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4/8/03
Oh, shit...I've been in school for three months now without updating this thing
In Shakespeare class today, our class discussion turned into nothing but a tirade on Operation Iraqi Freedom, which brings us, boys and girls, to...
sPoUtOff
The War on Iraq has split opinions of every one left and right. However, I have never really stated my full opinion of the war. Do I support the war? Yes, and no. Do I support our troops? Yes. Do I support the anti-war protests? No. Then I can't be halfway with the war, right? Wrong. I will tell you what I support here and foremost. I support America. I may not fully agree that America should have declared war, but I will still support my country. Although I said that I didn't support the anti-war protests, I support that it's a right given to us for being born in this country. I support my country. However, I cannot sit back and watch so called fellow Americans run down our country because of the war. Is there somewhere else that you would rather be living? Then get the fuck out of America, commie! I don't care if you disagree with the war; hell, I disagree with it to an extent. But you should not disagree with your support for this country. This country should be a part of you; it is a part of you. Do I have to remind every single person how they know that this country is a part of them? September 11th, 2001. Every single person breathing air in their lungs felt the same exact emotions: saddness, anger, patriotism. If you can honestly tell me that you did not feel any of these emotions when that day happened, then I'll tell you right now that you're not an American, and you deserve to run down our country every chance you get. But we, true Americans, will support the country that gives its citizens more freedom than any other. You fake Americans like those liberties, don't you? I support America. And I will support any further actions taken by our country.
For the fake Americans, here's a fuck you from the red, white, and blue
Well, here I am once again back at good ole UNA. And if you didn't catch it in that sentence, sarcasm was being implied. Seriously, it already seems like there is nothing good about this day. I just spent 285 dollars on books, and I still have one more book to buy. Hell, one of my classes has three freaking books! Why in the blackest pits of Hell must a class (an English class, mind you) have three books? To me, that is just insane. Perhaps, it's even more insane that I haven't did a column since September. It's not like anyone was reading this anyway. This school spending has got me down. I just hope that my one class today doesn't last its full fifty minutes. What else can you do on the first day of a class other than change your name on the roll to what you prefer being called and receiving numerous class rubrics? I'm hoping for a 15 minute class, but I promise not to bitch much even if it lasts 30 minutes. However, if we go the full fifty mark, then I may be reduced to some road rage on the drive home.
How was everyone's New Years? Mine was...er...well, I can't really remember.
One good thing about this semester of school is that it allows me to get more hours at work, and I'm really dying for the cash especially after shelling out $285 from my checking account. If I can hit at least 30 hours a week, I might just be able to spend my extra money on things other than gas for my car. For those that don't know on how my money operations work, I'll explain right now. Each week I take out $100 from my paycheck and put it in my checking account. This totals up to a whole $400 for the entire month. This money is used for my car payment, my car insurance, my cell phone, and now the new gym that I joined. It leaves me with about $70 extra for myself. Last semester I would usually bring home checks in the amount of $115 -$130. Any money that did not go in my checking account usually went to gas since I have to fill up twice a week now (driving to UNA everyday is a bitch). Now I should be bringing home checks at least in the amount of $150. This is a lot better than last time. Now maybe I can spend my extra money on things that I love like booze, drugs and prostitutes. Just kidding.
Has everyone seen that "Cry Me a River" video? I'll say this, my hat's off to Justin for making a very creative video. It's almost sick in a way. And for the first time, I actually like a song endorsed by the Teen Pop Music Industry. Although, the Teen Pop Artists hate being referred to as that. Whatever. You guys know where your total fanbase comes from. Well, I don't really have much more to write. Plus, I'm running out of time before my class starts, so Toodles until next time.
I wonder that if using Toodles as a form of goodbye made me come off sounding gay?
Hello, kiddies...that's what the cryptkeeper always said on HBO's Tales From the Crypt back in its heyday. That was a very kickass show. I know it's been awhile. I apologize, but it's not just this column that has not been updated. Look at the entire site. Truth is that I have gotten busy with constant test after test and then a research paper that I have to write in two weeks, so I haven't had much time to devote to things that I'd rather be doing. If I had my way, I would be watching movies, writing song lyrics and updating this thing so that each and every one of you morons reading this can have some purpose for being here. You know it's true.
Well, the results are in. My sister took some pictures at the first high school game that me and her went to this year. You know the one I'm talking about...my hair being spiked. Anyway she was showing off the pictures at school, and my hair received an overwhelming response. I think one girl even said, "I'd ride that pony all night long." In the words of Kramer off Seinfeld, "Gettyup!" If I can be serious for a moment...okay that's enough of that...most girls are into the spikes. Let's face it...chicks dig the hair. You got the hair, and you won't need the car with the loud sound system that alerts everyone on the planet that you're coming. But you will need fashionable clothing, money, and a personality to match. Did I mention that I will be getting a loud sound system put in my car pretty soon. That's right! I want to bump like all the other assholes I see on the road. Only I won't be bumping rap. I'm going to have my blazen rock going strong and loud. I've got the money, so it's no prob.
However, I am trying to save money at the same time. Why, you ask? I want to open my own club. I want to make a club more bitchin than anything anyone has ever seen, and I want to put it in Mississippi. I just don't want to put it in Corinth. I wouldn't be able to have mixed drinks and such. I'm going to be very sketchy on the details b/c I don't want to give anything away, but plans are in the works for a huge party this month. Oh, but this isn't just any ordinary party. No, sir. Normal is too damn formal, and informal is where it's at. T&N Party Productions brings you the baddest, kickass shindig there will ever be. Yes, I am talking about the BYOWC! If you would like more information, then please speak with either T or N for the details. However, I have been doing some recruiting...some damn fine recruiting. If the BYOWC goes down like it's supposed to, no one will be disappointed. I just hope that all my hard work from last night will pay off, and I'm not talking about just for myself. I want to put a smile on every single face that's going to be there. And there will be a cover charge, T&N is no longer running a free service. Don't like it, then GET OVER IT, and just think about what you're missing. This is the Nick with The Smartassonian News...signing off.
Mmmmmmmm.....chocalate pudding....it's so good.
It was mainly because it was raining the entire night. It certainly wasn't worth the price of admission, and not that many people showed up. They were smarter than me. My prediction was way off. Central got creamed 51-7. That's pretty shitty. I'm no expert on football or anything, but I'd say that's not good. But anyway, none of that matters. I got a story to tell.
The other night I got Tammy, a girl that I'm dating, to go rent Frailty so that we could have something to watch. She went and rented from blockbuster, and guess what happens two days later. Yep, the damn DVD is late. For those of you who do not know, Blockbuster video chains make most of their profit from late fees. It's because of their stupid rule to return the movie before 12pm not 12am(more logical in my opinion). A lot of people think that they're supposed to return it at 12am because that's how Movie Gallery (a much superior video store, in my opinion) does it. And for those of you reading this who do not know, I used to work for the pain in the ass that is Blockbuster. So last night Tammy and I head over to Blockbuster to pay their fee, and I notice Stone Sanders car outside as we pull up. So as most of my attention is focused on that, Tammy hands me the DVD and tells me to go inside and pay the late fee. I'm like, "Huh?" because I only had two bucks on me at the time, and I was asking her earlier if I could borrow some money to get some food with. I just laughed off her request, got out of my car, walked over to the return box outside the store and dropped it in. She gave me a pretty shocked look from the car, and I made my way in to talk to Stone Sanders. He happened to be standing in the entrance with some people that I knew. I said, "She wanted me to pay her late fee. There was no way I was paying that damn thing. I just dropped it in the box." We all got a good laugh about it, and Stone Sanders and I walked around checking out some vids for a second. He started talking to Lindsey Dodd (YOWZA), who works there, as I made my way back to my car. Tammy asks me where her $20 is. I was like, "Huh? You didn't give me a twenty." She told me that she had handed it to me with the DVD so that I could pay her late fee for her. I was like, "Oh, shit!" It was nothing major though, right? I probably just dropped the twenty in with the DVD return box, so I go back inside and ask Lindsey if she'd check for me. I think I kind of annoyed her with the request. She went and looked but couldn't find it. So I went and I looked. It just wasn't in there. Sanders and I walked over the store and didn't see the bill. We checked outside and couldn't find it either. It sucked. I went back in the store and somehow got caught up talking to Lindsey, and Sanders finds the bill outside in my car door. Thank God...b/c working three days doesn't give me as much spending money as I used to get. I paid the fee and that was the end of that adventure.
Maybe I let my smartasstic attitude and cockiness get the best of me. Maybe I was too concerned with being cool. Maybe I would have noticed that I was handed a twenty dollar bill if I hadn't been trying to show out. Yeah, I might have noticed, but it wouldn't have been as much fun.
Make it a Movie Gallery night.
Whassup! I just ran into this girl that I knew from Northeast right here at UNA. She looks totally different now. She plasters the make-up on, looks as though she tanned all summer, did something with her hair. I don't know. She just looks different. Some people try too hard, you know? Oh, did I mention that I grew my hair out and had it frosted? Ha! So what's on the agenda for today? It's Friday! Friday ! Friday! Thank God it's Friday! They should really put that slogan on the shirt. That's a million dollar idea right there, and I just gave it away for free. I can hear my checking account bitching me out right now. Seriously though, what is there to do on a Friday? Hmmmm....there is always the possibility of getting plastered, but I don't feel like that. There's the possibility of renting a movie and staying home. Nah, don't feel like that either. Wait a minute! Friday night! That means high school football! Are ya ready for some FOOTBALL?! FRIDAY NIGHT!
Last week was pretty cool, ya know? At least, for the most part it was. But what could come of tonight? I don't know. For one thing, my full crew isn't going to be there. Stone Sanders has to work, and Jake Sex was flip-flopping back and forth on whether to go or not. Last time I checked, he said that he was going. The only thing I go for is to work on my social skills. Yeah, I'll just be honest. It's all about getting out there and meeting people. The Central game could be a DUD though. I hear that the real party is at the Corinth game tonight, and my sources tell me that there are many girls over there who have been anxious to talk to me. I don't know if I'm really interested in that right now. No, no, for the meantime, I'm just chilling. I think the best place for me to do that would be a the Central game. I'll probably have a better time with people that I know. I should have a complete review of the event posted sometime this weekend or Monday, so stay tuned.
Layfaette Co. wins 35-7...that's my prediction.
Apparently my parking decal for school has been in my campus mailbox this entire time. Maybe if I had known that I had a campus mailbox to begin with, I wouldn't have had such a hard fucking time getting in the parking facility this morning. UNA needs to inform their new students about this bullshit. It is pretty cool having a campus mailbox though. I can get all kinds of stuff sent here. Anyhoo, none of that shit is important. What is important is this past Friday night's Alcorn Central High School football game. That's right...the Nick was in attendence for this event in which the Golden Bears were absolutely smeared all over the field by the Kossuth Aggies. I think the scoreboard read 50-6. Ouch! Am I sad that the bears lost? No, I had a hell of a time. But I think there should be a little background before getting down to the action. The week before I attended the Central vs. Biggersville game (the Bears actually won). I was having kind of a bad hair day that night, so I took along my viser for my own personal comfort. I didn't really know what to expect from this game. I was mainly there just to talk to the girls. I hung out with my boys who are seniors this year, (Jake Sex, Stone Sanders, and Tanner) and we had a pretty good time. During the night my friends were shouting out many things to the freshmen cheerleaders that they knew. Well, it turns out that one of these freshmen cheerleaders had something to say about yours truly the following Monday at school.
Freshman Cheerleader: Who was that guy that was sitting by you Friday night at the game?
Jake Sex: You mean Nick?
Freshmen Cheerleader: Yeah, well he's gay and ugly.
Stone Sanders: Nick's not gay!
Jake Sex: When Nick was in high school, he used to pick up all the girls.
Freshman Cheerleader: Well, I don't like him.
I don't know if that's how the conversation went exactly, but it was something to that nature. And yes, I did get called gay and unattractive. How did this make me feel? Not too bad...in fact, I relayed a message back with Stone Sanders to the cheerleader telling her that she "needed to grow into her body more because she looked like she was still in fifth grade, and some dental work might do her some good too." The message was sent, and the little girl was put in her place.
All this brings me to Friday night. I'm going into this game somewhat as a bad guy or as I prefer, anti-hero. Still I'm given my proper respect by those who know me. I was sporting my spiked look just to test it out. I had to see the reactions from the girls to know if it was going to get me anywhere. I'd say the reactions went well; although, some of my friends *cough*Hauser*cough* didn't like it. I'm not trying to look good for the guys though. One of the senior cheerleaders actually thought it was awesome and asked me if I could style her hair like mine for homecoming. I told her it would take a whole bottle of gel for her long hair. Funny side note: this particular cheerleader was actually part of a story in one of the Smartassonian Times a while back. While I was talking to this cheerleader, my friends and I sort of gathered around the fence by the field and stayed there for a little while. This gave me the chance to say things to the girl who tried to lay the smack down on the Nick. I teased her and told her that "in time she would grow into her body." I got some dirty looks, but that's okay. I got invited to the dance by the cheerleaders also, but I had to wonder if they really wanted me there or if they just wanted to sell tickets. I'd probably say the latter of the two. I didn't wind up going anyway. I wish I had now. There could have been more smartasstic moments. Oh, well. I'm looking forward to this week's game. I'll try and throw out another post Wednesday. Things are starting to get interesting again.
Coming to a theater near you...
I'm really really sorry that I didn't post last Friday. Truth be known, I just forgot. But I'm back today, so everyone can rejoice. Well, I'm sure that there's not going to be that much rejoicing considering what today is. However, the best cure for anything is laughter, and I will do my part to try and help with that. After all, there's a special guest coming to us via MSN Messenger that will enlighten us all with his wisdom. For anyone familiar with bolt.com, you may have heard of the luckyPERV.
luckyPERV: Please, please...I don't need "the" in front of my name like you do, Nick. That's just a little too egotestical for me. And yes, I did say testicle.
theNick: To fill everyone in on the background of luckyPERV, he is basically the doctor of love and sexuality on bolt. He used to run a website called Pervert Palace that was hosted by bolt. It was kind of a play off the Loveline show that used to come on MTV. LuckyPERV would answer questions that bolt members posted on the sex and dating boards. Unfortunately as bolt went through one of its many re-hauls (we know what that's like around here), his site was deactivated, and he lost everything that was originally on the site.
luckyPERV: Yes, Nick, it was a devastating experience for myself. All my hard work was lost, and I was so distraught that I chose to never do the website thing again.
theNick: Until now?
luckyPERV: Well, this isn't my website, and you're paying me to do this, right?
theNick: The check's in the mail.
luckyPERV: Oh, then that means I should be getting it in about...hmmm...never.
theNick: Well, I know about you losing your website and all, but does that mean you stopped posting at bolt?
luckyPERV: Oh, no, no, not at all. I would still read the Sex and Dating boards and answer questions just in the replies on the site. I never did it in a full scale like I once had at the Pervert Palace. I remember one time there was this poor poor girl who had just started college, and she already had the reputation of the campus slut. Apparently while driving around on the campus one day, a couple of basketball players shouted her down. She stopped to see what they wanted, and she got an invite back to one of the guys' rooms. She took the invite, one thing led to another, and she winded up sucking both guys' dicks. But that's not all, she winded up sucking the entire team's dicks simultaneously. She felt really bad about the whole thing.
theNick: What kind of advice did you give her?
luckyPERV: I told her there was no turning back now, and I asked if she'd suck my dick too.
theNick: I don't know if I'd really consider that advice.
luckyPERV: Well, I guess it just depends on how you take it. In her case, she took it in the mouth.
theNick: Ha!
luckyPERV: But anyway, Nick, I know you didn't ask me to be on your site just so that we could talk about me the entire time.
theNick: Actually, no, I didn't. I figured that maybe we could talk about issues revolving love and dating.
luckyPERV: Oh, no, I don't do that. I don't need someone else's opinion getting mixed up with mine. I prefer an open forum where I can discuss what's only on my mind.
theNick: Yeah, I don't think anyone cares what I have to say anyway...oh, wait, but they are checking out my site, and they never knew that you were going to be here. Hell, most of them probably don't even know who you are.
luckyPERV: I know this column is called the Smartassonian Times, and you're required to be a smartass. However, that doesn't mean you have to a dickhead.
*****cymbals crash*****
theNick: Touche. Oh, well, do what you want. I don't give a shit, and I think most of the readers have probably stopped reading to go surf the net for porn anyway.
luckyPERV: Believe me. That's what I wish I was doing right now. But since this is your column, I guess I'll let you pick the topic for me to discuss.
theNick: How about distinguishing between what is "dating" and what is "going out?" I know many people question that today especially myself.
luckyPERV: Oh, boy, that is so easy. I'll be able to head to sublimedirectory.com and arm wrestle with cyclops quicker than I thought. Dating is not really a relationship. It's nothing. There are no feelings. No one gets hurt. No one gets jealous. It's when two people are hanging out and having a good time. However, dating can lead to going out which is a relationship. It's feelings, it's jealousy, and sometimes it's love. If I had to pick one though, I'd pick dating because you can hook up with as many people as you want, do whatever you want, there's no answering to anyone. But there are such cases when jealousy does occur through dating. This is when the jealous individual needs to realize that they are only dating. I hope that answers your topic for this week. But if it doesn't, I don't care because I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of porn.
theNick: Proof that perverts get lucky, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, this has sure been an enlightening and distasteful edition of the Smartassonian Times. Check me out Friday when I become even more desperate for ways of entertaining everyone. Until then...
When we capture Bin Laden, I hope we shove a flag pole up his ass that is flying the red, white, and blue.
Jeez, I'm tired. It's like five after nine, and I'm pumping out a new Smartassonian Times. People are going to have to start paying me to keep doing this shit. Big news for last week...I got hooked up with some plastic. Yes, I finally have my very own credit card. Now I don't even use money anymore. I flash my card here and flash my card there. Oh, it's great. Nah...I'm just kidding. My credit limit's only $200, so I'm not exactly going crazy with it. And with a 9 percent interest rate, you can better believe that I'll be paying off each bill's full amount as soon as they come in. I did use it to pick up a few things Sunday. I finally got the System of a Down Toxicity cd. They had it on sale at Circuit City for only $7.99. Now that's a fucking deal. Plus, I got the Jimmy Eat World cd for $9.99 and The Blob dvd for $9.99. The total amount on my card: $29.99. That's just one freaking penny from being thirty dollars, isn't that strange. I thought it was.
I have to tell ya, I'm just not very inspired for this new Season. Nothing funny ever happens in my life anymore. The only thing that I can do is get on here and bullshit everyone for about three paragraphs, and then I'm tired. Oh, well. I guess I could always reminisce about how funny I used to be. Oh, yeah, I was hilarious. There...that's enough reminiscing. Everything that I said in that column I wrote on April 15th still pretty much rings true EXCEPT for the fact that I am once again using IDGAF in its true blessed meaning.
I'm so bored that I'm going to discuss worldly events. Next week marks the anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy. Then two days later will be Friday the 13th. That's kind of an eerie coincidence when you look at it. OH, shit! I have a test in History class that day. Damn, that's going to suck. I better start studying pretty soon. September 24th should be pretty cool. The new seasons of 24 and Smallville start up. Both of them are basically the only TV shows (besides the Simpsons and wrestling) that I watch now. I'm too busy staring at the ceiling or watching paint dry to even bother tuning in to anything else. Also on the 24th, the brand new Beck CD comes out! Whoo Hoo! Hell yeah! Nobody understands how much of a Beck fan that I really am. This album will be pretty different from Midnite Vultures. Beck's no longer doing a Prince thing anymore. From the songs that I was able to preview, it seems like he's gone back to his folk roots for more of a quiet and slow sound. The reason for this is because Beck and his longtime girlfriend just broke up. Don't worry, bud, I know what you're going through. I just wish that I knew how to play a guitar. Then maybe I'd make an album so that I could make a bucketload of money. Jeez, I am just so burned out, and I don't feel like typing anymore. So I'm going to end this column right here. Tune in Friday...I'm praying to God that something funny will have happened by then.
School sucks
Who said I wasn't edgy enough? Who said there's no way he'll ever come back? Who said the days of IDGAF (the true meaning of the word) were over? I'll tell you who said all that...me. But just let me state right this instant, right this moment, that I am back! That's right...
Guess who's back...back again...the Nick is back...IDGAF again!
Welcome back to Smartassonian!!! We're talking brand new fucking season of the shit that you've come to expect from me:
(1) I don't give a FEEEEEUUUCK about anything. Oh, and if you don't like something that I say, then please email me, and I will just make fun of you in my column.
(2) I'll tell you my thoughts, feelings and straight-up opinions on anything and everything with an approach that may seem lude, crude, but very acceptable to myself.
(3) Extreme, graphic language. Please, I just can't express that enough. EXTREME, GRAPHIC LANGUAGE!!! Oh, and if you can't handle it, then click on your Favorites tab in your web browser and go back to checking out your My Little Pony fan pages. You can do that or get a sense of humor. It's your pick.
Please, please I'm not that bad of a guy. If you ask me, I think I kick ass past the far reaches of this universe. Let's see...what can I talk about today? What can I discuss? Is there anything sacred out there just begging for my ass-ripping comic wits? Oh, I did catch some of the MTV Video Music Awards last night. Oh, yeah, great show. I just have to be honest. I haven't seen a better VMAs than the 1996 or 1997 editions. In 97 you of course had Beck, a very deserving artist, only to get robbed the best video of the year by Jamiroquai; although, I will state that I liked his song as well. It shouldn't have won best video though. Plus, the list of performers you had on those two award shows were more well rounded than all this POP that you see infecting them today. I just want to point out that, yes, Justin Timberlake was dressing out of Michael Jackson's closet last night. But seriously, what did I think of the parts that I saw. They were really focusing on the surprises last night. James Brown? Guns N Roses? Even Michael Jackson? But what for? Just to get some ratings...I could SMELLLLLLLLAAA the ratings last night. Through the roof, through the roof. Just too bad the show couldn't have been better. Things I did enjoy seeing though were Eminem deservedly winning 4 awards along with BEST VIDEO OF THE YEAR. Michelle Branch taking the Viewer's Choice. I mean, seriously, did anyone see that coming? The Hives and the Vines rocking performance; although, I will say the Vines stole it. NEW PUNK RULES!!! And of course, I totally went crazy over the new GUNS N ROSES featuring Buckethead, Robin Finuck of Nine Inch Nails and of course, Axel. Younger people, I mean ones that weren't watching MTV when I was, just don't understand what a menace this guy used to be. Eminem = bad; Axel = Satan. He is that motherfucking insane! The performance was good, especially the new song. Could this be the first time I really like anything from Guns N Roses. I'll just say that Axel finally has some credible band-mates who I actually like. I may buy the Chinese Democracy cd when it comes out.
Oh, well, I'm at school...good ole UNA, and my next class is coming up. Sorry for the short column...no wait a minute. I'm not sorry. Fuck all of you; I've got a life too, ya know? Just kidding. All you bastards take everything too seriously. Expect another column sometime soon. When? Soon. Updates usually happen whenever you least expect it or on Wednesdays and Fridays for sure. Until then, have a Smartasstic time!
Smartasstic, that's my word. I made it up.
Well, I thought Angelfire would have done away with my site completely because of their whole guidelines and rules, but they didn't. It's a shame. In a way, I guess I was hoping for them to get rid of this thing. I hardly ever update it anymore. There are no more wacky adventures. There are no more hectic hijinx. It's just like a regular journal site now. And the only one for anyone to blame for that is me. "The Nick," "TDOC," "theenddecay," I have been them all. I have used each persona in its own unique way, and now I don't really feel like doing it anymore. Well, I guess if I was to pick one of them, I would pick theenddecay just because that is more of a part of me than anything else. The only time I ever get to be a smartass anymore is at school or work; otherwise, I'm busy doing my own thing. By my "own thing," I mean my own free will, which means I make my own decisions. What I do is my choice, and lately I have been very happy thanks to my decisions.
I feel like I have grown up a lot more the end of last year and the start of this one. I feel more mature. I have already applied to Mississippi State University, and I should transfer there this fall semester. It will be a big step in my life b/c I will be living on my own w/o anyone and making even more of my own decisions. I feel like my writing has developed even better than it used to be. I submitted a short story and poem into Northeast's Creative Writing convention, and I'm happy to report that my short story, "Blank Slate," (I can put it in italics b/c it's getting published) is receiving an award. I'll find out what I placed this Thursday night.
For my love life, I cannot complain. Megan has been the absolute best thing to happen to me. I give most credit to her for helping me mature as a person and inspire me enough to keep my dreams alive. All of this probably sounds like some kind of sendoff. A series finale or something. It's not. This won't be the last time I use this thing, but it probably won't be smartasstic either. Perhaps, one day I will say IDGAF once again in its true meaning. But for now, I will only use it in meaning, "I DO GIVE A FUCK."
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