You know, everyone is always talkin' about God, but no one ever *does* anything about him...
Except when he shows up here, in Artd-l.
Georgann tells us about the Lord God Almighty:
My God isn't "nice," goddammit. My God takes no shit. My God would smite all the liberals, communists, socialists, moderates, sluts, Satanists, atheists, agnostics, and other retards if it was within His power, and then He'd smite anyone else who looked at Him crosseyed. My God is an angry God, a God you should *fear*, a very Old Testament God. I was made in His pissed-off image. Get used to it, people.
I am a kickass warrior princess for The Lord God Almighty!
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John 3:3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee,
Except a man be born at least 4 times, he cannot see the kingdom of God.
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Okay, okay, that was notgeorgann, not Georgann. But it was one of the few instances that notgeorgann was almost as funny as the real Georgann. Here's another:
Eve wrote:
Please give it up. We need the bandspace for receipes, or baby names, or anything else.
Your faithful serpent, Eve
notgeorgann wrote:
Can I share my recipe for fruitcake?
You need 1 cup dried apricots
1 cup water
3/4 cup butter or margarine
1 cup white sugar
4 eggs
1 cup white seedless raisins
1 pound red and green candied cherries
6 slices candied pineapple
1 pound mixed dried fruits
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup apricot juice
1 cup pecans or walnuts, chopped
Preheat oven to 275 degrees F (135 degrees C). Grease two 9 inch tube pans. In a saucepan over medium heat cook apricots in the water until they are mushy. Press them through a sieve and let them cool. Separate the eggs. Beat the egg yolks until lemony colored. Then beat the egg whites until stiff peaks are formed. Cream the butter or margarine and sugar together. Add the beaten egg yolks and the apricots, and mix thoroughly. Combine the raisins, candied cherries, candied pineapple, and mixed dried fruits in a bowl coated with one cup of the flour. Combine the flour, baking soda, and salt. Add this flour mixture alternately to the creamed mixture with the apricot juice. Blend this batter into the mixed fruits. Add the chopped pecans or walnuts and fold in the beaten egg whites. Turn the batter into the prepared pans. Bake at 275 degrees F (135 degrees C) for 2 hours. Garnish cakes with candied pineapples and cherries. Makes about 24 servings. I'm just a slice off the old fruitcake, Eve.
Baby names? The best name for boys is Jesus, of course, and for girls I recommend Jesusette.
Anyway, you don't know what I can do. You don't know what I can do or what I'm gonna do or what I'm gonna be. You don't know. I'm good. I have good things that you don't know and I'm gonna be something -- you -- You Don't Know And You'll See. Don't be mean to me! I even redesigned my sig in your honor -- see the faithful serpents?
-- \/\/\/\/\/\--;} \/\/\/\/\/\--;}
John 3:3: Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born at least 4 times, he cannot see the kingdom of God.
\/\/\/\/\/\--;} \/\/\/\/\/\--;}
But I digress... We were talkin' 'bout the Lord God Almighty, and He's one mean mutha-- (shutcho mouth)--Jus' talkin' 'bout God!
Mightyjoe wrote:
Absolutly not. They are twin daughters of different mothers who rode in here together on an enormous tsunami wave bringing their crossposting bretheren with them. The Lord speaks to them and I'm just jealous because He doesn't speak to me.
YOU'RE NOT AS MIGHTY AS YOU THINK YOU ARE.
---T H E L O R D G O D A L M I G H T Y---
"Omnipotent, since 5000 BC"...and now on-line at www.GodAlmighty.org
Stop picking on my kitty He has double paws. He was born that way. He is not a biological error! NOT! I don't care what you Almighty types say. Too bad you're omnipotent. Try Viagra.
DON'T GET HAUGHTY WITH ME. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER.
-- T H E L O R D G O D A L M I G H T Y --
"Omnipotent, since 5000 BC" ... and now on-line at www.GodAlmighty.org
Charles Basner wrote:
Boy am I glad to see You!!! Is .9~ equal to 1?
I HAVE ALREADY ANSWERED THAT QUESTION! READ YOUR BIBLE, ME DAMN IT!
-- T H E L O R D G O D A L M I G H T Y
"Omnipotent, since 5000 BC" ... and now on-line at www.GodAlmighty.org
Martha wrote:
"me damn it?" What does that mean?
Tina wrote:
DUH!!!! If its God talking, he put me, instead of God in front of dammit. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that!
ROCKET SCIENTISTS ARE NOT AS SMART AS THEY THINK THEY ARE. HA!
-- T H E L O R D G O D A L M I G H T Y -- (ed. note: paging Mr Zakany... Mr James Zakany...)
"Omnipotent, since 5000 BC" ... and now on-line at www.GodAlmighty.org
Georgann wrote:
Er. Sir. I would never presume. But I think you've got the date wrong.
Um. Your humble servant,
HEY, IT'S NOT *MY* MISTAKE. I DON'T MAKE MISTAKES.
IT'S JUST HARD TO FIND GOOD CLERICAL HELP THESE DAYS.
Georgann wrote:
Um..Sir. Its me again. There's this guy around here that's in a a deep lotta sorry for taking a slap at me and hitting somebody else. Maybe you could put in that good word for him with that certain someone. I know I'm cool with it. Ya know -- To Err is Human and To Forgive......... um
....(But of course He knows that, duh Georgann!)
CONSIDER HIM SMITED, GEORGANN. SMITED WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE.
SMITE, SMITE, SMITE.
*W*H*A*M*!
Bushman wrote:
Oh God, I think she meant you to forgive him, not smite him. Can you take back a smite? She's going to feel just awful about this.
(I donno. A leeeetle smite is not always a bad thing, but.......) Muaybe just a bad HALO day. I'll ring Him up again later to try and clarify. After I get my intersession robes out of mothballs.
georgann -- feeling particularly generous at this time of the World's Greatest Blessing --
Bushman wrote:
Say, if you were willing to overlook that "go to hell" remark from another post and think of it as religious humor, and if you could put in a good word for me with a certain young xian, maybe we could be friends after all. I could share my Mark Twain and Leonard Cohen collections with you. If I'm not in, just leave a message.
I'LL LEAVE A MESSAGE, BUB. YOU CAN BET YOUR ETERNAL LIFE ON IT. I'LL LEAVE A *MESSAGE* OF *WRATH* AND *RAGE* AND -- WHOOPS, 'SCUSE ME. GOTTA SEE WHO'S SCHEDULED TO KICK THE NINERS' ASS NEXT WEEK.
-- T H E L O R D G O D A L M I G H T Y --