Augustxxi, Saturday's Warrior
Mrs. Bishop sez "All Women Are Petty & Vindictive", 10/14/1999
I guess this is my day for theories, but I have another one.
Laura wants her Worriers to call in and tell her why they think
women pick on people, gossip, and hold petty grudges and the
like. I don't remember the exact wording she used.
I'm not sure it is true that women do this more than men.
However, if it is true, could it not be that traditionally women
have had less say in the big picture, such as holding political
office, religious office, running countries, etc.. and have been
relegated to "smaller" dominions such as household
duties and child rearing?
Perhaps traditionally men have also held grudges and talked about
each other, and sniped at each other, but they have done it on
the larger scale provided to them (the political arena, wars,
that sort of thing.) While most of us do not hold high
political office and do not run countries, we are brought up
knowing that it is a possibility.
And men are taught also to face our problems head-on.
Women, I believe, are often taught to avoid most confrontations
and to sublimate negative emotions, aren't they?
I realize I am generalizing, but I am doing it on purpose, to
make a point, and anyone is welcome to correct me if I'm wrong,
here, this is just off the top of my head.
Although women these days are provided more access to positions
of power over larger domains, they are still raised by men and
women who did not, and many, many of the women who call Laura
(who seem to fit her categorization of petty, back-stabbing
bitches who live to make everyone miserable) live lives as
stay-at-home moms, with no power in any arena other than their
domiciles.
Women are also traditionally expected to be more demure,
"nice," less aggressive, to fit the idea of what
"femininity" is all about. And since women are actually
human and are not always perfect creatures, they have to have
some way to express their baser, more aggressive and negative
emotions. It is safer to express them in
passive-aggressive, small ways like talking about someone behind
their backs, making snide comments, holding petty grudges and
getting your revenge by not going to wedding showers and so on.
Most of the women I deal with on a daily basis are no more petty
or grudge-holding than the men, however. But I am guessing
that women who hold traditional positions, like Laura's Worriers,
may fit her profile more often.
Again, just a theory.
August
Who pays a lot of attention to the role of women in our culture
because I want my daughter to grow up with a sense of her own
value, not bound by traditional constraints
Insane Teenagers, 11/14/1999
Wow, Cleo! You're smart! And your daughter is a
lucky girl.
I'm scared to death of when my daughter hits her teen
years. I do my best to prepare her for everything I can
think of, let her know I love her unconditionally, etc. But
there are some things I feel clueless about.
She's only seven, but she's already worried about her looks, her
hair, etc. It really bothers me that she is so
appearance-conscious and worried about how others see her.
She has really wild, gorgeous, curly hair, and some other
kid told her it was "ugly" so she's now obsessed with
taming it. At seven years old !!
It's stuff like this that just breaks my heart as a dad. I
love her hair, and think she is the most beautiful girl on the
planet, and she knows this, but there will come a time when
nothing I say will make any difference, and only what her peers
think will matter to her.
All I can do is try to give her the strength and confidence, and
the knowledge that she is awesome and capable of taking-on life
... the rest is up to her at some point. But I do dread the
inevitable horomonal surges and rebellion, even though I know
it's natural. I just hope she gets a big enough dose of
self-esteem from us (her mom, me, and my partner) that she
doesn't pin all her hopes, dreams and self-worth on what boys
think of her, and forget that she is a complete human without
thinking she needs some guy running her life when she grows up.
August