Copyright 1999, 2000
    Terry Washington aka Phoenixx
    1048 W Winona 3E
    Chicago IL 60640-3125
    773-561-0737
    HTTP://members.tripod.com/~mdars/experiences/ter.htm
    HTTP://www.angelfire.com/journal/archer/index.html
    phoenixx100@hotmail.com

    This file was last updated on Thursday, July 13th, 2000 at 3:03am.

    [continued from the file TER1.TXT]

--- volumes.log
    The itty-bitty rabbit hole to hell
    Mon May 3 1999

    I have spent almost the entire day organizing and backing up my 
    software collection.  I made creative volume names for a bunch of 
    floppy disks.  Fun.  I almost went into shock, when I accidentally 
    screwed up some important system files, and couldn't restart my hard 
    disk; but after almost three hours, I got things back on track, thank 
    God.  I am so happy to have a working computer again.  Must keep 
    writing.

    I am also beginning to consider constructing some new programs.  My 
    mind is swimming with ideas, but I'm going to wait and see if I can 
    get a development project going with [NAME DELETED], because I'd like 
    something as solid as possible to crystallize.  Also, I want to wait 
    until I can get a full software programming package, with a compiler, 
    documentation, and on.  No more QBasic, even though it's a lot of fun.  
    Time for some stand-alone .EXE files.

    Over the years, I have had a varied range of experiences with the 
    perplexing and disturbing reality of demons.  Really, I believe that I 
    have been oppressed by them all throughout the course of my life, it's 
    just that I hadn't recognized that they really existed prior to a 
    certain series of eventuations, which utterly confirmed the horrible 
    truth of their existence to me, once and for all.

    Before I go any further, I want to remind people, whether they believe 
    that intelligent, disincarnate entities are real or not, that in 
    attempting to better understand difficult spiritual concepts like 
    this, there is a sort of push and pull process that takes place in the 
    mind.  Many individuals that would like to believe that evil spirits 
    exist, so that they could better explain some of the uncanny 
    happenings in their lives, often find themselves strongly opposed by 
    others, when, say, conversations begin to move in such topical 
    directions.  The disbelievers, whose attitudes can range from laughing 
    derision to outright hostility, are a subject base worth considering 
    all by itself.  But the point, right now, is to try and cursorily 
    understand why it is that, for many, there is such deep aversion to 
    considering the phenomena seriously.

    Because, generally, there is such across=the=board denial, concerning 
    demons, many people, even after having the most unbelievable spiritual 
    encounters, simply refuse to clearly acknowledge the details of what 
    it is that they have experienced.  What I am saying, is that I know 
    that I am not the only person to have ever seen the kinds of amazing 
    things that I have.  I am just brave enough to admit that I have 
    endured the things that I have.  I am not worried about people 
    thinking that I am crazy.  I know that I am reasonably sane; probably 
    much saner that most people.

    What really bothers me, is that I know that not only have many people 
    actually seen the entities, many of them have actually entered into 
    agreements with inclement spiritual realities, and very likely are 
    going to wind up in hell for it.  One of the greatest frustrations 
    that I have had, is that I feel very strongly that I have a pretty 
    good handle on the situation, as regards the reality of demons, where 
    they have 'come from,' what their manifestations in the lives of 
    people basically mean, etcetera - the whole 'nine yards,' so to speak.  
    But - and here is what aggravates me beyond my ability to express it 
    adequately - there is a, well, I hesitate to call it a conspiracy; no, 
    it's more like a hypnotic state of mindless ignorance that much of our 
    nation and world are in, when it comes to this most important issue.  
    I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to understand the very 
    real nature of the demonic problems that many of us are experiencing.  
    If you are going to stay in denial about them, there will be a very 
    heavy price to pay, ultimately.  I know what I am talking about.  This 
    is no time to pretend that such things are not so.  They are so, 
    indeed.

    Remember, the Lord is in control of all realities, even evil ones.  If 
    we call ourselves Christians, and then turn around and deny the 
    reality of Satan, his angels, the demons, Satanists, etcetera - well 
    then, what kind of Christians are we?  Not very good ones, I think.  
    Jesus spoke of demons.  They are real.  To hell with all of the dopey 
    psychotherapists.  They have been milking people out of their money 
    for years, and all the while knowing (most of them, I'm sure) that 
    evil spirits are quite real.  Probably, most psychiatrists, and 
    related types, are occultists, anyhow.  Some of them might even be 
    trying to control their patients with witchcraft, so that they keep 
    returning with more stacks of fresh, crisp dollar bills.  That's the 
    kind of vibe I get from most of them.  What a daffy world we live in.  
    It's all about the 'show me the money' paradigm.  Very sad.

    Anywho, devils are real, kiddies.  This is not playtime.  I have 
    learned these things the hard way.  In many instances, others have, 
    also.  We are not F-ing around.  It is time for the twits that are 
    pretending that the spiritual situation isn't as bad as it is, to get 
    real, and to acknowledge that our nation and world needs to change, 
    pronto.  I really don't think that there's lots of time left.  Maybe 
    there is.  Maybe not.

    People don't want to be labeled as insane, or whatever else.  I can 
    understand their worries.  But the problems that will result from 
    people remaining in denial about demons, are far worse.  So it is far 
    better to risk being thought of as a bit off, than to be another 
    subscriber to the throngs of doubters.

    If you have had real experiences with demons, especially if you have 
    personally seen or heard anything very unusual relating to their 
    existence, tell others about it, no matter how uneasy you might feel.  
    You may be very surprised to learn that many, many people have seen 
    and heard them as well.

--- jug.log
    Got them by the short hairs
    Tue May 4 1999

    Had a fairly nice day.  Did a little scrounging, and found two pairs 
    of some very nice black leather short boots (both with steel toes), 
    and a standard black leather jacket (that is in reasonably good 
    condition).  After I worked them over with the ol' mink oil, they 
    wound up looking pretty decent.  Shiny.  All of those items, if brand 
    new, would have run close to three hundred dollars, if not more.

    I also found two tower-case computers (a shorter one, and another, 
    with about six bays), which I left behind (after removing a 1.44MB 
    floppy drive from a Myoda).  Both of them had most of their important 
    innards removed, so there wasn't much of an incentive to bring either 
    of them back with me.  I might return tomorrow, and get the larger 
    case; it might be cool to build my own system.  The problem, is the 
    little extras, that some manufacturers add to their models, such as 
    little LED displays, locks, 'turbo' buttons, etcetera; I'll bet that 
    it can be daunting to work around some of that stuff, and I'm not 
    feeling very patient right about now.  Nice cases, though.

    I'm really not in a writing kind of a mood right now.  I am tired and 
    aggravated.  [NAME DELETED] called, after I returned home, and we 
    discussed the scanner - I will probably loan it to him, if his PC has 
    the USB port which is necessary.  It might.  He has a lot of paperwork 
    that could be digitized.  After he lamented the ten dollar price of 
    100MB disks, I reminded him that by using data compression, he could 
    double, or in certain instances, even triple the storage capacity of 
    his Zip disks.

    Finally called [NAME DELETED]'s and left a message, asking her to have 
    [NAME DELETED] call me.  They haven't yet returned my call.  They soon 
    will.

    [NAME DELETED]'s kid [NAME DELETED] stopped by.  She is a cutie.  She 
    was driving me crazy, chasing after the bird.  [NAME DELETED] has been
    grouchy, as usual.  I wonder if I will ever be able to get myself
    together, and get away from this city.  Probably.

--- judah.log
    My people perish for lack of knowledge
    Thu May 6 1999

    Went over to [NAME DELETED]'s yesterday evening.  Spent hours talking 
    about all of the heavy mind-control phenomena that has been 
    precipitating over the course of the past few years.  He loaded up a 
    few floppies with some HTML (Web Page) script files, and bitmaps (in 
    assorted formats).  All of the information concerns the electronic 
    torment issues.

    A few of the images and files are very interesting, including some 
    that deal with the concept of a tiny 'brainradio' transceiver, and a 
    neural network that may be effected via a microwave satellite and/or 
    ground-based system.  This system might even have the ability to do 
    what is known as 'cognitive mapping,' which basically means 
    downloading and storing in some kind of a digital database, the 
    thoughts of people.  Scary, right?  Well, this kind of thing is 
    exactly what seems to be happening right now.

    There are a lot of individuals that appear to be on the fringe of 
    understanding that these sorts of things are possible, and probable, 
    but there are precious few that have fully come up out of denial about 
    the actual reality of such matters.  Even though there is a great deal 
    of information available about these kinds of systems, and their 
    possible deployments, such issues are practically completely ignored 
    by the American media.  They (the media) are very likely ignoring 
    these issues on a world-wide basis, because of the awareness of the 
    general move towards a one-world government, which everybody knows 
    deep in their hearts, will be heavily antichristian and extremely 
    fascistic.

    What annoys me, almost more than anything, is the fact that so many of 
    the people that are aware of these sorts of developments are also hip 
    to the cruelties that the technology is being used to perpetrate, in 
    many instances.  You know, a lot of the people in the media, as we all 
    know very well, are of Jewish descent.  In many instances, those Jews 
    are the descendants of people that actually spent time in Nazi 
    concentration camps, where many individuals were systematically 
    tortured, often in very inhuman ways.  How can those Jews allow this 
    kind of a ruthless system of torture to overspread, when they must 
    realize that it will eventually be used to persecute them?  Maybe, the 
    answer is that many of them feel as though they are 'in with the in 
    crowd,' and it is they that will be firmly in charge of the 
    progression of the situation.  Perhaps they are uninformed about the 
    long record of history of the systematic persecution of Jews by all 
    different kinds of tribal groups.  I don't know, it just doesn't make 
    much sense to me for the children of Abraham to be so intimately 
    involved with such barbarities.  I thought that Jews were mostly 
    humanitarian by nature.  Not these Jews.  They are savages.  It is 
    sad.

    Something about my visit with Mr. [NAME DELETED] really brought this 
    point home to me.  Can't exactly put my finger on it, but I know for 
    sure that the ultimate aim of such a system will very likely be 
    extremely anti-Semitic.  There is virtually no doubt in my mind about 
    it.  Of course, such technologies will very likely be used to cause 
    misery for many different kinds of people, from all sorts of cultural 
    backgrounds, but eventually, there will be a concerted effort to move 
    against the Jews, as well as other groups, as usual.

    Anyone that doesn't believe that that is so, is just plain stupid, and 
    unaware of the cycles of history, especially as regards the history of 
    European-related social perturbations.  The Jews have experienced 
    periodic expulsions, pogroms, etcetera, all throughout the history of 
    European civilization.  No, this isn't Europe, of course, but I am 
    sure that there will be a heavy degree of contempt towards the Jews 
    manifesting here, eventually.  I can feel it coming.  All it will 
    take, is for the economy to come tumbling down.

    Then, millions of people will be extremely happy to hate Jews, blacks, 
    and on, because of the various effects of the deliberate capacitance 
    of social hostilities.  When the wallets resting on plump pink 
    buttocks are fat with dollar bills, everybody is 'getting along,' but 
    when people and their families begin to get thin and ribby, and are 
    scrambling for scraps of food, they will all be singing new tunes.  
    Scapegoats will be found.

    I am staunchly against fascism.  I know that what has been happening, 
    regarding the testing and deployment of these systems of mental and 
    physical manipulation, is moving our nation, and the rest of the 
    planet in an extremely bad direction.  There is nothing good about the 
    evil ends to which the psychotronic technologies have been put to.

    Included in the files that I was provided with, are some descriptions 
    of electronic harassment that a fellow in Finland has been enduring.  
    Another file has a very eloquent, and legalistically sound argument 
    against the 'Crown of New Zealand,' written by a female citizen of 
    that sector of the Realm (the English-speaking world).  She claims 
    that authorities there have illegally perpetrated various classes of 
    electronic harassment, and other crimes against her.  There are vast 
    databases of people on the Internet that are claiming that this kind 
    of thing is happening to them.  If an individual has had absolutely no 
    experience with the very real nature of such persecution, I can fully 
    understand how they might assume that the claims are unwarranted, and 
    primarily the result of psychological disturbances.  Not so; there 
    really are very advanced electronic systems that are being used to 
    cause great mental and physical harm.  I have experienced a vast array 
    of very negative effects over the course of the past four years (and 
    probably prior; becoming aware of the reality of such possibilities 
    helps one to more keenly perceive the effects), and am completely 
    convinced that there are elements of electronic torture being used 
    against me.  There are all sorts of victims.  Apparently, very few 
    people are aware of the magnitude of the problem.

    [NAME DELETED] also informed me that [NAME DELETED] (who is on some 
    sort of mental disability) may be suffering from similar problems, 
    which I found interesting, because of some issues concerning his 
    sister [NAME DELETED], who I used to work with at Peaches.  We had 
    many strange conversations during the course of our friendship, and I 
    suspect that she knows some very important and arcane things, but I 
    would be hard pressed to explain exactly why I feel that that is so.

    [NAME DELETED] and I even had a little prayer session, of sorts, where 
    we focused, using several symbolic references, to increase 
    concentration.  I was surprised to find that the resultant energy was 
    extremely strong, and seemingly (I am trying to be cautious, because 
    of my awareness of [NAME DELETED]'s spiritual history) Christian.  He 
    refers to himself as a Buddhist Christian now, which I find 
    interesting.  I'll bet the Dalai Lama feels similarly, because I know 
    that he is also aware of Christ.  It seems that intense spiritual 
    stress and strain leads many to a greater understanding of the truth 
    of Christianity.

    I haven't yet been able to sift through all of the files, but I am 
    sure that they will be very interesting to read thoroughly.

--- pwdj.log
    We appreciate your appreciation
    Fri May 7 1999

    Just finished compiling the first (floppy disk) issue of the Psionic 
    War Digital Journal.  I used some of the files that [NAME DELETED] 
    provided me with during our last visit.  Looks pretty promising.  
    Hopefully, it will be a success.  I LHArced almost all of it, so after 
    decompressing the files, the readers should have a fairly substantial 
    amount of data to peruse, including some pretty interesting images.

    I encouraged any potential readers to copy and distribute the disk, so 
    it might just 'get around' a bit.  I hope so, because the issue of 
    electronic psychological harassment is extremely important to the 
    future stability or instability of our nation and the rest of the 
    world.

--- punk.log
    God save the Queen
    Sat May 8 1999

    I think that the time has come for me to say a few words about the 
    British.  Although I am no anglophile, I must admit that I have been 
    extremely influenced by certain British cultural paradigms over the 
    course of my life.  Many Americans of my generation could say the 
    same.  It is rarely discussed, but many of the people in my generation 
    feel extremely alienated from the general flow of popular culture here 
    in the United States, and often have turned to the cultures and 
    subcultures throughout the rest of the world for a sort of 
    sociological freshening, if you will.

    British culture (in my case, certain British subcultures) has long 
    been high on the list of things that disassociated, bored, angry 
    (etcetera) Americans reach for, after finding no cell of social 
    comfort in this neck of the woods.  People of previous generations 
    have probably had similar experiences, reacting against difficult 
    social realities here by seeking solace in the shade of other 
    cultures.  I know that in the sixties, there was a great deal of 
    subcultural influence (amongst certain urban groups in the USA) from 
    South America, and central Europe.  Well, throughout the late 
    seventies and early eighties (and prior, of course), there was a very 
    strong presence of musical subculture here in the USA, that was deeply 
    rooted in Britain.  Actually, it was several very different 
    subcultures, that, if one were careful to trace back their histories, 
    could be found to have a base of commonality in what has been denoted 
    throughout the world as the 'punk' movement.

    The many different 'movements,' or sub-subcultures (I like that one) 
    that sprung from the punk scene all had as a prime motivational base 
    the concept of rebellion against social conformity.  The irony of it 
    (well, one of the many ironies), is that once the people found a 
    subcultural 'formula' that worked well for them, it often became yet 
    another standard by which others were harshly judged; which is what 
    the adherents were supposed to be avoiding in the first place, right?

    Can't recall where I heard this, but here it is:

    The one thing that a non-conformist cannot stand, is another 
    non-conformist not conforming to the current standards of 
    non-conformity.

    Great, no?  That is pretty much what many of the subcultural movements 
    seem to have degenerated into; little pockets of iconoclasticism, 
    in-fighting, and other disharmonious modalities.  Also, I noticed, 
    after long periods of close observation, that there seemed to be very 
    strong undercurrents of abysmally deep spiritual hostility present in 
    nearly all of those subcultural groups.  Which has led me to believe 
    that there are often very sinister secret spiritual realities that lie 
    behind the manifestation of certain alternative cultural assemblages.  
    I could try my best to map out all of the different branches of the 
    'punk' movement, but I won't bother at this time to do so.  I must add 
    that many of our domestic cultures and subcultures often appear to be 
    just as bad, or even worse, in a spiritual sense.  I certainly am not 
    trying to scapegoat the British.

    Other aspects of British culture were endlessly delightful to me as 
    well.  I think that my prime interest in things British began back in 
    the late seventies, with my exposure to BBC television productions, 
    such as Monty Python, Dave Allen at Large, Doctor Who, The Goodies - 
    and the list goes on.  There was some kind of special quality running 
    throughout all of those offerings, that was infinitely interesting to 
    those of us that felt dissatisfied with our American culture.

    Perhaps it was the thread of stuffy Victorianism that ran through all 
    of the shows.  Maybe it was the exceedingly clever sense of humor that 
    many of the Brits have.  At any rate, there was (and is) something 
    very, very unique and appealing about the British people, that is 
    terribly difficult for many of us Americans to put into definite 
    wording.  I'll tell you the truth; I think I know exactly what it is.  
    But if I told you, you'd probably think I was completely mad.

    Right at this point, I am continuing this file from an earlier session 
    in the afternoon.  It is now close to 8pm.

    I felt that it might be important to clarify some of the earlier 
    statements that I made about Britain, and British cultural influences 
    in the USA.  Funny thing, but very few people really give much 
    conscious thought to the concept of a social stream emanating from 
    England, that affects 20th century Americans.  It's almost as if there 
    is no obvious British influence in the United States at all, apart 
    from the few individuals working in the news media, that originate 
    from the UK.

    Me, I am a bit more aware of the British influence here; although my 
    awareness of it is largely limited to two areas - the entertainment 
    industry, and the world of arcane philosophy.  There are several 
    stories that I could relate about the latter, that would perhaps be 
    somewhat informative to anyone that is interested.  Almost everybody 
    knows about the vast British presence in the world of popular music, 
    anyway.

    Arcane philosophy.  Ok, here we go.

    I am not going to pretend to understand all of the various branches of 
    western occultism.  I would be lying, if I said that I did.  I don't.  
    But, there are certain fairly important things that I do understand.  
    I realize that, for some very powerful families in Britain, there has 
    been a very deep involvement in black magic for many, many 
    generations.  I believe that Britain, and the surrounding area of 
    Europe, extending down through France and Spain, is especially steeped 
    in virulent varieties of sickening 'traditionalism.'  Some of the most 
    influential and moneyed families have been participants in the most 
    horrible varieties of dark workings for centuries; millennia, even.  
    Cannibalism, child molestation and sacrifice; barbaric ritual murders 
    and sexual orgies - you name it, they have done it.  Behind closed 
    doors, you see.

    And all in the name of preserving their social power, because of the 
    blasphemous agreements that they have entered into with the disgusting 
    demons that impel them to perpetrate such wickedness, that they might 
    be able to fulfill their black lusts through pale European flesh.  
    Truly nauseating.

    Aleister Crowley was only one of the very well-known prefects of 
    Satanism in Britain.  There were, and are, many others.  May their 
    unworthy souls all rot eternally in hell.

--- myoda.log
    Bless those that curse you
    Wed May 12 1999

    Whilst scrounging about two days ago, I found a couple of very nice 
    Myoda tower-style PCs.  The one that I am working on now is a 486SX 
    that has both types of floppy drives, and a 212MB hard drive.  Pretty 
    decent.  The other also has both floppy drives, and although I haven't 
    yet checked inside it's case, I believe it also has a hard drive, 
    which isn't properly registered in it's CMOS memory.  I haven't been 
    able to get the other one to boot from either of it's floppy drives, 
    so there is very likely a hardware problem inside.  It might be 
    something as simple as a loose, or detached connector cable.

    It is really astounding to me that so many useful items may be 
    retrieved from the trash.  You'd think that the people would at least 
    donate the things to a charity.  The oft-spoken of 'disposable 
    society' that we live in, is very real.

    Another neat thing, is that the PC I'm working on currently, has a 
    battery-backed clock on board.  This is my very first PC that has such 
    a clock.  No more setting the time!  Alright!

    I also took the time to thoroughly investigate a few other PCs, and PC 
    shells that were in the dumpster where I found these (by the way, this 
    was the very same dumpster where I found the AST 386, about a month 
    ago).  I dismantled about two or three other machines, removing all of 
    the useful components:  floppy drives, memory chips, I/O boards, 
    etcetera.  Pretty cool.  I now have enough components to build a 
    custom machine.

    I am so thrilled to have these machines; God has been really good to 
    me.

--- recycle.log
    It's a plot against us mice
    Sat May 15 1999

    Although the hard drive capacity on this Myoda computer (the 386) is 
    tiny (120MB) by today's standards (as I am writing this, I believe 
    that most Pentium and above models usually boast HD capacities in 
    excess of 1GB), I am still very pleased to have rescued them, and the 
    others from landfills.  As much as I like computers, it really saddens 
    me to think that people just throw them away.  There should be 
    organizations that work against that; the equivalent of the ASPCA for 
    consumer electronics.  Surely, someone could recycle and make use of 
    old PCs.  They could inexpensively ship truckloads of them to 
    Appalachia, Mexico, or elsewhere.  Kids in the inner cities could 
    learn basic skills on them, surely.  They should not wind up in the 
    trash.  Just thinking about it kind of reminds me of the corny TV ad, 
    where a Native American sheds a big tear over the polluted 
    environment.  That's how I feel about the waste of precious 
    technological resources.  We are a truly spoiled nation.  Throwing out 
    perfectly usable computers.  For shame.  Inexcusable.

    Especially considering how very durable most PCs are; many of the 
    machines made back in the early eighties are still serviceable.  I 
    think it's that American anti-educational spiritual force at work 
    again.  Many of our people really seem to feel deep in their bones, 
    that there is something fundamentally wrong with intelligent kids.  I 
    am certain that it has a whole lot to do with the many unprecedented 
    horrors that science has brought us over the course of this 
    frightening century:  nuclear bombs, chemical and biological weaponry, 
    and the psychotronics arsenal, as well.  All terrible, terrible 
    things, to be sure.  It's understandable that many adults would feel 
    that their children are better off being a bit undereducated, that 
    they might perhaps be somewhat insulated against a greater 
    understanding of just how dark and dismal the track record of our 
    scientific progress is.

    Every technological advance has been applied to evil ends.  Time has 
    borne this out.  So, many people have given up hope that science can 
    help to make society better.  I think that subconsciously, many folks 
    believe that some elitist faction will eventually take complete 
    control over the Earth, and tailor it to their liking, via eugenics, 
    and other feared scientific methods.  Some people probably believe 
    that this is what has already happened.  Or perhaps, that it is 'in 
    progress.'

    I believe that one of those conclusions is partially true.  I believe 
    that not only has a quorum of eugenics-minded individuals taken 
    partial control of the general flow of Earth's civilizations, but that 
    such a group of people has existed upon the Earth throughout most of 
    our history.  The key to understanding how this may be better 
    understood has everything to do with gaining a better understanding of 
    the Lord, and His plans for the Earth.

    We must remember, that in many places in the Bible, we are told that 
    it is the Lord that allows, and even, in certain instances, directly 
    precipitates evil upon mankind.  This, I am sure, includes the entire 
    spectrum of evil occurrences, from the minor to the major events.  A 
    difficult thing to comprehend, and come to grips with, but apparently, 
    it is so.

    Getting more comfortable with this reality, requires some careful 
    discernment.  The evils that we suffer from down here need to be 
    broken down into two basic categories:  those that are allowed by the 
    Lord, but not of Him, and those that are deliberately precipitated by 
    Him.  Certainly, the latter variety should be considered to be far 
    more fearful, and a cause for greater worry.

    However, the evils that are only allowed to befall mankind by the 
    Lord, and not specifically prescribed by Him, are very disturbing, and 
    cause enough for much frustration and concern.  I think that the Lord 
    basically has one thing in mind, in His allowance of the current set 
    of unusual societal evils that beset us here in the USA.  Change.  I 
    believe that He wants us to change in very important ways.  Ways that, 
    it appears, many of our people are not adequately prepared for.

    A few years ago (I believe it was in 1996), I hung out with some of 
    the new kids in the Belmont punk scene; can't remember many of their 
    names, but Chuck (a Goth girl) was one of them, and another girl that 
    is a friend of Monika's (one of the Polish punk chicks), named Zinc.  
    There were about a dozen or so people in our 'crew' that evening.  
    Anyhow, we all met up, and traveled south towards a playground in a 
    school lot, where we plopped down, and began to converse about many 
    things.  It was mostly us men that did the chatting, the girls were 
    working the swings.

    One young man said to me, as talk moved in celestial directions, that 
    he believed that the 'aliens' had already been given control over the 
    Earth, and were basically preparing it for the arrival of a greater 
    force in the future.  That they were, in effect, sort of 'fixing' the 
    Earth.  He said something like (I wish that I could recall his words 
    verbatim, but, alas, memory fails me):  'if you were given control of 
    a planet, would you want it, if it was full of a bunch of 
    dysfunctional, ungodly people.'  Again, even though I (unfortunately) 
    cannot recall his exact words, the gist of it made sense to me.

    The Bible tells us, that before Christ arrives, and sets foot on the 
    Mount of Olives, the Earth is going to go through a procedure that is 
    commonly referred to as the Great Tribulation.  During this period, 
    Earth's population will be reduced by fully one half.  At least.  This 
    is what Revelation implies; one only needs to read carefully, and do 
    the math.

    All of this will result from the Lord's dispensing of certain angelic 
    forces upon the Earth, and authorizing them to manifest His wrath upon 
    the ungodly masses.  Now, some people might think that this is a bad 
    thing, especially if they are to be included in the population that is 
    to be decimated.  Also, before this rinse cycle, if you will, begins, 
    there will be (and currently, it seems to be beginning) much 
    persecution of believers in God and Jesus Christ on a worldwide basis.  
    I believe that the persecution is, and will be fundamentally directed 
    against the Body of Christ by the worshippers of the antichristian 
    pantheon; intelligences (and their spiritual progeny that remain upon 
    the Earth; the Gibborim) from the Heavens that are in opposition to 
    the Lord of Hosts, Yahweh.

    The situation can be very difficult to comprehend, unless one 
    remembers the great importance of simplification.  I have covered most 
    of these issues in other files, but all of this is so key, that my 
    redundancy is actually a very good thing.  The obfuscation of these 
    issues is very great.

    Simplification.  We are told, that at some point in the past (I 
    assume), as we regard time, there was a war between the loyal forces 
    of the Lord of Hosts, and a mutinous faction (or perhaps factions), 
    led by the enemies of God.  Those enemies of God lost their campaign 
    against Yahweh, and also lost their place in the Heavens, as a result.

    It is very important that we understand the reality of what we are 
    told regarding that war.  Now, one extremely difficult thing to 
    understand, is that the heavenly war appears to be described in the 
    past tense, that is, as if it took place a very long, long time ago, 
    but, one of the crucially important to understand end results of it, 
    the casting down to the Earth (from the Heavens, remember) of the 
    devil and his angels, appears to be a prophecy for the latter days, 
    meaning now, or in the foreseeable future.

    As I have said before, I believe that the casting down of the devil 
    has already happened, or perhaps, is about to happen.  It is difficult 
    to understand, but I think that there is plenty of evidence that Satan 
    and his angels are currently attempting to interact with the people of 
    Earth in a big way.  They have caused a whole lot of misery and 
    confusion for me, for sure.  The thing about it, is that some of them 
    might not be completely 'cast down' as of yet.  It is obvious to me, 
    after all of my experiences, that many of them (the Gibborim have 
    existed upon Earth since before the Flood, and other, angelic, forces 
    are described as being detained underground), in fact, are cast down, 
    and attempting to spiritually control humans in very parasitic ways.  
    We must remember that Satan and his host are primarily spiritual 
    beings, that appear to be trying to possess human souls and bodies, so 
    that they will be able to have more 'political,' again, if you will, 
    sway over the human population.

    I believe that their basic modus operandi, is to go for control of the 
    weakest members of a civilization first, and then use them to 
    subsequently spiritually infect the more influential people, 
    ultimately leading to a great deal of hellish Satanic influence 
    spreading all throughout the land.

    Ok, now, going back to what I mentioned earlier, about the Lord being 
    on top of all of this...  I think that what may be happening, is that 
    God may be allowing a nearly complete Satanic spiritual takeover of 
    our nation, within certain parameters of limitation, to see how our 
    populace will react to it.  I must report with great sadness, that 
    very few people seem to have the guts to stand up against what has 
    been developing, as regards the 'touched by a fallen angel' spiritual 
    paradigm that has been heavily plaguing the nation.  It is utterly 
    bewildering to me that virtually nobody seems to realize what an awful 
    situation has been steadily developing.  Very disturbing.  So many of 
    our people appear to be demonically possessed to some degree, with no 
    end in sight, because nearly everyone is laughing about the horrid 
    abominations that have been allowing the spiritual situation to 
    deteriorate so badly.

    I guess much of mankind perceives evil to be the general state of 
    affairs in this age, and feels that it is better to just acquiesce to 
    the horror of what has been spiritually precipitating upon us.

    A very important consideration, is that the Satanic powers seek to 
    exert as much control as possible over the people that they 
    manipulate, and seek to dominate.  Basically, anything that can be 
    used to inspire fear in mankind, can be used for the sinister goals of 
    the assembly of the wicked.  Weaponry of all kinds, of course, and 
    fear of the use of weaponry; exclusion from 'normal' society; loss 
    of respect in the eyes of contemporaries - the list goes on and on.  
    One very important set of considerations, revolves around the entire 
    phenomenology of addictive behavior, whether the addiction in question 
    is material or psychological in nature.  Much fear is generated by 
    certain syndromes of addiction.  In addition, there may be (especially 
    as regards particular material addictions) other deeply profound 
    psycho-spiritual issues at play, concerning addictive behavior.

    There is a syndicated show on the cable SCI-FI network (it is in 
    reruns), called 'Sliders.'  Although it suffers from some slight 
    shabby acting, and confusing scriptsmanship, somehow it's basic 
    premise is very compelling to me.  I haven't seen the earliest 
    episodes of the show, but I will attempt to describe it, as best as I 
    can.  The basic plot of the show has to do with a group of young 
    people that have become inter-dimensional travelers.  They 'slide' 
    (that's the phrase that the show uses) between different dimensions of 
    the history of planet Earth.  Also, there is a group of beings known 
    as the 'Cro-Mags,' which are militaristic mutants from one of the 
    alternate Earth dimensions that have become the dedicated enemies of 
    regular mankind.

    Now, this group of four young people seek to reestablish the relative 
    peace that they enjoyed in their particular Earth dimensions (I think 
    that one or two out of the group are from different versions of 
    Earth), before the intrusion of the Cro-Mags into their dimensional 
    neighborhoods.  I have only seen about three or four episodes, so I 
    don't know if they ultimately achieve success or not.  In one of the 
    episodes, which appeared to be a final show, everything appeared to be 
    restored properly, but it turned out to be a big deception, and they 
    all narrowly escaped being killed by some pro Cro-Mag forces.

    They use something that looks like a souped-up television remote to 
    open portals between Earth dimensions.  The portals look something 
    like whirling maelstroms of ether.  When they jump into them, they are 
    sucked into a different dimension.  They can only advantage themselves 
    of this dimensional traveling at particular times, which are 
    determined by the dimensional device.

    This is all very interesting to me, because of some odd experiences 
    that I have had.  Although it isn't at all even near my perception of 
    what has been happening in the real world, aspects of it seem to be 
    similar.  Life and Art, and their reflectivity.

    Back to the real world issues.  What we are going to do about our 
    spiritual situation here, will largely be determined, I believe, by 
    how sincerely we petition the Lord for the necessary spiritual 
    fortitude to cope with what has been unfolding.  Many of us are wise 
    enough to know that we cannot adequately contend with the devil and 
    his forces, as individuals, or as a world, because of our extremely 
    lackluster spiritual nature.  We simply must call on the righteousness 
    of God for assistance, even if it seems as if He is not responding at 
    all, which is very likely what many people in deep spiritual 
    quandaries have been feeling from time to time.

    One of my favorite books is 'Future Shock,' by Alvin Toffler.  Great 
    reading, even though by now, it is probably somewhat dated.  Perhaps 
    he has published an updated edition of it.  Another decent offering 
    from the same fellow, is 'The Third Wave.'  In the former tome, Mr. 
    Toffler explains that the increase of choice in society, combined with 
    the generally base and simple nature of mankind, will lead to a state 
    that he calls 'futureshock,' where many people will experience 
    profound disassociation and confusion, because of their inability to 
    cope with the much more complex civilization that is developing.  In 
    other words, he believes that the progress of science and technology 
    is not being paralleled by an appropriate psycho-spiritual advance of 
    Homo Sapiens.

    I really believe that it is a pertinent and applicable analogy for 
    part of what has been happening on Earth over the past few decades.  
    Lots of people seem to be pretty spaced-out to some degree.  The 
    threshold of societal stress tolerance hasn't yet been met or 
    surpassed, but if the general level of spiritual strain gets much 
    worse, I don't believe that the center will hold, so to speak.

    In considering this, you must understand that many members of the 
    aforementioned wicked quorum want exactly that to happen.  They 
    actually want things to break down, so that they can reform this world 
    more to their liking.  Another disturbing thing to consider, is that 
    God might actually allow them to partially, or even completely, enact 
    their detestable (in my opinion) agenda.  He has allowed many awful 
    situations to develop throughout the course of Earth's history.  In 
    the Bible, we are told that the Lord Himself will put it into the 
    minds of Earth's leaders to agree to fulfill His will.  Many of the 
    societal evils that we are suffering from may, in fact, be preparatory 
    to the unfolding of the complete manifestation of the dreaded end-time 
    events, leading up to the Rapture and Tribulation.

    After having endured what I have, I certainly believe that it might be 
    possible.  The part that most of these people don't seem to 
    understand, is that I believe that if all of these possibilities were 
    more openly discussed and understood, that it might be possible 
    (depending on how people would react, of course) for us to receive a 
    great degree of mercy and help from the Lord.

    Yahweh has promised that there will be a time when He will 'pour out 
    His spirit upon all flesh.'  We should all hope that He will stop the 
    devil from pouring out his spirit upon mankind, and rather dispense 
    His righteous mercy upon us, even though I believe we largely don't 
    deserve it.

--- valley.log
    buying chips for his Univac
    Sat May 23 1999

    Have spent the last few days carefully putting together information 
    for the June issue of the Psionic War Digital Journal.  I still need 
    to get Mr. [NAME DELETED] to write a forward for it.  Unfortunately, I 
    somehow lost half of the Eleanor White (Raven1) files, when I 
    accidentally formatted the disk that contained them.  Bummer.  Maybe 
    [NAME DELETED] will remember which ones they were, and provide me with 
    replacements.

    I have been carefully considering this new project - I hope that the 
    Lord approves of it.  I know that all of the wild-eyed speculation in 
    the Internet download files isn't perfect information, but a lot of 
    important understandings can be gleaned from them, if one is cautious 
    and remains guarded about believing certain possibilities.  Only God 
    knows the perfect truth.  More people need to begin to get closer to 
    the truth of what is actually happening, and this is one way to help 
    increase the awareness of what could unfold, if the forces of 
    wickedness are allowed by the Lord to enact their disgusting agendas.

    The main thing that people need to know, is that Jesus is actually 
    coming to rule the Earth.  Many people have heard that all throughout 
    their lives; now they are beginning to understand why, because of the 
    additional revelations regarding the war in space, and the fallen 
    angels.  There still is a great deal of confusion and disagreement 
    amongst people that discuss and wonder about these concepts, but it 
    appears to be clearing up a bit.  By now, nearly everyone that has 
    been concerned about these issues knows where they stand, as regards 
    the Lord, and the coming rule of Jesus Christ.

    I just wish that less people were going to hell.

--- abyss.log
    To hell with the devil
    Tue May 26 1999

    It has been officially revealed today, that there have been serious 
    security breaches (re advanced nuclear weapons defense technology) 
    between the United States and China.  I am certain that there are 
    many, many other, even deeper breaches of national security, that are 
    not being brought to light in the media, for fear of alarming our 
    citizenry.  Today I watched (on C=Span) a Republican congressman from 
    Arizona give a very enlightening speech on various issues relating to 
    national security problems.

    The report that reveals the fundamental details of our loss of defense 
    secrets to China involved thousands of pages of documents, and I'm 
    sure that it has seriously frightened our more sober population.  If 
    this situation doesn't alert our people, probably nothing will.  The 
    Chinese acquisition of MIRV technology is only the tip of the 
    proverbial iceberg.  We have also 'given' them nearly all of the 
    information relating to our development of the hydrogen bomb.  I am 
    infinitely disgusted, but not at all surprised, considering the 
    heavy-duty foolishness and wickedness that has been prevailing in the 
    nation, especially over the course of the last decade or so.

    The forces of evil have really been doing a number of numbers on us, 
    and if there isn't large-scale repentance very soon, I wouldn't at all 
    be surprised if our enemies begin to completely deconstruct us.  
    Basically, that is what has already been happening, over the last few 
    decades, morally and spiritually.  It's only the final phases of it 
    that will bring the violent physical destruction that I believe is 
    ahead of us.  It is really pathetic how devoid of morality most of the 
    United States is currently.  And also, it is unsettling to perceive 
    just how incredibly in denial most everyone is about our nearly 
    complete moral decline.  Spiritual blackness is prevailing.  Sad.

--- bus.log
    A long, strange trip
    Mon Jun 7 1999

    I have been having somewhat strange dreams lately; Sunday morning, I 
    dreamt of traveling along with a girl, on the upper tier of what must 
    have been a gigantic triple-decker bus.  Very weird; when the driver 
    made a sharp left turn, I recall wondering why the big bus didn't flip 
    over completely.  When my companion said that we were nearing our 
    destination (which appeared to be some three or four story office 
    buildings, along a boulevard with a grassy ridge running through it's 
    middle), we both walked carefully to the fore of the vehicle, and then 
    stepped up slightly to descend into a very tightly contrived spiral 
    staircase (that was on the left of the forward area of the top tier).  
    Just as we were getting onto the staircase, I heard in my mind, the 
    words:  'step up to go down,' or something similar.

    When we reached the second level, the girl melted into a crowd of 
    people, and I had no luck finding her, when I attempted to.  I then 
    proceeded down to the first level of the monstrous bus, and right as I 
    was about to step off onto the street, I noticed that someone had lost 
    several bags of groceries in the little access area where I was.  I 
    believe that others were leaving also, I can't quite remember, but I 
    stopped, and began to scoop up various items into some slightly 
    trampled plastic bags, which were strewn about.  Now, as I was doing 
    this (meaning, at the time that I was having this dream), I was able 
    to clearly identify each of the items as I placed them into the bags, 
    in fact, I know that I made mental notes of at least four or five 
    different types of foodstuffs and brand names; but, unfortunately, all 
    that I can recall salvaging at this time is a package of Reese's 
    peanut butter cups.  Sounds silly, but if you were me, you'd 
    understand why I try to record as many of the details as possible in 
    certain dreams.  The best way that I can quickly explain why, is by 
    saying that some dreams have a certain 'atmosphere' to them, that 
    indicates to me that they might be slightly more important than 
    others.  These more atmospheric reels I try to scratch down as often 
    as I have them.  I haven't saved many of them over the years, and I 
    deeply regret it, because I have a better understanding now, of 
    perhaps why I should have.

    Anyhow, after collecting the goods, I stepped out of the bus, and then 
    crossed the street (away from the buildings) and walked along the 
    grassy embankment.  There are some things that I can't remember 
    clearly (involving me setting two different piles of items down on the 
    grass), and then the squirrels came.

    There were about six of them, and they were slightly larger than 
    regular squirrels.  They weren't shy at all, in fact they were a bit 
    intimidating.  I let one of them bite my hand playfully, and something 
    told me the creature could have really damaged my fingers, but it 
    didn't.  I believe that I was feeding them some of the food that I'd 
    found.  An animal that wasn't a squirrel appeared (it looked like a 
    very pale and ratty-looking version of a young opossum), and after a 
    few moments, I grabbed it by it's tail, and flung it a ways off, 
    towards the road, but not onto it.  This was almost like an 
    involuntary action, as if I had identified it as being potentially 
    dangerous.  I would like to further explore some of my theories 
    regarding dreams, but I don't feel like being tedious right now, 
    because it is very hot, and hard to think.

    To be brief, I'll just say that I believe that there is some kind of 
    symbolic parallelism at play between this world, and other possible 
    worlds, whether we are talking about other theoretical physical 
    planets, dimensions, aspects of heaven, etcetera.  I believe that 
    others have made that connection in their own dreamscapes, but most 
    people, even at this point, seem to be quite reluctant to consider 
    such possibilities.  I mean, if I suggested that I believe that there 
    might be (the symbolic equivalent of) McDonald's fast-food restaurants 
    on other planets, most people would be ready to believe that I was 
    slightly, if not completely insane; but if I took the time to 
    elaborate on why I believe it might be so, perhaps the more rational 
    sorts might consider it seriously.  Again, it is too hot.

    That is why I find some of my dreams to be especially compelling - 
    because many of these atmospheric dreams often combine familiar and 
    unfamiliar elements, in a seemingly carefully calculated ratio.  It 
    sometimes seems as if the unfamiliar things are being 'introduced' (or 
    perhaps reintroduced) to me, by being presented in combination with 
    the familiar items.

    One very intriguing thing to me about all of this, is that many of 
    these 'unfamiliar' dream elements have appeared quite often over the 
    years.  Some of them, such as horizontal elevators, and some kind of 
    personal antigravity phenomena (perhaps due to a device, or maybe 
    reduced gravity) I have been experiencing since the mid-seventies.  I 
    have tried to determine why these things have appeared with such 
    consistency, but I really don't know for sure.  Again, I have some 
    theories.

    A lot of things have been seeming to make more and more sense as time 
    goes on, but I haven't written much of it down, because I don't want 
    to feel like an idiot, if it turns out that I'm wrong about certain 
    possibilities.  I know that there really is much, much more to the 
    universe than most of us would dream, but still, I am worried about 
    being seen as a loon, just like anyone else.

    Probably, lots of folks see me as a loon anyway, thanks to the MOTB 
    crowd, but that's another story.  I don't think it'll be too much 
    longer before the Lord comes, so everybody will be able to learn the 
    perfect truth from the Master, Jesus.

--- beverly.log
    Nice kitty
    Thu Jun 10 1999

    It's very difficult to stay relaxed and cheerful, after having had so 
    many extremely unpleasant experiences over the past few years, but 
    today, I sort of had a few brief moments of inner peace.  Fleeting, 
    but precious.

    As I was walking to the Jane Addams pantry, I met a Native lady, 
    Beverly, that I know, near the American Indian Sho-Nee-Gee drop-in 
    center on Broadway near Montrose.  We put our change together and got 
    a beer.  Sat down in a filthy, urine-soaked alley and drank it.  Good 
    fun.  She collects cans in a shopping cart, and has been a fixture in 
    the Uptown neighborhood for years and years.  Sometimes, when she gets 
    snockered, she flys into rages, and will curse people out with streams 
    of vile profanity that would make many gangsters and crusty seamen 
    blush.  She's pretty cool.

    As we were lounging, she produced a paperback from her purse, which 
    turned out to be a pulp romance of some sort.  I read two pages of it 
    to her out loud, but I can't recall what the name of it was at all.  A 
    couple of other people were sleeping on the side of nearby buildings; 
    a girl with a lot of missing teeth walked up to us, and tried to talk 
    with us, but Beverly went into her hostile mode, and chased her away 
    with some very unkind insults, saying that the girl had an 'AIDS 
    baby,' and also hurling other assorted epithets towards her.  I felt 
    sorry for the chick, but I knew that if I tried to go after the girl, 
    that Beverly would get even angrier.  So I just stayed put.  Another 
    lady walked up, and asked for some of our beer, which was denied.  
    Uptown can be a very depressing neighborhood, if you don't look at it 
    from a higher perspective.

    I offered to bring her over to the Hull House, to get her registered 
    with the people there, so that she can collect food for herself.  She 
    said that she'd think about it, and we walked back towards the drop-in 
    center.  As we reached the area in front of it, some Indians told her 
    that a lady in a tan car was driving around looking for her.

    That lady's car suddenly appeared, and the woman driving it was a 
    friend of Beverly's (also named Beverly) from the south side, who is 
    also Indian, but from another tribe (my friend Beverly is of the 
    Winnebago tribe).  The second Beverly agreed to drive us both over to 
    Jane Addams, and mentioned that she is a member of some facet of the 
    organization (there are many different Hull House community outreach 
    subdivisions).

    We got there, and had to wait for about a half hour (which wasn't bad; 
    sometimes the wait can stretch past an hour) before we could get our 
    bags of vittles.  While we were waiting, I introduced Beverly to 
    Laura, who is a worker there (very nice), and passed out a few of the 
    PWDJ (Volume II:ROADHOG) disks to several people, including a young 
    man that was working as a volunteer inside, a visiting girl named 
    Cristiano, and Laura herself, who said that she'd pass it on to Gary 
    (who is another worker there), because she uses a Mac at home.

    Beverly went in first, and left while I was being served.  I thought 
    that she and her friend had taken off, but they waited for me, and the 
    driver Beverly drove us back to the Montrose and Broadway area.  
    Beverly got herself another beer, and then the two of them took off.

    I walked back home, and then left again, so that I could distribute 
    the two last PWDJ disks that I had left.  I gave out exactly nine of 
    them altogether, over the course of Wednesday afternoon and early 
    evening.  The last two went to Mary Kay at Coffee Chicago, and [NAME 
    DELETED].  I tried to mention to every one of the recipients, that I'd 
    really appreciate it if they'd reproduce the disks and further 
    distribute the information.  Most of them seemed to listen.  [NAME 
    DELETED] seemed fairly stable.  [NAME DELETED] is still being a hag to 
    me.  Nothing new.

--- teentine.log
    That's my fluffamus
    Sun Jun 13 1999

    Spent Friday evening hanging out with [NAME DELETED].  We met up at 
    the Starbucks on Clark and Belmont.  We left after a chick named (I 
    think) Marla said that the place was closing, and walked around the 
    area for about a half hour.  Saw virtually no familiar faces, except 
    for one guy that was extremely drunk, and on the verge of being 
    obnoxious.  The second time that we saw him (on Sheffield), he was 
    headed towards a reggae bar, and after trying to have a conversation 
    with him, I found myself feeling very irritated, and we almost wound 
    up in an argument.  But (thank God) it was avoided, because he 
    continued on towards his destination, and we walked north on Clark.

    I can't even recall exactly what we were arguing about, but I began to 
    feel as if the guy was tied-in with some bad spiritual paradigm (even 
    though he mentioned being a Christian when we first met on Belmont).

    It's kind of funny how one type of cultural evil can be really 
    aggravating and offensive to oneself, while another type (perhaps 
    because of a higher degree of familiarity) might not present much of a 
    problem at all.  The reason why I am mentioning this, is because even 
    though (for instance) I know that there are many different varieties 
    of cultural wickedness all throughout the Americas and the rest of the 
    world, certain kinds really spark a hostile reaction in me, while 
    others might not.  Evil is evil is evil, I know, but certain brands of 
    it really seem especially menacing and sinister to me, perhaps because 
    of their greater subtlety, or something.

    The kind of evil that really infuriates me, is the kind that wants to 
    come up to you as a friend, and give you a big hug, and then later 
    sabotage you in some way.  Evil that masquerades as friendliness is 
    the most objectionable kind to me.  The kind that pretends to be nice 
    and wholesome; Christian even, but is really wholly rotten.  Pleasant 
    without, but ghastly within.

    That's what is so sad to me about the United States.  We have this 
    wonderful, powerful, advanced (in many respects, mostly material) 
    nation, and yet, it seems to be principally motivated by a bunch of 
    greedy, soulless, money-worshipping hypocrites that largely don't seem 
    to give a damn about anything past the tip of their noses.  That take 
    pleasure in making the lives of others miserable.  That experience joy 
    at the pain and suffering of the less fortunate.  And I am supposed to 
    believe that such people are good and worthy of entrance to the 
    Kingdom of God?

    God really is extremely merciful.  I know it; probably better than 
    anyone that I know.  But sometimes, I forget about my own little sins 
    and woes, and begin to investigate and evaluate the evil lives of 
    others, and I can't help but wonder at how fantastically wonderful the 
    Lord is, in His provision of a way into Heaven for the likes of us.

    That God is so very good, is borne out by the fact that we are still 
    persisting as a nation, after having gone through such incredible 
    social, political and spiritual turmoil all throughout our history, 
    but especially over the course of the past few decades.  It's really 
    amazing, when you stop and think about it.

    Something that makes me sad, is that I have just had to spiritually 
    'let go' of certain groups of people that I have been worried about 
    intensely over the past few years.  I am just me, and I can't handle 
    the weight of some of the concerns any longer.  I have been praying 
    for my enemies and friends alike, but it is really a thorn in one's 
    side to pray for people that hate you, and see no improvement 
    whatsoever.  They have actually gotten worse.  Really funereal, it is.  
    Where I really began to give up on them, was when I discovered that 
    virtually nobody seems to care about the possibility of my daughter 
    being abused.  After they began to giggle and make jokes about it in 
    the media, I pretty much realized that there's a good chance that I 
    have literally been praying for the damned.

    Why do I believe this?  It has a lot to do with my interpretation of 
    the last few books in the Old Testament, but I don't feel like getting 
    into that, because (once again) it is simply too hot and hard to 
    think.

    [NAME DELETED] and I walked all the way north to Foster avenue, and 
    then sat down at the corner of the gas station there, and had a little 
    chat.  I told him about my belief that the Lord really is sending 
    forth angels for the 'bundling of the tares,' just as it is described 
    in the Four Gospels, and that (depending on the way that such things 
    might be carried out) many innocent people might actually be harmed in 
    the process, because of the possibility of the righteous suffering 
    along with the judgment of the wicked.  Really, we are all evil to 
    some degree, of course, but the most wicked people are really going to 
    be surprised when they realize what they have to look forward to.  
    Hopefully (considering the object-lesson of Sodom and Gommorha), Jesus 
    will retrieve the Elect first, but if He doesn't, then the relatively 
    innocent people on Earth will have to suffer the wrath of God along 
    with the truly bad folks.  I hope that isn't the case, but all things 
    considered, I think that it just might be the way that it will go, in 
    North America, at least.  Just the simple fact that nobody has even 
    tried to communicate with me, makes me think that this whole nation is 
    in some kind of zombie stupor.  America - asleep at the wheel, is more 
    like it.

    I mean, if this was a truly Christian country, don't you think that 
    someone would be interested in talking to me about this series of 
    situations that I've been enduring?  No, they would rather make jokes 
    about it all the live-long day.  Catholics, Protestants, Jews, 
    etcetera - they all have been tittering constantly.  What gives?  Are 
    they really Christians (or in the case of the Jews, true believers in 
    Yahweh), or are they just pretenders?  What is this crap that has been 
    happening?  Nearly all of the people in the media seem utterly insane 
    to me.

    That system has got to be Mystery Babylon and the Mark of the Beast.

    There is just no way around it.  If anybody would sit down with me, 
    and provide a rational, scientifically sound explanation of why it is 
    that they do the unholy shit that they do, I might consider the 
    possibility that I was wrong; but since not one person has seen fit to 
    discuss any of this with me, I must assume that there is an excellent 
    chance that I am correct in my assumption that they have, quite 
    literally, been putting the MOTB on people, and that those ungodly 
    voodoo monkeyshines are an aspect of the cover-up of the horrible 
    truth of it all.

    The Lord tells us that everyone that accepts the MOTB is going to be 
    cast into the Lake of Fire, and tormented before the Lord and His holy 
    angels.  Now, maybe these 'modern,' 'enlightened' people might chuckle 
    at the prospect of such a thing being so, but I can tell you, for 
    sure, that it is absolutely not a laughing matter.  There really is 
    going to be a Judgment Day, and God really is going to judge, and 
    literally cast away unrepentant sinners into a very real eternal 
    damnation.  It is true.  I cannot pretend to be able to explain every 
    last little detail of how it is that the situation is going to come 
    down upon the world, but I know for certain that it is all too real.

    This country is truly a ship of fools, if it thinks that the 
    systematic wickedness that has been prevailing is going to be 
    overlooked by a righteous God.  It isn't.  I am especially convinced 
    of this because of the obviously widespread lack of regret and 
    repentance.  These sinful things that have been done to people are 
    atrocious.  This land is beyond corruption and decay - it almost seems 
    to be spiritually imploding, and at an alarming rate.

--- dames.log
    You feel a fool
    Mon Jun 21 1999

    There is so much that I could write about, but I have such a hard time 
    deciding on what I should focus on.  Most of the serious issues that I 
    am concerned with revolve around the Bible, cosmological, scientific 
    and cultural issues, and though I rarely think so, occasionally, even 
    I begin to think that those issues can seem slightly tiresome.

    I mean, of course God is never boring, and the universe, well, it's 
    just so fantastically interesting that I can't help but dwell on it 
    constantly; but sometimes, I fancy a bit of triviality.  Now is one of 
    those times.

    How am I going to safely indulge myself with a bit of nonsense and 
    meaninglessness?  Somehow, I get the feeling that getting more in 
    touch with irrationality might be just the thing for me to improve my 
    chances of finding me a widdle wifey wife.  One of the reasons why I 
    believe this, is because of the logic of inverse parallelism (maybe 
    that isn't the correct terminology, but oh well).

    An example:  [NAME DELETED] said that he wound up breaking off 
    relationships with several women, because of his obsession with mind 
    control system phenomenology.  He said something to the effect that 
    the girls were complaining that he focused exclusively on those 
    issues, and that interfered with his interactions with them.  Quite a 
    bit, in fact.  The way he explains it, the situation got so bad in one 
    instance, that he completely lost touch with one lady.

    I can't think of many subjects that are more pressing and serious than 
    psychotronics; I have often noted that many women have a deep aversion 
    to such intense subjects.  Often, they will become very sarcastic and 
    hostile if a man repeatedly touches on topics that irritate them.  One 
    woman that I dated for some time became extremely agitated whenever I 
    spoke of, or actually began to operate computer equipment.  My best 
    guess why, is that she felt that I was interacting more intensely with 
    the equipment than with her.  Maybe I was; it's hard to be objective 
    about such things.  Yes, I really love computers, but you can't have 
    children with them.  Yet.  Just kidding.

    If that ever happens, women will probably go the way of the horse and 
    buggy, because they are very hard to fathom and get along with 
    successfully.  I think that a lot of them are downright nasty 
    customers.  Maybe I don't really have much of a right to criticize 
    them, because my life is in such a shambles, but it kind of feels 
    good.

    I have suffered so much because of women.  It is really amazing to me, 
    when I stop and really give it some thought.  Surely many men could 
    say the same.  It often seems like a man doesn't even have a real 
    life, unless there are some women around to make him miserable.  There 
    is some kind of calypso song that has a lyrical line that states:  'no 
    woman, no cry.'  Indeed.

    Dames.  I listened to a Christian radio show today (produced by the 
    Moody Bible Institute); the topic was marriage and related issues.  
    Frightening.  The various callers described a plethora of marital 
    woes, ranging from general alienation and confusion to fighting and 
    child custody issues.  Spooky stuff, made me sort of glad that my 
    problems aren't worse than they are.

    The couple that lives downstairs are fighting right now.  On occasion, 
    I feel profoundly disassociated from the whole concept of 
    relationships and marriage, especially when I see the ugliness of the 
    situations that some couples endure.  I need to find a girl that is 
    nice.  There aren't too many of them nowadays.  I think that I need to 
    find a woman that has suffered some sort of real problems, because 
    that might help her to understand me and my life a bit better.

    I would like to find one that is a sort of unpolished and real, like 
    some of the scraggly chicks running around the neighborhood, but 
    without some of their types of problems, like drug addiction and 
    insanity.  There was a 'local girl' that I liked a lot, named 
    Jennifer, but she wound up in the drug culture, and began to really 
    lose it in general.  Maybe she's better now, I don't know.  She kind 
    of liked me, I think.

    I need a woman that will unite with me, rather than engage in silly 
    forms of psychological competition.  That's a problem that I have with 
    a lot of women, I guess because most of them haven't met someone like 
    myself before.  As best as I can tell, many of them either think that 
    I am being unreal, or trying to challenge them in some weird way.  
    That's not what I'm about at all, but a lot of ladies seem to think 
    so.

    A foreign woman would be best.  Maybe even one that speaks no English 
    at all.

--- powerpuf.log
    You've got mail
    Wed Jun 23 1999

    Watched a VH-1 special that featured Ringo Starr.  Pretty decent and 
    cheerful, as compared to most everything else that's happening in the 
    music scene nowadays.  I have often wondered why it is that nearly all 
    forms of popular music seem to have gone way down into depressive dark 
    spirals of nowhereness.  There is virtually no warmth or good humor 
    left in the music industry.  Very sad.

    I guess there isn't a whole hell of a lot of good news to keep people 
    in high spirits.  Some guy drove his truck up to a police station 
    somewhere out in the western US, and opened fire on the building, and 
    it's occupants.  The officers returned fire, and after the smoke had 
    cleared, the gunman was dead, and three young girls (ages 7, 8 and 10) 
    were found dead in the back seat.  Sick.  One thing that I thought was 
    slightly strange, is that the police station's town name is Castle 
    Rock, which is a (I think fictional) town name that Stephen King used 
    in several of his novels, if memory serves me correctly.  You know, a 
    few days ago, he had an accident involving him being struck by a 
    truck.  Probably just a coincidence, but it makes you wonder whether 
    or not these sorts of 'events' are being 'choreographed' by 
    sophisticated teams of psychotronic warfare professionals.  Just a 
    thought.

    One thing that I really like about cable television, is the Cartoon 
    Network.  It is wonderful.  I saw an episode of Reboot today that 
    really surprised me, for the depth of the plot, as well as it's 
    high-quality computer animation special effects.  The company that 
    produces Reboot (I wonder if they are still cranking out new episodes, 
    or if they are all reruns by now) is based in Canada; I think they are 
    known as Mainframe Productions, or something similar.  Great show.  
    That is an entertainment company that I deeply respect; the consistent 
    quality and inventiveness of their episodes is amazing.  As good as 
    the computer animation effects are already, it makes you think that in 
    five or ten years time, that we'll have serious trouble distinguishing 
    live action from cyber-generated stuff.

    Another Cartoon Network show that I love is the Power Puff Girls.  
    Sounds silly, but that, also, is another great product.  The animation 
    is standard and very simple, but full of appealing color schemes and 
    kinetic energy, which is what most good cartoons are all about, at 
    least as far as I am concerned.  The villains are hysterical, and the 
    little hero girls are completely endearing.  The music is swell, too.  
    Tight, tidy little ditties that have you feeling excited for no 
    particular reason.  Another very clever team of people working on that 
    show, I bet.

    Yes, there are good things about life.

--- rapture.log
    We be mammals
    Thu Jun 23 1999

    You know, I really believe that there is a very good chance that the 
    Rapture (also known as the Translation) of the Church (the Body of 
    Christ) is actually very, very near.  There are so many reasons why I 
    believe that this could be possible, far too many to go into detail 
    exhaustively, at least at this time.  I am just intensely tired, and I 
    am certain that some of it has to do with the unseen harassment forces 
    that I have had to endure for the past few years.

    Sometimes I look at people on television, and also in three 
    dimensions, on the street and elsewhere, and a little voice kind of 
    says to me:  'those people are all going to hell.'  For instance, 
    tonight, I watched a WTTW (PBS) special on John Calloway, who was the 
    main host for the Chicago Tonight show for many years.  He is leaving 
    the show, and they had him moderating a discussion on all kinds of 
    issues (mainly concerning Chicago social and political matters) on the 
    floor of the atrium at the top level of the Central Library facility.  
    Gathered around him were the usual suspects, but this time, rather 
    than there only being four or five of them, there were at least a 
    hundred or so of the main Chicago politicos, business mavens and 
    socialites.

    Anyhow, I channel-surfed around a bit, but kept coming back to watch 
    the PBS special, because I always liked Calloway, and his largely kind 
    and considerate approach to the unpleasant realities of what they call 
    'Chicago politics.'  I think that he is basically a nice, civil kind 
    of a guy, kind of an odd bird amongst the generally thuggish crowd of 
    gangsters that runs this wicked city.

    Head after fabulous and famous Chicago head bobbed up to comment on 
    the scads of topics that the show touched on.  I think the show ran 
    for two hours.  At a certain point, I looked at the crowd of people 
    very carefully, and, there it was again, that voice.  As usual, 
    indicating to me that all of those people are hellbound.  Disturbing.  
    But, darn it all if they didn't actually look as if they really are 
    damned.  It's more of a feeling that I get from people than anything 
    else, but there are also visual cues that seem to enhance this 
    perception.  Often, the people will look especially sweaty and 
    uncomfortable.  Many of them repeatedly lick their dry lips nervously.  
    Usually, I am vaguely reminded of snakes, or other lizardly images.  
    It bothers me to think that it might actually be true - that they are 
    really going to hell.  I certainly know for sure that is it very, very 
    real.  Probably a lot of them deserve it.  But, I'd rather that nobody 
    went there.  I wouldn't want anyone to endure that.

    As I have said time and time again, the Lord tells us that everyone 
    that accepts the MOTB (whatever that is) will go to the furnace.  
    Plain and simple.  So, if I am correct about that 'system,' you can 
    see why it is quite possible that scores of souls will be eternally 
    lost.  I think that it's a shame that so many people would be so 
    incredibly greedy and ignorant, that they would rather lose their 
    immortal souls, and spend an eternity in hell, than wake up and repent 
    of their malicious deeds and such.

    It's downright crazy.

--- lingo.log
    A major editing task
    Fri Jul 2 1999

    Over the past week or so, I have been editing my LOG files (the first 
    406 of them).  Most of the changes that I have made to them are 
    primarily spell-checking corrections, but I have deleted and/or 
    changed a (very) few things here and there.  I have retained the 
    originals (with all of their flaws).

    It's kind of nice to actually have them arranged together in three big 
    files.  I made sure that the header format of all of them was uniform; 
    this had been a problem, because I made several formatting changes 
    over the years, mostly because of writing the files using different WP 
    programs and text editors.

    I haven't written a whole lot about the current psycho-spiritual 
    problems that I have been having in relation to dealing with the 
    fascist clods that are pushing the electronic mind-control programs.  
    It is really disgusting that there would be so much technical 
    information about such systems available to the public, and yet no 
    major outcry against the kind of sinister shit that is going on 
    practically right up front in the collective face of the general 
    public.  Stupider people, I can't imagine.  Really goes to show you 
    that most people really do have a brainless, follow-the-leader kind of 
    mentality.  If these are the kinds of people that they insist on 
    electing (the kind that perpetrate and perpetuate such evil systems), 
    then, no doubt, they deserve every little bit of what they are going 
    to ultimately 'get.'  Hopefully, I won't be around to see any of that.

    My life has been so intensely miserable over the past few years, that 
    I have a very hard time just coping with the unpleasantness of it all.  
    Some of the things that I have been reading about in the files that 
    [NAME DELETED] has provided me with are very eye-opening.  Almost too 
    informative.

    One of the major revelations, is that our government has been 
    experimenting on people using this new psychotronic technology for 
    decades.  There appear to be many different varieties of victims (the 
    vast majority of which, I strongly suspect, never quite realize what 
    is happening to them, and thus, never come forth with their stories), 
    and it appears that [NAME DELETED] and I may have been targeted for 
    this kind of ungodly torture for quite some time.

    [NAME DELETED] says that [NAME DELETED] (my friend [NAME DELETED]'s 
    brother) is having similar problems.  Once when [NAME DELETED] and 
    [NAME DELETED] were sitting in a coffee shop, [NAME DELETED] got up 
    and left hurriedly for no apparent reason.  [NAME DELETED] has always 
    been slightly strange, but apparently, his aberrant behavior has 
    worsened over the years.  [NAME DELETED] fears that he also may have 
    become a target for the immoral manipulations of the mind-control 
    groups.  Could be.

    All I know, is that before I began having my slew of experiences, I 
    probably would have laughed right along with many of the people that 
    are even now dismissing those of us that are complaining about such 
    things as loonies and crackpots.  Reading technical information on 
    these subjects helps somewhat, but isn't at all comforting.  Knowing 
    that there are lots of other victims helps slightly, but not much.

    Some of the dreams that I have had, that were obviously (to me) 
    artificially induced somehow, were so insane and disgusting, that it 
    makes me wonder what kind of demented and depraved minds are involved 
    with such black projects.  Really pitiful.  Other dreams (that I 
    suspect were partially or completely artificially induced) were simply 
    surreal, or intensely strange.  Some of the dreams were very poignant 
    and sad; others were terrifying.  Almost all of my AI (artificially 
    induced) dreams are easy to remember, but some of them have been so 
    unpleasant, that I don't even want to record them.

    I think that what we are dealing with is a combined assault against 
    the public by the multi-national corporate paradigm, along with 
    certain world governmental bodies.  Really, if you think carefully 
    about it, there isn't too much of a difference between the business 
    and political worlds.

    I believe that they have some extremely advanced equipment that has 
    something (technologically) to do with the UFO/EBE situation.  Maybe 
    some of it has been developed by back-engineering components of 
    recovered spacecraft; maybe hypothetical aliens actually were involved 
    in the developmental process.  Whatever the exact truth of the matter 
    is, I know for sure that there is some really advanced technology at 
    play in some of these situations where people are enduring complex 
    psycho-spiritual harassment scenarios.

--- moreau.log
    Pain no more
    Mon Jul 12 1999

    This past Friday and Saturday, I helped [NAME DELETED] and his family 
    move the last items from the old apartment to the new place.  Early 
    Saturday evening, [NAME DELETED] and I made plans to visit the Belmont 
    Starbucks, to gawk at the stunning girls that walk through the 
    neighborhood regularly, but as it worked out, the rigmarole with the 
    moving took longer than expected, and we wound up making it to the 
    Wrigleyville area much later, near the Starbucks closing time; so we 
    had a few cheap burritos at the local Taco Bell on Addison instead.

    As we left Taco Bell, a very peculiar thing happened.  A dude with 
    long black hair, wearing an embroidered yarmulke, dressed in flowing 
    white clothing, and carrying a large (about three feet long) cross 
    over his shoulder walked past us hurriedly, just as we were rounding 
    the corner of the Cubby Bear onto Clark.  I walked next to the guy, 
    and tried to get his attention by tapping him on the shoulder, but he 
    ignored me, and walked ahead of us.  [NAME DELETED] seemed oddly 
    amused, and even (strangely enough) pointed to a flyer (inside of a 
    shop window on Clark) for a current Gorilla Theater production, 
    bearing a smirking devil's head (that looked like it was done by the 
    same artist that created the 'devil girl with a popsicle' sticker that 
    [NAME DELETED] bought at the Alley on Friday evening).

    We finally caught up with the fellow at the Clark and Newport bus 
    stop.  He was a very Native American-looking Mexican guy (we couldn't 
    see his features earlier, because he'd been moving so quickly).  I 
    asked if he'd answer a few questions, and after he hesistatingly said 
    yes, I asked why he was doing what he was.  He apologized for ignoring 
    me earlier, and said that people often made fun of him.  Then, he went 
    on to explain that he had been the lead singer for a death metal band 
    called Funeral (in Mexico), and that one night, the devil had come for 
    him.  I immediately understood what he meant, and excitedly told him 
    so, calling [NAME DELETED] over when the guy mentioned being involved 
    with a metal band.  When I asked if he'd actually seen them (the 
    demons), he replied in the affirmative, and we both understood at a 
    base level how serious the situation really is.  He then mentioned 
    that he'd given his life to Christ, and pulled out a small artistic (I 
    think Catholic) image of Jesus, and said:  'now, this is my boss.'  He 
    also mentioned '666,' and that he knows that the devil is coming, just 
    as promised in the Bible.  After I asked him what he thought about 
    aliens and UFOs, he said that there was only God, the devil and us 
    (but he still didn't indicate whether or not he believed that the ET 
    situation is valid).  Then, the Clark street CTA bus arrived, and we 
    parted ways.  Very interesting encounter.  Although he didn't say much 
    to indicate that it was so, I believe that it somewhat impressed 
    [NAME DELETED].

    Walked around the neighborhood a bit, and then sat in the Dunkin 
    Donuts, where [NAME DELETED] got us a couple of coffees and donuts.  
    One of the Starbucks regulars, Bob, was sitting in there, and we 
    grouped together.  

    On each of the two previous occasions that I'd met Bob (both times 
    were at Starbucks, with [NAME DELETED]), he was wearing a green 
    sweater and beret, and carrying a shillelagh.  This third time was no 
    exception.  Bob began calmly describing the difficulties he'd been 
    having with alcohol over the past few years, and I listened (and 
    offered what little advice I thought might be appropriate), while Mr. 
    [NAME DELETED] scoped out some Japanese girls that were across from us 
    (right behind me).

    The conversations with Bob gradually moved along into other areas:  
    writing (James Joyce, Yeats, along with other old crusties), Bob's 
    visits to Ireland (which, he explained, is where he acquired the 
    walking stick), Catholicism, and a few other subjects.  I even asked 
    him (after first carefully mentioning that I wasn't trying to be 
    funny) if he thought that there might actually be truth to all of the 
    lore about the fairies (mentioning that Icelanders call them the 
    huldufolk).  He didn't laugh, and said that in Ireland, many of the 
    people that see them are serious drinkers.  He also mentioned the 
    fairy mounds, which I thought was interesting, because of some of my 
    deeply subjective experiences (regarding speculation about the 
    possible existence of Tiamat, and events relating to it).  I didn't 
    describe any of my theories - I though it better to listen.

    We'd been in there for just under an hour, when all three of us saw an 
    obviously distressed young lady outside of the building, walk towards 
    the entryway, and then inside.  Very pretty looks, with a slight build 
    (which, at first, had us all thinking that she might be underage).  
    She walked over to a telephone on the wall, and then proceeded to make 
    a call.  The other guys noticed that there was a situation with her 
    and a car, and after they mentioned it to me, I quickly began to 
    realize what had probably happened.  My suspicions were confirmed when 
    we began to query her about why she was so upset looking:  the two 
    parking lot 'attendants' had just booted her car.

    She was pissed.  Another girl that was with her had just been inside 
    of the donut shop less than ten minutes ago, so we all pretty much 
    agreed that what the sharks had done was wrong.  [NAME DELETED] and 
    Bob stayed inside with the chick, while I went out to speak with her 
    friend.  When I got out there, the girl (a blonde, whose name is 
    Jennifer) was standing next to the car, and looking even angrier than 
    her friend inside of Dunkin.  The two lot attendants were there as 
    well, claiming that the girls had left the car in the lot, and then 
    walked all the way down the street, which is against the (posted on a 
    wall) rules.  I really can't say who was right or wrong, so I'll skip 
    any speculation along those lines; what was kind of bogus, is that one 
    of the attendants (the hyper one) was making real crude sexually 
    suggestive comments to Jennifer.  That was pretty unprofessional, if 
    you ask me.

    Anyhow, I went across the street and got a pen and a scrap of paper, 
    wrote down my number, and gave it to Jennifer, telling her to contact 
    me if the situation went to court.  Those attendants were trying to 
    bilk those chicks out of more than a hundred dollars, and I don't 
    think the way they operate is fair.  [NAME DELETED] and Bob agreed, 
    and we left the situation for a bicycle cop and the rest of them to 
    work out.

    After walking up Clark for a few blocks, Bob ducked into a coffee shop 
    just past Roscoe, and [NAME DELETED] and I continued along northwards.  
    As we were nearing Wilson avenue, another weird thing happened - 
    somebody dropped a (nearly empty) Budweiser beer can on [NAME 
    DELETED]'s head from the rooftop of a Clark street store.  This 
    occurred as I was explaining some of the details of my 1989 near-death 
    experience, which happened in a building on Wilson avenue, a block or 
    two east of Clark.  At Foster avenue, we went different ways towards 
    our homes.

    Last night (Sunday evening), I saw a really good production on TBS of 
    the H. G. Wells classic, 'The Island of Doctor Moreau.'  A great film, 
    and even though it is a fictional storyline, I believe that it should 
    be required viewing for anyone that is being introduced to some of the 
    weirder possibilities of what might be developing behind the scenes in 
    the scientific communities.  Many aspects of it really impressed me 
    mightily.

    The costuming was superb, and the general atmosphere of the movie 
    really gave you the feeling that such a thing might actually be able 
    to happen.  In fact, I honestly think that it may actually be 
    occurring (bizarre genetic experimentation, involving human-animal 
    hybridization) at this very moment, but probably not out in the open, 
    on a tropical island.  More likely in secret underground facilities.

    One very compelling aspect of this latest version of the story, is 
    that the 'Father' mad scientist character (played perfectly by Marlon 
    Brando) actually controlled his grotesque 'children' by the means of 
    keypresses on a circular keypad worn around his neck (dangling from a 
    Hawaiian-like lei garland).  With the small device, he was able to 
    make them individually or collectively fall to the ground, and writhe 
    in agony (from electroshocks).  The creatures had all been implanted, 
    you see.

    The network actually showed it twice; after it was over, they 
    immediately rolled it again.  Hmm - wonder if Ted Turner is trying to 
    tell us something.

--- aissa.log
    She's a pussycat
    Tue Jul 13 1999

    I've been (sporadically) finishing the organization of my room over 
    the past few weeks.  Every time I find more serviceable portable 
    containers, such as suitcases, lockboxes (found a decent metal file 
    box just a few days ago), etcetera, I immediately use them to achieve 
    more storage order.

    The last, and biggest problem that I'll have, is deciding on some kind 
    of sane method to store and catalog my books and endless memorabilia.

    I wish that I had a bunch of those plastic stacking boxes with the 
    lids that fold together on top - they are some of the neatest storage 
    units I've ever seen.  The greatest thing about them, is that they 
    nest once they're empty, and thus take up little space - unlike milk 
    cartons, which use up the same amount of space, empty or not.

    I forgot to mention that [NAME DELETED] and I saw [NAME DELETED] on 
    Friday evening (well, actually it was very early Saturday morning), 
    while we were walking back north on Clark.  Right as we approached 
    Balmoral (her street), I suggested to [NAME DELETED] that we see if my 
    friend Maja (an immigrant from somewhere in Eastern Europe that has a 
    very tiny storefront on Balmoral, just east of Clark) was around, so 
    that we could discuss the PWDJ disks with her.

    Suddenly, [NAME DELETED] waddled up, and said hello.  I was surprised, 
    because I'd just mentioned her less than an hour before.  We talked, 
    and [NAME DELETED] and I learned that she is just beginning to 
    seriously pursue her computer career.  It's about time; she's been 
    piddling around long enough.

    She mentioned that [NAME DELETED] (her roommate) had recently flipped 
    out at work (he began spouting arcane utterances about the Pleiades, 
    where he believes he has come from spiritually), and had been sent in 
    for a psychological evaluation.  Poor dude, I hope that he's ok.  
    After all of my strange and profound paranormal experiences, I can 
    believe that it might actually be possible that he is correct about 
    his origins, but practically none of the inexperienced people here are 
    ready for that kind of spiritual outlook.

    Right next to us, two women were having a fairly loud argument in 
    front of the bar (where [NAME DELETED] was about to look for a friend 
    of hers, Paul).  [NAME DELETED] tried to intervene, but one of them 
    told him to piss off, so he left them alone.  He later told me that he 
    thought that he'd heard one of them talking about implants.

    Well, [NAME DELETED] was irritable and grouchy as always, so we soon 
    parted ways, but right before, I asked if she knew whether Maja was at 
    her store.  She said that Maja was one of the girls that had just been 
    standing next to us arguing with the other girl.  Huh.  
    Double-strange, because we were on our way to see her.  Walked around 
    the corner, and there she was (with her friend sitting next to her, 
    looking surly).  I think that the two of them are a lesbian couple, or 
    something.  It seemed like they were having a pretty heated argument, 
    so after asking whether she'd be interested in one of the PWDJ disks, 
    and promising to bring one by eventually, we took off.

    Also, on Saturday evening, on our way down to the Belmont area, we saw 
    [NAME DELETED] (with a friend of hers named Orrin) on Clarendon and 
    Buena.  She looked really good, and seemed very different somehow, in 
    a way that I can't easily define.  More mature, maybe.  She said that 
    her Ma had an appointment on Monday (yesterday) with a temporary 
    agency.  [NAME DELETED] also mentioned that she ([NAME DELETED]) has 
    made up business cards for herself, and is doing well.  I don't know 
    what her business is about, but I hope that it prospers.

--- anode.log
    Pile 'em high
    Wed Jul 14 1999

    Well, the clean-up process (in my room) is moving along quite nicely; 
    I have more than three-quarters of it done - most of the remaining 
    work has to do with better aesthetic arrangement of the mounds of junk 
    that I have accumulated.  Saw the girl that hosts the Chic-a-go-go 
    show (on TCI cable channel 19), Miss Mia (Park?); she was bopping 
    along with the Ratso puppet and the rest of the crowd, as usual.  It 
    was their 100th show.  I really think that show is cool, because they 
    have kids and adults dancing to all different kinds of recorded music, 
    and they also feature live acts.

    The live acts can be really weird sometimes - today they had a band on 
    called 'The Mentally Ill,' and they kind of lived up to the label a 
    bit, spazzing and jerking around on the stage, while wearing fairly 
    offbeat costumes.  One of them had on a crash helmet, another was 
    sporting what looked like gas mask headgear, and a third character's 
    head was covered in red make-up, with little twisted bits of hair 
    flopping around on top.  I believe that there were more than four or 
    five people in the band altogether (they might have had two drummers), 
    or maybe I mistook some of the costumed dancers near the stage for 
    band members.  Their sound was slightly reminiscent of Devo.  Fun show 
    to watch.

    I wonder how much longer it'll before the Lord gets here.  I just 
    can't bear this hellish world anymore.  The intense spiritual 
    stupidity of the way that just about everything 'runs' here is utterly 
    flabbergasting.  And the maddening thing, is that if you speak against 
    it, you run the risk of being seen as evil by all of the zombies that 
    are participating in the MOTB system.  I wish that there was some 
    powerful way to convince them that great swelling masses of them 
    really are going to hell for accepting those moronic and abominable 
    fraternal practices.

--- telepath.log
    Stop rushing me
    Fri Jul 16 1999

    You know, I just carefully examined the directory of these LOG files, 
    and I am really amazed at how brief most of the entries are; there are 
    very few that are longer than three or four pages in length.  I guess 
    that I haven't really gone into great depth with many of the topics 
    that I have tried to cover.  Initially, these files were meant to be 
    used to chronicle the simple, everyday occurrences in my life.  I 
    hadn't planned on the weird events that have precipitated over the 
    past few years.

    There are certain things that I haven't taken great care to explain 
    better; the best example that I can think of at this moment, is the 
    fact that I constantly have made references to my amazing near-death 
    experience back in 1989, but after more than 400 files, I haven't yet 
    put together a complete account of it.  I really should; it is crucial 
    to understanding why it is that I have been so completely obsessed 
    with the return of Jesus to Earth, and other related issues.

    Still, it doesn't feel like the right time.  I will say this, though:  
    I suspect very strongly that there are other people that have had 
    near-death experiences very similar to mine, which is comforting.  One 
    thing that I would like the doubters to understand, is that the deep 
    shifting of one's perception of what the world is all about (after 
    having a NDE) is very powerful, and also extremely difficult, if not 
    impossible, to convey fully to anyone unfamiliar with what happens 
    after your soul leaves the body.  I have a hard time explaining myself 
    to people.

    It's sort of like suddenly being transported to a foreign nation, and 
    knowing nothing at all of the language - you can't understand anyone, 
    and the meaning of your utterances are a complete mystery to the 
    natives.  An awkward and imprecise analogy, but workable.  Anyone that 
    hasn't had the type of experience that I have been trying to describe, 
    simply doesn't know what I am talking about.  Or perhaps, they do know 
    what I am talking about, and are the enemy.  The world is crawling 
    with very evil spirit creatures, and many of them appear to have taken 
    residence in human bodies.  Arg.  I wish that there were more people 
    for me to communicate with about these matters.  I think that I will 
    need to begin attending church services sometime soon, just to keep my 
    sanity.  The secular world is completely disgusting to me, with the 
    exception of certain educational and artistic forces, and very few of 
    those, really.

    My anger management techniques have been largely successful.  I give 
    all glory to God for that; he has prevented me from becoming a raving 
    lunatic.  Again, concerning the 'resurrection experience' that I had; 
    I believe that most people that don't know about the reality of 
    surviving death can't quite grasp the intense anger that people such 
    as myself are feeling towards the sinister schemers that are duping 
    the masses with that abominable 'system.'  It is just very hard for me 
    to fathom the utter stupidity of the folks that are pushing that shit, 
    as well as the dummies that are goonily accepting it; the whole 
    situation smacks mightily of advanced psychological manipulation 
    techniques, as well as probably the use of the far-out technologies 
    that many people now know are realities, and not merely idle 
    speculation.

    It's sad that people can be provided with just about every last 
    niggling detail of the developing evil spiritual scenario, and still 
    be so foolish as to not bring those sick practices to a halt.  Really 
    has me scratching my head.  I am sure that some of these people are 
    incarnate demons and/or fallen angels.  The bottomless depth of their 
    wicked depravity bears it out to me, at least.  I have eyes to see, 
    and ears to hear.  I won't be hobnobbing with the likes of them in 
    Heaven, I'll tell you that.  They will be somewhere else.

--- kennedy.log
    Piper Saratoga plane goes down
    Sat Jul 17 1999

    Early Saturday morning, John F. Kennedy Junior's plane went down en 
    route to Martha's Vineyard out on the east coast; his wife and 
    sister-in-law were on board.  It has almost been a full day, and only 
    bits of the plane, and some luggage have been found.  It is feared 
    that they have all perished.  I will write more in a little while (I 
    want to get a small file in for Saturday).

--- rory.log
    Plans for a wedding
    Sun Jul 18 1999

    It looks like JFK Jr. may wind up being yet another in a long list of 
    Kennedys to suffer an unexpected and tragic death.  The news media has 
    been abuzz all day long, with talk of the Kennedy 'curse,' and details 
    of the many other Kennedy family members that have perished in 
    untimely ways.  I am really shocked that the guy would just disappear 
    from the radar screen so suddenly; he seemed to be such a nice, 
    likable, sober kind of a fellow.  If we really have lost the man, and 
    the two ladies that were accompanying him, it truly is a shame.

    Something about this sad event makes me think that it is almost the 
    American equivalent of Britain's loss of Princess Di.  Even though I 
    knew very little about him, the guy was one of only a handful of 
    American celebrities that I had genuinely good feelings about; again, 
    very likable, with a sense of history and humor.  Also, very 
    intelligent, but not over-educated, which is important, in many ways.  
    He seemed to exude a sincere, charismatic warmth that is missing from 
    most modern famous Americans (many of our well-known people seem 
    extremely remote and cold, at least to me).

    A very depressing situation.  Not many folks seem to be holding out 
    any hope for finding survivors; search parties are still trying to 
    determine exactly where the plane hit the ocean.

--- mepst.log
    We are tracking their progress
    Mon Jul 19 1999

    Well, we're down to the final day before they come for the inspection 
    of our apartment.  [NAME DELETED] is extremely frustrated, and cursing 
    and muttering constantly (rather than sporadically, as usual).  She is 
    throwing out stuff left and right; I had to carefully salvage a few 
    choice items from the sacks that she had me carry downstairs to the 
    dumpsters.  I have done my part, and I hope that this room passes 
    muster, although I know that it could look better.  I am sure that 
    they have seen much worse than our cluttered little abode.  Both of us 
    need to stop scrounging.

    No new news on the Kennedy/Bessette front.  Looks like they're gone.  
    As I mentioned yesterday, they've found luggage, and various chunks of 
    debris from the small aircraft they were flying, but no bodies as of 
    yet.  They might have been devoured by sharks.  Maybe.  I really don't 
    feel like waxing on and on about my sympathy for the families 
    involved, because I am certain that they are being inundated by the 
    collective condolences of people from all around the world.  I was 
    really impressed by some of the well-worded statements of various 
    journalists that have been writing about the incident (extracts of 
    various articles were flashed on some of the cable news channels this 
    morning).  One particularly good piece ended with a statement to the 
    effect that now all that is left for people (of the Kennedy 
    generation) is a feeling of growing old.

    I'm not exactly of that generation, but I do feel similarly affected 
    by this miserable occurrence; it seems to me that a certain vibration 
    of hope for the future of the nation has been dealt yet another 
    whopper blow.  Maybe Kennedy Jr. wasn't the spotless good guy that 
    many people seem to think he was - perhaps he was actually unpleasant 
    in many ways.  I don't know.  It just seems that there was something 
    ineffably nice about the dude.  We have so few quality people in 
    'public life.'  Yesterday, someone said that he and his wife had a 
    certain elegance to them, and that pretty much sums it up for me.  
    Grace under pressure, is how another commentator put it.  Most 
    Americans, and many other people throughout the world will certainly 
    miss them.

--- lazarus.log
    And all the mighty men of valor
    Tue Jul 20 1999

    I have decided to embark upon another project.  Actually, it will be a 
    series of projects, depending on how well the first phase goes.  I 
    feel a lot of excitement, but it seems best to wait and see if things 
    move along smoothly, before committing myself to explaining what I 
    want to do too extensively.  I have finally come to the conclusion 
    that I have practically nobody at all to assist me in any of my 
    endeavors (not that I need much help, really), so I will just have to 
    try my best to get things going using my own resources.  I hope that 
    the Lord will help me.

--- sylph.log
    But, an eerie tale to tell
    Thu Jul 22 1999

    Another oven-hot day.  No breezes, just still air.  Whew.  Not as 
    miserable as it could get, but still pretty bad.  I hate sweltering, 
    sticky weather.

    They had a set of ceremonies for the Kennedy/Bessette party, including 
    a (cremation ashes) burial at sea, and a Mass at a big New York 
    cathedral (near the building where Kennedy and his wife lived, I 
    think).  Everybody is kind of blown-out; the awfulness of the 
    situation really seems to have knocked the wind out of a lot of 
    people, including many of the usually utterly jaded media folks.  It 
    seems that many people had kind feelings towards the Kennedys, and 
    their associates.

    A pictorial representation of the whole Kennedy clan gathered around 
    the prime patriarch (I think his name is Joe) was shown (on some news 
    program; I think on MSNBC), and one by one (by highlighting individual 
    family members against the rest of the group) their evil fates were 
    shown:  one young lady suffered from a mild form of mental 
    retardation, and had the great misfortune to be scheduled for an 
    experimental lobotomy procedure - after that, they tucked her away in 
    an institution; others died in various ways, including plane crashes, 
    at war, assassinations, and on.  The immensity of their family's bad 
    luck really touches me, in a way that I can't explain well.  I am glad 
    that they all seem to believe in God.  They will be reunited.

    Continued worked on my room today; things are moving along quite 
    nicely.  I am pleased, because this place has really been out of order 
    for a very long time, and it is a good feeling to achieve a moderate 
    level of cleanliness and organization.

    You know, I really do believe that there actually are fairies, and 
    probably a whole host of other unusual creatures as well.  I believe 
    that such beings are hyper-terrestrial, meaning that they could 
    possibly exist on this very Earth, but in other time-space zones or in 
    completely different dimensions.  I realize that lots of people would 
    think that it's ridiculous for anyone to seriously consider these 
    possibilities; all I can say is that my experiences have indicated to 
    me that many, many strange things may be possible.  Things even 
    stranger than very real fairies.

    I would like to elaborate, but I won't.  For a long time, I considered 
    the possibility that many of my experiences may have been complete 
    deceptions generated by the devil, and from time to time, I still 
    entertain that notion.  Considering that the devil has actually 
    seriously deceived me on several occasions, I think that it's very 
    healthy for me (and anyone else) to salt all of my experiences heavily 
    with doubt, even though I know that some of them are completely of 
    God.

    The main thing that I think that the devil is trying to do, is to turn 
    people away from the worship of the true Lord, to the worship of 
    virtually any kind of material substitute.  How fairies, and other 
    possible non-human intelligences (such as the oft-seen ET archetypes) 
    fit in with all of this still isn't perfectly clear to me, but I am 
    certain that there are some very real non-human intelligences 
    interacting with mankind currently, and apparently, some of them are 
    devastatingly wicked.  You have to be careful, because you don't want 
    to call good creatures evil; sometimes, the actions of holy beings 
    might seem evil to some of us, because of our limited perspective on 
    divine matters and action agendas.

    Anyhow, yes, I really believe that there are fairies.  I think that 
    the creatures that have been warring against God in the Heavens may 
    have been very diverse, perhaps banded together from many different 
    stations for the purpose of battling the Almighty.  All over the 
    Bible, references are made to the 'Host of Heaven,' and how 
    innumerable they are.  In the book of Job, certain star clusters as 
    referred to, and it is mentioned that the Lord is doing things 'past 
    finding out.'  Anyone that really considers themselves to be Christian 
    should read and carefully ponder upon those references.

    Another possibility that has occurred to me, is that perhaps, the 
    fairies (and other classes of creatures) are actually beings that 
    inhabited the Earth (and possibly other worlds in this solar system) 
    in a completely different life-cycle age, maybe millions or billions 
    of years ago (before the previous atmosphere and surface of the Earth 
    was destroyed by the disobedient angelics; remember, it is indicated 
    that the story in Genesis takes place after the Earth has been 
    renovated by God).  Possibly, there may be extremely advanced methods 
    for bridging the immense stretches of time involved, allowing 
    interaction between the ages of eons ago and now.

    It certainly seems plausible to me; in fact, I know that it's 
    possible, but for the sake of the argument, I am swaddling my beliefs 
    in a speculative framework.

--- broiler.log
    Pull your tail out
    Fri Jul 23 1999

    Another broiler.  It is sad that no breeze ever wafts through this 
    apartment.  It would be nice.  Went scrounging briefly this morning, 
    and found a fax machine (the older kind that uses thermal paper rolls) 
    that works perfectly; you can make copies with it, which is very 
    useful.  It's really nice to have one, in case I ever need to send or 
    receive any faxes.  Very cool.

    Did very little today, because my energy level is extremely low.  I 
    hate this hot weather.

--- bee.log
    I see the girliest
    Mon Jul 26 1999

    [NAME DELETED] called yesterday, and told me that a local 
    congresswoman wrote a letter to him about his e-mailed complaints re 
    electronic harassment.  He says that he'll contact [NAME DELETED], and 
    try to get him to go with us over to the woman's Evanston office this 
    coming Thursday.  Maybe the people there will take these issues 
    seriously; that would be a very encouraging development.

    I have continued with the cleaning and organizing of my room, and the 
    rest of the apartment.  I need more decent storage containers.  After 
    carefully boxing and stacking all of the extraneous books and papers, 
    I am pretty much ready to tackle the tons of memorabilia that I have 
    accumulated over the years.  Really, I would like to convert most of 
    it into digital files, and then catalog and archive it on Zip disks or 
    CD-ROMs.  That way, I could comfortably put nearly all of it away in 
    semi-permanent storage, because I'd always have the scanned images.  
    You can put a lot of stuff on one CD-ROM.

    Watched a live broadcast of the last of three days of the MTV 
    Woodstock '99 Festival on Sunday evening.  Pretty crazy; towards the 
    very end (when the Red Hot Chili Peppers made it onto the stage), 
    people were setting random fires, which eventually began to blaze out 
    of control.  The last glimpse that I got of the situation indicated 
    that there were at least a dozen or so good-sized bonfires roaring, 
    with lanky dudes strolling up, and tossing all types of flammable 
    items into the flames.  The MTV crew looked kind of spooked, and they 
    all said that they were getting out of there.  They showed the 
    campgrounds earlier, and some of them looked really sickening, with 
    huge puddles (more like ponds) of mud right in front of rows of 
    portable potties spilling towards the tent city rows.  Some cretin 
    actually jumped into and splashed and spun around in some of the 
    (surely) urine-soaked soup for the cameras.  Really disgusting.

    Had to switch the computer that I set up for [NAME DELETED] with
    another one (the Corona XT that I paid $200 for in 1992); the hard
    drive works on it, so I was able to load up a few megs of data (after
    deleting some corrupted files and directories).  Maybe someday she
    will actually take a look at the stuff.

    Listened to the Mancow radio show this morning; it was funny, as 
    usual, with the exception of some very tacky Kennedy jokes, which I 
    will not repeat.  I am ashamed that our people would be so quick to 
    ridicule such a genuinely tragic occurrence.  Just another indicator 
    of our swift slide down into the moral potty zone.  The jokes were 
    pretty soft, really, but still...  They even did a song, sung to the 
    tune of the Steve Miller Band's 'Fly Like an Eagle.'  Creepy.  Cheap 
    Trick was in the studio, which was cool.  Mancow is a great talent, 
    but extremely paradoxical; he references God from time to time, but 
    constantly takes the Lord's name in vain, and his show is very profane 
    in general.  There was some real ghetto 'sidekick' character (Mancow 
    has an entire gallery of hangers-on with him in the studio) that was 
    being seriously offensive.  The whole nation is deeply profane.  I 
    don't know.  The dude is astoundingly bright and intelligent, along 
    with some of the people on his production team.  I wish that there was 
    some way to really get Jesus to better connect with the fallen secular 
    media people.  So much good could be done.

    Tonight, I mentioned to [NAME DELETED] that I heard someone on a 
    cable-access show a while back theorize about the Shoemaker-Levy comet 
    particles hitting Jupiter some years ago.  They claimed that the event 
    was artificially directed by space beings that are waging a war on the 
    surface of the planet.  They claimed that something 'abides' on 
    Jupiter.  This, of course, seems highly improbable, given what we know 
    (or are told, at least) about the extremely powerful gravitational 
    fields involved on Jupiter, and it's complete lack of a solid 
    planetary surface.  I have always heard that Jupiter (and Saturn, and 
    the other gas giants) is basically akin to a cold star of sorts:  a 
    sort of unactivated sun, with a molten core of liquid metal, etcetera.  
    Wouldn't it be insane if we actually learned that those clouds were 
    really complex atmospheric layers, enshrouding a smaller, and much 
    more Terran planet?  Unlikely, I think, but an interesting thought.

--- nuclear.log
    If you've ever wondered
    Sat Jul 31 1999

    You know, sometimes I wonder whether or not these people are really as 
    stupid as they sometimes appear to be.  I mean, information gathered 
    from many polls indicates that the vast majority of the population 
    considers itself to be associated or aligned in some way with one 
    version or another of Christianity.  Yet, there seems to be an endless 
    tolerance for every variety of antichristian activity.  It is a real 
    baffling paradox, to me, at least.  I just don't get it.

    The situation is so bad (general hypocrisy as regards Christian moral 
    and ethical values and principles), that one almost can imagine that 
    eventually the populace will become entirely unable to thoroughly 
    distinguish any sort of firm demarcation between classical forms of 
    good and evil.  What is right and wrong has been extremely blurred, 
    for many folks apparently.  Part of the problem is that many people 
    are biblically illiterate, and don't really have a firm grasp on 
    important issues such as the difference between worship of God, and 
    worship of lesser powers, such as Baal, or Diana.  There is plenty of 
    very detailed information on all of this, both in the New and the Old 
    Testaments.  Perhaps there aren't enough bibles to go around, or maybe 
    the people have forgotten how to read.  I don't know.

    Right.  It's totally ridiculous for us to exist in a society that so 
    universally claims allegiance to Jesus Christ, and yet is piled high 
    with the kind of sickening abominations that we are seeing all over 
    the place.  It's downright silly, if you think about it carefully.  
    It's almost as if the people have divided and compartmentalized their 
    minds, bodies and souls, thus creating a sort of schizophrenic 
    individualism, where in one mode, a person can think of themselves as 
    a 'good Christian,' and in another phase, go out and party down with 
    the heathen.

    I myself have suffered from this erroneous and unstable sort of 
    mindset throughout my life, so I am no stranger to the kind of 
    hypocrisy that is commonplace in the lives of many Christians.  It's 
    just that I have noticed a severe worsening of the situation over the 
    course of the past four or five years.

    I have ranted on and on about these problems with American Christendom 
    for many years; I really wish that there was something really powerful 
    that could be done to get the masses to understand that now is the 
    time to wake from the deep stupor that many people have fallen down 
    into.  If only there was some way to shock and scare the people 
    towards a more sincere faith in God.  God is supposed to be loved and 
    feared.  Most of these people seem to be far more worried about 
    holding their place in the many different societal status quos that 
    are extant here.  The 'keeping up with the Joneses' paradigm is what 
    appears to be driving just about everything.  I don't think that most 
    of these people really understand why it is that they should fear God.  
    If they did, truly, things would be drastically different.  I 
    understand why it is that we should all fear (and love) God.  That, at 
    least, I can say for sure.

    The simplest reason why we should fear God above anything else, is 
    because the Lord can utterly obliterate the souls of men (and his 
    other creatures).  And that is no joke at all.  I know it.

    Because I know this, I have a very great fear of the Lord.  I am sure, 
    to certain outside observers, this might not seem to be the case from 
    time to time, as I have been rather bold, caustic and careless in many 
    respects, in trying to assert my views and opinions.  It's just that I 
    really believe that some very serious events are right around the 
    corner, and there isn't much time to get people ready for the kinds of 
    things that will probably happen.

    We are told in the New Testament that the world will be crying 'peace 
    and safety' right before the final sequences of end-time destruction 
    begin to roll.  I am sure that this general concept of the illusion of 
    safety includes a soothing feeling of economic stability.  Such a 
    feeling appears to be blanketing our nation at this very time.  
    Everyone has a 'cat the ate the canary' kind of smile on their lips 
    right about now.  Very irritating, especially when you consider how 
    very little most people understand the complexities of the local and 
    world economies.  Just for starters, we could consider the fact the 
    the FSLIC has only a very small percentage of the money (something 
    less than 5%, I am told) that they are juggling to back up the loans 
    that are taken out.  Maybe that has changed to some degree over the 
    past few years, but probably not.  People are talking about all of 
    this surplus cash that the government has to work with (allegedly, 
    something like a trillion dollars), but people that aren't dummies 
    know that a trillion bucks is really only a drop in the bucket when 
    one considers all of the money that is involved in the economic 
    situation in general.  Back in the early eighties, they were talking 
    about the bushels of T-bills (which is a term that describes a 
    trillion dollars) that needed to be shuffled around to get our 
    national debt paid off.  To be perfectly honest, I don't understand 
    most of these matters anywhere near perfectly, but I just have a 
    queasy feeling in general about the way that this nation does business 
    internally, as well as with the rest of the planet.

    I just don't think that the situation is as rosy as most people would 
    like to believe.

    The main thing that makes me feel this way, is that I have noticed 
    that many people seem to vaguely equate this period of apparent 
    economic stability with the steep downward moral slide that everyone 
    realizes has occurred throughout this decade.  Thus, many folks seem 
    to be associating immorality with economic empowerment, which is a 
    very tragic thing, indeed.  Money, and quick ways to get it, appear to 
    be what most of our people are really concerned with.  If I am 
    correct, and folks really are feeling that the whoring-out of America 
    is a 'good thing,' well, all I can say, is that I think that it's a 
    very sad development.

    I am always feeling angry about these sorts of things, and I am really 
    tired of it, because I have wasted so much time worrying about how 
    generally corrupted everyone and everything has become.  Hardly 
    anybody else seems to feel any concern.  Many people will become 
    extremely hostile if you even gently try to steer the conversation in 
    a direction that involves exploration of the dimensions of moral and 
    ethical issues.

    Everyone is just a-grinnin' and a-gigglin.'  Real spooky; I feel like 
    I'm surrounded by a bunch of dopey cheshire cats, or something.  
    Everywhere I go, there seems to be a sort of spiritual equivalent of a 
    strong whiff of fecal matter, or something similarly repellent.  Maybe 
    it's me.  Perhaps there is another sector in the realm (the 
    English-speaking world) where people are truly concerned with the 
    moral-ethical climate.  Maybe Canada, New Zealand, or even Britain 
    have people that are less concerned with currency, and the error of 
    Baal.  But probably not; more likely, they too are spilling over with 
    abominations and cultural filth.  I once thought that those teabag 
    bozos had a greater love for morality than us Americans, but I have 
    learned that it isn't at all so.

    I used to have hope that there could be a multi-cultural move in the 
    United States, towards a higher level of culture and values, but no 
    longer.  We are the inheritors of full-tilt confusion and decay.  It's 
    as simple as that.  What's worse, nobody cares.

    I am endlessly angry and depressed.  I don't even want to comment on 
    the nitwit in Atlanta that killed a dozen people (including his 
    family), and then committed suicide.  These sorts of occurrences seem 
    to be happening in America nearly every month now.  I am convinced 
    that some of the people that do such things are being harassed and 
    manipulated psychotronically by various world intelligence agencies.  
    No doubt about it.  Probably, one of the main goals is to create a 
    climate of fear, where everyone will eagerly vote to pass sweeping 
    anti-gun legislation.  If only more people knew about and really 
    understood the evil technological possibilities.

    The sad fact of the matter appears to be that the troglodytes that 
    claim to be our authorities seem to have completely forked over the 
    continent to the multi-national antichristian forces.  Now, one is 
    considered to be abnormal, if one doesn't want to 'get with the 
    program,' and bow down to some hellbound representative of Baal, or 
    some other nefarious spiritual intelligence.  You are actually 
    considered to be stupid if you have the slightest thing to say against 
    homosexuality, pedophilia or other types of deviant behavior.  If you 
    point out how rotten certain members of some groups of people are, you 
    are immediately dubbed 'intolerant,' 'racist,' 'anti-American' or 
    worse.  These people have become some real fools.

    I can understand how some people think that it is better for our 
    society to be too tolerant, rather than too intolerant.  Nobody wants 
    us to develop into a harsh, fascistic regime, right?  Well, that would 
    suit some folks just fine.  Really, I think that we are only a hop, 
    skip and a jump away from such a lovely state.

    The Jews is Germany right before Hitler took control felt extremely 
    secure and content, from what I understand.  Maybe they were feeling 
    extremely smug as well; I have heard that they were enjoying 
    phenomenal economic success just prior to the Nazi revolution.  I have 
    heard that 'it can't happen here' phrase a lot over the course of the 
    past decade or so, in both the serious and sarcastic context.  It can 
    happen here, and it probably will.  I am willing to bet on it.  In 
    fact, I am sure that it is already in progress.  The funny part about 
    it, is that they have already carved out happy little 'Capo' (Nazi 
    prison guards) niches for people in this new, broader type of 
    concentration camp.  Demented Jews, Whites and Blacks that are 
    gleefully murdering their own people, as well as members of other 
    groups.  For money, I guess.  Sick bastards.  I hope I get to see them 
    go to hell.  I hate to say it, but it will actually bring me joy.  
    Stupid pieces of shit.

    I have the deepest levels of hatred reserved for the adult child 
    molesters.  They are truly a monstrous group, fully worthy of the 
    flames they are inexorably headed towards.  I wish that I could have 
    the great honor of personally booting each of them into the lake of 
    fire.

    What a filthy, fly-ridden carcass of a nation this is.  It's unholy.  
    The other day, when I was groaning about these matters to [NAME 
    DELETED], she suggested that I pack my bags, and head over to China.  
    Ha.  At least China still has a lot of secrets that it hasn't given 
    up.  This once-great land reminds me of some kind of fleabag tramp 
    that will bare it's hairy legs for any lizard that comes sliding along 
    down the dirt road.  Sad.

    I wonder what that sinister crone that squats on the stool that they 
    used to call a throne over in Disneyland thinks about all of this.  
    Yeah, even Tinkerbell doesn't care.

    I saw a cool movie today on AMC, called 'Roman Holiday'; the leading 
    lady was Audrey Hepburn.  She played an Italian princess.  What a 
    cutie!  I haven't seen many of the old films - this one was pretty 
    good.  A lot of those classic actresses really had some charms that 
    most modern women don't.

--- platinum.log
    Tell us all about it
    Mon Aug 2 1999

    Although I am sure that such issues have been thoroughly explored in 
    certain selections from the collections of writings known as science 
    and speculative fiction, I feel that it would be a good idea for more 
    of these people that consider themselves to be Christians, to consider 
    the many exciting possibilities as regards just what might be 
    happening between the Earth, and the place (or places) referred to in 
    the holy writings as the heavens.

    Now seems to be a good time to relate a brief account of my near-death 
    experience in early 1989.  At long last.  One reason why I feel it may 
    be the right time, is that yesterday, Jim Kangles mentioned [NAME 
    ([NICKNAME DELETED]) DELETED], who was the dude that provided a ride 
    back home for me right after I made it back into my body on that very 
    strange night.  Jim says that [NAME DELETED] is now repairing cars for 
    a famous local stock car champion, whose name I cannot recall at this 
    moment.  I haven't seen [NAME DELETED], his ex-girlfriend [NAME 
    DELETED], Justice, Lance, Rat, or hardly any of my other crusty old 
    friends in years.

    The more I think about it, the less I want to write about it, 
    partially because I don't feel that I can really convey in words the 
    intense and awesome depth of the bizarre experience of discovering 
    that once you leave your body, you continue to exist as a thinking, 
    feeling soul.  It was both a wonderful, and a horrible occurrence, 
    which I will explain as best as I can...

    Really, I can't recall exactly what the earlier portion of the evening 
    consisted of; I just know that I had probably spent most of the day 
    over at the apartment on Wilton near Belmont, where lots of the local 
    punk crowd usually congregated towards the middle to late evening.  A 
    month or so later, I would be living in that same building, but at the 
    time that this situation took place, I am fairly sure that I was still 
    only a frequent visitor.

    Anyhow, those of us that hung around the Wilton and Belmont area 
    occasionally got somewhat bored with those stomping grounds, and would 
    mosey along to other areas of the city, like the Fullerton and Halsted 
    neighborhood, or further north, towards Uptown.  On this particular 
    evening, we trickled gradually over to Amy's house on Wilson avenue 
    (in Uptown).  I am trying to remember what we were doing earlier in 
    the day, but I just can't recall anything concrete.  Probably partying 
    a bit.  Drinking, and goofing off.

    The assembly of people included Art, two of his friends (James, and 
    another guy whose name I can't remember), Rat, [NAME DELETED], and 
    perhaps a few other people - can't remember.  I'm fairly sure that Amy 
    was waiting for us over at her apartment.  Art had an apartment in the 
    same building, exactly above Amy's, on the fourth or fifth floor.

    Maybe at this point, it would be helpful to explain a few strange 
    things that took place in the general vicinity of Art and Amy's 
    apartment building over the course of the few weeks prior to this 
    particular night (our crowd had quite a few other get-togethers there 
    around that same time).

    About a month before, Amy, Art, James and myself (one or two other 
    people may have been along with us) walked out of the building, with 
    the intention to travel east towards another area, to meet some other 
    people.  As we were walking east down Wilson, a short, very stocky 
    dude walked up to [NAME DELETED], and began ranting and raving about 
    allegedly seeing him on a recent Oprah Winfrey show, where there were 
    a bunch of anti-racist punks having a discussion against Nazi 
    skinheads, or something like that.  He started really insulting [NAME 
    DELETED], calling him all kinds of nasty names.  It was weird, because 
    the terminology that the guy was using wasn't fitting, because [NAME 
    DELETED] is a basic American white dude, with long red hair, and this 
    guy was calling him all kinds of racial slurs, and this and that.  It 
    was bizarre.

    We kind of all stood off to the side, as [NAME DELETED] tried at first 
    to reason with the cat.  Then, the guy ripped off his own shirt, 
    thumped his chest, and said that he was a 'Adolf Hitler-loving 
    (blankity-blank),' followed by a stream of profanity.  After a moment 
    or so, he ripped off his second shirt, and menacingly stumbled towards 
    our buddy, who stepped backwards, but didn't run away.  [NAME DELETED] 
    pulled out a small knife, which he usually carried on his person.  The 
    madman pulled out a bigger knife, and they both began a sort of ghetto 
    ballet down the sidewalk, gradually circling around into the middle of 
    the street.

    This all happened in the space of five minutes; needless to say, those 
    of us on the sidelines were all pretty shocked.  Right before they 
    began displaying their blades, I tried to talk with the angry fellow, 
    actually putting my hand on his left arm, and asking him to calm down.  
    As I did this, two black guys came out of two nearby dark entryways, 
    and flanked the angry man.  One of them sort of shoved my hand off of 
    the guy, and said 'don't touch him.'  Really.

    [NAME DELETED] and the guy circled around a few times, and then the 
    mad dude said to a white guy that was standing a ways off down the 
    street, 'Billy, go get my gun.'  Billy obediently trotted off towards 
    a decrepit station wagon, fumbled around inside of it, and began 
    walking back towards the crowd.  By this time, most of us realized 
    that the situation was rapidly deteriorating, and we'd started calling 
    to [NAME DELETED] to walk east along Wilson with us.  We finally got 
    [NAME DELETED], and left the situation.  Mr. [NAME DELETED] was pretty 
    confused, exclaiming, 'did he think I was a Mexican?'  It was a real 
    weird scene.

    I later learned that the guy that started all of that shit was Randy 
    Price, the head honcho of a local street gang, known as the Gaylords.  
    One of the very few almost completely white street gangs that were 
    left on the north side of Chicago at that time (there may be less, or 
    even more now; I really don't know for sure).  Certain members of the 
    Gaylords (almost all of them white, I believe) were also members of 
    another, older group, known as the Rebels.  I am pretty sure that 
    Randy Price was one of them, because they had a memorable kind of way 
    about them.  Real agitated.  Michelle Harano's husband, Glen Kolak, 
    has a brother named Wally, who I believe was associated with them for 
    a time.  Another guy that I know, named Clarence, also used to run 
    with them.  Very tough, gritty, mean white dudes, the kind that almost 
    don't exist in the city anymore.  At least not around here.

    Some of the Gaylords were Hispanic, because during another situation 
    that took place around the same time, I was talking to a beat-up girl 
    in a fast-food joint, when her boyfriend walked in, with 'GLN' 
    (Gaylord Nation) tattooed across his forehead in big, chunky block 
    letters.  The dude was a huge Puerto Rican, but about 5'4" tall.  
    Scary guy - you had to see him.

    Yet another strange incident that took place around the same time, 
    involved Aly (Emmitt's girlfriend) and I meeting up with some local 
    people, and riding around the neighborhood in a clunker car.  The 
    driver was pretty sloshed, and proceeded to sideswipe some parked cars 
    along Wilson avenue, almost completely destroying the sides of a few 
    of them.  Aly and I were in the backseat gritting our teeth.  I 
    believe that we asked the guy to stop and let us out, but he wouldn't.  
    The cops stopped the car at Irving and Clark, and we hopped out, and 
    walked back to the Belmont area.

    Now, I'll continue the story of my near-death experience (which took 
    place about a month after all of these other events that I've just 
    described).

    On that particular night, we wound up at Amy's apartment.  Amy was a 
    pretty strange girl, who claimed to be a Satanist, and often served 
    her guests cups of Kool-Aid, wearing a funny little grin on her face.  
    Most of us didn't take the Satanist bit too seriously, although I 
    think that we may have discussed it at length, because Christianity 
    has almost always been on my mind.  At the beginning of the year, Amy, 
    Emmitt, Aly, Rat, Lance, myself, and a few others had a little event 
    that I called the 'Countdown Decade March' on State street on the 
    morning of January first of 1989.  That is another interesting story, 
    that I will describe in another file.

    On this occasion, Amy served no Kool-Aid, but we had some beers, I 
    think.  Everyone was feeling pretty tired, because there'd been a lot 
    of action, and traveling throughout the city around that time.

    I really can't recall many of the details concerning what we did 
    earlier in the evening.  We just all kind of flopped into Amy's 
    apartment, and began to listen to the FM band on the radio.

    The next thing I remember, is carefully tuning the radio to the end of 
    the right side of the tuning band, where there was this very odd 
    series of overlaying, rhythmic static patterns going on.  It wasn't 
    music, but it sounded very interesting, and I think that everyone else 
    agreed, because nobody asked for me to change it (we'd been switching 
    the stations every few minutes for about a half-hour).  I cranked it 
    up pretty loud, and it didn't sound too bad.

    We were all just kind of laying around listening to it; next thing you 
    know, this very indescribable feeling descended upon me, and I felt as 
    if some sort of intelligence or energy was entering the room.  I think 
    that I said something out loud to that effect.  Then, I shut off the 
    radio, and we were all silent for a few minutes.

    Now, there is some confusion in my mind as to what exactly happened 
    next.  No missing time, but I am trying to recall exactly how things 
    developed, and I can't get a perfect lock on it all.  I know that Art 
    and I began to have a weird disagreement, which probably had something 
    to do with a girl that we both liked ([NAME DELETED]), but it wasn't a 
    direct confrontation; just a series of rather petty insults that he 
    directed towards me.  His attitude upset me somewhat, because I 
    considered him to be a friend of mine.  But you know how it is when 
    women get inbetween friends.  The two dudes with Art sort of silently 
    backed him up, and when they all left to go up to his apartment 
    (again, in the same building, exactly upstairs from Amy's), I decided 
    to go with them, mainly because I didn't want Art to feel as though he 
    had irritated me significantly, which in actuality, he had.  Heh.

    We got up to his apartment.  The three of them sat diagonally across 
    from me, on an L-shaped couch, with Art in the middle.  I seated 
    myself on a chair right across from the only door to the small 
    kitchenette.  Right across from me, there was a small black-and-white 
    TV on a chair.  Somebody turned it on, and we watched a few minutes of 
    television.  A commercial break came on, and the nameless Pillsbury 
    doughboy character began doing his thing, which at the time, seemed 
    really funny to me (perhaps because the hostility in the room was so 
    intense).  At a certain point, I laughed, which seemed to really anger 
    the other guys.  Somehow, I got my right foot tangled in the 
    television cord, and pulled it off of the chair onto the floor, which, 
    fortunately, was carpeted.  The TV didn't break, but the cord either 
    got pulled out, or the on/off switch pressed.  There was silence.  
    Somebody set the television back on the chair.

    Then, I looked over at the three dudes.  As I was looking at them, I 
    noticed that I was beginning to feel an incredibly oppressive feeling 
    of weight in the solar plexus area of my chest.  It was that classic 
    'sinking feeling,' but greatly increased, and quickly worsening.  
    Suddenly, the visuals began to change dramatically.

    The images of the three guys before me almost completely dissolved, 
    and I saw three beings that were slightly smaller, and a kind of 
    glowing pale olive green in their stead.  Man, I can tell you for sure 
    that it freaked me out completely.  Their eyes were glowing red.  No 
    shit.  In a way, it was almost as if I was looking into them, or 
    through them to see something that was behind them.  A lot of this 
    kind of stuff is very hard to explain.

    I stared at them for about three seconds before standing up, 
    stammering out some kind of exclamation of amazement as I did so.  As 
    I stood up, I felt as if my body weight had increased by about 
    tenfold.  Also, the pain in my chest was becoming excruciating, and I 
    found it very hard to move at all.

    But move I did - towards the door.  It was only a step or two away, 
    and when I got to it, I noticed that there were about four different 
    locks on the door.  As I was doing this, Art began cursing at me, and 
    said something like:  'What's the matter Terry?  Sit down.'

    Somehow, I got the door open, and stumbled out into the hallway.  I 
    was having a hard time breathing, I believe.  I made it down the hall 
    a ways, towards the fire escape, where I walked out, and looked up at 
    the sky, and considered the possibility that the Rapture was taking 
    place (it had been on my mind almost constantly all throughout the 
    years immediately prior to that time).  I sat down on the floor in the 
    doorway there.

    Several things happened immediately after this; I may relate a few of 
    the particular events out of sequence, but all of what I am going to 
    describe took place.

    First, I had a very strong feeling of spiritual disassociation - 
    almost as if my mind was being merged with others, or something very 
    similar.  Then I had the distinct impression that my soul was being 
    kind of 'rolled up' from the base of my spine, up towards my head.  As 
    this was happening, I lost feeling in the bottom of my body, except 
    for what seemed to be some kind of objective kind of basal 
    intelligence, which seemed to be wondering what to do next.  Again, 
    very difficult to describe, at least to my satisfaction.

    Next, there was a very strange, enveloping, wet kind of feeling, 
    almost like being inside of a womb, or underground.

    Then, I felt as if I had dropped onto the surface of some kind of 
    intensely bleak valley.  This is such an impossible thing to properly 
    convey, because it was such an absolutely horrible thing to endure.  
    The best way that I can describe it, is to say that it was an 
    experience of utterly complete separation from any kind of concept of 
    God.

    I was in this terrifying state for an indeterminate period, perhaps 
    four of five minutes by this way of reckoning elapsed time.  But it 
    seemed to be extremely drawn-out.  Part of the reason why it was so 
    bad, is because it was constantly getting worse, if you can even get 
    close to understanding what I mean.  In addition, I only had the 
    feeling of my soul and head, sans any kind of appendages.  I was also 
    completely immobilized.  It felt like I was abandoned in some valley 
    on Venus or Mercury, to be perfectly honest.  The feeling of gravity 
    and implosion was unbelievable.

    All the while that I was languishing so, I was crying out (in my soul) 
    to God, asking Him if this was my fate, and trying to tell Him that I 
    had tried to live a righteous life.  Ha.  In other words, I wasn't 
    really seeing how sinful my life really was.  Presently, the force 
    that so many people that have these kinds of experiences describe as 
    'the light' appeared, from my right field of perception, moving left 
    in front of me.

    The first thing that was (I believe it was the Holy Spirit, or a being 
    sent by the Lord for me) telepathically conveyed to me, is that I was 
    calling on God in the wrong manner, that is, in a prideful way.  I was 
    seeing the whole concept of righteousness in a false, worldly, 'might 
    makes right' way.  This is one of the big mistakes that many people 
    (especially men) make, I believe.  The being almost seemed to be 
    (kindly) laughing at me, which, in retrospect, seems rather 
    interesting.  Basically, what was conveyed to me, was 'That's not the 
    way.'  This reverberated in my mind for a few moments.

    The next thing that was conveyed to me were the words:  'Are you 
    sorry?', which also echoed and reverberated for a while.  I found that 
    I could not manifest a feeling of guilt and remorse within myself.  
    This, I believe, helped me to understand that it really is God's work 
    to make mankind feel regret for sins.  It was made clear to me, 
    because I was literally unable to bring myself to repentance of my own 
    volition.

    Then, the Spirit merged with me, and I felt the most wonderfully 
    complete feeling of sincere love and forgiveness that I'd ever 
    experienced in my life.  I then began to rejoice in my soul, because I 
    knew at last that Jesus really is the Savior, because I'd been calling 
    on God and Christ, and my cries were heard.  Really wonderful.

    What happened next, is that I felt as if I was being lifted up far 
    above the Earth.  Then, there was a sequence of risings and fallings.  
    When I felt like I was being brought lower, there was a greater 
    feeling of gravity and all-around spiritual pressure, and when I was 
    being lifted higher, there was an absence of those feelings.  Finally, 
    I felt as though I was high above the planet, which I could vaguely 
    see below me.  Then, as I (and the force carrying me) remained 
    stationary, the Earth sort of scrolled smoothly away to the left.  
    Just as it completely left my field of vision, what seemed to be 
    another world appeared from the right, until it was beneath me.  Then, 
    there seemed to be one spirit on either side of me, with myself in the 
    center.  And there was another, greater spirit higher above us, and to 
    the left.  The two spirits that were transporting me seemed to briefly 
    communicate with the greater spirit, which seemed to be minding some 
    sort of portal.  I could not at all determine what was being 
    discussed.

    Finally, I felt as though I was 'bleeding' into a completely different 
    reality, that was so incredibly bright and powerful, that it really 
    defies description.  When I try to describe it to others, I often say 
    that it makes the best days in this life seem like slogging along at 
    the very bottom of the ocean.  Intensely wonderful.  As this was 
    happening, I heard what seemed to be a very large crowd of people 
    cheering, and also, some type of electronic sounds around my head.  I 
    then heard the voices of some people say:  'Do we have him?', 'Is he 
    going to make it?', and 'Is he coming through?' - I really heard them 
    say these things.

    Much later, I tried to determine whether or not I had been hearing 
    people here on Earth (my friends from Amy's) trying to rouse me, but I 
    am pretty sure that the voices that I heard were really from that 
    other place.  That is where my memory of being brought across to 
    wherever that was ends.  There are many reasons why I believe it was 
    probably Mars.  It might have been the moon, Venus, or elsewhere, but 
    Mars seems to be the most likely candidate.  The main reason why many 
    people would probably believe that this is a silly belief, is because 
    there is very little understanding of the possibilities of the 
    traversal of seemingly insurmountable time-space barriers.

    I have had a very long time to think about it, but I still am not 
    completely sure about where it was, if it was even anywhere near 
    (meaning in this solar system) at all.  It might have been in an 
    entirely different galaxy, or dimension.  There seems to be many good 
    reasons why one might believe that it could have been Mars, Venus, or 
    one of the many moons in this solar system.  I am not going to fester 
    on these considerations, I just want to state that I consider it to be 
    entirely possible.

    I am feeling really tired right now, so I will finish all of this up 
    in another file.

--- titanium.log
    All the children sing
    Tue Aug 3 1999

    This is a continuation from the previous entry (PLATINUM.LOG); there 
    may be several files after this one, as well.

    Now, as I have mentioned in various different places in these 
    writings, I have gone through many different psycho-spiritual phases 
    subsequent to this near-death experience that I have been describing.  
    There have been times when I came close to denying that the situation 
    was as completely real as it was.  Some circuit in my mind knows that 
    certain aspects of my psyche would be far more at rest, if I could 
    somehow convince myself that it was all illusory.  It wasn't.  One of 
    the main reasons why I know this, has much to do with the many ways 
    that some people have been used against me as disruptive tools by the 
    many destructive spiritual forces residing upon this planet.  The 
    extreme, and often very irrational scenarios that I have witnessed 
    leave no doubt in my mind that many, many people have some very 
    serious problems with demonic possession to some degree.  I have had 
    many types of difficulties with those disincarnate spiritual 
    intelligences on and off for years, so I know for sure that they are 
    absolutely real.

    Perhaps it would be best to continue onward, and provide some 
    additional information about what happened later that night...

    The last memory that I have of my transference across to wherever that 
    place in the heavens was (I really believe that it was very likely a 
    very real physical planet, but drastically different from ours, in an 
    electromagnetic and spiritual sense - the sensation of embodying there 
    was totally amazing), were the several concerned, and slightly anxious 
    voices that I heard, that seemed to indicate to me that there were 
    people there that knew me, and who were actually waiting for my 
    arrival.  That in and of itself is a very comforting thought, one that 
    I often attempt to fully recollect, as it takes the edge off of these 
    miserable and alienating things that I have been enduring here, in 
    this age on Earth.

    I have tried to consider the experience from as many different angles 
    as possible.  There have been times when I have felt that I really had 
    certain aspects of it nearly completely figured out, but I usually 
    revert to a healthy mode of cautious doubt and skepticism.  I will say 
    unequivocally, that I know that the spiritual transference of my soul 
    to another world was very real.  The trip, and the destination itself, 
    are totally real to me.  No doubt at all in my mind.  But a definite 
    understanding as to where exactly the place is, and whether or not 
    another, entirely different dimension, or locality in the physical 
    universe is involved, still eludes me.

    Like I just mentioned, there have been times when I have felt that the 
    'place' was Venus, Mars, or one of the many other planetary bodies in 
    our solar system.  An important thing to understand, is that the main 
    reason that I believe that this might be likely, is because of the 
    very short period of time involved in the actual shift from Earth to 
    the other area - what seemed to be something like ten seconds.  Of 
    course, there is the possibility that some kind of extreme time 
    compression might have been involved.

    All throughout the Bible, we are told that there are many places, or 
    'mansions' in the heavens.  I have often considered the possibility 
    that those places might be analogous to other planets, moons, or even 
    constructed bodies, like large spacecraft, but more complex, of 
    course, perhaps even planet-sized, like the Death Star in Star Wars.

    Something about this kind of outlook seems to naturally irritate most 
    of us that consider ourselves to be Christians, but I must remind 
    anyone that feels so, that there are plenty of reasons to believe that 
    the Kingdom of Heaven may actually involve more of the physical 
    universe that many would like to believe.

    I have previously mentioned that Jesus told the disciples that He was 
    going to enjoy meals with them in the Father's Kingdom.  Real food, I 
    would imagine.  Also, one of the things that He mentioned before 
    departing, is that He was going to prepare a place for those of us 
    that love Him.  So that 'where [He is, we] may also be.'  This seems 
    to be a very important point to carefully consider.  Apparently, Jesus 
    was actually embarking on a sort of construction project, one intended 
    to help naturalize into the Father's Kingdom those of us that He is 
    rescuing from this utterly wretched age.  Jesus, the guy that left us 
    about 2000 years ago, has been working, building us homes in the 
    heavens.

    Now, am I going to claim that I understand all of this better than 
    anyone else?  Certainly not; the evidence is there, in the Bible, for 
    anyone to plainly see.  It seems that many modern preachers completely 
    avoid such discussions.  Those are statements made by Jesus, not me.  
    After Christ ascended into heaven, two angels suddenly appeared, and 
    told some of the amazed onlookers that He would return in the same 
    fashion, that is, as He left - from the sky.  Jesus is coming 'in the 
    clouds, with all the holy angels of the Lord, with power and great 
    glory,' 'and every eye will see Him.'

    Then, there is the matter of Jesus referring to Himself as 'The Bright 
    and Morning Star,' which, as I have mentioned, is synonymous with the 
    planet Venus, which was well known by that descriptor in the Middle 
    East, during that period of history.  Another name for the planet 
    Venus is Lucifer, though.  That has always confused me, but maybe it 
    shouldn't, because it might actually be the place where some, or even 
    all of the fallen angels are being expelled from.  Anyone that thinks 
    that all of this is merely silly speculation, just hasn't had the 
    kinds of weird experiences that I, and many other people have.  I 
    believe that it is entirely possible that other planets in this solar 
    system are inhabited, in other time-space zones.  Of course, I have 
    mentioned this many times before, but I feel that it is important that 
    I repeat myself in this file, because anyone that reads this in the 
    future, might not have access to any of the other LOG files that I 
    have written.

    Consider that Jesus said that He had sheep of 'another fold.'  Some of 
    us believe that the other 'fold' referred to may involve races of 
    people on other worlds, that may have been caught up in spiritual 
    rebellions similar to what we have happening on Earth in this age.  
    The 'way of the world' isn't what the Father originally intended for 
    this world, I'm sure.  Satan and his cronies may have been screwing up 
    other areas in God's Kingdom as well.

    Remember those disobedient angels described in Genesis, that came 
    down, and had sexual relations with the antediluvian women of the 
    Earth, against God's will?  An apocryphal work, known as the book of 
    Enoch, greatly expands on that story; anyone that is truly interested 
    in these issues should go out immediately, and secure whatever 
    Enochian texts they can get their hands on.  There are two versions of 
    the book - Ethiopic, and Eastern European.  What those works will help 
    anyone interested in such topics to understand, is that the 'fallen 
    angels' seem to have a much greater element of corporeality to them 
    than many of us have been led to believe.  I mean, they were actually 
    having sex with human women, and children were born, as a result.  
    Also, they introduced destructive arts to mankind, which indicates 
    that they had complex, advanced material knowledge.  Warcraft, 
    witchcraft, herbal wisdom, techniques of adornment, and on.  All of 
    those crafts involve interaction with a material world, and material 
    beings.  Perhaps those angels had long histories of association with 
    various human cultures, on other worlds, where such knowledge was 
    acquired; or perhaps they themselves, had once been mere mortals.  I 
    don't know for sure, but most of this seems to be possible.  I am 
    trying to be careful.

    If these guys were angels, and disobeyed God, came down from wherever, 
    had sex with women against the Lord's orders, etcetera - doesn't that 
    seem to indicate that they weren't much different from human beings, 
    in many respects?  Very near the beginning of Genesis, after Adam and 
    Eve have eaten the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, mention is made 
    that 'the man has become as one of us, knowing the difference between 
    good and evil,' and then, the two are removed from the garden, before 
    they were able to eat from the Tree of Life.  Also, somewhere in the 
    Bible, we are told that man has been created 'a little lower than the 
    angels.'  Not 'a little higher than the apes and monkeys.'  My point, 
    is that I don't believe that we are all that different from literal 
    angels, excepting that we are mortal, until the Lord decides to give 
    us eternal life.  When this happens, I believe that we basically 
    become angels.

    The angels that came to rescue Lot and his family from the pending 
    destruction of Sodom and Gomorrha, were described as being corporeal.  
    So much so, in fact, that the demented homosexual men of the town 
    wanted to 'know' them, which of course, as everyone understands, in 
    Biblical terms means 'to have sexual relations with.'  Those men 
    weren't looking at ghosts.  They were looking at beings that probably 
    were quite similar to us, though perhaps significantly different in 
    many important ways.  Everyone remembers the story about Jacob 
    wrestling an angel.  Think about it.

    Now, what I consider to be one of the most important differences 
    between angels and men, as God intended it to be, is that angels 
    aren't meant to procreate.  They do not have wives.  It is forbidden 
    for them, from what I understand.  In fact, those of us that are going 
    to be raised up in the resurrection as Sons of God, are also no longer 
    to be united in bonds of marriage, from what is described in the 
    Lord's word.  Again, this is something that Jesus deliberately 
    indicates to us, in the New Testament, when He is asked about a woman 
    who had several different husbands throughout her life, all of them 
    brothers from the same family.  When Jesus is asked who will be her 
    husband in heaven, He explains that those of us found worthy to enter 
    heaven will be 'as the angels of the Lord, who neither give nor take 
    in marriage.'  I am sure that some Christians - Mormons, for instance, 
    might strongly disagree with this assertion.  Read what Jesus says, is 
    all I have to say.

    Wow.  I have really digressed.  My initial reaction after I made it 
    back into my body was deep shock.  Aly was leaning over me; I had 
    somehow gotten onto the cast iron metal landing part of the fire 
    escape.  The first thing that she said, was:  'there is somebody that 
    I want you to meet.'  I was so disoriented; I immediately began crying 
    and blubbering about Jesus, and followed her downstairs to Amy's 
    apartment, where Amy, a few other people, and Aly's boyfriend, Emmitt 
    all were.  Emmitt and Aly hadn't been there when I was downstairs; 
    they arrived sometime after Art, his friends and I went upstairs.

    The whole story about Emmitt and Aly is somewhat complex.  They were a 
    couple of kids from Florida (they claimed to be connected with some 
    kind of Mafioso family from down there; they showed us pictures of 
    them brandishing expensive submachine guns, and various automatic and 
    semi-automatic weapons) that hung around with us for about four to six 
    months.  Emmitt and Karate Joe were always practicing fancy martial 
    art moves on each other; both Emmitt and Joe claimed to be members of 
    the elite Green Dragon society, which has somewhat of a reputation for 
    being a mercenary group of sorts.  Assassins for hire, or something 
    like that, I think.  None of it really seemed to be substantiated in 
    any strong way.  Emmitt and Aly bragged a lot, in a very mild way, 
    like most advantaged people do.  But they pulled off the street kid 
    thing really well.  Although they could be obnoxious from time to 
    time, I liked them; they were pretty cool, and a nice couple.  Emmitt 
    looked a lot like Billy Idol, in his Gen X phase (he even sneered 
    occasionally), and Aly looked like a slick Nuevo Wavo girl.

    The funny thing, was that Emmitt was sitting downstairs in Amy's 
    apartment, and welcomed me with a hug, like he hadn't seen me in ages, 
    or something.  And Aly saying breathlessly that she wanted me to 'meet 
    someone.'  Well, I mean, I already knew Emmitt.  I'd known them well 
    for at least three months by then.  We'd even all been together a few 
    hours prior.  It didn't make sense.

    It got weirder.  I sat down on the bed, and (I feel embarrassed to 
    describe this) cried, mentioning nothing concrete about what I'd just 
    been through.  I was too shocked to make much sense, I'm sure.  Then, 
    Emmitt and Aly began to sing 'Koombayah.'  Emmitt actually hung a 
    crystal pendant around my neck.  It was so strange; I just kind of sat 
    there for a while, and freaked out.

    About an hour and a half has elapsed since I wrote the last paragraph 
    - I had another one of those mysterious Windows Write file losses; the 
    system froze up as I was trying to save the file.  After I broke out 
    of the Write application, the file was gone, and I couldn't use the 
    UNDELETE command to recover it.  I hate when that happens, because I 
    had to manually unearth the lost text by using medieval methods, like 
    cryptic DOS data recovery utilities.

    Three cheers for the Norton Utilities programs.  Thankfully, I have 
    recovered almost all of it, though I have had to piece it together 
    from a lot of different fragments.  Not much has been lost, 
    fortunately.  Very aggravating.  I think that I will leave off for 
    now, so that I won't get any more irritated than I already am.

--- bdellium.log
    A bone for a teeny-tiny soup
    Wed Aug 4 1999

    This file is a continuation from the previous entry (TITANIUM.LOG); 
    there are three files in this series, so far.

    Before describing the events that followed my return to my earthly 
    body, I'll try and carefully fill in any blanks that there may be.  
    Many minor details can be very important, when considered along with 
    the more obviously significant things.  I personally think that the 
    television appearance of the Pillsbury doughboy, in the moments right 
    before my OOBE, is important is some way, although I would be hard 
    pressed to provide a logical reason as to why I feel that it is so.

    Just one good example of what I consider to be evidence of 
    synchronicity, which often manifests in very unexpected, symbolic 
    ways.  Trying to convey these kinds of impressions to folks that 
    aren't used to heuristic reasoning processes (as opposed to the far 
    more common algorithmic, deductive logic thinking modes) can be 
    challenging, but there is no other choice for those of us that know 
    what I am talking about.  Even though success (in conveying these 
    slippery matters) is often elusive, still, we must try.

    It would really exhaust me to try and belabor the point (about the 
    doughboy's appearance) that I am trying to make.  I will leave it as a 
    micro-project for the reader to figure out.

    I think that I mentioned in the last file, that during this situation, 
    I had a feeling of being watched from within and without.  It was a 
    very singular, peculiar sensation - one that is extremely difficult to 
    describe.  There is a kind of 'bowling' of your visual surroundings, 
    and it almost seems as though you are looking out of your eyes from 
    further within yourself.  Sort of like another, deeper level of 
    subjective observation of external phenomena.  Really, it was pretty 
    terrifying, because as this was happening, the three dudes began to 
    metamorph into the demonic characters, and also, I was feeling some 
    very real pains in my chest.  Again, I mentioned all of this already, 
    I just want to go over it with a fine-tooth comb, so to speak.  I have 
    waited for years to write all of this down, and now that I have 
    finally decided to do so, I am trying to be as thorough as possible.

    I understand that it might greatly disturb some people to hear me 
    discuss demons so matter-of-factly.  Many people seem to think that 
    anyone that speaks of such creatures as definite actualities, rather 
    than in a speculative context, must be mentally disturbed, or worse.  
    I know that many, perhaps even most, individuals have never seen any 
    type of clear apparition or vision, of the good or evil variety, so I 
    can see how some folks might be bothered by some of what I am 
    relating.

    What I would like to say, is that although I have considered myself to 
    be a Christian for most of my life, at that particular stage (the time 
    of these events), I hadn't really taken very seriously the concept of 
    demons, and disincarnates in general.  This is because I had 
    absolutely no subjective experience with the reality of such things.  
    My friend [NAME DELETED] had discussed demons with me over the years 
    (we've been friends since high school), using very serious and grave 
    conversational tones, but it hadn't been enough to really convince me.  
    The stories in the Bible should have been sufficient, but again, I 
    hadn't seen any evidence, and I have almost always been a 'seeing is 
    believing' kind of a guy.  I have mentioned in another file, that my 
    friend [NAME DELETED] began discussing demons with me, right around 
    the same time that these events took place.  She had been telling me 
    for weeks, that she'd seen a demon in one person or another.  I hadn't 
    taken her reports very seriously, either.

    Then, I began to see them for myself.  No kidding.  A dedicated 
    psychic phenomena 'debunker,' or a more conventional psychiatrist, 
    might attribute this sort of coincidence (seeing demons soon after the 
    sincere descriptions given by another person) to the power of 
    suggestion, or some similar psychological process.  I don't think that 
    it applies in this instance, though I certainly have considered it.

    That [NAME DELETED] sure was unusual.  In fact, one of the very first 
    demons that I saw, materialized from within her.  It wasn't a very 
    clear manifestation, but there were accompanying spiritual feelings, a 
    kind of highly unpleasant emotional distortion, that, in combination 
    with the brief visual change, convinced me of the presence of a very 
    real and malignant spirit.  I have provided an account of that 
    particular occurrence, which took place on another evening (a few 
    weeks before the events I am now describing), in the hallway of the 
    very same building (Amy and Art's), in another file.

    It would be good to describe in greater detail the horror that I 
    experienced right before I stumbled out of Art's apartment, into that 
    hallway.  As I mentioned in the last file, there was an amazing amount 
    of pressure from within my chest.  It felt as if I was being pulled 
    down into a dark chasm, and (I neglected to mention a lot of the 
    important details) as this was happening, I looked down, and all I 
    could see was utter blackness.  Real freaky.  Another very important 
    thing to mention:  as I stood up, there was a feeling in my chest of 
    being connected to the three other guys in the room (Art and his 
    buddies), almost as if we were cabled together, through our chest 
    areas.  I had perceived this while I was still seated, but as I rose, 
    the feeling intensified, culminating in one of the most unusual 
    paranormal experiences that I have ever had.

    As I stood up, I felt a strong pull in the middle of my chest area, 
    and all three of the guys simultaneously jerked forward on the 
    L-shaped couch, kind of like big, floppy puppets would.  It was real 
    creepy, let me tell you.  Right after that, they stood up, began to 
    dissolve, and I saw the demons manifest from within them.  The 
    intense, dark spiritual energies accompanying all of this, I won't 
    even try to describe.  Really frightening, to say the least.

    Also, there was a 'snap-crackle-pop' kind of feeling that went along 
    with all of this, but in a subatomic way, if that makes any sense.  It 
    probably doesn't.  The entire occurrence was incredibly bizarre, and 
    unexpected.  And it all happened exactly as I am describing it.

    That's about all that I left out of the account (so far) that I have 
    provided in the two previous files that deal with the events of that 
    particular night.  Now, I can continue on, and explain what happened 
    after I made it back into this body.

    I sat on Amy's bed, in her apartment for a while, after Emmitt and Aly 
    sang 'Koombayah'; we had some brief conversations, which I wish that I 
    could fully remember.  I know that I tried to explain to them what had 
    happened to me, but really, I got the feeling that they already had an 
    idea, which was slightly comforting, and disturbing, all at once.

    There was an incredibly fluidity to nearly everything that happened, 
    in a psychical sense.  I would think of something, and someone would 
    comment on it, almost immediately.  There was almost a fifty-fifty 
    division between normal conversation, and telepathic exchanges.  It 
    was extremely startling, but fascinating.  [NAME DELETED] was there, 
    along with Rat, Amy and Emmitt and Aly.  Art and his buddies remained 
    upstairs, I believe.  Nobody mentioned them, and I don't think that I 
    described the demons that I'd seen in them to anyone at that time.

    After a few minutes, I rose from the bed, and walked across the room 
    to a chair, and sat on it.  Now, this chair was the only one in the 
    apartment (a very small kitchenette) that faced towards the windows.  
    I believe that Amy's place was on the fourth floor.  As I situated 
    myself on the chair, everyone else in the room relocated in front of 
    me, so that nobody could have witnessed what I was about to see.  
    [NAME DELETED] and I were conversing, about what, I can't quite 
    recall; after a certain point he asked me, 'did you call a cab?'

    He said this with a kind of sarcastic tone, and right afterwards, an 
    extremely bright light appeared outside of the window, from the right 
    side, and very slowly moved across towards the left.  Now, the windows 
    had venetian blinds on them, which were partially closed.  I already 
    mentioned that we were on the fourth floor.  The light was extremely 
    bright, bright enough to cast very stark shadows all throughout the 
    room, as the light passed from one side to the other.  The entire 
    event took about five seconds.

    Nobody said a word as this happened, though someone should have, 
    because, as I just mentioned, the light, and the shadows that were 
    cast because of it, must have been quite noticeable to anybody in the 
    room, even if they were facing 180 degrees away from the windows, 
    which all of them were.  I was amazed, and I said excitedly, 'did you 
    see that?'  Again, in his mildly sarcastic voice, [NAME DELETED] said, 
    'See what?'

    Weird beyond description.  It was as if there was only one 
    intelligence in the room, controlling everyone at once, and speaking 
    mainly through [NAME DELETED].  I am sure that others that have had 
    similar odd experiences would understand exactly what I mean.

    I was really freaked by then.  [NAME DELETED] offered to drive me back 
    home.  We went down to his car, and drove back to my neighborhood, 
    which isn't very far from there.  [NAME DELETED] parked in the lot of 
    the McDonalds restaurant located at Foster and Sheridan, and we sat 
    and conversed for a while.  I can't recall much of what was said, but 
    there most definitely was a demonic force manifesting through Mr. 
    [NAME DELETED] from time to time.  The intermittent pains in my chest 
    confirmed this to me.

    I would like to mention that I feel that it is highly unlikely that 
    [NAME DELETED] was consciously attempting to wield negative spiritual 
    forces towards me; he would have had no reason to, as best as I can 
    tell.  There have been countless times when spiritual forces have 
    manifested hostility towards me, even through very good friends and 
    family members.  Most people seem to be able to be used by evil 
    spirits to some degree for the destructive purposes of those very real 
    disincarnate entities.  The entire civilization is geared towards 
    maximizing the openness of humankind to such forces.

    I began praying right there, and when I did, the intensity would ebb.  
    Moments after I'd stop praying, the spiritual assault would begin 
    anew.  Finally [NAME DELETED] mumbled something, and put a cassette 
    into the tape deck.

    The tape contained a recording of a radio station that is now defunct; 
    I think that they were known as 'Z-95,' or something similar.  It was 
    of a radio show, and there were several different topics being 
    discussed.  One of them had to do with a series of murders that had 
    occurred around that time.  They had taken place in Utah, amongst the 
    officials of the Mormon church.  I don't know much about the story, 
    still.  I really should read up on it.

    The demeanor of the radio show people was generally very strange.  
    What was especially disturbing, was that the panel of people on the 
    talk show seemed to be extremely amused by the concept of the Mormon 
    murders, so much so, in fact, that it bordered on insanity.  At least, 
    that's how it seemed to me.  They were giggling, cracking weird jokes, 
    etcetera.  It made me feel extremely uncomfortable, to say the least.

    I thanked [NAME DELETED] for the ride home, and left the car; when I 
    got upstairs (was I ever glad to make it home), [NAME DELETED] was 
    cranky as usual, yelling and screaming (it was probably in the wee 
    hours of the morning).  I tried to explain some of what had happened, 
    but she wouldn't listen to all of it.

    One thing happened that convinced me (almost more than anything else) 
    for sure that I had been transported to someplace in God's Kingdom.  I 
    was excitedly describing some of the details of the experience, when I 
    felt a very powerful surge of spiritual light within my chest, a kind 
    of good form of ego inflation, if you will; as this occurred, it 
    seemed as though the immediate area around us literally brightened, 
    and [NAME DELETED] actually drew back about a foot, looked startled,
    and exclaimed something or another.  I hadn't made any kind of sudden
    gesture at all, and we were both seated, so there was no apparent
    (physical) reason for her to react thus.  It was a spiritual situation,
    that really impressed me powerfully, although I don't think that she
    really noticed it the way that I did.

    Also, a similar thing happened later, while I was sitting in the 
    bathroom with the door closed, I felt a very intense good radiation 
    from within, again, a kind of radiant light.  The light was on in the 
    bathroom, but it is far down the hallway from Ma's bedroom, which is 
    where she was.  She came thundering down the hallway, right as I was 
    feeling this powerful spiritual energy, angrily shouting at the top of 
    her lungs 'shut that light off!'  You'd have to know a bit about her 
    character to understand what I mean.

    This seems like a good place to stop.  In the next file, I'll try to 
    wrap it up, and provide a few of my theories about some of these 
    things that I have been describing.  It really feels good to finally 
    have set all of this down into print.

--- vanadium.log
    If any two of you shall agree
    Thu Aug 5 1999

    I am very pleased that I have finally gotten around to writing about 
    these strange occurrences that took place in the early months of 1989.  
    There is much additional information that I could supply, about the 
    people that I was associating with at the time, things that were 
    happening in my life, etcetera.  Some of this information may be 
    important.  But not all of it.  I will provide a bit of it, in this, 
    the fourth file of this series.

    At that particular time, I'd been separated from my ex-wife [NAME 
    DELETED], for about four or five months, and I felt rather depressed 
    and irritated about the way that our marriage had generally 
    deteriorated.  I was angry at [NAME DELETED], and also at myself; we 
    weren't seeing much of each other, and [NAME DELETED] spent a lot of 
    time in the care of my mother, and [NAME DELETED]'s relatives.

    On the few occasions that [NAME DELETED] and I got together, both of 
    us seemed to feel extremely uncomfortable, and ill at ease with each 
    other.  I spent a lot of time over at the apartment building on 
    Wilton, where I later wound up living, along with [NAME DELETED], 
    [NAME DELETED], and [NAME DELETED].

    There are a great many tales that I could tell, relating to the 
    adventures that I and my friends had in that area, around the late 
    eighties.  One of the most important ones, has to do with some very 
    peculiar coincidences that occurred right before a fire destroyed the 
    attic apartment on Wilton that we were sharing.  This took place 
    several months after my near-death experience.  [NAME DELETED] and I 
    had reason to believe that a very real neighborhood wizard had 
    magically caused the blaze, because he didn't like us, and our 
    spiritual nature.  A lot of very strange, occultic vibes coursed 
    through the vicinity.  At that time, Newtown could be a real hall of 
    mirrors.  Lots of stories to tell.  I will save those stories for 
    other files; the events need to be carefully described, to have the 
    greatest impact.

    These were the last days of the club that was known as Medusa (which 
    was right around the corner from the Wilton apartment), where I, and 
    many of my friends and associates (in particular, the Belmont 
    punk-rock crowd) had spent quite a bit of time over the course of the 
    four or five years prior.  That emporium, along with other clubs, like 
    Cabaret Metro, the Limelight, Neo, and a number of other places, made 
    up a sort of network of Chicagoland's 'hip,' artsy, music-scene 
    people.

    One of the last acts that I saw at Medusa, was the legendary Gigi 
    Allen (and the Toilet Rockers), who was well known for his repulsive 
    stage antics, which often included live defecation, and other 
    unmentionable activities (the show that I saw at Medusa was extremely 
    tame, compared to what I had been hearing over the years; the poor 
    fellow committed suicide a few years later).  Many other interesting 
    things took place at Medusa, which was primarily a 'juice bar,' that 
    was frequented by a largely underage crowd.  I could write many 
    stories about the place, and eventually, probably will.  It was mostly 
    a lot of fun, although there were some dark things going on behind the 
    scenes, from what I have learned over the years.

    So, because of the proximity of Medusa, those of us residing at, and 
    hanging out around the Wilton area had a steady stream of 'scene 
    people' around us.  Mostly, a bunch of skins, punks, goths, and on.  
    Consequently, there was a great deal of action, especially on the 
    weekends.  We had a lot of fights in and around that apartment; broken 
    windows, people thrown down stairwells, etcetera.  It was pretty wild, 
    really.  But there were mellow times, as well.  Nobody got killed, or 
    even seriously hurt, which was a blessing, considering some of the 
    wild energies that were often at play.

    Anyhow, as I mentioned previously, our little assembly had migrated 
    north, to the Uptown area (and Amy's apartment on Wilson avenue), on 
    that evening, which was probably somewhere between late February and 
    early March of 1989.

    Rat, one of the guys that went to Amy's with us, was a small goth kid, 
    that had told us a very sad tale when we first met him (a few months 
    prior to this time), about a bunch of what he called 'rednecks' 
    shooting his girlfriend dead from the cab of a four-wheel drive 
    vehicle that they were riding along in, directly in front of an 
    alternative bar somewhere out west, I think in Colorado or one of the 
    states in that vicinity.  He said that she fell on top of him, as they 
    were walking down the street.  When he first told this story, he got a 
    great deal of sympathy from just about everyone, including myself.  
    Later on, because of some shady things that he did, I began to doubt 
    whether or not it was true.  It might have been.  He was a very 
    interesting guy, with an occasionally depressive personality; he dated 
    a girl with blue hair named Connie (also known as Vantazia) for a 
    while, and then (quite a while later) another chick, that we called 
    Echo.

    Some of the other people in attendance on that evening, were:  Amy, 
    [NAME DELETED], Art, James, and later, the famous Emmitt and Aly, who 
    I must mention at this point, before I forget, remind me a little bit 
    of Bill and Hillary Clinton.  Since I have been carefully considering 
    the similarities between them for several years, I feel that I should 
    mention this.  Again, although it would be difficult for me to provide 
    a clear reason why I believe it is so, I think that this may be an 
    important thing to consider.  The similarities are very striking, in 
    many respects, but I won't spend a lot of time detailing them.

    Emmitt, and another dude, Jay (another of our temporary roommates, a 
    skinhead, who didn't go over to Amy's with us), surprised me greatly, 
    by revealing to me (each at a different time) that they had been 
    sexually abused, both of them by males.  Neither of them were 
    homosexuals, which is why their frankness about their plights was so 
    startling to me, and the few other people that heard their tales.  In 
    fact, Emmitt said that his own father had basically 'set him up' to 
    [DETAILS DELETED].  Very shocking, to hear a young man casually 
    describe that kind of thing.  Jay later got killed in a motorcycle 
    accident out in Denver.  I don't know where Emmitt and Aly are now - 
    hopefully still together.  They were like our local scene's Sid and 
    Nancy.

    Art and his friends were basically white dudes from Uptown; a little 
    gritty, but not overly so.  I can't remember the exact details, but I 
    think that Art had been a ward of the state for some time.  He briefly 
    dated a friend of mine, Lynda Dahm, years later.  He is probably still 
    around, somewhere in the city.  I've seen his buddy James (who was 
    also there that evening) several times over the past few years, in the 
    Uptown area around Wilson avenue.  The third guy that was with them on 
    that night, I can barely remember at all.

    [NAME DELETED] was a very cool metalhead dude, from the Chicago scene.  
    All of the people that went to hard rock shows knew him.  Justice, 
    Casey, Ru, Seth, Joe Kelly, Motor, Lance, Jerry Rodgers, Carlos, [NAME 
    DELETED] and Jim Kangles were a few members of the motley crew that he 
    often traveled with.  Anyone that regularly attended punk or metal 
    shows in Chicago during the late eighties probably would have met him 
    once or twice.

    Amy, I don't really have much information on, other than that she 
    wound up rooming with [NAME DELETED], after Reba ([NAME DELETED]'s 
    previous roommate, who lived with us when we had the apartment on 
    Damen) moved back up to Wisconsin.  She had a very friendly pit bull, 
    named Roxanne.  Despite the fact that she often referred to herself as 
    a Satanist, I actually got along with her fairly well.  She once told 
    me a very gory story about a bunch of bikers that literally smashed 
    someone's head flat, in the bathroom of a Calumet City apartment, 
    while a lively party was taking place.  I think that she may have 
    briefly dated Art, but I'm not certain.  I hope that she has converted 
    to Christianity by now, though somehow, I doubt it.  Strangely enough, 
    there is the coincidence that she vaguely resembles the late Anton 
    LaVey's daughter, Zeena (who is very foxy, I might add).

    I am providing this information on the people that were around on that 
    night, in the hopes that anyone that might want to corroborate any of 
    the details of that evening, would be able to contact one or more of 
    these individuals, and get some confirmation.  Even though much of 
    what I experienced that night was highly subjective, at least the fact 
    that the general sequence of external events took place as I am 
    indicating, is able to be completely verified.

    Wait.

    I just now realized, that I forgot one of the most important details 
    of all.  As I felt myself embodying in that other realm, I 
    simultaneously heard a low-pitched horn, something like a foghorn.  
    Years later, I heard an instrument that sounded almost identical to 
    it.  It is a horn used in Orthodox Jewish ceremonies, and it's name 
    sounds exactly like the word 'chauffeur' (I don't know the proper 
    spelling of the correct word, which is Hebrew, or perhaps Yiddish).

    That low and sonorous tone, in addition to the sound of a loudly 
    cheering crowd, combined with the incredible feeling of powerful 
    spiritual radiance, made for an unforgettable event.  I am still 
    trying to figure out exactly what it all meant.

    My basic theory, is that the place that I was brought across to, is 
    the place that Jesus mentioned that He was preparing for those of us 
    that love Him to be brought to.  What points to this being possible, 
    for me, is the fact that I heard that distinct horn sound.  In the New 
    Testament, we are told that we are going to be transformed at the 
    sound of the 'last trump.'  I think that the sound that I heard was 
    that very horn.

    That is what I believe, in the simplest sense.  As I have mentioned 
    several times, I cannot say with all surety, that I know exactly where 
    the place is, in space, time and dimensionality.  It has been very 
    frustrating for me to have had this wonderful experience, and yet, not 
    be able to fully understand and convey it successfully to others.  It 
    has been a cause of very deep depression for me, on occasion, 
    especially after these extremely awful things that have unfolded in my 
    life over the course of the past few years.

    A very great increase in my general state of aggravation over not 
    understanding the exact meaning of this particular event taking place 
    in my life, began in the middle of the nineties, around 1994 or 1995.  
    As best as I can explain it, I began to have a number of very 
    startling and memorable visions, dream sequences and synchronicities.  
    Some of them, I have described in previous files, others, I have yet 
    to write down.

    But what has really caused me more stress and grief than anything 
    else, was the matter of meeting the two individuals in late July of 
    1995, that slipped something into a drink that I'd been served.  As I 
    may have mentioned in another file, it took me about six months to 
    even realize that I had any 'missing time' to account for.  During the 
    period where I was completely unaware that anything unsavory might 
    have taken place, an incredible series of bizarre psycho-spiritual 
    events transpired, that, again, wouldn't be easy to describe briefly.

    It had a lot to do with my becoming obsessed with a singer, Bjork.  
    This might sound very silly to many folks; it even sounds a little 
    goofy to me, now.  But when it was happening, it was really very 
    incredible.  I have chronicled only a few of the elaborate and 
    spiritually dramatic internal experiences that I had, relating to her.

    A very simplistic explanation of why it was that I became so obsessed 
    with Bjork, had to do with the feeling that somehow, she was connected 
    with my being spiritually carried across to the other place, back in 
    1989.  To explain why I felt this way, even cursorily, would be 
    difficult to do.

    For many months, ultimately spanning several years, I was bombarded 
    with what seemed to be endless indicators that this was so.  Even 
    after I became deeply disillusioned about her moral character, I still 
    felt that there was reason to believe that she had been brought to my 
    attention by the Lord, for a particular good purpose, which I will not 
    describe at this time.

    I know that it might sound real flaky.  You'd have to be me.  Now, all 
    of the details as to what was going on in my mind, that made me react 
    in the largely irrational ways that I did, I could carefully compile 
    and outline, but I won't.  There is something very special about the 
    situation, even with all of the sorry aspects of it, that I don't feel 
    I should spoil.  I have thought about that lady every day, for almost 
    four years.  I have been intoxicated with her personality.  It has 
    wound down somewhat, especially since the beginning of this year, but 
    not completely.  She is the loveliest.

    Well, there is most of the story, concerning my near-death experience, 
    and some of the related issues.  There is much more that I could say, 
    but I will leave off for now.

--- ujenyx.log
    You are the wage
    Fri Aug 6 1999

    Maybe it would be good to now encapsulate a few of the theories that I 
    have developed over the years, about certain things that I believe may 
    be possible, given the kinds of phenomena that many folks have been 
    reporting over the course of this century, pertaining to alleged 
    extraterrestrial visitations, abductions, etcetera.

    I mentioned in several files that I have had a great many extremely 
    subjective psycho-spiritual experiences over the years.  Getting to 
    the point of really believing what some of the many impressions seemed 
    to be indicating, has been difficult for me, because, although I know 
    that the Bible tells us that towards the end-times, many people will 
    have dreams and visions about the 'bigger picture' of God's plans, the 
    book also indicates that there will be powerful deceptions, so strong, 
    in fact, that they might even deceive the old-time prophets, if they 
    were around to perceive them.

    So, I have tried to keep a balance between blind faith, and critical 
    doubt.  It hasn't been easy, because I have often become very excited 
    about some of these possibilities - many of them seem to help me to 
    make more sense out of the strange events in my particular life.

    As I've mentioned before, there have been times, where these periods 
    of possible 'illumination' have occurred with increased frequency and 
    seeming importance.  During such times, I have often become somewhat 
    wild-eyed, and usually, I'd spend a lot of time trying to convince 
    certain people, primarily my family and friends, that the return of 
    Christ to Earth was probably very near.

    One of the longest stretches of this type of phase, took place between 
    1985 and 1987, when I was in a heavy metal band called Ujenyx, with a 
    fellow named Carlos Santiago (the other guys in the group were Steve 
    Gomez, John Nuzzo, and in a later incarnation, Thymme Jones).  During 
    this time, my buddies Carlos, John and I were focusing intensely on 
    the possibility of the Rapture of the Church being near.

    Carlos and I regularly called an information line known as the Bible 
    Prophecy Update, and discussed Christian issues all the time.  Many of 
    the song lyrics that we wrote were concerned with very serious 
    Christian religious matters; ditties like 'Wrath from Above,' 
    'Blasphemer,' and others.  Although we also wrote songs in different, 
    more secular veins, the core of the creative focus was extremely 
    Christian in nature, at least in the way that we understood 
    Christianity at that time, which I later learned wasn't entirely 
    correct.

    The bassist, Steve Gomez, actually was a Buddhist, of the Nichiren 
    Shoshu variety (hope I spelled that correctly).  He brought me to his 
    temple once, and we took off our shoes, and seated ourselves in a room 
    where everyone was chanting feverishly.  When he handed me a little 
    book, and tried to get me to chant along (in an Oriental language, 
    that I didn't understand at all), I declined, because I thought that 
    it might offend God - I had no idea what the words meant, you know.

    Thymme Jones, who took over as drummer, after Nuzzo moved along into 
    other projects, was a really interesting character, I believe he was 
    Irish, with frizzy red hair.  He possessed a really great sense of 
    humor, but I believe that he focused much too heavily on the ironic, 
    in the way that many collegiates do.  Great guy though, and an 
    excellent drummer, as was Nuzzo.

    John Nuzzo, the original drummer, had a very unique personality, one 
    hard to define exactly.  It was slightly sardonic, almost 
    imperceptibly so.  He once suggested that we all have our noses 
    surgically removed, as a gimmick, to insure the success of the band.   
    When he announced this idea, Carlos, him and I were in the sunporch 
    area where Mr. Santiago had been living in Rogers Park.  We all kind 
    of looked at each other, and then started laughing.  But John was 
    actually being semi-serious.  That was the kind of guy he was.  He was 
    the one that invented the band's name, which I always thought was a 
    very clever concept.

    Anyhow, we all got along well, and made some pretty kick-ass music, 
    too.  I still have a few tapes lying around.  Carlos was a very 
    accomplished guitarist, who often used a lot of exotic Middle Eastern 
    chords and scales, which lent a very powerful atmosphere to many of 
    the more complicated pieces of music that were produced.  He was a 
    sort of little dictator, though, who could be intensely critical and 
    dismissive, if the mood struck him.  We occasionally were at odds, 
    though there were only a few instances of this that became really 
    problematic.  He was a knucklehead, and I am too.  Many gifted 
    musicians have strange energies in their personality profiles.  Carlos 
    certainly did.

    He later (around 1988) formed another band, Cataclyzm, with some other 
    musicians, and then, after he moved out to the West Coast with Jim 
    Kangles and Ru, started a band with those two characters, called 
    Bonecrusher, which I understand was fairly successful for several 
    years.  He is still living out there, in San Francisco.  He now 
    operates in a band known as Scorched Earth Policy, which is decent.  I 
    saw him and his family briefly on the very first day of this year, 
    during one of his extremely rare visitations to the Chicagoland area.

    Now, getting back to my theories about what may be happening between 
    Earth and the heavens...

    Some of us that have been interested in Christianity for long periods 
    of time know that there are many references to what is known as the 
    'host of heaven' in both the Old and New Testaments.  I believe it is 
    extremely important for us to figure out just exactly what is meant by 
    these references, because it must be key to a better understanding of 
    what has been transpiring upon Earth throughout this tumultuous age.

    I am purposely leaving out direct pointers to particular places in 
    biblical scripture, where these references are made, because I want 
    anyone that reads this to go and do the investigative footwork for 
    themselves.  The understandings gained by one's own research efforts 
    are far more rewarding.

    There are so many references, that I really don't even know where 
    exactly to start.  Maybe it would be good to begin by discussing what 
    may be meant exactly by the term 'the heavens.'

    The moon and the sun are mentioned as being members of the heavens, in 
    the book of Revelation, and elsewhere.  There are direct, and indirect 
    references to Jupiter, Mars and Venus throughout the New Testament.  
    The reference to Jupiter, in conjunction with a story about a goddess 
    known as Diana of the Ephesians, is especially compelling to me.  
    Everyone knows that at a specific point in apostle Paul's ministry, he 
    preached from atop a high place known as Areopagus, or Mars Hill.  And 
    then, there is the matter of Jesus using the 'Bright and Morning Star' 
    descriptor to refer to Himself.

    Also, consider that we are told that the place that we are to be 
    brought to in the heavens, after death, was established 'before the 
    foundations of the earth were lain,' and that those of us that are to 
    be saved into the Lord's Kingdom have actually been predestined for 
    the privilege, far before Earth was even constructed.  This seems to 
    conflict somewhat, with another area of scripture, in the Old 
    Testament, I believe, that describes human souls being forged deep 
    within the bowels of the planet.  All of this should be pondered upon.

    Then, there are the many legends that have to do with an earlier cycle 
    of life upon Earth, in the far distant past, where the 'Sons of God' 
    resided upon this planet.  Supposedly, these Sons became very 
    reckless, and began to war amongst themselves, thus destroying the 
    ancient surface of the world, which was subsequently refurbished by 
    the agency of the Lord, who then instituted mankind upon it.

    The Hebrew words that are used to describe the complete devastation of 
    the Earth's surface during that time are 'tohu' and 'bohu,' which, 
    translated into English, roughly correspond to our words 'null' and 
    'void.'  This, of course, means that the Earth became completely 
    barren at that time.  Another interesting thing to consider, is that 
    we are warned that the upcoming events of this age would lead to 
    exactly such a situation ('no flesh would be saved alive'), if the 
    Lord were not planning on intervening, before mankind's errors would 
    bring us to that point.

    I would like to digress for a moment, and say that I believe that an 
    important thing for everyone to remember, is that Earth is not at all 
    operating along the lines that Almighty God would like it to.  He 
    tells us that the entire world has been deceived by Satan to some 
    degree, and that there will not be true righteousness upon this 
    planet, until Jesus begins His rule here.

    In the book of Jude, we are told that there are angels that disobeyed 
    God, by leaving what is described as 'their estate,' and (I assume) 
    traveling to Earth.  I have already mentioned, in a previous file, 
    that there seems to be good reason to believe that angels have a 
    corporeal dimension to them, at least some of the time.  Maybe they 
    are able to temporarily materialize, or perhaps, they are even 
    entirely material beings, with a more powerful set of spiritual 
    capabilities, perhaps able to dematerialize at will.

    The point that I am trying to get at, is that it seems possible that 
    those angels that are mentioned in the book of Jude might have left a 
    material world, similar to Earth.  Perhaps that world (if this theory 
    is correct) is quite nearby, in this solar system even, but removed 
    from this time-space zone by many tens of thousands, or even millions 
    or billions of years.  I have extensively detailed what I believe 
    might be possible, in this regard, within other files.

    I think that this is the case, and that many of the powerful people in 
    the world know it well, and have been trying desperately to keep this 
    kind of understanding from the general population of Earth for ages.  
    In fact, I will take this a step further, and describe some other 
    possibilities that I believe are very important to consider.

    We are told in the Lord's word that there are powers in the heavens 
    that are not aligned with Him.  Those powers are described as being 
    'spiritual wickedness in high places,' 'the prince of the power of the 
    air,' 'a great red dragon [in the heavens],' and on.

    The wicked powers, we are told, are very real, and able to bestow 
    certain kinds of authority upon mankind, in this evil, mismanaged 
    planetary age.  Nobody should ever accept any such bestowal of 
    authority, or other favors, from such forces - ever.  But, 
    unfortunately, as we all know, many people do.  Such Satanic 
    agreements with the errant powers and principalities seem to be 
    leading many people down to their eternal damnation.

    Those sinister dark forces, I believe, are collectively known as the 
    Dragon, or the Serpent.  They are the devil's angels, who are also 
    described as 'wandering stars,' in the book of Jude.  From what I 
    gather, they comprise approximately one-third of the angels initially 
    created by the Lord, that joined in rebellion against Yahweh, along 
    with Satan, and his immediate cohorts.

    Something that must be considered, is that although those 
    intelligences are in rebellion against God, one great, and difficult 
    to completely comprehend irony of the situation, is that the Lord is 
    still able to completely control them.  I believe that this is because 
    rebellion against the Lord inevitably leads to a complete forfeit of 
    an individual's will power, which basically means a descension, to a 
    baser, primitive and instinctual state of being.  This might account 
    for the drone-like, zombie-ish behavior of many of the prefects of 
    spiritual darkness that one often encounters.

    In fact, we are told by the Lord, in the Bible, that 'I will command 
    the serpent, and he will strike thee.'  This indicates that the Lord 
    is often intimately involved with the distribution of the woes 
    inflicted upon mankind by the serpent forces.  This can be a very 
    difficult concept for many of us to swallow, when considering the 
    length, width, depth and breadth of the depravity of the age, but, 
    nevertheless, it is there in the Lord's word.  Read it and weep.

    God often afflicted Israel with horrible punishments, when they 
    neglected to respect His commands to them.  We all know what happened 
    to the Jews earlier in this century.  I am not saying that I feel that 
    the Lord commanded those evils to come upon the Jews, but one must 
    consider such a possibility, given the long history of woes that have 
    been allowed to precipitate upon world Jewry.

    As Christians, we must constantly keep in mind that God loves the 
    Jews, and that because of His love for them, and important promises 
    that were made to Abraham, the grand patriarch of Israel (and also, of 
    the Arabs, I believe), we, the Gentile races, have access to the great 
    mercy and love of Yahweh, which, quite possibly, might have been 
    completely out of reach, had not Christ been sent for our benefit.

    It is explained to us, that the tree of Israel has been 'pruned' of 
    some of it's original branches and fruit (an analogy for descendants), 
    to make way for those of us that are not Jews, to be grafted onto that 
    tree, by faith in Jesus Christ.  This is very, very important to 
    remember.

    Although the Lord certainly has allowed many horrible things to happen 
    to the Jewish race throughout their long history, I am convinced that 
    God loves them deeply, and is going to restore those of them that will 
    survive into the new, Christ-ruled age, beyond their wildest dreams.

    All of us know that practically all cultures on Earth have suffered 
    tremendously, at various different times throughout their histories.  
    The Inquisition, various famines, and two devastating plagues in 
    Europe; all kinds of epidemics and calamities in Asia, Africa and 
    Central and South America; the horrible, near-genocidal tragedy of the 
    history of the North American Indians, and the Aboriginal peoples of 
    Australia and Oceania; those atomic bombs dropped on Japan; and wars 
    everywhere on the planet.  All of this is very sad to consider.  The 
    Jews are not alone, as far as sufferings are concerned.

    The unique thing about the Jews, in the context of suffering, appears 
    to be that they have been a displaced and persecuted people all 
    throughout the world, for most of their existence.  Only the Gypsies 
    seem to have a history that is vaguely comparable.  Perhaps there are 
    other cultures that have much in common with the sufferings of the 
    Jews, that I am not fully aware of, like the Assyrians, or the 
    Parsees.

    The other day, I heard a Jewish Christian proclaim that Jews have 
    enjoyed more peace and prosperity in the United States, than anywhere 
    else in their history.  He went on to say that he believed that this 
    was because of Christianity, rather than in spite of it (which is how 
    some Jews feel, because of the long history in Europe, of Christian 
    hostilities towards Jews).

    I feel that the North American brand of Christian faith, at it's best, 
    is the very closest that mankind has gotten to true Christianity.  For 
    most of this century, our Christian body seems to have been more 
    tolerant, generous and good-natured than many of our counterparts 
    throughout the rest of the world.  We have contributed more to the 
    spiritual progress of the world in general, than any other people.

    The awful paradox, is that a very strong counter-action appears to 
    have developed over the past few decades, that threatens to utterly 
    undo all of the good works that have been accrued throughout the past 
    hundred or so years.  To simplify it, I really believe that we are 
    engaged in a very serious war against two major Satanic forces:  the 
    Whore and the Beast.

    I believe everybody knows what the Whore is - it's that abominable 
    system of fraternalism that seems to have inundated everyone and 
    everything in the nation, as of late.  The Beast, as best as I 
    understand it, seems to be the political and military aspects of the 
    Whore system, the 'front' of the fraternalism, if you will.  We are 
    told in the Lord's word that the members of the Beast will all be 'of 
    one mind,' and that the Lord Himself will put it into their minds to 
    fulfill His purposes for the end-time scenarios.

    Well, the Whore and the Beast can't be the exact same thing, because 
    after a certain point (this is described in the book of Revelation), 
    the Beast destroys the Whore, by 'burning her with fire.'  Again, 
    although the Beast appears to be described as an antichristian 
    assembly of people, considered as a singular entity, it appears that 
    the Lord Himself directs it's destructive activities, because after 
    the demolition of the main headquarters of the Whore (Babylon), the 
    holy prophets of the Lord are told to rejoice, because the Lord has 
    avenged the sufferings of the people that were afflicted by her.  
    Again, we are discussing the Babylon system of harlotry, which so many 
    of these modern American people seem to be believers in.  It works for 
    them.

    As that system has increased in popularity, our civilization appears 
    to have undergone some very dramatic changes, many of which, at least 
    to my mind, have been most unfortunate.

    Most people that complain about the ways that things have changed over 
    the past few decades, gripe about the same kinds of things:  a lack of 
    respect for mankind and life in general, violence, broken homes and 
    on.  I have the same complaints, but I add others that aren't often 
    considered.

    One of the very saddest things of all, to me, is the large-scale 
    failure for some members of the more primitive cultures throughout the 
    world to wholeheartedly adopt the finer aspects of Western 
    civilization.  And it's not just the less advanced people and cultures 
    that are turning up their noses at the concept of morality, ethics, 
    etcetera; many of our advantaged and well=educated youth also have an 
    intense disregard for the better qualities of our civilization.  All 
    of this is reflected in the awful music and art that people absorb 
    daily.  Our culture, which has been died for, by hundreds of thousands 
    of people in battle, seems to be in a self-destruct mode of sorts.  A 
    kind of wholesale reversion, to a baser, more animalistic state.  It 
    is obvious to me, at least.  This social movement towards the ruder, 
    pagan state of man, in known in some circles as 
    'neo-primitivism.'  Quite.

    Some people think that this kind of dodo bird behavior is good.  I 
    don't.  In fact, I believe that there may be many things happening 
    right now, that were also occurring in that hypothetical ancient age 
    of Earth, where the errant Sons of God were ruling.  This is what I 
    believe.

    I have heard that archaeological ruins and artifacts have been found 
    on the continent of Antarctica.  That, and Antarctica in general, is 
    very, very interesting to me.  Someday, I will write some files about 
    that.

    Around the Kerguelen island archipelago, near the bottom of the Indian 
    Ocean, there is a very large system of high sea shelves, which could 
    have been part of an ancient continental mass.  Similar observations 
    can be made in the Pacific, and yes, the Atlantic Oceans.  If the 
    surface of Earth was utterly destroyed in the far-flung past, and then 
    recreated by Yahweh, might not there have been a completely different 
    set of continental masses?  I would really like to know what, if 
    anything, has been found in Antarctica, because I believe that there 
    is a great significance to that ice-shrouded continent.  The glacial 
    layers are two miles thick, in certain areas, so it must be extremely 
    challenging to do good archaeological work there.

    There have been times when I have felt as if I was being directed by 
    the Lord, to actually mark out certain places on ocean maps of the 
    world, where important ruins might be found.  I am thinking of a 
    particular set of coordinates right now, but I will not write them 
    down, because I don't want the wrong people to get such information, 
    if it is correct.  Ideally, I would like my own resources, so that I 
    could actually go, and do the exploring myself.  I am sick of the 
    vampiric mind-pirates that have been running amok, all the live-long 
    day.

    Now, about extraterrestrials...

    I believe that the beings that are often referred to as the Greys, are 
    not all entirely evil.  I do believe that they correspond with what is 
    known in the Bible as the 'Serpent,' or the 'Dragon,' but I think that 
    it may be possible that some of them are in the employ of Yahweh.  The 
    main reason why I believe this, is because the Hebrew word 'seraph,' 
    which is used to describe a certain type of heavenly being, means 
    'fiery flying serpent.'  Another reason why I believe that some of the 
    Greys might be servants of God, has to do with statements made in the 
    New Testament, about Lord Jesus sending forth angels in the end-times, 
    for the purpose of gathering the elect, and also for what is described 
    as 'the bundling of the tares.'  After the 'tares' are bundled, they 
    are cast into a fiery furnace.  If that sounds silly to any of you, I 
    feel sorry for you, because I believe that it is a very real 
    possibility.

    Many of the files from the Internet that I have been reading, 
    completely equate all of the beings described as the Greys, with the 
    powers of darkness.  I can't claim to know for sure, but again, I 
    think that some, perhaps even most of them are good, but seem evil to 
    those of us that are living in this sinful age on Earth, because of 
    our rebellious state.

    I am, as always, trying to be careful, because I certainly believe 
    that I could be completely wrong in this regard.  The experiences that 
    I seem to have had in conjunction with the Greys, and 
    'Grey-controlled' people, have been largely very negative and 
    frightening.  I just think that one should explore, and consider every 
    angle of the situation, before coming to final conclusions.

    If the beings that have been recovered from alleged UFO crashes are 
    Greys, perhaps they are the 'bad' ones, that have been cast down from 
    the heavens, after losing their war against Lord Yahweh.  Those beings 
    might actually have been Satan, and his angels.

    If that turned out to be so, it might explain the acceleration of many 
    incredibly disruptive societal trends, over the past forty or fifty 
    years.  Perhaps the disgruntled souls (remember, angels have already 
    had a bestowal of eternal life) of those beings have been interacting 
    more intimately with mankind since then.  In the Bible, we are told 
    that the 'devil comes down with great wrath, for he knows that he has 
    but a short time.'  Satan flying around in UFOs?  Seems to be entirely 
    feasible to me.

    In a particular place in the Bible, the Lord says that 'though you set 
    your nest in the heavens, from thence I will bring thee down.'  Also, 
    the people of Earth that 'climb up' into the heavens, by using 'some 
    other way,' rather than by entering through the gate, are 'liars and 
    thieves.'  This certainly seems to be a strong indication that there 
    are 'ways' to somehow 'sneak' into the literal heavens.  God Himself 
    seems to be telling us this, in a roundabout way.

    All of the biblical references that I am making are legitimate, but I 
    cannot say for sure whether my interpretations are entirely correct.  
    I wish that I knew for sure all of the exact details of the end-time 
    scenario.

--- lucidity.log
    It's a bad sign if you should stumble
    Tue Aug 10 1999

    I have meant to preserve the continuity re my relating the details 
    surrounding my near-death experience back in early 1989, but over the 
    past few days, I have had a vague wave of disorienting phenomena wash 
    over me, and I haven't felt right about continuing along.

    I have felt exceptionally tired over the past few weeks, and I don't 
    have much doubt that there has been a concerted effort of some sort, 
    to render me unable to continue along with my narrative of the details 
    of my life around that time, because, again, of the sinister people 
    that are the prime idiots behind all of the main world conspiracy 
    scenarios.  People that really don't have a clue about what's going on 
    may be excused for snickering, giggling, laughing, etcetera - but 
    those of you that know, even slightly, of the horrible reality of what 
    I am talking about; you guys have no excuse.

    If I am correct (and I am fairly sure that I am) about the sick 
    assholes that I suspect have been 'monitoring' me, then anyone that 
    thinks that this situation is excusable, is just stupid, as far as I 
    am concerned.  All of the people that are responsible for perpetrating 
    the abominations that I have been speaking against are probably going 
    to hell.  I sure hope so, because I certainly can't imagine what use 
    they would be to the Lord.  The depth of their inhumanity is 
    incredible.  Maybe, if the new technology being used to torment 
    victims such as myself were better understood by the general public, 
    there would be more of an uproar.  Unfortunately, most people not only 
    don't understand what is afoot - they don't want to know about it at 
    all.

    It's almost as if there has been some kind of subliminal suggestion in 
    the media, that makes people 'turn off' to the topic of 'beam' or 
    'wave' weaponry, as soon as the subject is brought forth.  I 
    distributed at least several dozen floppies, packed with information 
    about such systems.  And not even one letter, or phone call, has come 
    in response.  Weird.  These are some real dummies.

    Sometimes, it seems as if I am the only 'real' person, and that 
    everyone else is just a hologram of some sort.  When I start thinking 
    along such lines, my feelings of futility increase, and I wonder if 
    there's any point at all in trying to communicate these concepts to 
    anyone that is unaware of them.  Living in a nation where you are 
    laughed at for being victimized like this, is simply no fun.

    How can so many people be so ignorant?

    It really boggles my mind.  In my next file (hopefully), I'll fill in 
    some more blanks, providing information about how things progressed 
    from the point when I met Emmitt and Aly, and a short time later, the 
    lovely [NAME DELETED].  It will be an important file.  I'll also 
    explain how my friend Beatrice, her father, Hermann Schneider, and the 
    Amway corporation fit into the whole equation.  This will color in the 
    times prior to and subsequent to my NDE, and hopefully, help anyone 
    who may be interested to better understand the whole situation.

--- jotun.log
    You ain't seen nothing yet
    Wed Aug 11 1999

    I have decided to put off writing any further about my experiences 
    back in early 1989.  Eventually, I will pick it up, but now doesn't 
    seem like the right time, for many reasons.  Some of the details are 
    very strange, and would probably be disturbing for me to recollect and 
    record - at this time.  When I finally get around to describing the 
    rest of the situation, I want all of the details to be as accurate as 
    possible, and at this time, I believe that it would be better to wait.

    There are a great many unusual experiences and occurrences that I have 
    neglected to record, especially dreams.  I have had many peculiar 
    dreams, many of which seemed to later correlate with subsequent events 
    in the 'real world.'  I have noticed this particular phenomena for 
    years, and I have felt alternately excited and disturbed, because on 
    the one hand, it seems to have afforded me with a vague ability to 
    'meter the day ahead,' but on the other hand, there have been times 
    when I have loathed getting out of bed, for fear that another bad day 
    was about to unfold.  Many times I have actively sought to ignore 
    these weird premonitions.  Over the years, it has really been uncanny, 
    how many symbolic synchronicities I have noticed between my 
    dream-states, and my waking hours.

    There are so many dumb things happening.  I am really dismayed by the 
    general spiritual state of everything.  I am sure that some people are 
    happy with the way things are.  The vultures and vampires, I bet.  I'm 
    sure they like it just fine.  The only people that seem to be enjoying 
    themselves are the 'schadenfreude' types.  Sucking the moisture out of 
    the bones of martyrs, and other assorted victims.  There is absolutely 
    nothing that you can say to make them understand how disgusting and 
    wrong they are.  It is their nature to do the evil things that they 
    do; there is no other way for them.  About being good:  they don't 
    know how.  Talk of ethics and morality make them laugh.  Or, horror or 
    horrors - they actually claim to be moral and ethical, even more so 
    that those of us that are complaining about the kinds of things that 
    have been happening.

    I mean - we appear to have a judicial system that actually rapes 
    people - literally.  The American people seem to know a lot about it, 
    in a roundabout way.  And nobody seems to care.  People that protest 
    these sorts of abominations being precipitated upon themselves become 
    the 'bad guys' or the 'crazies.'  Total lunacy, if you ask me.

    I believe that sodomy is the Mark of the Beast, or a major component 
    of it.  I have often wondered, over the years, just what it is about 
    sodomy aficionados, that is, homosexuals, that is so very different, 
    in a spiritual sense, from those of us that are heterosexuals.  I 
    think that I know what it is.  Although it appears that both types of 
    people can suffer from demonic possession, homosexuals seem to have a 
    much more profound set of spiritual problems, along those lines.  Of 
    course, there are a great many people that are not obviously 'gay,' 
    perhaps those are the people that have the worst spiritual problems of 
    all.  Many of them seem to me to be very heavily 'snake-ified.'  Lots 
    of women too.  People like that, are the types that giggle and snicker 
    when someone gets hurt.  They take delight in the misfortunes of 
    others.

    That seems to be a very big part of what the whole cult of child 
    molestation is about.  Demonizing children, so that they will be 
    desensitized to the feelings of others, thus making them more 
    'successful,' in the way that success is understood in this age.  Many 
    successful people appear to be quite insensitive to the feelings of 
    others - they seem to value themselves above all else.  That kind of 
    morbid, fatal, obsessed-with-oneself behavior is the very essence of 
    Satanism, at least as best as I can understand it.  Such people are 
    self-toxified.

    And all stemming from child sexual abuse in the early years, in many 
    cases, apparently.  The sick bastards that perpetrate and perpetuate 
    that ungodly shit need to be punished.  That's how I feel.  They are 
    just too stupid, and demonized to see how wrong their sick deeds are.  
    The Lord knows how wrong they are, I am sure of it.  Very few of them 
    are going to be saved, from what I can see.

    Yes.  Sodomy, and the demonization that appears to result from it.  
    That seems to me to be a very big part of what the Mark of the Beast 
    is all about.  Laugh if you want to.

    I haven't meant this file to be very long.  I'll continue tomorrow.

--- bwoop.log
    Up, sang the sing-song fang
    Thu Aug 12 1999

    Waiting.  Still waiting.  Today, I met a really pretty girl, named 
    Hoeun, who was working at one of the neighborhood stores.  Real cute, 
    but she looks like she might be underage; it's hard to tell, 
    sometimes.  I couldn't help but tell her that I thought that she was 
    beautiful.  She didn't seem fazed.

    Nothing much has been happening, really.  Still waiting - patiently.  
    Got some technical microwave transmission information in the mail 
    today; filed it away.  I have been transcribing some of the stories, 
    and other assorted information from the Eddas, and related writings, 
    because I think that some of the symbolism is interesting, and 
    possibly even informative, if read in the right way.  I'm not 
    convinced, but I think that there may be something important there.  
    There was a time when I really felt very strongly opinionated about 
    such matters, but lately, I have tried to avoid emotionalism, because 
    it can really cloud up reality.

    The symbology concerning wolves and ravens in the Eddas is really 
    interesting to me, because of some extremely memorable dreams (and 
    waking experiences) that I have had.  It's fascinating how one's own 
    inner 'mythology,' and historical literature often converge, at least 
    in my case.  I am certain that many folks will never understand what I 
    am talking about, because most people don't seem to closely consider 
    their dreams, and other nebulous mind-states and phenomenology.  
    Paying attention really pays off.

    I am convinced that Jesus is returning very soon.

--- eddic.log
    You will destroy the gleaming dragon
    Thu Aug 19 1999

    Over the past week or so, I have been transcribing a particularly good 
    (as in easily understandable) translation of some Eddic poetry; I have 
    already finished a bit more than half of the book.

    I haven't been keeping up with my LOG entries - I really should finish 
    up describing the events prior and subsequent to my oft-mentioned 
    near-death experience.  I probably will soon.

    I'm not completely certain, but I may have even more enemies than I 
    previously thought.  If I am correct about what I believe may be so, 
    part of the mystery as to why I have constantly suffered severe 
    psycho-spiritual problems over the past few years, may finally be 
    cleared up somewhat.

    To put it simply, I believe that some extremely nasty demonic 
    intelligences have taken up residence in some of my friends and 
    family.  As I have said before, I know that those spirits are very 
    real, having had some concrete experiences with them over the years.  
    The negativity and bad behavior that they are often able to manifest 
    in certain people is really incredible.  I have tried to pray for some 
    of my more antichristian friends throughout the years, holding out 
    hope that they would come around to the reality of Christ's pending 
    return to Earth.  Again, I'm not totally sure about what I suspect, 
    but it seems likely that my prayers and hopes have been in vain, at 
    least as regards some particular individuals.

    I have experienced alienation and ridicule for most of my life, not 
    just within the past few years.  It's just especially sad to me to 
    realize, that now, when the stakes are so very, very high, that there 
    would be so much treachery and ill will between myself and people that 
    I have been trying to trust.  If things go wrong, I will have nobody 
    to rely on - not even my family members.  It's sad, because many of 
    these people seem to think that those abominational fraternal 
    practices are a way to create greater trust amongst people.  Not so.  
    At least, not for me.

    In the Bible, Jesus warns us that friends and family will betray one 
    another towards the end of the age.  That is what seems to be 
    happening right now.  The old 'with friends like that, who needs 
    enemies' saw really seems to apply more than ever before.

    The kinds of unholy things that are happening cannot be simply 
    explained away, by attributing them to mental illnesses.  No.  They 
    are deep spiritual problems, that seem to have been passed along for 
    generations.  There is no doubt in my mind.

    Those demons, once they take up residence in the minds of their 
    victims, move them down the slippery slope towards all types of 
    antichristian practices and belief systems, like witchcraft, 
    pornography, etcetera.  Many people are in deep bondage to such 
    things.  It is most unfortunate.  The ratio between people in Satanic 
    bondage to people with (or aspiring towards) the Spirit of God seem 
    heavily weighted towards the demonized folks.  What to do, what to do?  
    All I can do right now, is pray.  If I don't keep faith in God, I will 
    freak out completely.  I am going to keep faith in God.

--- radium.log
    Endless ironies
    Thu Aug 19 1999

    This is a file that I originally planned for the seventh of this 
    month.  For various reasons, I never got around to finishing it.  I 
    still don't think that now is the perfect time to write it, but 
    something tells me that I really should.  I am convinced that the 
    'Egyptian' aspect of our civilization isn't going away any time soon, 
    and since I have suffered so much indignation at its hands, I feel 
    that I really should help anyone that might care to better understand 
    just what my particular odyssey has been like.

    At a certain point in my life (early in the beginning of this decade, 
    perhaps early 1993), I prepared an abbreviated account of all of the 
    instances where I have had extremely paranormal experiences, 
    particularly events where I actually saw manifestations of demonic 
    personalities from within people.

    It was a long list.  Perhaps covering more than a page or two.  I have 
    since lost it, but I am certain that I can unearth nearly all of the 
    memories, if I really give it the old school try.  That is what I 
    intend to do at the present time.

    I also want to provide as much information about the events 
    surrounding my near-death experience, especially during the month or 
    two just prior to it.  A very large part of the reason why I feel that 
    certain hard-to-believe things are possible will be brought to light, 
    at least for some people.

    Everything is so bloody insane, that I may well never have another 
    psychologically convenient time to do this.  So, I will begin, by 
    explaining how I came to form the MARS organization, with my friends 
    Emmitt, Aly, and a number of other young people, back in early 1988.

    The small details that led up to our formation of the group are many, 
    and most of them seem important to me - however, this is a very 
    difficult set of situations for me to set in perfect chronological 
    order, and I fear that the construction of an exhaustive account is 
    beyond me at this moment.  It is difficult to bring myself to even 
    briefly describe these matters, because I am feeling so intensely 
    irritated at the present time.

    A really thorough description is what I should prepare, but, again, I 
    really don't feel comfortable about attempting it at this time.  I 
    don't mind saying that I feel that there are people and forces that 
    would rather that I didn't write anything at all about any of this.  
    Those people and forces, I wish to thwart, because they seem to me to 
    be the real problem behind much of the disorder and misery in world 
    affairs.  Because of their chronic dishonesty, and disgusting Satanic 
    practices, big-time secrets that desperately need to be understood by 
    the general public have remained shrouded in secrecy.

    I would that their cloak-and-dagger methodologies be completely 
    exposed and ended, although it doesn't seem likely, because of the 
    decades of mind-control programming and conditioning that the United 
    States of America, and the Western nations in general, have undergone.

    Much of what I think I know, is pretty unbelievable stuff, even to me.  
    But I am convinced that some, if not all of what I believe, is 
    horribly true.

    Pretty much the entire premise of the MARS organization was created 
    and initiated by me.  The acronym MARS originally stood for Modern 
    American Reformation Society, but later, I changed it to mean the 
    Modern American Regeneration Society.  My vision for the group, had 
    everything to do with combating the extremely disheartening trends in 
    American youth culture that I had been witnessing throughout the 
    several years prior (the late eighties).

    As I remember it, there seemed to be two basic psychological trends:  
    one towards hedonism, that transcended nearly all of the various youth 
    culture categories, and permeated nearly all of them to some degree; 
    and another trend, that for want of a better descriptor, I will 
    describe as a general fascist sentiment, which was primarily located 
    within European, and related groups, although it too could be found 
    (in abstracted forms) in a great many other youth subcultures.

    Well, my desire was to create an assault upon both of those trends, to 
    kill the proverbial 'two birds' with one stone.  The way that I 
    figured that I could most easily accomplish this, would be to 
    'democratize' the symbolism classically associated with fascism.  That 
    meant that our group had to appropriate the ancient symbol of the 
    fylfot, or swastika, which it did.  Also, other important concepts had 
    to be pressed into the service of the cause, including generic aspects 
    of militarism, hierarchical formations, etcetera.

    Other organizations (such as the Salvation Army) have used precisely 
    the rational that I am describing, with great success; I was hoping 
    that our endeavor would work along the same lines.  Order certainly 
    seemed to be needed in the youth cultures in general, considering that 
    the exaltation of chaos and every form of sick behavior had progressed 
    to an incredible degree, even at that time.

    Basically, the idea was to create an entirely new youth subculture, 
    one that was based on sanity, righteousness, and all things good and 
    God-fearing.  I really felt that recovering the symbol of the swastika 
    was a very important thing to do, because it seemed to be so very 
    weighted down by the murderous purposes to which fascist Germany had 
    put it.  We envisioned a youth culture where all world cultures were 
    welcomed, and seen as equals, sitting at a psychological 'round table' 
    of sorts.  This is what we were trying to effect.

    To that end, we designed a sort of uniform:  all black clothing, with 
    a special armband that featured a different form of the swastika - one 
    that was very much like the symbol used by Robert and MaryAnn 
    DeGrimston's Process Church (later renamed the Foundation Faith of the 
    Millennium).  The little bit of information that I was able to glean 
    from the library system about the Process Church was fascinating to 
    me.

    The very first time that I ever heard of the group was a time when 
    Carlos, Steve Gomez and I were practicing at Thymme Jones' bungalow 
    home in Evanston (around summer 1988).  Lance Walker showed up, and 
    showed us a British book about cults, that featured a photo of 
    DeGrimston wearing a symbol very similar to the design of the MARS 
    swastika emblem, which I later created.

    Right around the time when Emmitt, Aly and myself (we were the 
    founders of the organization) created the MARS group, I had been 
    spending a lot of time over at an apartment on Wilton, where various 
    friends of mine often congregated.  I have described the situation 
    there in several other files:  very chaotic, but mostly fun.  There 
    were a lot of minor fights, and other unpleasant occurrences, but 
    mostly, it was a good scene.  That's where I initially met Emmitt and 
    Aly, who were a young couple from Florida, who were visiting Chicago 
    at that time.

    Emmitt and I actually sat down, and wrote out sheets of details on 
    various different things, like slogans, that we thought would be good 
    to incorporate into our general propaganda.  One of the first things 
    that we wanted to do, was start some sort of periodical, where we 
    would outline our beliefs and objectives.  I still have all of that 
    memorabilia stored away somewhere, but I don't feel like searching for 
    it right now.

    Now remember, this all took place several months before I had my 
    near-death experience.  Right.  Now maybe certain folks will better 
    understand why I have been believing some of the things that I have 
    been describing throughout these files.

    There is much more.  Around that time, I fashioned something that I 
    might describe as the 'Malachi Acronym,' or something similar.  I felt 
    that there was a great importance to the last passages of the final 
    book (Malachi - at least in the Protestant version) of the Old 
    Testament.  In it, the Lord mentions that He will 'smite the earth 
    with a curse,' if the people of the latter days will not regard his 
    will.  What I did, is link a chain of organizations that I hoped to 
    produce, onto the word 'Malachi.'  The list is as follows:  Mars, 
    Alienation, Left-Right, Aerolions, Chaos, Hidden Network and the 
    Interventionists.

    Now, to describe my intended meanings and purposes for all of these 
    groups would take a lot of time.  I will forgo the explanations at 
    this time.  Suffice it to say, that I believe that I may have had a 
    sort of 'timeline' revealed to me, at that time, in the form of that 
    acronym.  It makes sense to me, because I know what the intended 
    meaning of the organizations are.

    Yeah, we worked out a whole system of rank, and symbology that we were 
    going to use - all of that, and much more.  The first three aspects of 
    the acronym came to fruition, over the subsequent three or four years, 
    although the third one (Left-Right) was rechristened as Futureshok 
    (which was an underground club that I started with another group of 
    people, later, in 1990).

    The lamentable thing about all of this, is that I seemed to not take 
    very seriously the fact that the Process Church, and other groups that 
    seemed very interesting to me at the time, were basically variations 
    of Satanic groups.  Supposedly, Charles Manson had spent quite a bit 
    of time with certain people from the Process Church, in California, 
    just before starting his 'Family' exploits.  Charles Manson has always 
    fascinated me, and when I learned that he'd been involved with the 
    group, I became all the more intrigued with them.

    I, of course, am not, and never will be a Satanist.  But, for the 
    benefit of individuals that don't understand anything at all about 
    Satanic realities, I will say this:  I have been confronted and 
    challenged by manifestations of demonic force all throughout my life, 
    and as a result, I know several important things.  One, is that Satan, 
    and the associated evil intelligences are very, very real.  Another, 
    is that they are truly subservient, at all times, to the Lord, who is 
    the master of all intelligences, both evil and good.  Thirdly, it is 
    important to remember that God tells us in the Bible, that it is He 
    that creates and allows all forms of evil.  Thus, it follows, that He 
    is also the stopper and destroyer of all evil.  I have learned to keep 
    faith in God under very impossible circumstances.  Let me tell you.  
    Because I know that the Almighty will bring to an end all of the 
    forces of wickedness very soon.  I know it.

    The creation of the MARS group was both a good and a bad thing.  The 
    first important thing that we did, was to organize an event that was 
    called the 'Countdown Decade March'; about a dozen of us (yes, there 
    were that many), all dressed in black, and all wearing the MARS 
    armbands, met up on the morning of January 1st, 1989, and took the el 
    down to State Street, where we wandered around for about an hour.  
    We'd thought that there were going to be New Year's Day festivities, 
    but there weren't.  Surprisingly, most of the retail stores were open, 
    and we tromped through Marshall Fields, and a few other stores.  We 
    may have even had breakfast at McDonalds, or maybe not.

    At a certain point, some dude popped up out of nowhere (on the 
    southeast corner of State and Monroe, near the Palmer House), and took 
    our picture, as a group (we actually posed), with a very large and 
    expensive-looking camera.  I have always wondered what became of that 
    photo.  Somebody probably has it.  Perhaps it went directly into the 
    CIA vaults.

    That, and walking around the city dressed in black, whilst wearing our 
    armbands, is pretty much the extent of what we did.  At a much later 
    time (July 4th of 1990), I organized an anti-Communist gathering, in 
    front of the Art Institute, where we intended to burn a Russian flag 
    (which I had actually traveled way out on the south side to buy for 
    fifty or so bucks).  At that point, Emmitt and Aly had already left, 
    and there were no uniforms involved.  About two dozen people showed up 
    for that.  Although I'd sent out press releases for it to the main 
    news networks, none of them showed up, although Dallas Jamison from 
    WBBM/CBS said that she would, when I called her repeatedly on the 
    phone.  She asked me 'who I was' to claim that I knew that Soviet 
    agents were secretly sabotaging the United States.  I told her that I 
    was just another American that knew what was really going on.

    It was meant to be a response to the 'Dred Scott' fiasco, where some 
    young Art Institute student had disrespected the United States flag in 
    one of his exhibits, and subsequently generated all kinds of heated 
    political debate.  I have always been pro-American, and I saw that 
    whole affair as just another Soviet (and internal anti-American) 
    intelligence operation.  I have since learned that our people are so 
    deeply stupid, that they no longer know the difference between what is 
    'American' and what is 'Soviet,' 'Socialist' or 'Communist.'  These 
    people seem to think that the fraternal shenanigans are 
    'All-American,' or something.  Nothing should be further from the 
    truth.  It is those practices that have us currently at the mercy of 
    many of the world forces that would take away all of our cherished 
    freedoms and liberties.  It is the fraternal organizations that are 
    the very greatest enemies of freedom and liberty.  They are the most 
    significant antichristian groups of all, at least in the United 
    States.  They are Satan's very own.

    One of the biggest problems, is that over the years, our people have 
    gotten used to listening to the 'concerns' of people that are more and 
    more deeply depraved, in the name of preserving their 'freedoms.'  
    There are people that are seriously concerned about preserving the 
    'right' for certain individuals and groups to practice all kinds of 
    abominable things, including witchcraft, prostitution, murder, rape - 
    you name it.  And the incredible thing, is that there are actually 
    legions of 'lawyers,' and other legal 'professionals' that seek to 
    defend such debased sensibilities.  It's sad.

    As an interjection, I would like to say that the level of 
    psychological and social control that the forces of world Communism 
    have achieved here is truly amazing.  I really have to hand it to 
    them, they are pros.

    As another, and (as regards the general details of this story) even 
    more important interjection, I'll say that I was actually wearing one 
    of those famous armbands on the night of my near-death experience.  I 
    don't think that I mentioned this in any of the files dealing with 
    these matters.  In fact, when Aly brought me back down to Amy's 
    apartment (after I was returned to my body), the first thing that 
    [NAME ([NICKNAME DELETED]) DELETED] said to me was:  'put your armband 
    back on' (it had loosened, and was almost falling off).

    The armband design was a sky blue square with a red 'twisted' swastika 
    emblazoned upon it, affixed to an armband, which had two strips of 
    Velcro for an adjustable fit.  An excellent tailor on Wabash fashioned 
    the black felt armbands, and I did the graphical elements, which were 
    assembled from iron-on patch material that I purchased from a State 
    Street Woolworth's store (at the south end, near Jackson).  Slightly 
    more than a dozen were produced.  I still have one or two of them 
    left.

    There is more that I need to describe, including details of my 
    relationship with [NAME DELETED], and how she pretty much broke up the 
    initial flow of the whole MARS agenda.  Also I want to describe my 
    friendship with Beatrice, and her father Hermann Schneider, and how 
    they helped me to form the Alienation voice mailbox communications 
    network, which was one of my most successful undertakings.

    In the next file, I (hopefully) will finally get around to describing 
    (as I mentioned earlier in this file) some of the bizarre paranormal 
    things that I have seen and experienced.

--- survivor.log
    When the raven rejoiced
    Sat Aug 21 1999

    Everything is going fine, notwithstanding my battles with frustration 
    and anger.  The psychic war is still going on; there has been no 
    let-up.  In fact, it is worse than ever.  One thing that really 
    flattens my nerves, is the fact that so few people appear to 
    understand the very serious reality of hell.  It's insane, to me, 
    because I know well that the place exists, having had some 
    unforgettable experiences that have firmly emblazoned the knowledge of 
    it in my mind.  I sincerely wish that there was some way to make more 
    of the doomed people know what kind of unspeakable horror awaits them.  
    It is maddening, I tell you - if only they knew.

    I am very happy, although it would be difficult to explain exactly 
    why.  The short answer, is because I know that the Lord is with me.  
    This, sometimes, is even hard for me to believe.  A lot of times when 
    I try to talk to others about God, they will insult me in various 
    ways, and claim that I am trying to wield a 'holier than thou,' 
    self-righteous attitude; then they will proceed to point out my many 
    faults, and conclude by asking me why it is that I feel that I have 
    the right to talk about salvation, etcetera.  Salvation is not at all 
    about being sinless; in fact, it's about being more keenly aware of 
    the sinful nature of oneself, and mankind in general.

    By paying close attention to the symbolic patterns in my everyday 
    life, I am aware that the Lord has been with me throughout all of my 
    struggles.  I am convinced that it is so.  The synchronicities in my 
    life have been so incredible, and my perception of them has reaffirmed 
    to me again and again that much of life is predestined, written out in 
    advance by God.  The eerie thing, is that most people seem to be 
    utterly unaware of this, and seem to live very reactive, impulsive 
    lives.  In other words, to my mind, most people seem to be extremely 
    instinctual, their behavioral patterns almost programmed.  This is one 
    of the fundamental changes that I have witnessed in society, 
    especially over the past five to ten years.  The fatalistic aspect has 
    been waxing strong, and the true principles of free will have 
    descended.  I believe a large part of the reason why that is so, is 
    because so many folks have been going 'belly up' to the devil.  There 
    has got to be a very large-scale program of subliminal suggestion at 
    play, or something similar.  Probably, there are all kinds of sinister 
    realities simultaneously at work.

    The mass sacrifice of free will must be what has effected the 
    zombie-ish, 'automaton' phenomenology that is evident everywhere.  At 
    least, it's evident to me.  Many others don't seem to notice it at 
    all.

    I have had some downright creepy dreams.  Real surreal.  Most of them 
    aren't even worth writing about.  However, I eventually will get 
    around to recording some of them.

    Soon, I will continue writing about the periods before and after my 
    near-death experience.

--- cydonia.log
    With a helmet on his head
    Sun Aug 22 1999

    Better dead, than a Satanist.  To be numbered in their ranks would be 
    a fate worse than death - a living death.  The spiritual situation is 
    so bad, that many people seem to have a completely inverted, 
    convoluted sense of the meaning of right and wrong.

    There is little that I can do to better the situation.  Sometimes, I 
    wonder what the Lord is thinking, when He looks down and sees all of 
    this insanity being perpetrated.  Honestly, even to me, it sometimes 
    seems like He doesn't care.  But I know He does.

--- illumine.log
    Hateful is the guest who harms his host
    Wed Aug 25 1999

    Yeah, I am fairly convinced that I have figured out most of the 
    abstract dynamics of the weird and creepy bullshit that has been going 
    on lately, regarding that 'system,' and it's hysterical adherents.  
    The simple explanation, is that they are all demonically possessed.  A 
    more complete understanding of the situation requires knowledge of 
    basic Christian theology, and other, more arcane topics, such as the 
    origins of evil spirits, and other mysterious intelligences.

    Again, as I have said many times before, I can't say that I understand 
    every last little niggling detail, but I do know for sure that the 
    basic problem has to do with a spiritual 'invasion' of sorts, that we 
    seem to be currently enduring.  The invading forces are extremely 
    subtle, and once they have a significant amount of spiritual control 
    over their victims, seem to begin a process of vampirism, where the 
    host (depending on the particular situation involved, of course) 
    gradually begins to lose more and more psycho-spiritual ground to the 
    parasitic, indwelling evil spirit.  It really isn't much different 
    from many of the fifties B-movie science-fiction plots (like 'Invasion 
    of the Body Snatchers') - the big difference, is that these situations 
    are totally for real.  No popcorn.

    The real horror of what has been happening will not dawn on most 
    people, until after the Lord comes to deliver the Body of Christ.  
    After that event, the people that have accepted that 'mark' will 
    finally begin to understand what a hellish fate awaits them.  Finally, 
    they will stop laughing.  Well, at least most of them.  Perhaps a few 
    of them will snicker on.

--- aggro.log
    It's wrong
    Sun Aug 29 1999

    I am really looking forward to getting away from this city.  It will 
    be wonderful to finally be able to enjoy my life, rather than hating 
    every day of it.  I think that just about all of these urban people 
    are nuts.  What makes it unbearable for me, is that most of them 
    really seem to believe that they are truly sane.  Unbelievable.  As 
    I've said before, the entire value system is inverted.

    Regarding my earlier comments about the great success that the world 
    Communism movement appears to be having here in the USA:  really, the 
    best way to understand it, is to look at it from a certain martial 
    arts perspective.  One of the eastern fighting disciplines extensively 
    teaches its students to use the main flow of aggression of the 
    opponent against him (I think it's either Tai Kwon Do, or Kung Fu).  
    For example, if someone swings at you hard with their left arm, you 
    grab it, and pull along with the arc of the attack, adding your own 
    strength to it, with the intention of disrupting the intended assault, 
    and perhaps doing some damage yourself.  I've always thought along the 
    same lines, because of having to deal with so much bad treatment 
    throughout my life.  Using the enemy's energy against him, is often 
    what makes the most sense to me.

    Unfortunately, it makes even more sense to the prefects of world 
    Communism, and that, I believe, is pretty much exactly why they have 
    enjoyed so much success here in America, over the past few decades.  
    They have been using 'the evils of Capitalism' to their advantage; as 
    a way to move forward their infernal agenda of world domination.

    They know that nearly all Americans are greedy, materialistic savages.  
    What they seem to have done, very likely in combination with certain 
    European occultic lodges, is to gradually bring the entire nation 
    under the 'spell' of that disgusting system.  It is quite obvious to 
    me that the process has been greatly accelerated by their acquisition 
    of the powerful beam weaponry mind-control systems.  Apparently, they 
    are able to carefully tailor public opinion about anyone that they are 
    able to deceive and manipulate with their lies and high-tech insanity.  
    I mean, I know that we have truly domestic forms of evil; what I am 
    saying, is that it appears that greater forms of wickedness have 
    combined with our sinister native modalities, to form something even 
    more shuddersome.

    That there are so few people that seem to be willing to admit that 
    there is a serious problem with the new technology, isn't encouraging.  
    It would be nice if the so-called 'Christian community' would get 
    itself in gear, and bring to light these matters, but obviously, that 
    probably isn't going to happen.  What a bunch of pathetic zombies.

    But railing against the emasculated masses isn't going to help at all.  
    Insulting and irritating the dummies that are perpetrating and 
    'accepting' the insanity has little effect.  If the situation is going 
    to improve at all, it will have to be God's doing.  I can't do 
    anything significant, because of the control that the hellbound media 
    people have over everything.  I really believe that the main problem 
    lies in Hollywood, and the world military-industrial complex.

    What I would like to know, is if I am correct about those shenanigans 
    being the 'Mark of the Beast' system, somebody must be the prime 
    perpetrator of it.  That's what the Lord tells us, in the book of 
    Revelation.  That 'mark' is being imposed upon people by some person's 
    will.  Who is it?  I wonder.

    My best guess, is that it is either a very well-known public figure, 
    or somebody that is virtually unknown or little noticed in the 
    collective mind of the world.  I would like to identify that person, 
    and stop them somehow.

    But, if it's the Lord's will for that person and their damned 
    handmaidens to continue on with their foolishness, there is absolutely 
    nothing that I can do about it.  I am just waiting for the Lord to 
    bring me out of this demented carnival.

--- rabbit.log
    Phone home
    Thu Sep 2 1999

    At this point, I am certain that there is more than a little bit of 
    truth to some (if not all) of my theories about the possible 
    time-space peculiarities of our solar system.  Just looking out at the 
    infinite expanse of the cosmos suggests to me that there must be a 
    whole lot more going on out there than most of us think.

    Really, it seems somewhat vain and insane to think that Almighty God 
    would have created such an incredibly huge universe, and then focused 
    exclusively on this small, relatively pedestrian area of all that is.  
    Even at this late date, a sort of pre-Columbian mentality seems to 
    prevail.  Apparently, many folks just don't want to believe that there 
    are other worlds of life out there; after all of my experiences, even 
    I feel a bit uneasy when considering such possibilities.  The fear of 
    all things extraterrestrial seems to be hard-wired into the collective 
    human psyche.  And perhaps for good reason.

    My experiences (especially over the past four or five years) have 
    shown me that there may actually be wickedness that stretches far 
    beyond the time-space boundaries of this planet.  All throughout the 
    Bible, there are clues that seem to indicate this.  Everyone remotely 
    familiar with the New Testament knows about the 'spiritual wickedness 
    in high places' passage in Ephesians.  There are many other indicators 
    as well.  One of the biggest ones, is in the Book of Revelation, in 
    the passage that describes the casting down of the devil and his 
    angels to the earth.

    Those beings are described as being a third of the 'stars of heaven,' 
    and their downfall is caused by the action of the tail of a dragon.

    Speaking of dragons, I've often wondered just where all of the 
    mythology connected with those creatures of fantasy came from.  Also, 
    I have often pondered upon the fact that the archetype of dragons, and 
    certain other mythological beings seems to be completely absent from 
    some cultures, but very prominent in others.

    The symbolic role of those beasts, in the cultures where they are 
    present, also seems to vary greatly.  Some cultures characterize them 
    as evil, others as good, and still others have a range of views.  
    Pictorial depictions of dragons also vary considerably.  Nowhere are 
    they more omnipresent, than in the lore of the Chinese, and other 
    eastern cultures.  Why is this?  What exactly is a dragon, anyway?  
    Are they entirely imaginary, or did they once exist in some physical 
    form?  The Bible sure seems to take them very seriously.

    After having seen some very incredible things over the course of my 
    life, I am pretty much ready to believe that dragons, as living, 
    physical beings may have actually existed in the past.  They might 
    even still be around, beneath the earth, perhaps, or maybe on other 
    worlds.  I don't know for sure.  Many things that I have seen and 
    experienced, I would feel very uncomfortable describing, because even 
    I would like to believe that I am crazy sometimes.

    Demons.  They are real.  But what are they, and how did they come into 
    existence?  From what the Bible (and related works, like the 
    Apocrypha) tells us, demons are the wandering spirits of the 'children 
    of disobedience,' the corrupt progeny of the illicit liaisons between 
    angelic beings, and the antediluvian women of earth.  Those spirits, 
    apparently, once had fleshly bodies to inhabit.  They have also been 
    described as the 'giants,' and they existed (as physical beings) for 
    some time prior to the flooding of the world.  The Lord, calling them 
    reprobates, or 'biters,' commanded angelic powers to incite them to 
    war amongst themselves, to cause their complete destruction.  
    Probably, any that may have remained were destroyed by the flood.  
    This is all described in the Book of Enoch, which was excluded from 
    the regular canon of holy writings, by the early Roman church 
    officials.  They claimed that it was a heretical work.

    Now, what I believe, is that those officials were in fact, probably 
    participants in systems of ancient 'tradition' very much like what we 
    have at the present time.  As I understand it, the main purpose of 
    those traditions, is to enable those demonic intelligences to more 
    easily inhabit human bodies, by making human souls weaker through 
    various types of cruelties, often involving psychological, physical 
    and sexual abuse.

    For many individuals, the spiritual weakening process begins at a very 
    early age.  As adults, many people often wonder why close friends and 
    relatives would not take their childhood stories of sexual abuse 
    seriously.  The reason why, is because the older folks were probably 
    abused as children themselves, and had demonic spirits indwelling 
    them, that did not want the sinister 'traditions' to be brought to an 
    end.  Children are often mocked and ridiculed by their own relatives 
    when they come forth with tales of such horrors.

    So the abuse continues; past childhood and adolescence, all the way 
    into adulthood.  As time goes on, because of the prevailing societal 
    attitude of acquiescence to such wickedness, many people come to 
    really believe that such evil practices are acceptable and 'normal' 
    behavior.  Members of a sane, demon-free world would know better, of 
    course, but in a civilization where virtually everyone is demonically 
    possessed to some degree, the opinion of the spiritually beset masses 
    looms large, and prevents healthy change.  It works for them, you see.

    To the zombified masses, sanity seems insane, at least as regards 
    these matters of unholy 'tradition.'  The Bible describes those 
    practices as 'the worthless traditions of our fathers,' and admonishes 
    all people that claim to be Christians to have nothing to do with such 
    activities.  Basically, the continuance of those evils is good for the 
    demons, and bad for the Holy Spirit, and the true Body of Christ.

    The reason why the devil has so much power in America, is because the 
    people here are so endlessly gosh-darn materialistic.  The devil has 
    great power over material things, as opposed to spiritual realities, 
    where the Lord has complete control.  Thus, Satan is able to have 
    great sway over this intensely materialistic nation and (increasingly) 
    world.

    Apparently, matter and spirit are opposites, and people that orient 
    themselves downward, towards material obsessions, are more likely to 
    be successfully manipulated by the forces of evil.  Material 
    obsessions are largely what America is all about, so it follows that 
    there would be a very great amount of demonic activity here.

    Another thing, there seems to be entrenched denial, regarding the 
    possibility of life beyond this planet.  To me, it seems almost silly 
    that Almighty God would have created such a vast universe, and then 
    focused His creative efforts exclusively on this almost insignificant 
    area of it.  Just look at how huge the universe is.  I believe that I 
    have already mentioned all of this earlier in the file.

    The knowledge that I have of the reality of life beyond these 
    time-space boundaries is maddening.  My understanding is far from 
    perfect, but it is also very real.  And since it is so real, I cannot 
    forget it; I can't write it off.  I know that there is spiritual 
    survival past death.  I know that there are powerful, kind forces that 
    gather souls that call on the Lord.  I know that there is a place that 
    these souls are being brought to.

    I know all of these things for a fact.

    But I do not know all of the particular details about where the 
    localities involved are.  As I have said before, the swiftness of the 
    spiritual transference that I experienced suggests to me that a place 
    nearby in the universe was involved, at least if the regular physical 
    dimensions are involved at all.

    Hearing those people cheering, and feeling the incredible brightness 
    and power of the new body, is truly unforgettable.  People that 
    haven't had that kind of wonderful feeling just can't understand how 
    very, very shabby this miserable realm is.  They have nothing to 
    compare this life with; so they don't know.

    Most of the people that are participating in the systems of tradition 
    probably don't realize that they are aligning themselves with Satan, 
    his fallen angels, and the demons.  Many of them have probably never 
    even clearly seen a demon, or any other extremely unusual sight.  But 
    some of them have.

    The reality of the demonized masses is really depressing to me.  I now 
    understand more than ever before, why friendship with the world is 
    enmity with God.  It's because the world, and the whole spiritual 
    structure of it, is largely about Satan's family, not God's.  There 
    was a time when I felt that there was spiritual hope for practically 
    everybody.  Not anymore.  I really believe that most people are going 
    to hell, regardless of the fact that so many people claim faith in 
    Christ.  There are just too many willful sinners, and systems of evil.

    And too many people being afflicted by them.  It's really amazing to 
    me that so few seem to understand that they have serious problems with 
    demons.  The psychiatric crowd has spent almost the entire century 
    inventing scores of new syndromes with which to label individuals that 
    are suffering from various classes of demonic possession.

    Now, it almost seems medieval to suggest that demons might be the 
    culprits behind the incredibly evil behavior of so many people.  No, 
    rather, they are psychotic, sociopathic or schizophrenic.  Ha.

    Another great irony, is that some of the most evil people seem to be 
    entirely free from being designated as having any kind of disorder at 
    all.  Certain people that are classified as 'authorities' seem to be 
    able to get away with just about any type of aberrant behavior, 
    because of their status, or something.  I suspect that many such folks 
    are the most possessed characters of all.

    I am writing this into the wee hours of the morning; the hard drive 
    has just been thoroughly defragmented (it was a mess; I'd been 
    compressing and deleting files throughout the day), and I am hoping 
    that a minor glitch in this new text editor that I have just 
    discovered (from the LapLink program) will be cured.  Every now and 
    then, when a file is saved, there is a one or two minute wait before 
    editing can resume.  The first few times that this happened (actually, 
    about the first dozen), I rebooted the machine, thinking that the 
    program had crashed.  Luckily, I took the time to write out a 
    paragraph or two of some text that I thought had been lost (while it 
    was frozen on the screen).  In the minute or so of time that the 
    transcription took, the program unfroze, and resumed.  That's how I 
    learned that it was a long wait, rather than a crash.

    What is so great about this editor, is that it has a mode that uses a 
    jumbo, 11-line sized font!  It's kind of a funny coincidence, because 
    I've been elated over the past few days about being able to use the Q 
    text editor with a large DOS font that I was able to create with some 
    simple utilities.  The font in this editor is much nicer, and works 
    perfectly in sync with all of the program's functions.  Another neat 
    thing, is that this itty-bitty has a page preview mode, similar to the 
    one available in the Psion Series 3a applications, along with other 
    bells and whistles that my other editors don't have.  Very nice.  
    Again, long live DOS!

    Now, back to my grumblings...

    Well, wait a minute; I just saved this file for the second time (since 
    restarting the editor after defragmenting the hard drive), and there 
    was the long wait again.  It's got to be some kind of TSR conflict - I 
    have several of them loaded, including Doskey, Undelete and Share.  
    One of them is probably the reason why I'm having these annoying 
    problems.  The third save (just now) went fine - no freeze-up.  Well, 
    I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.  There are plenty of other 
    irritations.

    I've got to get my personal life in order.  I've been so consumed with 
    anger and sadness over the misery of the way that things are going, 
    that I have neglected to properly maintain my life.  My main objective 
    is to get out of this incredibly dense city.  I will never feel right 
    about staying in Chicago.  Things are just too evil here.  I am really 
    hoping for a miracle from God, to enable me to move away.  Soon.

--- garden.log
    More gruel, please
    Wed Sep 8 1999

    A thought has crossed my mind.  Although at any given time throughout 
    the history of the world, a finite number of human cultures exist, in 
    theory, there should be a virtually infinite array of cultural 
    possibilities, or variations.  What is a culture, really, anyway?  A 
    collection of agreed-upon social, ethical and political modalities?  
    Customs, traditions and rituals?   Inherited and shared patterns of 
    genetic information?  Some of all of those things?  None of them?  
    Something else entirely?  The real essence of just what a culture 
    really is, can be extremely difficult to fully grasp and comprehend.  
    Often, the most iconoclastic groups of people seem to have the 
    strongest identities - perhaps they know best what culture is.  Or 
    maybe, there are even deeper levels of meaning to the mystery of the 
    real meaning of culture.

--- cygnus.log
    Obstinate trust
    Fri Sep 10 1999

    One of the things that helps me to reconfigure my normal good-natured 
    state, is remembering just how very large and vast this universe is.  
    Most people really don't understand exactly how immense it is.  It is 
    really big.

    From an early age, I have enjoyed what I might accurately describe as 
    'abstract conversations with God' in my mind.  I certainly can't say 
    for sure if the Lord was always listening, but I at least know for 
    certain that I have been trying to communicate with Him throughout my 
    life.  I think that many other people have had similar types of 
    internal dialog running through their minds, especially in their early 
    teen years.

    I would sort of try to comprehend the spiritual and material dynamics 
    of our universe, and determine what (if anything) might have existed 
    before all of this - the old 'if God created everything, then where 
    did God come from?' question, basically.  I don't think I ever asked 
    the 'who created God?' question really, because I have always been 
    fairly comfortable with the concept of the Lord being an uncreated, 
    eternal being.  I never thought that there was anything very unusual 
    about any of this.

    The universe - how expansive it is, and what is it all about?  Basic 
    things.  Thinking about topics like these can really reveal some 
    fundamental limitations of the human mind.  Most of us don't seem to 
    feel very good about considering concepts outside of the basic 
    constrictions of time and space that we are familiar with.

    I read a lot of interesting articles on human cerebral biology; 
    several dealt with the 'policing' of human consciousness by groups of 
    what are known as biogenic amines.  Serotonin and Tryptophan are a few 
    of them - there are many more; they all have basic functions in the 
    relationship between the brain's functionality and communications 
    between it and the nervous and endocrinal systems.  What is most 
    remarkable about them, is that some of them actually inhibit certain 
    ranges of sensory data from being perceived by the human mind.  In 
    effect, they act as consciousness filters.  The information that is 
    blocked out by their presence is able to make it through when 
    particular groups of amines aren't present, or are in short supply.

    These facts have led me to believe that a large-scale psycho-spiritual 
    disaster could be precipitated, simply by somehow effecting the 
    depletion of such important groups of chemicals in many people.  From 
    what I have learned about satellite technology over the years, it 
    seems quite possible that certain forms of directed energy (especially 
    if beamed down to areas of the earth from properly equipped 
    satellites) could be used to gradually reduce the levels of those 
    crucial 'brain policing' chemicals, perhaps in selected geographical 
    areas at first, for test purposes.

    This is precisely what I believe has been happening here in Uptown, 
    over the course of the past few decades.  Some people are familiar 
    with the concept of 'sick buildings' - places where unusually large 
    amounts of people mysteriously begin to suffer from various ailments.  
    There are theories about governmental experimentation being conducted 
    in some instances of such 'ill' buildings.  Even more disturbing, to 
    me at least, is the horrifying possibility of 'sick neighborhoods' or 
    'sick towns'; maybe even counties, states and provinces, and entire 
    nations could be 'microwaved.'  Anyhow, as I may have mentioned 
    before, this (Uptown) appears to be a 'sick neighborhood.'

    One thing that makes me suspect that this area might actually be part 
    of a governmental psychotronics experimentation program (aside from 
    what has happened to me here), is the fact that nearly all of the 
    Chicago area psychiatric outpatient facilities ('halfway houses') have 
    been relocated to this vicinity over the past few decades.  This may 
    have changed somewhat over the past decade, I don't know for sure.

    I have had many encounters in Uptown with some seriously mentally ill 
    people, over the course of the past twenty or so years.  Most of them 
    were simple incidents, having to do with people walking down the 
    street, talking out loud to themselves.  I often noticed that many of 
    those people would seem to be effected by shifts in my consciousness - 
    if I became angry, or sad, because of my perception of their 
    condition, I would almost always immediately experience some kind of 
    confirmation that they had somehow received an echo of my sentiments.  
    Very strange and unsettling, but until recently, I hadn't given it 
    much thought.

    Once, when I was walking south down Kenmore, near Balmoral, I passed a 
    high wall of ornamental cinder blocks in front of an apartment 
    building (I believe it is one near where a friend of ours now lives; 
    at that time, it was a 'halfway house' - it has since been renovated, 
    and is almost entirely full of East European immigrants).  I heard a 
    series of strange mumblings, and quickly hoisted myself above the wall 
    to get a look at their source.

    On the other side of the cinder blocks, crouched down on a small patch 
    of concrete, was a bald (with a little lock of hair tied at the rear 
    of his head), thin young man, dressed in a long saffron robe.  He was 
    rocking back and forth on his feet and muttering incomprehensibly, 
    while smoking a marijuana cigarette.  He was also urinating - the 
    puddle had spread out very far underneath him.  It was a disturbing 
    sight.  Just one (very mild) example of the many weird things that I 
    have seen here.

    Ask anyone that has lived here for several years - there are a great 
    many 'crazy' people living in Uptown.  I thank God for His 
    preservation of my sanity.  I feel extremely lucky to still be able to 
    think rationally, after the levels of misery that I have endured 
    recently.

--- lunge.log
    They just don't know
    Sat Sep 11 1999

    I have a great desire to get away from this city.  In fact, I believe 
    that I am ready to completely abandon city life altogether.  Well, at 
    least big city life.  I'd like to live somewhere really remote.  This 
    isn't a recent development, either; I have felt very strongly about 
    this for at least the past few years.  Really, I began to feel uneasy 
    about city life around the beginning of the eighties, when the rotten 
    inner-city culture began to really take off and become popular.  I 
    knew that something was seriously wrong, even back then.  However, at 
    that time I had absolutely no idea that it involved witchcraft, 
    voodoo, etcetera.  Now I know.

    It's useless to argue and fight with the movers and shakers in this 
    civilization - they are convinced that their sick way of doing things 
    is right.  It's even useless to warn people about the types of 
    perilous times that are rapidly coming upon the world; nobody wants to 
    hear about it.  There is more access than ever before, to all types of 
    knowledge, even certain areas that have been extremely occult 
    (hidden), or difficult to understand.  The only stuff that swivels the 
    heads of these peanut-brained dodos, is wiggle, jiggle and stink.

    Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a sort of human zoo.  Uptown can 
    make you feel like that, after a while.  I like this neighborhood a 
    lot, but there are times when it can really be depressing.  I often 
    find my mind drawn to focus on other areas of the city.  One of my 
    favorite places, is the lakefront along the north city limits, near 
    the Calvary cemetery.  Even though I don't know anyone that lives 
    around there, something about the vicinity really appeals to me.  
    Maybe it's because Evanston is nearby.  I have always liked that town.

    I wish that I could carve out a home inside of a mountain, way high 
    up.  That would be great.  I could probably do it.  A reliable food 
    supply would be the main problem.  I'm not too big on the concept of 
    hunting wild animals; I'd probably have a few goats (for milk), and 
    maybe raise chickens.  Poultry and fish can supply most protein needs.  
    Antarctica would be like heaven, with the right basic supplies to 
    start with.  There are millions of pounds of edible flesh there - 
    seals, penguins and assorted seabirds (and their eggs), fish, krill.  
    Good grief!  Plenty of chow.  And in certain areas, tons of coal (for 
    cooking and heating) that is easy to gather, because much of it is in 
    exposed veins along great chains of mountains.  One big problem would 
    be obtaining a steady supply of vegetable matter.  Seaweed might be 
    enough, but maybe not.  Me, I would need a crate of spices, to liven 
    up things a bit.

    The best thing of all about Antarctica, is the endless fresh water 
    locked up in the icebergs and glaciers.  It makes up more than 80% of 
    the world's fresh water supply!  Also, fresh water can be used for 
    many different purposes, if the proper equipment is available.

    Yes, that would be the best place of all to be.

--- goats.log
    I like being alone
    Mon Sep 13 1999

    I had some really strange dreams this morning.  Throughout the years, 
    there have been certain symbolic continuities throughout my 
    dreamscapes; a few of the more common ones would be:  elevators, 
    trains (and dream sequences on or near station platforms), strange 
    dwellings (and architecture in general), and even stranger people.  
    Sometimes, when I am interacting with unfamiliar people in dreams, I 
    get strong impressions that I am supposed to recognize them in some 
    definite way.

    This morning, there was one sequence that included two fellows (they 
    appeared to be twins) that were swooping around near a lakefront on 
    contraptions that would best be described as jet skis for air.  Well, 
    they didn't look at all like jet skis; they resembled slightly larger 
    versions of those folding plastic signs that people place on freshly 
    mopped floors, to keep folks from walking across them.  But there was 
    more apparatus involved, and a weird (I think oddly curved, like a 
    scoop) propeller in front.  Their acrobatics seemed to be very 
    dangerous, as they would climb fairly high up in the sky (about 75 
    feet), and then kind of fall back down, catching themselves in a sharp 
    swoop just before it seemed they'd crash into the ground.  Also, there 
    were very bright, sparkly lights (almost like fireworks) incorporated 
    into the design of the units.  After their performance was finished, 
    the two guys folded the devices up, and carried them away towards a 
    bridge or tunnel, I forget which.  I heard the flying machines 
    described as 'skate-goats.'  Several years ago, I had a series of 
    dreams featuring a different person, who was operating another very 
    interesting personal flying machine, that operated on completely 
    different principles.

    Later, I briefly sat in a pub (taverns are a very rare symbolic 
    occurrence in my dreams - here is where I felt the feeling of 
    familiarity in this particular vapor) with a few people, who were 
    deeply silent and motionless.  I tried to communicate with them for a 
    while, and after having no success, I stood up and said something 
    like:  'Well, I will go now, and leave you guys here to rip the top 
    off of the town,' which I believe was meant to be sarcastic, since 
    they were being so utterly morose and lifeless.  As I left, a woman 
    looked at me, and that was when I felt that strange bit of 
    familiarity.  Often, when I later try to place an unknown (that seems 
    vaguely familiar) person from a dream, there is a kind of overlapping 
    of impressions, which can sometimes lead me to conclude that my mind 
    somehow made a pastiche out of several different familiar 
    acquaintances, thus creating a unique, combined 'old friend.'  That 
    may be the explanation for this kind of phenomenon, or maybe not - I 
    don't know.

--- oval.log
    Unrest far and wide
    Tue Sep 14 1999

    Just woke up; I again dreamt of people (on a subway station platform) 
    that somehow seemed vaguely familiar, yet I don't recall them from 
    anywhere in my waking life.  I have had many twisted dreams over the 
    past few years.  So many, in fact, that I have felt that it is better 
    not to write about most of them, because it might promote an even more 
    confused idea of what it is that I am trying to discern.

    Even though dreams (especially some of mine) are often extremely 
    disjointed and nonsensical, I really do believe that they hold a lot 
    of good information about some of the more arcane aspects of life.  I 
    don't really subscribe to the Jungian or Freudian theories of dream 
    symbolism.  Although I do believe that there is some validity to such 
    concepts as the collective unconscious, I feel strongly that one 
    individual's internal palette of symbolism may differ drastically from 
    another's.

    You know what I mean:  you tell a person that believes in a certain 
    set of theories that you are noticing trains a lot in your dreams, and 
    they'll tell you that it has something to do with sex, or work, or 
    whatever.  That's silly, because I'm sure that a particular symbol (or 
    sets of symbols) can have entirely different ranges of meaning for 
    different people.  From what I believe I know, it should largely be up 
    to the subject to accurately determine what a particular symbol truly 
    represents in their own mind.  Having others tell you what you are 
    feeling seems to be very popular, but I believe much error has 
    resulted from trusting clinical interpretations of personal 
    psychological information.

    I have learned a lot about how my mind works in recent years.  More in 
    the past two or three years, than in all the rest of my life.  Also, I 
    have discovered many important things about the minds of others.  I am 
    very excited about all of this, because I believe that I have some 
    very good ideas, pertaining to the optimization of human psychological 
    development.  I just need more peace of mind, which I am gradually 
    attaining; once I move away from here, everything should improve for 
    me psychologically.

--- cyan.log
    Heavy is the head
    Sun Sep 19 1999

    The universe is real big.  Yes, it is.  I keep reminding myself of 
    this, and it helps me to reduce problems pertaining to endless 
    self-referencing.  Objective thoughts (and other things that help to 
    shrink the monstrously ballooning head of extreme paranoid 
    subjectivity) are good.  Not my mice.

    There used to be a Christian organization known as the Worldwide 
    Church of God.  Actually, it stills exists under that name, but I feel 
    that it isn't at all the same group:  the entire spirit of the 
    operation changed drastically after the passing of its founder, 
    Herbert W. Armstrong.  One of the monthly publications that they 
    produced was (and still is - but, again, it isn't at all the same) the 
    Plain Truth magazine.  I didn't agree with all of the opinions that 
    were presented in that publication, and in other writings that the 
    Worldwide Church of God produced, but the spiritual gist of most of 
    the content of their periodicals rang true.

    Armstrong, the founder, exerted considerable influence on just about 
    every aspect of the organization, as it was.  Towards the end of his 
    life, he wrote a semi-autobiographical book, called 'Mystery of the 
    Ages,' in which he detailed many of the early experiences he had, in 
    his search for God, and the meaning of life - I have a copy of it 
    somewhere around here.  

    He started out as a doubter, with little or no Christian background, 
    and basically went from a strictly business-oriented worldview, to a 
    deep faith in God, and His word.  I always found that fellow, and his 
    church, to be extremely interesting, even though, again, I don't 
    believe in every last position that he held.  The aforementioned 
    'MOTA' book is fairly good reading.

    Something that I find to be infinitely interesting, is the fact that, 
    when Mr. Armstrong was quite young, he and his wife lived in this 
    neighborhood for a time - there is a brief passage in the book about 
    Mrs. Armstrong seeing some kind of celestial vision (of angels, I 
    believe) in the sky near the intersection of Montrose and Broadway, 
    which is only five or six blocks away from here.  A few years ago, I 
    too, saw several different unusual visions in the skies in this 
    vicinity, which reminded me of Armstrong and his wife.  A church used 
    to exist at that intersection, but it was demolished a few years ago, 
    and now there is only an empty lot on the triangular parcel of land.

    Also, about four years ago, just before my 'Bjork experience' began 
    (right after I became aware of her solo music, and the 'Post' album in 
    particular), while sorting through things in my room, I came across 
    one of the Worldwide Church's special pamphlets, entitled 'Prophecy 
    Comes Alive,' and subsequently had a very strange experience, where I 
    noticed some peculiar symbolic and graphical synchronicities between 
    it, and the 'Post' CD.

    Sounds pretty silly, right?  Well, I could show anyone exactly what I 
    mean, and I'm sure that at least a few people would be fairly 
    surprised and impressed, because those bizarre congruencies really are 
    there to be found.  The two items were produced about ten or twelve 
    years apart, by (I'm sure) completely different teams of graphic 
    artists, so there isn't a good explanation that I can think of as to 
    why those symbolic parallels should be present.  I won't bother to 
    detail exactly what I believe the meaning of this might be, because 
    only time will tell.

    All of this is very key to understanding exactly why I went through 
    such a strange obsession with Bjork, and her music.  A great deal of 
    the 'reason why' is intensely subjective, and nearly impossible to 
    parlay into coherent explanations, but other aspects, and what I have 
    just detailed, is.  I suspect that other people may have had similar 
    strange paranormal events (in relation to Bjork, and her music) unfold 
    in their lives.  I'm certain that Bjork has also had some very odd 
    perceptual experiences.

    The thing that is so bothersome to me, is that she seems to be vaguely 
    antichristian, which really destroys some of the theories that I've 
    had about her symbolic meaning.  Something about her seems to loathe 
    Christianity; perhaps she has had encounters with deeply wicked 
    ('crept in') folks that have claimed to be Christians.  You know, the 
    kind that routinely molest and murder people, and yet retain authority 
    in a 'Christian' congregation of some kind.  Early encounters with 
    serious hypocrisy - that is probably it.  Maybe she will surface, and 
    become a strong Christian woman someday.

    [continued in the file TER3.TXT]

    Copyright 1999, 2000
    Terry Washington aka Phoenixx
    1048 W Winona 3E
    Chicago IL 60640-3125
    773-561-0737
    HTTP://members.tripod.com/~mdars/experiences/ter.htm
    HTTP://www.angelfire.com/journal/archer/index.html
    phoenixx100@hotmail.com

    This file was last updated on Thursday, July 13th, 2000 at 3:03am.