missing.
In the month of February, for instance, I learned a lot! I learned that I have to remember to be truest to myself when times get most confusing. I remembered things I learned long time ago about making myself happy, and keeping my life stable, and that being peaceful inside and out is important to that effort. I learned that I could 'lose faith' even without having a solid religion, and that I need to take time to think my own thoughts sometimes, and listen to my own wisdom.
I also made huge steps in learning to live with the one I love. I learned that it drives him crazy when I push and push and push to try to make a million small improvements, when it's better to let things naturally grow in due time. Wounds heal. Bad moods fade. I learned how to handle it when he goes out of town, and that yes, he will come back. I realized that I didn't need security in our relationship or reassurances if I was secure in my own right. I also realized that he offers me these things all the time anyway, but that when I'm feeling insecure, it doesn't matter. I learned that we both have doubts, but that we both want to stay together.
It's really nice that each month I get a chance to go back and look at all this stuff, and maybe it will help me not forget the things I've learned so easily.
It's also fun to see how rich and full of merry things my life has been. Movies I've seen, people I've been with, places I've been and things I've worked on. Wow, I've sure been dedicated to Tae Kwon Do for the past couple of months, haven't I? It's been paying off, too. I'm starting to feel like I have a good understanding of it. Nothing like a healthy obsession.
Last night at bell choir we worked really hard on a peice of music that I just love. It's called Tempest by Kevin McChesney, and it is TOUGH. The meter changes continually from 3/4 to 4/4 to 7/8 to 6/8 to 5/8 to 5/4 to 2/4 in seemingly random order, and the thing flies by at about 120, which is a really fast tempo. It's hard to get a bell to move that fast in the first place, much less keep it together with 12 other people trying to do the same thing, and make it musical with dynamics and phrasing. This is why I love that choir. I don't think there's another choir in Michigan that would tackle a peice that tough in the first place, and a lot of the ones from out of state would work it over technically, but not be very musical about it. My choir tries to do both, and at every performance it's either a train wreck or an exquisite masterpeice, never anywhere in between. It's great.
Then Forest and I got to visit with Laura for a while before she had to go back to Kalamazoo. As predicted she's working double shifts all week for spring break, but that's okay with her. She wants to buy a new car. More power to her, I guess. It was a strange experience, because her voice has deepened a little bit, and she's gotten a bit bolder with age and lack of scummy boyfriend. When she was standing in my living room giving a description of some screwy exercise she had to learn in school, she looked and sounded just like me. It was like watching myself on video or something. I don't have that experience with my sisters much. I don't think they look anything like me. In this case, though, it was the gestures, the tone of voice, the smile, the eyes, everything. Wickedly odd.
Today I'm going to lunch with Forest and his grandmother. That should be fun. She's a really nice old lady on one side, and an absolute rock on the other. I get the feeling she hasn't budged in 60 years, as far as who she is and where she stands. She's sweet as anything, and kindly, but if the kids screw up, she has no mercy. She owns that ice cream store, and everything that happens in it is under her auspices. Apparently she's down there today, either working or overseeing. I like her, and hope I'm like her in a few ways when I'm old.
I'm about to email Jeff and ask if it's possible to set up an extra regular time when Kirstin can play with Alex, even if it's on a weeknight, and even if I have to drive Kirstin to Bath to achieve it. They've been playing every other weekend for an afternoon when I can manage to get Kirstin there and when Alex is around and when Jeff is free. That has amounted to about 4 visits in the past few months, which just plain isn't enough. It's nobody's fault, it's just 4 different parents with 4 different schedules, and very difficult to line up. I think maybe if Alex is going to be in Bath, that would be an easy way to do it. Kirstin knows the drill at rehearsal, and can behave herself, I'm not worried about not being there. Hell, I could take he out there on Tuesday nights before I go to TKD, and then pick her up after my class. LCC is just a bit south of Clark Road, which goes to Bath, and is a lot closer than Eaton Rapids, that's for sure. Well, it's something to think on, anyway.
We'll see, I guess.
