You might be a swing dancer if...

• More than one person can fit in your pants.
• You take the mirrors off your ceiling and put them on the walls.
• You have black and white feet.
• You go Swinging on the way to a Swing lesson.
• You eat more than your own weight in food every day.
• The first question you ask a girl is "How much do you weigh?"
• You think that the next number after eight is one.
• When you pick up girls, you pick up girls...
• You no longer buy clothes you can't dance in.
• Someone says vintage, they're not talking about wine.
• You frequently show up at work with a limp and/or bruises.
• You can't pass a shoe store without checking to see if they have spectators, even if you already have several pairs.
• You carry luggage to social events but aren't planning a trip.
• Your underwear is an occasionally visible part of your evening ensemble.
• You can't watch other forms of dance without trying to identify moves that could be turned into Swing steps or aerials.
• You Swing in the gas station parking lot while waiting for a cab.
• You spend every long weekend at Swing camps, workshops or competitions.
• You schedule business trips around dance nights.
• You only go home to sleep, to do laundry and to repack your dance bag.
• You eat your main meal of the day at one in the morning.
• You think about Swing whenever you're not actually doing it.
• Your non-dance friends keep hoping that you'll come to your senses so they can see you in person again.
• You find you have more in common with the W.W.II vets in the VA than your friends and fellow students.
• Your heartbeat is an eight-count.
• Aerials? Did someone say Aerials?
• You mutter "philistine" under your breath when you see (gasp) clip suspenders.
• Your wife wonders why you must have a suspended wood dance floor in your basement.
• The Salvation Army people are getting suspicious.
• You saw Swing Kids five times and you didn't even like it.
• The only thing you can think of doing with a time machine is going back to the forties and picking up some vintage threads.
• When you have a chance to video tape sexy sexy ladies and studley guys, you aim the camera only at their feet.
• You are a woman and you begin shopping for underwear at Sports Authority, instead of Victoria's Secret.
• Your newest line is "Hey, are those Bleyers?" and you really do want to talk about shoes.
• Your friends no longer bother to ask you what you're doing on Friday, Saturday, Sunday...nights.
• You think an iced bottle of water is the ultimate prize for a dance contest.
• You routinely bring a change of clothes, water, and a towel or two for a night out.
• You don't wear your dance shoes off the dance floor.
• You sweat through your dance partner's shirt.
• Most of your CDs are AAD.
• You evaluate the quality of CD players based on whether they skip when you and two of your closest friends jump up and down right next to them.
• You don't need a sweater in January.
• Your non-dancing friends (all two of them) start to refer to you as "obsessed" or "rabid."
• Your dancing friends refer to you as "obsessed" or "rabid."
• You tell those two non-dancing friends NOT to come visit you any weekend a big swing event is on because you know they won't want to go and you'll either go and feel guilty, or miss it and MISS IT!!!
• You drink more than your own weight in water every day.
• People know and greet you only by a nickname, not of your own choosing, bestowed upon you by fellow dancers.
• You bought a copy of Disney's "The Jungle Book" to see the animated Lindy dancing monkeys.
• People could read a message written on the soles of your shoes during your part in the jam.
• You make people gasp when you dance.
• You make people laugh when you dance.
• Alcohol impairs your dancing instead of loosens you up.
• Home improvement includes removing carpeting, installing wood floors, and putting mirrors on the walls.

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