A Funny Thing Was Heard On The Way To The Forum...
This page is a collection of strange or funny things I hear around town, based on the site In Passing. I started this idea in December of freshman year, and there's a notebook lying around somewhere with two years' worth of quotes in it. I'm not sure where it is, however. Oh well, I'll find it!
November 12, 2002
"Ow...the microscope went up my nose!"
-Sasha, when she ran the eyepiece into her nose
November 6, 2002
"I don't want you doing anything in the back of the classroom that Mr. Bussey would object to."
-Dr. Merritt, about the Assistant principal that got transferred last year
October 30, 2002
"Guys, guys...control your testosterone."
-Dr. Merritt trying to mediate a potential fray
*
"Anyone seen my gingermint? I had it my mouth a few seconds ago, and now it's gone."
-Ben at lunch
October 29, 2002
"Your mom's a sphincter!"
"Yeah, I know, she's got like four of them."
-A couple of people in my biology class
October 28, 2002
"I'm doing my history project on U-Boat and blockade warfare in World War 1."
"Yay, I get to do your history report!"
-Matthais, our resident history buff
October 14, 2002
"Stay away from exploding sperm: that would be my advice."
-Dr. Merritt, once again
*
"Let me tell you, when I left the monastery, I was probably the first in the history of the Jesuit order to have a kegger to say goodbye."
-Mr. Martin on being a monk
October 9, 2002
"You can trust me; I have a Ph. D.!"
-Dr. Merritt on some life problem
October 4, 2002
"My dad realized he'd been putting eye drops in his nose for the past two months."
-Sasha at lunch
September 14, 2002
"Where are the hot dog buns?"
"Over there, next to the guy with the cute buns."
-Aunt Ev and Kelly at a barbecue...Kelly's hubby was hogging the hot dog buns.
*
"Liturgical dance? Sounds like a frustrated nun got loose."
-Bill at the barbecue...I really don't know what they were talking about, all I know was that it involved Catholicism.
September 13, 2002
"Yes, I like this shirt. It makes people want to touch me."
"Is that why you wear it?"
"I need to be touched. Yes."
-Mr. Merritt and me after lunch on his cool iridescent shirt
September 12, 2002
"Anybody can fake my signature. Here, I'll show you how."
-Mr. Martin at lunch, on hall pass validity
*
"He was Jesus' lesser known brother John."
"Yeah...he was just an english major. His brother was the savior of humanity, but ol' John was just an english major. What a jerk."
-Ben & me on "The Book of Christ", an English textbook in the Pit, written by some schmuck named John Christ.
September 11, 2002
"It's probably another cheerleader. They never go away. Then they multiply."
-Ms. Green, on cheerleaders knocking on her door first period
*
"I don't care what people think about me. I'm too damn old."
-Mr. Martin in history
*
"Free coffee and everlasting life. Membership has its privileges."
-A sign in the church window
September 10, 2002
"It was crazy...I ate an entire cantaloupe this morning."
-Lia at lunch, on what we had for breakfast
*
"Is it bad if one of my legs feels longer than the other?"
-Becca in bio (she's not in the class, she just wandered in and said that)
September 9, 2002
"It's tough enough having senior moments and trying to figure out where the hell we are."
-Mr. Martin, on creeping senility
September 5, 2002
"What is the melting point of water?"
"Cow."
-Smerritt and Ari in Bio Lecture
*
"Don't do that. And don't smoke while you're doing it."
-Dr. Merritt...I'm not sure what that person was doing.
September 2, 2002
"What should we do, sweetie?"
"Bug me!"
-Matthais' brother Luke after Matthais and I were trying to un-bore ouselves.
*
"You have freckles..."
"You have pimples!"
-John's comeback to Ren at their father's birthday dinner. That boy's getting awfully witty.
*
"Don't try to match your brother's level of maturity."
"Yeah, you'll lose!"
-Matthais' dad trying to calm down Ren and John, and John defending his level of maturity.
September 1, 2002
"What happened to your belly button?"
- My friend Therese, to me in my pajamas.
*
"You're like one of those monkeys!"
"No, I don't have a tail..."
Me, referring to those wind-up cymbal monkeys, to Therese who was banging candleholders together.
August 30, 2002
"Who exploded in the yurt?"
-A loud woman in the campsite next door. (For those who don't know, a yurt is a large circular tent.)
August 25, 2002
"If I EVER fantasized about Matt, it'd be about me hitting him over the head with my viola."
-Jessica on AIM...oh yeah, she wants him!
August 24, 2002
"There's a jellyfish over there!"
"Yep, them's good eatin'."
-Two guys on the fishing dock at Treasure Island
August 17, 2002
"An idle butt is the fat depository of the devil"
-An advertisement seen on the side of a bus
*
Shoe fairies: something I saw at the Vashon Thriftway; little plastic dolls that came with interchangeable clothes in a plastic shoe. The things they come up with (and sell on Vashon!) nowadays.
August 14, 2002
"Yeah.. It was... Interesting... Something about your dad, Lane's dad, wilson, raping people, killing people, and french stuff."
-Peter, when I tried to explain that my dad and Lane's dad were at Wilson together, and the origins of the Mafia, all in the same IM window. Poor guy. So confused.
August 10, 2002
"I wanna be lynched!"
-Matthais' brother John after we explained lynching to him
*
"Whatcha doin', Lukie?"
"Killing..."
-The other brother, playing James Bond
August 7, 2002
"How are you today?"
"Oh, I'm great."
"Awesome!"
"No, I'm not up to awesome yet. That's you."
-"Awesome Rocky" at Queen Anne, conversing with my father
August 6, 2002
Seen in Borders: Two Borders employees conversing on telephones about some technical error approximately fifteen feet from each other. (And people say technology isn't dehumanizing us!)
“So that is my job. That is what I do all day. Impressed?”
“Hmm. Not really.”
-My dad, after finishing a long phone conversation with someone he didn’t want to talk to who was telling him to do something he didn’t want to do.
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