Classic Blonde Joke:
A blonde's car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.Out jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs.
It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop,clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?"
"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.
Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!" asks the cop.
And she said........
(This is good...)
(Ready?)
(Remember, she's a blonde...)
"Those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.
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I am Woman Hear Me Roar!
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and one woman, but only one position was available for an assassin.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained.
"Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her. "The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!"
"Well," says the CIA man, "You're definitely not the right man for this job then."
So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about five minutes then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes."I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."
"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and hand her the same gun.
"We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."
The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for thirteen shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet.
The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"
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MY FAVORITE JOKE OF ALL TIME
A Highway Patrolman waited outside a poplar local bar, hoping for a bust.
At closing time, as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.
After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off.
He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.
The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00. The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" exclaimed the patrolman.
"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."
