School is a shitty, horrible waste of time and energy. However, some simple creativity and a nihilistic attitude can turn a bad situation into a good one. Here are some examples of what I and my friends have done to make our days a little better and our teachers' lives a little more entertaining:
Study Hall:
First period, I have an honors study hall. Meaning that there's no teacher and we're able to talk and do whatever we want. We're required to sign in every day, so we write some creative names on the sheet. Some past examples include: Chacco Menendez, Wung Ho Chin, Lester Pennywinkle, Harry S. Truman, Jesipity Motten, Humberto Buttcheeks, and so on and so on.
We also write entire pages of gibberish and leave them for the teachers to find. Another possible use is to turn them in instead of an actual paper that you "forgot" to do:
Did store master dogs flat ditka like tuba kitney stone fall under us. I know Hebrew hamburger helper Jello from skate board play island ju-ju bees, ballerina saltwater taffy earplugs make. We see taste charlie whopper foresaken. Death swift for lederhoser mirror a nice kid flower supply border demand jumper big juicy fire extinguisher. Strobe piano trophy pig, water bong bald give ball urinal has pickle. Me elmo like sponge cake ladle cable classroom Channakah the gaza strip. Eriks mom crazy carpet lady bush in jungle train mustache mane eat out in carpet world cadillac. Fleas lasso redo bread revolver spray paint center. I sperm up should erase fingernails lawnmower parachute vacum. 2 dollar Joe kangaroo year 2001 ceaser algae alcohol go cart. Done try us diaper him for sea contact baby food penis pumper beat necks beatniks butt crack. I don't get monster aunt demon be are Sonja see nickel bra sock of black moses?
Engish:
I actually somewhat enjoy my engish class because it's mainly a course on life and philosophy. But I've had other shitty engish classes with even shittier teachers, as have my friends. Here's a paper written by a friend of mine in the same format of Cannabury Tales:
There once was a sanitary engineer who worked at a school his name was John
And he thought he was really cool.
He had side burns that went way past his ears
He took pride in cleaning each and every bathroom
But he was so clumsy he could barely handle his broom.
He pretended to be smart but it was just a ploy
The students knew it though and called him "Goatboy."
It was shaping up to be a good day for Goatboy. He had been able to sneak two bags of that sawdust stuff that they use to clean up puke with, out of the school. Goatboy loved that stuff because it was a cheap source of fiber and it made a delicious gruel substitute. He thought that would be the highlight of his day, but it was just about to get better. It was about 12:15 and lunch was just about to end when a student dropped a dollar on the ground. Goatboy raced over to it to snatch it up right as the student turned around to get it back, but Goatboy got it first. The student asked for it back, but Goatboy yelled out, "What I finds, I keeps!" They argued back and forth for a while but the student decided it wasn't worth it because the bell was about to ring and left. Just then, one of the other sanitary engineers came up and asked why Goatboy had given the student such a hard time. Goatboy replied, "Because now I gots enough money to go visit my pal Jack Daniels."
An extra credit assignment was to see our crappy school play, "Cheaper by the Dozen" and do the assignment that follows: Cheaper by the dozen is the story of how Papa through time management techniques attempts to control his twelve children. Describe what means Papa uses to control his children, and how they react.
Papa uses scheduled beatings and a low protein diet to control his children. Their poor nutrition makes them too lethargic to do anything, and the beatings make them all even more submissive. The children react by attempting to kill their father by digging a giant pit and putting a man-eating tiger in it. Unfortunately, the children didn't know how to capture the tiger, so they were all eaten and their bones were spit out and munched on by vultures. In the end, Papa was successful because his children were all dead and he no longer needed to control them.
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