Random Acts of Writing

This is where I just write and really pay no attention to anything as I do it. I also put down quotes that I like (with no credit to the authors. MWUHAHAHAHA!). Why do I do it you ask? Because I can. So there.

My therapists say I talk too much.

If spoons had legs, they'd revolt and try to take over the world. The forks and knives would see what is happening and unite to crush the mighty power of the spoon. They would be no match for the spoons as the spoons wield their crushing heads with deadly accuracy. The forks and knives, now bent and defeated, would not be able to serve their purpose as pointy kitchen utensils. Everyone would have to eat with a spoon or chopsticks which cleverly avoided battle so as to share global power with the victor. The mighty spoon!

Without the desire to live, there is no love of life.

The world is full of jerks. Your friends are the ones you tolerate.

A broken friendship is best mended through tragedy or apology.

To be human is to have the freedom to control one's fate.

Love and hatred are the same thing. They differ only in that the former is aggressive while the latter is passive...

Being big is fun until everyone wants to climb you.

Hay un fiesta en mi pantalones!

Ignorance is expensive.

Not all who wander are lost.

Leave tomorrow until it comes.

Keyboard error. Press any key to continue... -zen programming

This web site is Y2K compliant. Heck. It's so advanced, it's Y3K compliant. HA! Beat THAT!

I'll distract the chairs while you bum rush the couch, but don't burn the clock. I want the pendulum.

I've got a ball of Deb!


Ever wonder why people die? Such an odd thing death is. A person's body just decides to stop working. It's not like a robot body either. You can't just fix a human body. It has to decide on it's own if it wants to be fixed. You can ecourage it to fix itself like tempting a child with candy, but if the body decides to be stubborn, it won't fix. How odd. This is why I wanna be a cyborg. I get all kinds of nifty computer parts and I die when I decide to. Not when my body decides that it doesn't like me. On top of that, how cool would it be to have eyes that you can change any color that you want them to be? That would NEVER get old. How about being able to jack your brain into a computer. Simulated realities. You could create worlds far more in depth than virtual reality ever could be. On top of that, human thought is a hell of a lot faster than the human body, so if your brain is jacked into the computer, reaction time for typing or games would be far better. MAN! They SO need to invent cybergear.

I like traffic lights, but only when they're green.

Warning: Displaying a corpse in public may break some county laws.

I wouldn't be broke if the voices in my head paid rent.

I came. I saw. I duct taped.

You can't go wrong with napalm unless you have a nuke to use instead.

Mental note: Don't look under the stairs. It offends the DM.

The problem with opinions is that they tend to be WAY too opinionated.

My mom says that people with handcuffs are perverted. Damn...

You smell like a magnet.

The world is SO much more magical when you can see it in triple vision...

The greatest adventure is what lies ahead.

I once complained I had no hat, until I met a man who had no head.

Never, ever, EVER, under any circumstances allow your drunk cousin to touch a lighter that is still hot. Unless of course you WANT a circular tattoo burned into your flesh.

The most important thing that I have learned from school is that it is not the knowledge I gain that is important. It's applying the knowledge to gain new memories and experiences, and when done with that, make a whole bunch of bombs and blow somthing up.

One can never be alone with another person.

I can crush trucks with my chest.

Enough advils will take away any pain.

Advils are NOT kosher.

One can learn many life lessons by listening to They Might Be Giants. For example "...and I am a snake head eating the head on the opposite side. I palindrome I." Enlightening ain't it?

You're older than you've ever been, and now you're even older.

Do vegetarians bleed v8?

Happiness is MANDATORY Citizen.

BiBo, put down the fridge.

I can't vote, I have to pee.

If I die, I want you to smell me.

So, I hear you are hung like a bull.

Look! I have pubes!!

You know what I like? Tapping on your balls.

Is a lie still a lie when it's twisted in truth?

When I wake, I fire the tac nuke.

Are those your demon dice?

So you squeeze AND kick her?

Do you not see gray?
Shutting up now.

"...but you don't understand-" BLAM!


Someone is coming over to copy my math homework right now.

Having a car makes it SO much easier to do math homework.

can't talk, cheating...

I don't like the word queue. It makes my head and tongue hurt. So does the word tongue for that matter, too many unneeded ues. Tongue should be spelt tung, and queue should be spelt line.

this is a question asked by a prosecutor "Have you stopped beating your wife yet? Answer yes or no."

I'm not drunk, you're just sober!!!

I was wonderin if this should go under the my life section, but then I realized it's more a rant than something that happened. Anyway, here goes nothing.

I have no interests, I have no skills, I have no intelligence, and I have no passion. People see in me potential that just isn't there. It's a curse. I am an idiot and there is nothing that I do well or with fervor. This has been a lot that I've accepted for a while. Then I met my girlfriend. She had so much passion and talent it glowed. I quickly learned that she was one of the smartest people I had ever met, though her grades were not a reflection. Though my grades aren't a reflection of my intelligence either (my grades are much higher than I think I deserve), but I digress.

This little curly haired girl that fate seemed to have thrown into my life was the start of the greatest year and a half of my life. Her passion for life, dance and writing gave me something to strive for. A reason to improve myself. I thought, here is my mate for life, I will do anything in my power to please her and give her a good life.

Through this all I knew that she was better than I and easily could get someone better than me. I never thought that I could deserve someone such as this. I've never been so disappointed to be right...

...but she has nice rocks!

"Quit mounting the table!" "Hey! I got it in didn't I?"

DON'T try killing two birds with one stone when the two birds are ostriches, and the stone is a pebble.

Life goes ever ever on. We live. We love. We die. Never let your losses overcome you because you were born with nothing and the net gain between any point in your life and birth will always be higher then you started. There are ups and there are downs but in the end, you are the same as you started. So enjoy the ride.

I love this show.

"who's been waiting for me? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?!?"
"what are you talking about?"
"you said- the monsters said- Uh... um... nevermind... I'm sane you know."

ow my squeedilyspooch!

My takitos. ya eh... my takitos! gah! TAKITOS!!!!

I think we need to stop and accept the fact that we all are nerds here.

Find me the tree with the tangent logs. It shall have square roots. From these roots you shall make me square root pi. At which point I shall shall be the TRUE king of the nerds! MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!

Paw? I think I'ma keep this'n. Lookie here! He's got all his teeth!

I would shake your hand but if I let go of the steering wheel the car will explode.

"Danger: Don't Touch"
-The last braile sign a blind man wants to read

When I'm finished with this wolf, your gonna wish you had never wobbled me.

Hunter's rule is that you only shoot what you are gonna eat. This rule is waived during wartime however. War would be a hell of a lot more interesting if it wasn't.

And in the beginning, there was the first page...

"I'm sorry I don't date girls."

"I can change!"

You knocked off Jesus!

Life can really burn you when you're a pyromaniac.

"Why is that cat's head chopped off?"

"It's not, it's art."

Friends and relatives you like are frugal while those you don't are cheap.

This was said regarding prom:

"You're missing D&D for THIS?!"

Please extinguish all reading materials as we explain to you the safety features of this plane.

You can't spray cheese wizz on the body of christ!!!

Humans rule, dolphins can suck it.

I bet it means you really must like someone if you get into such a hurry to have dinner with them that you forget little things like amputated body parts in the rush.

I swear if you didn't scare the shit out of me I'd shoot you dead right here.

Leave and take your stupid with you.

put ice on it and fart

Some people need a gentle nudge in the right direction, others need a kick to the groin.

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