Later that night while waiting for the Bridge van, another pimp was stabbed in Chinatown, so all of the whores came to South Station to stay away from the police. One of the local hos came inside and started talking to us about leaving her pimp. As soon as she said that, George and Diamond immediately started to try to get her to work for them. One of the other hos that was there finally convinced her to join their team. Her pimp eventually came in to look for her and told everybody that he didn’t want her anymore because she was too much trouble.
After all that excitement died down, I went outside to have a cigarette. While I was out there, a crazy black lady came over and started talking to me about god and the bible. She had some really messed up ideas about why blacks were slaves and how New York is a trap for Christians, but she was giving me cigarettes and it was free entertainment, so I stood there and listened to her. Eventually, she ended up giving me about an entire pack of smokes. While she was talking to me, a drunk guy came over and asked if he could get a cigarette from her. When he saw that they were “GPC’s,” he said something like, “That is my name-God Patrick Christ.” She got really pissed off about that and started yelling at him and saying that he wasn’t Jesus. This started a big fight, so a bunch of other people came over and everybody started yelling at each other. Fortunately, the van finally came, so I walked away and got some food.
After I got something to eat, I went back inside with John to kill some time and try to sleep. As we were sitting there, a man came up to us and asked us if we smoked. He had a grocery bag filled with cigarettes and offered to sell them to us for $2 a pack because he said that he had bought them for really cheap and needed money. We really needed some smokes, but we didn’t have any cash so we told him so. After he walked away, John looked at his watch and wondered if he could trade it for a carton. I told him to go for it, so he tracked the guy down and swapped the watch his mom had given him for nine packs of Marlboros and a pack of Newports. They were all gone in two days, but we both agreed that it was definitely a good trade.
After we sat back down, John started playing with his knife inside of his pocket and ended up cutting his finger on the blade. It wouldn’t stop bleeding and he said that it hurt a lot, so he went to the security station to get a Band-Aid. While he was in there, one of the security guards asked him if he smoked. He lied and said that he didn’t, but then the guard asked him why he had over 10 packs in his bag. It turned out that there were hidden microphones located in every part of the building. Along with the cameras, the guards could see everything that went on and could listen in to any conversation they wanted. I realized that they had probably seen me playing with my knife, walking around holding weed, and doing a bunch of other things that I probably wouldn’t want cops seeing. But that one guard was pretty cool, so we would go outside, give him cigarettes, and talk to him whenever he was around.
When we went back to the apartment the next day, we learned that Jim had gotten into a fight with a drunk guy at a McDonalds the night before. Apparently, the manager was trying to get the guy to leave when he knocked him down and started punching him. Jade started crying over this and asked Jim to help out. Jim grabbed the guy, pulled him off, and tried to hold him down, but the guy ended up biting him on the arm. The police came after this and he had to be taken to the hospital to get his arm bandaged. John and I thought that this was the funniest thing that we had ever heard.
Later that day, we stopped by one of the homeless shelters to see if we could get some new socks. The place was really dirty and smelly, and the workers there wanted us to fill out some forms that would say who our parents were and required us give out other information that we didn’t want them to know. When the only worker there turned away, we threw away the papers and walked out. I later found out from George that one of his friends had stabbed another person there about an hour before we came, so we just missed a swarm of cops and paramedics.
After we got out of there, we were pretty hungry and we actually had money, so we went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch. The food wasn’t too bad there, but the waitress was a bitch. Right before we left, John took a set of silverware and I grabbed a salt shaker on my way out. Somehow, the waitress saw me put it in my jacket pocket and followed me out the door. I heard her call me, but I pretended not to hear her until she caught up to me. She asked me if I had a pepper shaker, but it sounded like she said “hot pepper?” so I pretended like I had no idea what she was saying. I said I didn’t have anything, so she asked me to empty my pockets. I went through my pants first and pulled out the stuff that was in there. My knife was in my pocket and she looked really scared when I pulled it out. She pointed to my jacket pocket, so I took out the glove and my sunglasses that were in there. I left the salt shaker in there and she didn’t see it, so she let me go. All of this time, John was standing about 20 feet away, watching everything that was going on. The lady went back inside, and as soon as we turned the corner, we started running away from the restaurant. I couldn’t believe that she had caught me, but that I still managed to get away.
Later that night when John and I went to catch the subway to go to South Station, we met up with Anthony, Jo Jo, Jeff, and a few of the other homeless kids in the station. We sat down to talk with them, and Anthony asked us if we wanted to go smoke up. I always feel like getting high, so we went with them to a courtyard right by a church and fired up a bowl. Everybody was coughing a lot because the weed seemed to be really harsh for some reason. After everybody had a few tokes, Jo Jo told us that the pot was laced, but he wouldn’t tell us what was in it. Anthony finally figured out from the taste that it was mixed with crushed up Colona pins. At the time, I had no idea what they were, but I kept smoking anyways.
When we were done, we all got on the subway to go to South Station for the night. I always liked riding the subway, especially when I was really wasted and surrounded by a bunch of strangers on all sides. When we first got to South Station, we had to walk and take an elevator up to the surface, so John, Jeff and I got into a car that had three other people in it. They were all a bunch of really uptight adults, so we got in, probably reeking of pot, and stood behind them. The elevator was totally silent when John and Jeff turned to look at each other and burst out laughing for no reason. I wanted to start laughing too, but I was able to hold it in while they were practically in hysterics. When the car finally got to the surface, the people in front of us rushed out and walked away quickly without looking behind them.
When I was able to sit down and chill, I started to write in my journal about how good I was feeling, but then I eventually passed out because I was completely fucked up. I thought that I had my bag wrapped around my leg, but when I woke up, it was gone. I was upset because it had my journal in it, and the idea of somebody stealing from a homeless kid pissed me off so much. I had a feeling that Simon took it, but I couldn’t be certain. So John and I went to the security station to see if they could do anything about it, but I knew that they probably wouldn’t find it, so we walked away after I gave them a fake name.
The next day while we were hanging around the Pitt, we learned that Grenade, one of the people we knew, had just been arrested with $200 worth of ecstasy and some weed. One of the guys that was with him told us what happened and how the police threatened to kick his ass if they found out that he was carrying any drugs. He had been carrying the pot, but gave it to Grenade just before the cops came, so he wasn’t arrested along with everybody else. The one girl that had sold us the fake acid a few days before found out what happened and started crying. She had given Grenade the $200 to buy the ecstasy for her, so now she was out all of that money. She was tripping at the time and had just been screwed over for a lot of money twice in a row, so she was really distraught.
A few hours later, John and I were hungry so we decided to go out to the diner near South Station that we always went to. But first, we found a really good alley right next to the restaurant and smoked up. It was a good place because there was only one entrance to it and there was a corner where nobody could see us from the street. So we both got really high, went in, and got some food. We didn’t have enough money to leave a good tip, but the waitress there was in a really good mood because she told us that she was going to California or somewhere the next day.
While we were waiting around the Pitt the next morning before going to work, we met up with Anthony and Gary. Anthony told us that he was moving to Cape Cod to live with his new girlfriend, but he also had some really bad news too. He said that a private investigator had asked him if he knew where Jade and I were. Gary also told us that he had been with Scribbles for a few days and that his phone had been tapped by that same private investigator. This really started to freak me out, but I thought that it was Jade’s parents who had hired the detective so he would pretty much only be looking for her. I found out later that it was really my dad who had hired the guy from my uncle’s law firm. John and I decided that we would need to leave town in the next few days.
To kill some more time before work, we walked around the city for a little while and went to one of the libraries so we could both check our email. After we did that, we still needed to waste some more time, so we started playing with the microfiche machines. We had to pay like 10 cents and put these tapes in them, but we didn’t really know how to use them, so we just fucked around. John managed to turn his on, but then tried to eject the tape while it was playing. This ended up jamming the machine, so we just walked away and hoped that nobody had seen us.
When we got to the apartment, we told everybody about the bad news that we had just learned, but Jade didn’t believe us at first. We also got even more bad news when we found out that Lyle wouldn’t be able to pay us for another week, and we would also have to wait outside in the mornings. Things were really started to suck, so we definitely needed to skip town, and soon. The only problem was, we had no money, no car, and no way to get out.
Later that day, it started to rain so we came back from work and went to the apartment again. While we were gone, Jim had gone to visit a seriously fucked up guy, “Beacon Hill Bill.” Bill was an alcoholic gay pervert that everybody warned us to stay away from. Rose told us that he thought Bill had aids, too. So Jade, John, and I went to his house to go get Jim. When we got there, Bill and Trevor were both really drunk and wasted on Colona Pins. Bill was lying on his couch, wearing pajamas, and fondling himself as he talked to us. He offered John some Jack Daniels, and gave us both two Colona Pins. I took them right away, but John just held on to his to take later. Bill asked us if we wanted to smoke some pot, so he tried to roll a joint with the small amount of weed that he had left. He was so fucked up that he rolled the joint inside out, and there was barely anything in it. So we smoked it, and he then began trying to hit on John and me. He asked us if we would come over sometime to clean his windows, and then he would make us some dinner, and then probably try to fuck us afterwards. John and I knew that we were going to be gone in a few days, so we smiled to ourselves and told him we would do it in a week.
So we finally managed to get out of there and went back to the Pitt to hang out because it was a Friday and pretty much everybody in Boston would be there. John took both of his Colona Pins on the way there, so I told him that I was impressed. But when we got to the Pitt, John was extremely fucked up from combining the drugs with alcohol. While we were there, one of the workers that we knew from one of the homeless shelters saw us and was really worried about John. She was afraid that he had taken and overdose, so she managed to persuade us to go to one of the shelters for the night. We both had to literally drag John across town because he was too wasted to walk straight.
When we got to the shelter, they told us that we couldn’t leave for four days or make any phone calls. So after the workers gave us some pajamas and left us alone, John tried to take a shower, but had to keep running between floors to get soap, then a razor, and then toothpaste. He made about three trips in total and kept running up the stairs by one of the bedrooms, so one of the people staying there asked John if he was fucked up. He told her that he had some Jack Daniels and Colona Pins.
After he finished up in the bathroom and came upstairs, we both decided that we didn’t want to be stuck in the shelter for four days. There was a fire escape in the room we were staying in, so we agreed that we would simply climb out and leave the next night. It never came to that, because they kicked us out the next morning. Apparently, it was a sober shelter for recovering addicts, and the bitch that John had talked to the night before told the workers that John had offered her Jack Daniels. He really hadn’t done that, but we were happy to be able to leave. The lady that told us we had to go said that she was really sorry she had to do it and was worried about us, so I admitted to her that we were going to sneak out that night anyway. She said that coming from me, that didn’t surprise her.
We found out later that it was probably a good thing that John had been wasted that night because my dad and a private investigator were in town and were looking all over the Pitt and South Station for me. They had tracked my car down in the impound lot and picked up all of my stuff in the trunk. After they did that, they walked around with pictures of Jade and I and asked everyone they saw if they recognized me. If we hadn’t been in the shelter, they probably would have found me that night. So when we went to the apartment, we talked with Joe and told him that we would need to leave town. He was very understanding and we all started to think of ways that we could get away.
After Linda woke up, she told us that Jim had also overdosed on alcohol and Colona Pins. When I first heard that, I thought that he was dead. He had about twice as much as John did, so he must have been extremely wasted. After Jade and him had come back from Bill’s house, he was sitting on the couch and suddenly passed out on the floor. They took him to the hospital, but they didn’t really do anything for him, so he was released that same night. Jade was really upset, so everybody told Jim to just stay away from Bill.
However, the next day, Bill came to the apartment, drunk as always, and asked Jim to come out. Joe told him over the intercom to get off of the property or he would call the police. We weren’t sure if he was going to leave, so Joe, John, and I all went outside to talk to him. When we got outside, he claimed that Jim had stolen some jewelry and his Colona Pins. We all knew that this was bullshit, so John started getting into it with him. I had my hand on my knife just incase a fight broke out. I was kind of looking forward to one because I knew that we would absolutely kick his ass. So he threatened to call the police on Jim, but then decided to walk away. We were all worried because if he really did call the police and they came to the apartment, they would find all of us in there and probably arrest us and send us home.
After he went away, John and I were worried about going to South Station because of my dad, so we got our bags and left to go spend the night at the airport. There was a Hilton hotel adjoining the airport, so we hung out in the lobby for a while and then decided to walk around for a little bit. It was night by this time, so we took some “do not disturb” signs of the doors, and then screwed around with some of the room service orders for the next morning. We added a bunch of food to the orders so the people would get a ton of stuff that they didn’t want. There wasn’t really anyplace good to sleep that we wouldn’t get kicked out of, so we went back to the airport and fell asleep in one of the terminals.
When we woke up the next morning, we decided to go back to the hotel so we could take a shower in the weight room. We had nothing better to do, so we went into the steam room and sauna for a really long time. We then took showers and shaved after this using the stuff that was in the locker room. It felt really good to actually be able to relax and get totally clean, so I was in a good mood for the entire day. After we left the locker room, we hung out in the lobby again to kill some more time. The hotel workers there thought that we were legitimate guests and asked us how our stay was and how we found the accommodations. We both kind of laughed to ourselves and told them that they were excellent.
After we worked for a few hours, John and I went out to a pizza place for dinner. We ordered a bunch of food because we actually had money and we were hungry. The waitress that served us was a total bitch, so we considered just leaving without paying. There were people by the door, so we paid for the food, but didn’t leave a tip. After we left, we went back to the airport again. While we were there, John started playing around with a wheelchair that was left around, and almost went down the escalator it. So we fucked around for a little while, but then decided that we didn’t want to sleep there again, so we called up Joe and Linda to see if we could spend the night at the apartment. They said that it would be ok, so we took the subway back and went in. While we were gone, Jade and Jim had left to go stay with one of his friends where they would be safe from the cops.
That night after everybody else went to sleep, John and I decided that we wanted to give ourselves tattoos, so we looked all over the apartment for a needle and some thread. We couldn’t find any, so we settled on using his pocket knife to do them. I went first and carved the rune for travel over my heart. It was a symbol that looks like an “N,” and is supposed to bring safety for us during our journey to wherever we were going to go. So after I cut it in, I broke open a pen and rubbed the ink over the wound. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be permanent, but I knew that I could always redo it if it didn’t stay. When I was done, I worked on John and tattooed the names of his two brothers and sister on his right bicep. It really hurt like hell, but I really wanted that symbol on me to bring us protection. We bandaged ourselves up when we finished and then went to sleep for the night.
The next day, we went to go hang out at the store that Rose worked at. We talked with him for a while, and told him that we would be leaving in a few days. He gave us some cigarettes and some money to go get ourselves some pizza at the place that was two doors away. When we were done, we brought him back a slice and hung out some more. He asked us if we wanted to smoke after he got off work, so he gave me his weed and I rolled a joint in the bathroom. When he got off, we sparked up the joint and walked around for a little bit. We found a good courtyard that was across from one of the community colleges, so we sat down and finished smoking while three college girls sitting across the street watched us.
When we were done blazing, we were all really high, so John and I went back to the apartment for the night. When we got there, Jade and Jim were back from wherever they had gone to. We asked them why they came back, and Jim explained that the people they were staying with had been heroin addicts. He didn’t want Jade to be around that kind of environment, so they decided to leave. We all knew that we still had to get out of town soon, so we continued to think of ways that we could get away. I came up with the idea that Joe and Linda could use one of their credit cards to get a rental car so they could drive us somewhere. They had wanted to get away for a quick vacation anyways, so this seemed like the best idea.
So I worked with Lyle the next day while John went to Rose’s house to help him move some boxes. He had told us the night before that if one of us came over, he would give us some pot and some money. So after I got off of work and met up with John at the apartment, we went over to Rose’s store again to chill. He gave us both hematite and silver necklaces that he had made for us and a care package filled with stuff that we might need. It had soap, razors, paper, and a bunch of other things that he thought might be useful while on the road. After he got off of work, he brought John some “Rick’s Hard Lemonade” and we went to his house to go get high. We all smoked a ton of weed and John drank one or two beers. After about five or ten minutes, John said that he felt sick. Rose grabbed a garbage can and he immediately started puking in it. We had been eating a shitload of peanut butter cups and chocolate before that, so he threw all of them up, along with the alcohol he had just drank. He threw up about two or three times, so when we thought he was done, I helped carry him back to the apartment. As soon as we got outside and took a few steps, he had to stop to vomit all over the street. I managed to get him back safely, and he immediately passed out as soon as he laid down.
The next day, Joe and Linda went to a rental car agency to pick up a car. To celebrate the last time that we thought we would all be together, we went into CJ’s room and smoked all the weed that Rose had given us. We got really fucked up and waited for them to come back with a car so we could leave. However, when they came back, they were in a cab instead of a car. Linda’s credit card wouldn’t go through because she was over her limit and they didn’t have any other ones they could use. At this point, I started to think that we would never get out of Boston. They said that they could call the credit card company and try again the next night because they had to wait at least 24 hours before using the card again.
Things started to get really sketchy for us the next day. While John was on the computer, he started to instant message a girl he knew using Jim’s AOL screen name. The girl looked up all of the information and went to Lyle’s web page, which had the address and phone number for the apartment. She told John’s dad about talking to him, and his dad responded by calling up and threatening to go to the police if he didn’t get John back that day. If we didn’t leave that night, we would definitely be caught, so things were very tense for us. All I could do was sit around and chain smoke because I was too nervous to do anything else.
In order to try to find somewhere we could go, even for only a few days, I called up the only person in the world I could trust-my friend Jennifer, to see if we could visit her for a few days in Ohio. She told me that it would be ok if we came, so John and I planned to try to make it there in about a week. Jennifer was the only friend in the world that I had at that point other than John. I had nobody else to go to, but she was always there for me and never told my parents or anybody else. Just by having her support meant more than anything to me because I really felt alone in the world and I had nobody else I could trust or go to.
In a final effort to get us out safely, Joe and Linda called up their bank and credit card company to arrange a way that they could get a car. They left again that night to go back to the rental place to try to get a car. John and I had our bags packed up, so there was nothing we could do except sit around and wait. They had told us they would be back in about half an hour, but after about an hour, they still hadn’t returned. We were getting even more nervous at this point because we thought they hadn’t been able to rent a car. Finally, the buzzer for the apartment rang and Joe told us they had a van waiting for us outside. We grabbed all of our stuff and went outside as quickly as we could. They had succeeded in getting some transportation, but I didn’t feel safe until we were finally moving away from the city.
Joe and Linda drove us for several hours and took us to a truck stop somewhere in Pennsylvania. Joe had taught us how we could get rides from truckers and how to stay safe and not get caught, so we planned to travel that way. Even though he had told us pretty much all we needed to know, I felt really vulnerable when they dropped us off. John and I were basically forced to learn how to swim by being thrown into the water. There was nothing that could have prepared us for the ultimate, hard reality that we were going to be faced with. I had learned how to get along just fine on the streets, but this was something new and completely different, so we would have to learn how to adjust.
The truck stop we were at was very big and had showers in it, so John and I talked to one of the people working behind the counter to see if we could get a free shower. We told her that our car broke down and we were stuck there for the night, so we wanted to be able to get clean. She gave us both keys to the shower stalls, and I was surprised that they were actually pretty big and very clean. We grabbed towels from the pile that was outside and went in to our separate rooms. So I showered up with the soap they had provided, and then shaved and cut my nails. It felt really good and refreshing to be able to do something like that again.
While I was finishing up, John came over and knocked on the door to borrow a razor and the shaving cream that I had. Unfortunately, he had left the key in the room, and the doors automatically locked whenever they were closed, so he was stuck in the hallway wearing only a towel around his waist. When I was done, he asked me to go back to the desk and see if they had another key so he could get back in. I went up front and told the lady what happened, and she told me that I would have to look around and find the janitor. I walked through all of the hallways, but I couldn’t find the man that she had described to me. After about five or ten minutes, I went back and told the lady that I couldn’t find him, so she got on the intercom and paged him. He eventually came and unlocked the John’s door, so he finally got back in. Later, John told me that he was glad the guy didn’t look in and see the playboys that he had laying on the counter of the sink.
After we dropped the keys back off at the desk, we sat in one of the theaters and watched about three movies in a row. John slept through two of them, but I stayed awake because I couldn’t sleep. When he woke up, we went out into the tv lounge to see if we could talk to some of the drivers and get a ride to Ohio. We asked a few where they were headed, but nobody was going in the direction that we needed. After sitting around and not having any luck, we went outside to where the trucks were parked to see if we could get lucky out there. We walked over to a truck that was getting fueled up and asked the driver if he knew how far it was to Toledo. He said that he wasn’t really going that way, but offered to take us to a different truck stop where he thought we might have an easier time getting a ride. So we both got into the cab and shared the passenger seat. The guy had a partner who was in the sleeping area of the truck that offered us a sandwich and a drink. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I split with John. When the driver came in after paying for the gas, we started off. He was a very friendly guy that told us about his life and the things he had done. He was headed for Texas, and if we weren’t set on going to Ohio, we probably would have gone there with him. As it was, he dropped us off at a smaller stop in the god-forsaken town of Drums, Pennsylvania, on a road where he said a lot of truckers would be going west and wished us luck.
When we went inside, we were both really disappointed. It was really just a convenience store with a Subway restaurant connected to it. There were two teenage girls working at the gas station part and one other person working at the Subway, and there were no truckers or anybody else there. So we sat down at one of the tables and played poker for a little while. After we got bored, we went up to the girl working behind the gas station register and started talking with her. I borrowed some superglue and fixed my sunglasses that had broken in my pocket. The girl, Ruby, was very nice and sympathetic when we told her our story of how our car had broken and we needed to get home to Ohio, but we had no money. We talked for a long time because she had nothing better to do and nobody else was in the store. She bought us a pack of cigarettes, gave me some milk and cookies, and bought John some soup. We kept her entertained with our stupid antics and amused her while we talked. Eventually, her shift ended, so she wished us well and went home at about four in the morning. We had been there nearly the entire night and were really tired, so we fell asleep at one of the tables in Subway.
The next morning, I woke up before John did and asked a few of the truckers that came in where they were going. Nobody was headed in the right direction, so when John finally woke up, we went up to the front counter and waited for some more drivers. After being up for only a few minutes, we met a team that was headed to Toledo. We asked them for a ride, and they both agreed. So John and I split up and went in separate trucks. The driver I was with gave me half of the sandwich he had gotten at the Subway and offered me some cigarettes. All throughout the trip, he kept constantly using his CB to play the theme song from the Pink Panther and a sound of a woman having an orgasm, so all of the other truckers eventually got tired of it. I didn’t really mind, because at this point, I was feeling great because I had some food and free cigarettes, and we were finally headed towards Ohio to be with the only person I really cared about.
The ride took about seven hours, and we only stopped once along the way for a bathroom break. Wherever it was that we stopped was about seventy degrees, so that was a really nice change from the freezing weather that we had been living in. The scenery that we passed was all really beautiful and serene, so I was definitely happy. I think it was around nine or ten o’clock at night when we finally made it to Toledo. We got out at one of the stops there, but the driver John was with offered to take us to a different one that would be closer to where we needed to be. So we both got in his truck and he dropped us off at another stop that was not too far from where we needed to be.
After we went inside, I got on the phone and called up Jennifer to tell her that we were in town. She wasn’t home then, so I called up her friend Dustin. Jennifer had told me earlier in an email that if I ever needed to get a hold of her, I should call Dustin because he would probably know where she was. He told us that Jennifer was out somewhere, but that she would be around in about an hour. So John and I went into the tv lounge and watched some show that I don’t remember until an hour had passed. I called up Dustin again, but it was Jennifer that answered the phone. I told her that we were in town and wanted to know if she wanted to get together. I gave Dustin directions to the truck stop, and then hung up to wait for them. John and I went outside and smoked a cigarette while we waited around.
A little bit later, we saw Dustin’s jeep swing into the parking lot, so we went out to meet them. I was so glad that I was finally going to be able to meet Jennifer. I didn’t know if John and I were going to spend the night at her house, but I knew that we could always come back and sleep at the truck stop. I gave her a hug when she got out of the Jeep, and we all got in and took off. We drove to one of their friend’s apartment and hung out there while we waited for him to come home. After a while, they decided that he wasn’t going to be back for a while, so we all left and started driving around while we smoked some bud. Sitting in the back of that Jeep in my condition and in that situation was such a crazy and surreal moment to me. I was pretty high, listening to really loud music, and with a person that I love beyond all words. There was nowhere else that I would rather be at that moment.
After we were done smoking, Dustin dropped us off at Jennifer’s house. I really wasn’t expecting to spend the night there because I didn’t want Jennifer to get in trouble for having us there. But with her being the great, caring, and loving person that she is, we were welcome to stay there. We went up to her room and she turned on the movie, “Girl Interrupted,” while we all laid down. I was pretty high at that point and the movie was making me really sad because the story is depressing and I felt bad because it seemed like John and I were butting into Jennifer’s life and putting her in a bad spot. This was the first time in over a month that I was able to lie down in a bed and was in a safe place, and I was really tired from the weed and a major lack of sleep, so I passed out in the middle of the movie. I slept like a rock that night and never woke up once.
While we were in Ohio, we had a break from all of the craziness of street life. Sometimes I missed all of the action and excitement of the city, but I was happy where I was. Being with Jennifer was like finding an oasis in the middle of a scorching desert. A little bit more exposure out there probably would have killed me in time, but now I was somewhere safe and was at peace. I knew John and I wouldn’t be able to stay there forever, but I didn’t even think or worry about the future at that point. I was completely content with our situation.
The next day after we woke up, I twisted my back and cracked just about every vertebrae. It had been a long time since I slept in a real bed and I was starting to have back problems from carrying my bag, walking all day long, and sleeping in chairs or on hard surfaces. After we all got up and took showers, we went out to the apartment we were at the night before to see the guy that lived there. He fixed Jennifer’s car speakers or something like that while we stood around and talked. While we were there, Jennifer’s friend Michelle came over. I knew her a little bit from talking to her on the internet, so she came over to say hello to us.
Later that day we met up with a few of her other friends and went out for pizza. When we were done, we all got in Dustin’s Jeep and smoked some pot again. John and I were in the back seat seeing who could take the biggest hits and hold them the longest. I won just about every time because I was able to take a toke, pass the bowl to him, and continue holding it longer than he even could. So we finished smoking and pulled into a Denny’s to hang out and get something else to eat. I was completely ripped when we went in, so I walked into the bathroom to put some Visine in my eyes. Even John, who normally doesn’t get red eyes, needed to use some. After we sat down, I had bad cottonmouth, so I ordered a milk. Dustin knew the waitress so he told her that we were really fucked up. She kind of laughed, but when she brought my milk, I thought that it tasted like she put something in it to mess with me. She really might have, but I was so wasted that I can’t be certain whether she did or not, so I just sat and drank my water.
Jennifer had asked her parents if it would be ok if John and I stayed there for about a week, so we no longer had to sneak in the house. This was a big relief for all of us because we didn’t want her to get in any trouble for us. This next week was pretty uneventful in the way of stuff that would be interesting for me to write and you to read, but this was a welcome relief. It was a time to be safe, relax, decompress, and catch up on some sleep. I can’t even begin to thank Jennifer for all she did for us during this time.
John and I were going to leave after the week was over, but Michelle had asked her sister, Misty, if we could stay at her apartment for a few days. So Jennifer drove us to the place that she worked at, and we met her for the first time and she gave us the keys to her apartment. Jennifer dropped us off there, and John and I smoked the resin that was in the pipe Rose had given us. It didn’t really get us high, but we were both tired so we crashed on the couch. Later that night, she came home and woke us up with the buzzer. She brought a bunch of food with her, so John and I ate a shitload of it.
The next day was Michelle’s 18th birthday, so her and Jennifer went out to get their tongues pierced. While they were gone doing that, Misty’s little sister came over to her apartment. After she went home, she told her mom that we were staying there. That really pissed us off and we considered leaving pretty soon after that. Later on that day, John and I went with Misty to a pet store so she could get something, when somebody called her cell phone. It was a guy who worked at a video store that she had met before and he wanted to know if they could get together. So we drove somewhere to meet him, and then we went to the grocery store to buy some more food. The guy, Caleb, came home with us and we watched “American Werewolf in London” and one of the “Halloween” movies. He spent the night at the apartment and left in the morning to go to work.
Michelle, Jennifer, and a few of Misty’s other friends came over later that day and we just hung out. I loved staying with Jennifer, but Misty’s apartment was really boring and there was nothing to do around it. So John and I would lounge around all day and do nothing unless Jennifer or Michelle came over to take us somewhere. John and I knew that we were going to leave in a few days to go somewhere down south to wait out the winter. I didn’t want to leave Jennifer, but I knew that we couldn’t stay around much longer.
That night, Caleb came back over to the apartment to hang out with Misty. They went out to do something, so we asked them if they could buy us some tobacco so we could roll our own cigarettes. They came back with a pouch of tobacco, so I started rolling a few smokes to cut my boredom. We had a few real cigarettes that Jennifer and Dustin had given us, but we needed to be able to do something and I like rolling cigarettes or joints. So we did that while Misty and Caleb went into her bedroom. John and I stayed up pretty late, but we could hear Misty and Caleb in the other room talking all night. We didn’t think anything about it, and they eventually shut up so we went to sleep.
The next morning, Caleb left for work and Misty came out to talk to us. John jokingly asked her what they had been doing all night, and her answered completely surprised us when she told us they had been getting it on in there. When we first met her, Misty was pretty prude and talked about how sex was bad and everything, but that had apparently changed when she finally got a boyfriend. Jennifer came over a little while later, and Misty asked her for a cigarette while we were all sitting on the floor smoking. She had quit smoking a while ago, but it seems like I’m always a bad influence on just about everybody I meet. A girl I used to know called me “The Corrupter” because I always get really innocent and uptight people to do bad or stupid things with me. Maybe god sent me to piss the world off, as Eminem once said.
That night, Jennifer came and slept over with us. At about five in the morning, I was kind of hungry so I offered to make everybody tacos. It was pretty fun cooking while smoking in a stranger’s apartment really early in the morning while most other people would be asleep or eating breakfast instead of tacos. They weren’t that good because the shells were stale and there was really nothing to put on them, but we ate them anyways. Afterwards, I fell asleep on the floor next to Jennifer and had some really bad dreams that I can’t remember. Being in the situation I was in, I would always have nightmares that would make me sit up suddenly and feel really bad. But just having Jennifer sleeping by me made me feel better, so I laid back down and was able to eventually get back to sleep.
A few days later-I don’t remember exactly when, John and I decided that we should probably leave. Jennifer knew because she was going to drop us off at a truck stop, but we didn’t tell Misty because we didn’t want the goodbye to be any harder than it had to be. I gave Jennifer a hug, and she left Misty’s apartment to go home before she would pick us up and then take us to where we would need to go. After she left, John and I went outside to go for a walk. We went through a big cornfield that was across the street and then walked along the railroad tracks that were right there. So we walked and talked about things. We didn’t really discuss where we were going to go or what we were going to do. We just enjoyed the night and the stars with the sort of numbness that comes along with an uncertain future. It was very peaceful and calming to both of us.
We eventually came back and found Jennifer waiting for us. We said goodbye to Caleb and then got in her car and started to leave. I sat in the back seat and prepared myself to have to leave Jennifer. I wished that car ride would never end. But just as all things must, it did, so we made it to the truck stop and got out. I gave Jennifer one last hug and she handed me a note that she had written. I won’t say what was in it because it’s personal. I don’t mind telling everybody personal stuff about me, but I won’t talk about other people, especially those that I really care about. But I will say that I carried that letter around for the next month after I got arrested, and I still have it with me. Whenever I get really lonely or sad, I’ll sometimes take it out and read it.
Jennifer said goodbye to John and started to get into her car. I was really sad and said, “I love you,” but I don’t think she heard me. So we turned around and started to walk away. That was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. At the time, I didn’t know if I would even be alive to see her again after that. We were leaving the only security and comfort that we had in the past two months or so, and I was personally leaving the most important person in my life.
John and I went into the trucker’s lounge and sat down. We looked at a map that listed all of the major truck stops in the US and talked about where we might end up. There weren’t any truckers where we were and we were really tired, so we decided to walk over to the other truck stop that we had been at when we first made it to Ohio. We climbed over a barbed wire fence and walked along the highway to the other stop. We went into the tv room and turned off the lights in there so we could sleep. It was extremely cold in there and I kept waking up and moving from the seats to the floor to try to get comfortable. Early in the morning, I woke up and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. I felt the worst that I ever have in my entire life at that point. I felt like I was hurting Jennifer with leaving to go out where it isn’t always safe, but I knew that I would have eventually been a burden if I stayed. I would be hurting her no matter what I did. I cursed my existence and didn’t care what would happen to me. I hugged my knees to my chest and cried for a long time in the dark.
Later on, a guy that worked at the truck stop turned on the lights and told us we would have to find someplace else to sleep. I woke up John and told him we had to leave, so we walked back to where we were the night before. We sat around for a while without having any luck finding a ride, when someone came over and put their head on my shoulder. I had no idea who the hell it was, and when I turned around, I saw Jennifer. This was completely unexpected, but I was happy to see her. She told us that we could come back and stay with Misty for a little while longer. John and I didn’t know if we would because it was really hard to say goodbye once and we knew we would have to leave again sometime. While we were discussing this, Jennifer went out to the car and came back with Misty and Dustin.
We decided that we would go back again with them, so we got in Dustin’s Jeep and took off. We went back to Misty’s apartment, but she had to leave to go to work so she said we would talk when she got back. When she came back, she wanted to know exactly why we had both run away and why we couldn’t go back. We told her a little bit about our situation but kind of tried to ignore the question. Jennifer and Dustin came over a little bit later and we went out for pizza. Misty seemed really concerned that we were going to leave and not come back, so we tried to calm her by leaving our bags there and telling her that we would be back. That was another good time for me, but I had no clue what was going to happen later that night.
When we were done, Jennifer dropped Dustin off at work and we went back to the apartment. Caleb and Misty’s other friend Cory was there and they told us that one of their other friends was coming over in a little bit. So we sat around for a while and listened to the Beatles when the buzzer went off. The voice over the intercom said that it was whoever was supposed to be coming over, so Misty, Caleb, and Cory all went out of the apartment to meet him. We didn’t think anything of this, but when John looked through the peephole to see out, he stepped away from the door and said that the police were here.
He went over to the window and opened it up so he could ready to jump out. I thought that he was just messing around with me, but I got on my boots and he told me to look out. I couldn’t see anyone through the peephole, but then I started to believe John so I was about ready to walk over and jump out the window when the door opened. A police officer came in and told me not to go anywhere. He walked further into the apartment and told me to sit down while two other cops came in. I was about ready to shit my pants at this point. I knew that we were screwed, but I was hoping that we would be able to talk our way out.
Just writing about this brings back really bad memories, but I’ll try my best to finish up. They asked us our names, so we gave them our fake ones, but then they asked to see some i.d. We didn’t have any fake ones by then, so we couldn’t give them anything. They even took Jennifer’s name and made her tell them her social security number and phone number. Then they patted John and I down and took the knife out of my pocket. Then they asked John to empty his bag, which he did. They didn’t ask me to empty mine, which was a really good thing because I had a pipe and some rolling papers in there. They asked us our address and phone number, so John gave them the number for Joe and Linda’s apartment in Boston.
The cops that were in the room with us were total assholes to us. Jennifer asked one of them if she could go to the bathroom, but he told her to just sit down. The room was silent except for the Beatles album that was still playing. That started to really get on our nerves, so Jennifer asked if she could turn it off. The cop was such a fucking prick that he wouldn’t even let her do that. While I was sitting on the couch, I looked at Jennifer and whispered the words “I’m sorry.” I felt like total shit because I knew that even though she hadn’t really done anything wrong, she was going to be in trouble with her parents. She mouthed back that it was ok, so then I said that I loved her. During this, two of the cops were in the other room on the phone, and they eventually decided after a while that they knew who we really were so they had enough to take us in. While talking to Jennifer later on after everything was over, I learned that it was Misty that had called the police because she didn’t want us to leave and be on the streets.
They made John and I get up and put our hands behind our backs so they could cuff us. They put us in separate cars and drove us down to the station. They sat me down in a room by myself and left me there alone for a long time. I was completely pissed off, confused, and just wanted to die. I had a lighter in my pocket, so I briefly considered setting something on fire in the room just to piss off the cops. I figured that I didn’t really have much to lose at that point, but I eventually decided against it, so I just sat there for a while longer.
Eventually an officer came in and started asking me questions. He said that he knew who I was, so there would be no point in lying. I gave him all the information he asked, so he wrote everything down and left so he could get on the phone with my parents or whoever. He came back later with John, and cuffed us together so we would have a hard time running away from them. They put us in another car and drove us to the Juvenile Hall that we would be put in. When we got there, we sat in the first room for a little while and gave them everything that we had with us.
After they put us in the computer or whatever the hell they had to do, they took us into the booking area. The cop that was with me was actually pretty nice, and we joked around while he cataloged all of my stuff and took all of my information. I was swearing around him, but he didn’t mind, even though it was against the rules of the jail. I had to fill out a questioner with a bunch of stupid questions so they could find out if I was crazy or suicidal. I considered answering some of the stupidest questions, such as, “Are you able to make other people do things just by thinking about it” in a way that would mess with the results.
The entire booking took a few hours, and then they took John and I into the shower area where we had to write our name on all of our clothes. After we did that, they put some lice killing stuff in our hair. The guy told us not to get it in our eyes or mouths, but it was impossible not to. It tasted like absolute shit and stung the hell out of my eyes, but we had to leave it in for a few minutes. Eventually, we were able to rinse it out, which was a relief.
They handed me two blankets and told me to get in my cell, 6-D, so I could get some sleep before my court date tomorrow. But it was early in the morning at this time, so I only got about an hour of sleep before the lights came on and they woke us up. They brought us breakfast later on, which actually wasn’t too bad. I had to stay in my cell all day and I didn’t have a book to read or anything to do, so a laid down on my bunk and stared at the window. I positioned myself so the guards couldn’t see my eyes when they looked in so I could get some more sleep. I was so tired that my vision started to waiver and I was drifting in and out of consciousness, but one of the stupid rules was that there was no sleeping during the daytime.
So I just sat in a daze and thought about what was going to happen to me and John. I didn’t want to have to deal with my parents and go home, so John and I both told the guards that we would rather stay in prison then have to leave. While I was sitting there, I noticed an ant crawling around on the floor. I could have gone over and stepped on it, when I had what was a major revelation. I was just like that ant. They walk around, trying to mind their own business, but still annoy everyone that sees them. True, they are sometimes destructive, but they don’t do that with the intention of being destructive. They just do what comes naturally to them, and they don’t know that they’re doing anything wrong, which they really aren’t in the grand scheme of things. I knew that I was exactly like that ant. I walk along, living my own life and doing what I need to do to survive, but my mere existence is an insult to everyone that thinks they have power over me. So I didn’t crush that ant-I understood it and respected it.
The story does not end here, but this is where I will stop. Because as long as I’m alive, this story will really have no end. In case you are wondering, I was sent home that day in the custody of my dad. A lot of harsh words have been said, a lot of tears have been shed, and a lot of unanswerable questions have been asked, but I am moving along and trying to continue with my life with a lot of help and support from Jennifer. My narration of these unique experiences is over, but I would like to continue with a few thoughts and insights that I have gained. If you don’t care about this, then go ahead and stop reading. I won’t mind.
If you are still reading, then good for you. It’s true that I’m probably fucked up in the head, but I now have an interesting philosophy and feel that I do have some good ideas that can only come from such a unique experience that most people will never know. I do not regret the things that I have done, and in fact, I would encourage everyone not to necessarily run away, but to take control of your life and live it to the fullest extent. We need to not worry about the future and just enjoy the present. We all need to lean how to love the journey, not the destination. None of us know exactly what the future has in store for us, so we need to realize that things can suddenly and unexpectedly change in a way that nobody could have possibly predicted. As John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
As you have just read, I have some incredible stories to tell and some amazing memories of what happened. I have such a clear and distinct memory of the first night I slept in Joe and Linda’s apartment. I remember laying down on the futon, watching the trails from our cigarettes, enjoying the stillness and peace of the night combined with the dark room that I could somehow see in due to my dilated pupils. Whenever I hear the song “Jane Says,” by Jane’s Addiction, I am instantly transported to the time in Rose’s room where we were smoking up and listening to the song on the radio. Whenever I hear “Follow Me,” by Uncle Kracker, I think of Jennifer and how good she is to me and how much she means to me. I have a thousand other memories that I can play through my mind whenever I begin to think about them. Everything seems so unreal to me now. I can hardly even believe I experienced all of these things and managed to survive. I’m thankful for everything that I went through and wouldn’t change a thing if I were able to go back and do so.
I became even closer to god while on the streets. I didn’t have much, but I was thankful for everything that I did have-Life, health, enough food to survive, and friendship. We really need to appreciate the things that we do have and not take anything for granted. While you are able to, just eat, drink, and be merry and don’t give a damn about what tomorrow will bring. If you have someone that you love, hug them, hold them close, and tell them what they mean to you. Because of the uncertainty of the future while on the streets, I was completely content with putting my faith in god and giving up control of my destiny. When John and I left Boston and were going to leave Ohio, we had no food or money, but we knew that god would provide, which he/she did for us.
I learned that love, kindness, and happiness can be experienced anywhere. Whenever we would see someone else spanging, we would give them money, even though we barely had enough ourselves. If anyone needed a cigarette or some pot, we would share with them. The streets were depressing sometimes, but I was still able to be happy when I was with John and Jade. It’s almost kind of a romantic notion to be on the outside of society. I was completely free in mind and spirit and could have done whatever I wanted to. I learned that there actually is good in the world and that there are people who are willing to risk a lot while having nothing to gain in order to help someone else. When I was with Jennifer and was torn apart from her, I learned what true love is. I learned what it feels like to have someone that I would do anything for and would give my life if I had to.
I don’t know where life will take me next, but I’m not worried about it. I’m not going to waste any energy agonizing about something that I don’t have control over. But I am sure that there will be many more adventures to come, many more laughs to be laughed, many more songs to sing, and many more sunsets to watch. I know that the road will be bumpy and have unexpected turns, but I will move ahead and enjoy the scenery. I think that I have written all I need to write, so I’ll finish up. I don’t know whether I really wrote this for myself or for you, but I definitely feel better and I have spoken my peace. So go ahead and write to me to let me know what you think about this story, about life, or about anything else. Even if you’re a total stranger, I’ll always be up for smoking a bowl or going on some more crazy adventures. Thank you for taking the time to read this and learning a bit about me. Now that I’m almost done, I’ll just close with these words- If you haven’t figured out by now, I am a very simple man…..but I am a very complicated man……..but then again, I’m not really a man at all……I’m just another ant. Peace.
smokin_jay13@yahoo.com