Pro vs. non-pro and dispel the myth that non-pro's are Mistress "freebies".

Professional Dominatrixes often earn their living as dominators and are likely to have a functional dungeon. She may or may not be employed. Fees pay for Her expertise, equipment, toys, gear, rent/mortgage, car payment, healthcare, salary and other incidentals. Pro's are likely experts in the art of domination, and their fees justify their incredulous talent! Many begin with a Pro only to determine if they want more. Unable to afford their fees, they soon seek a non-pro. They go to the non-pro option in their quest for someone more accessible, more affordable, and pitifully at times, for nothing more than to offer their body for use with altered and unrealistic expectations! Why, you ask?

A non-Pro Mistress usually has a non BDSM job/profession, and enjoys D/s in Her spare/off time. She basically dommes for enjoyment/pleasure, and may certainly conduct herself professionally, but without a dungeon to entertain. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT A NON-PRO DOES NOT DESERVE A TRIBUTE OR THAT SHE CAN'T CHARGE A NOMINAL FEE FOR TIME AND SERVICES. It does mean that she may require gifts or charges a lesser fee than a Pro Mistress (ESPECIALLY IF SHE'S ATTENTIVE, GEARED UP, AND EQUIPPED TO DOMME YOUR submissive SOUL!)

The irony is that most non-pro's/relationship/part-time Domina's are expected to have "the look" of a professional Dominatrix. I'm often asked immediately, "What will you wear?" The gear (attire), toys, and supplies needed for a subs enjoyment can be an awesome expense. In addition, time, skill, attention, and creativity, the stiletto's (boots or heels), leather/patent teddies, stockings, strap-ons, paddles (to name a few), are EXPENSIVE standards that subs expect upon meeting. Let me break it down in dollars. For instance, a leather teddy cost up to $120, thigh high boots $175 and up! Visit some of the websites, see for yourself! Ever price a leather flogger, restraints, mask, gags, blindfold or paddles? Subs desire his/her Queen to be outstanding, yet many frown consistently in regard to any discussion of cost/tribute or dollars. The Mistress isn't your girlfriend (unless you're lucky enough to find one who wants an exclusive relationship). If you're looking for a Mistress girlfriend, ask that specifically! Put it on your profile, post it as such! I'd bet you a dime to a penny you'll still spend money, even more when you have to date, wine and dine!

For those seeking the relationship Mistress to serve on occasion, take the time to build a rapport. She may already have toys and what she needs to dominate you, though she'll certainly respect your generosity if offered some form of tribute. You question what to offer? Ask her what she wants or needs. If her needs are too extravagant, ask if there is something within the dollar range that you can afford. If she has all she needs and charges a nominal fee that you can afford, great! If you disagree, simply move on. I don't think there are any R/T (real time) relationship Mistresses that wouldn't want to look nice for you!

You may argue that if you're paying she's Pro! If you don't care what she looks like, your argument is warranted! If it's fine for her to show up and dominate you in bra and panties, wonderful! HOWEVER, if you prefer Her with a professional appearance (which seems to be an overall consensus in my experience), well groomed, and with gadgets and "pleasure" items to enjoy you, DON'T GRIPE! It is standard for submissives to do their best to provide for his/her dominant, to make Her happy. (See 7 Pleasing Characteristics of a submissive.) SELFLESSNESS is part and parcel to one's submission. Services, gifts, cash, or gift certificates can be offered. (Be very careful with cash exchanges if sex is involved, unless you KNOW who you're dealing with. It's only legal in Nevada, OK?). If permissible, offer to be trained for house chores, pay one of Her bills, send her to a beauty salon for a day, or run errands. Keep communication open to effectuate and strengthen your D/s relationship. Work it out to where you both become comfortable with each other and your tribute arrangement.

A good D/s relationship occurs when both parties are content and satisfied with each other, their surroundings, and all the little toys and gadgets used to make that special time fun! If your generosity isn't within Her means, don't freak out! Don't be bitter! Move on to find someone to accept what you can offer.

BDSM can be extravagant. Set financial limits and work within them. Pleasures you give are often given back to you.