Fan Mail!
Fan Mail!

I was looking through my mail one day, and as I was scrolling through varius porn site ads and insider stock tips, I came to two e-mails. These e-mails were concerning this website. These e-mails, which were OBVIOUSLY written by someone of higher intelligence (that was sarcasm if you are out there reading this now), were filled with negative criticism about my website. Though I have no problem with people voiceing their opinions by e-mailing me, I DO disapprove of criticism that is filled with nothing but assinine comments. Thanks to this individual, I have created this section devoted to any fan mail that I choose to make note of because it was either ridiculously stupid, or funny, or just tickled my fancy. So without further ado, here is my fan mail.

This e-mail came from the individual that I mentioned in the introduction.

I'm sorry, but that is retarded, you are obviously a dork and your website sux, what the hell kind of crack are you smoking !!!

Get a life !!!!

Some 1 who visited yoyur shitty website

He then sent me another e-mail saying:

You and youir website are so gay, you suck, you need to fucking get a life

None of this was made up, or mispelled on my part. The names have been changed or not posted to protect the stupid. I copy and pasted this straight from the e-mail to my page just to show you how bright an individual we are dealing with.

Of course I couldn't let such a genius as this individual go ignored. Such intelligence must be acknowledged. So, I responded promptly. This is what I said:

you need to accept the fact that your thoughts, ideas and opinions have no effect in the real world. anyone who has nothing better to do than criticize a website, and not even give any actual input other than "your website is gay", just proves their own stupidity to the world. Now please do the world a favor and terminate yourself at your nearest possible convenience. Thank you Citizen.

April 20, 2000

I got a response!!!

Our poster guy for stupidity has once again graced us with his presence. Yay for him. Here is what he said:

haha, lol, that's sad - terminate myself, haha, you little nerdface, go stick yourself up a starwars lifesaver and get a fucking life... you've obviously got nothing better to do than fuck around with a gay website for faggats and believe me, it is gay, cause I have a website and it's fucking 10 times better than yours and you know what , it's not not GAY !!!

lol- maybe you need to get your facts staight(pun intended)and be4 you bring all this bullshit to me about your page not being gay, you need to have a look at it and then you will see that it is ...

- write back if you want to get criticized some more -hehe- you DORK !

Oh how glad I am to once again be blessed with your divine words of wisdom! Where would I EVER be without your criticisms that beautifully portray your enormous vocabulary with such descriptive words as gay, dork, fuck, and my personal favorite, nerdface. Please, tell me some more of your half-witted repartee. I am always delighted to exchange words with the uneducated.


PS: I LOVE that whole mispronounciation/mispelling of lightsaber bit. I bet you spelt it as lifesaver on purpose just to keep me on my toes. I have to tell you, Robbie the robot and I were laughing for hours over that one! Keep those witticisms coming!

April 21, 2000

I got another response!!!

Huzzah, pip pip and hallelujah! Once more we are graced with the words of our favorite celebrity! You thought he was stupid before, but now he's topping himself! Ladies and gentlemen, he has resorted to threats. Yes you heard me right. I ask for actual input, and he gives me threats! Oooh scary! This is what he has to say:

That's sad really, especially since you are an incompetant pot head that goes to Taravella High school and has friends like Michael Bently - Forgive me for naming people, but i think that it's only appropriate that i do so for the meer fact that you are posting this on your website, which I and many others obviously think is very sad because you have nothing better to do. Tell your friend michael bently that if he wants to send me hate mail, he shouldn't include his personal website address which includes pictures of himself, you and many other people who are following in your footsteps. He should also not include his telephone number and address, cause you never know what could happen.
People like you should be wiped off of the face of the earth and yes, by all means, please post this on your website, nextime I will include some personal information about you and your friends and if you feel like posting that on you shitty angelfire website, go ahead - You'r only hurting yourself - and No, you are not as cool as you think you are cause getting my name off of my email does not require any sense of intellegence and then sending me an email back to complain about how I feel about your website - That's just plain stupid, cause you obviously have no HTML knowledge, which shows when viewing your website that it would be impossible for you to know anything more about using the internet and finding out who's emailing you. I suggest that you get rid of that fanmail page or it will be terminated - compliments of my friends at ANGELFIRE.INC -
Well, this has been very entertaining, but I have better things to do with my life, other than fuck around with sensless people like you all day. The next email I get had better be that of an appology or else you'r gonna get it - Hey, fight fire w/ fire - YOUR INFO AND EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU HAVE BEEN PASTED ON A WEBSITE - CURTEOUSY OF MY FRIENDS AT WAREZ UNIVERSE, BUT UNLIKE YOU, I'M NOT STUPID ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU THE ADDRESS.
Have a nice day

You have obviously misunderstood what I have been trying to tell you. I don't care what you think about my web site. I don't care what you think about me or any of my friends. I also don't care about any threats that you make to me or anyone else. All I ask for is actual input using vocabulary of a person that is educated past kindergarden. Preferably written without profanity or in the vernacular of a common thug. You will get no apologies from me, nor do I care about any threats you make to me. Good day sir.

May 5th, 2000

hi i am chiara's friend Ali(the girl who always wheres her hair down). chiara is at my house right now. i saw ur website. its kinnda odd and wierd.

Thank you for taking the time to view this website. Your input is much appreciated. now hit chiara in the head and call it a night.

May 25th, 2001

haha, so i read your profile, and its friday I aint got shit to do, so i went to your website.. hehehe you crack me up...i was reading your things that should exsist but dont... nice...hehe, and as far as goombay punch, every time i have gone to the bahamas, i smuggle tons back home with me...if you ever decide to mass import the shit, drop me a line.. hehe take it easy, have a lovely weeknd..Airin

Glad you enjoyed my views on life Airin. I aim to please. We should definately start a goombay punch smuggling racket. I can see it now, the website would be We'd be rich in no time.


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Note: To keep within the terms of my Angelfire agreement, no personal information (such as the full name and address) will be posted about anyone that e-mails me (no matter how much they deserve it, at least until I get my own domain name). I do reserve the right to post any and all e-mails that are sent to me regarding this web site though (unless angelfire says I can't). So there.