I am so blessed. I have the most amazing friends in the world.

Angelina...today I had a wonderful time with her. We just laugh and laugh and laugh...I find myself acting like a child around her. I think it's because she makes me feel carefree...and I know she'll accept me however I am, so I can act however I want, even if that's like a 12-year-old girl.

Jessica...she has introduced me to the person I've always longed to become but never knew how to get to...because I was afraid of what people would think and of what I would think of myself, if that makes any sense. I am living my life for me now, not for others' expectations of me. She is my solace and my strength and my hope for a happy, peaceful life.

Jen...giving, giving, giving...the most giving girl I know. She makes me smile so much it hurts. She gives tremendous hugs. She radiates contentment. She stands up for what she believes in. She's ambitious and has clear goals. She's so genuine.

Liz...such a beautiful person. So deep. Yet so sad all the time. When she's sad, I cry...I really do. I don't think she knows this. I don't know why her pain affects me so much. I'm usually pretty empathetic, but it seems moreso for her. I have so much fun with her. And she makes me feel really good about myself. And we have so much in common. We could be twin souls...except I'm by far not as funny.

Melanie...I turn to her for almost everything. She's almost always the first person I think of to call. She always has the most honest, unbiased advice...advice I almost always take and almost always reap the rewards of. She's wise beyond her years. She's very giving, as well. She radiates warmth and beauty. I feel as though I've known her forever and know I'll be close to her the rest of my life...thank God.

Corey...He and I have this new bond. I think it's because we're the only single Van members left. Well, Tony's single, but he's never TOTALLY single because, for some reason, people run after him as though he's Britney Spears. I could have melted when he (Corey) kissed me at midnight on New Years Eve. There's so much going on inside of him that he bottles up. That really bothers me. He has so many things that he's worked so hard to get and has gotten and deserves so much! But he's never found true love. I want that for him so much. If anyone deserves it, he does.

Karen...So funny, and not even on purpose! She has the quirkiest personality. She's so goofy! Of all the people I know, she's grown the most in the past few years. I think we're very different people, kind of like two very distinct puzzle pieces that, if you turn them a certain way, they fit just right. I feel so awesome when I'm around her. She's so beautiful.

Tony...I don't even know if I should go here. I've talked about him an infinite number of times...and I'll talk about him a lot more. He's touched me in unspeakable ways. I love him. He makes me alive.

Lindsey...What a transformation we've had since we became workout buddies! We've never really had any overly deep moments, in which we cry together or talk about how crappy our lives are. But we're both just kind of like...gossip pals and advice pals. I tell her what's going on with me. She gives me her opinion. And vice versa. She's so honest, and I love that. She's always very upfront about how she's feeling and what she's all about. And she always tells me nice things about myself, which is always good. = ) She has so much personal style and so much individuality. I love her.

I have many more close friends. The reason I chose the ones above is because they are playing the largest role in my life at this moment in time and/or I have known them the longest and experienced closeness with them repeatedly. I've been meeting new people every day...it's really amazing. I really love people...I'm obsessed with them. I love seeing everyone's unique personality. They're like a library of millions and millions of books, all of which I want to read. I wish I was a bit more outgoing, so as to "open" these "books." Oh, enough with the cheesy metaphors.

I tried Rice-A-Roni Red Beans and Rice tonight. It had beef fat in it, which I didn't notice until I was getting into making it. I ate it anyway so I'd not waste it. It was really kind of gross. I'm usually a fan of Rice-A-Roni...not tonight. I think I'm going to try veganism again sometime. I don't know if it will be yet, but I should never say never (the way I said, "I'm never going to be vegan" in a journal entry a few weeks ago). I get sick from dairy anyhow...it'd make me feel better, if anything.

I'm so tempted to drop Geology. It gives me a stomach ache...that's how badly I hate it. I don't hate it...I hate how he's running the class. I can't wait for next quarter. I'll have such a better time with my classes. Fun stuff like poetry and magic.

So much of my life revolves around music. I was listening to Sarah Slean today. Her voice is medicating. She and Emily Bezar have the voices I have attributed in my head to being those of angels. If angels sang, they'd sound like Emily and Sarah. I would like to say the same thing about Jeff Buckley, but "angelic" doesn't seem to fit. Maybe I am mentally classifying angels as being more female than male. Jeff is...if you took every ounce of longing that's ever burdened your soul...and personified it into a human being, a human voice...the outcome would be Jeff Buckley. I haven't read the rest of his biography. I wonder if I'm subconsiously swaying myself from doing so. I just have written this story in my mind of his life and what was going on in his head...and to hear a different story will feel very odd. Maybe the story I read will be the one I've always dreamed, though. My love for Jeff is unconditional, though, and shouldn't be swayed by the way he is described in a book by someone who may not have even known what was going on in his soul. He just makes me feel so fully, with my whole body and whole soul. He was so highly evolved spiritually and thoroughly learned in human emotion and pain and love. I feel as though his voice pulsates through me at all times and just LIVES in me. There's a guy who goes to Vertigo on Tuesdays who looks just like Jeff, black hat and all, and I saw him on campus today and almost had a heart attack. I wonder if he knows of Jeff Buckley. Oh, to look like Jeff...what a blessing!

7th Heaven is the most unrealistic show I've ever watched. Yet I seem to watch it if it's on.

"Progress" by Ella Wheeler Wilcox has become my favorite poem. "Is It True?" by Anne Sexton was for awhile. I still love the poem, but "Progress" is one I find myself reading over and over...and at sporatic times of the day, "Be not afraid to thrust aside half-truths and grasp the Whole" runs through my head. It sums up some of the most beautiful truths of life in a few concise sentences that flow off the tongue like butta'. I wonder who Ella even is. I had extra time at UC one day and went to the library and came across a poetry search and found her. But if you look her up online, like on Yahoo! or whatever, you don't really find much. I'll look again...I'm interested in her since she writes poetry that resonates in my head.

I want to put something new on my main page, the "Weather In My Head" thing. But I don't know what. I'll look at stuff I've written in my journal upstairs by my bed. If only all of my existence could be summed up in a short paragraph...but, alas, I am too vast. = )

I have nothing else to say but seem to keep talking. I have this drive to express myself 24 hours a day to anyone who will have me. I wonder if this is desperation or a good quality.

I hate adding stuff when I'm already done, but it's an hour later, and I've looked up Ella Wheeler Wilcox. It seems she's more popular than I thought. She's also not a contemporary poet, as I assumed she was. She died in 1919. God, the rest of her poetry is just as amazing. Oh, how nice to love a poet who didn't kill herself!

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