Shady Acres Senior Ranch

Date: Whatever day your looking at this

Welcome to Shady Acres News Room.......News directly from The New VR (thats some high quality shit)

Our Top story..........

Goat-Boy created at local Highschool

COLLINGWOOD - Toady at Collingwood CI highschool, Mr. Purdy's sciense class created something that will change our lives forever.

The class stumbled on some experiment that created a goat-boy.

"This monster is the greatest thing since sliced bread" said Dave Morrison, a student in that science class. "Its a loving creature, its something like a big teddy bear"

The FBI and the Shady Acres police department are looking into this "goat-boy". Future testing will be done. Date has not been arranged.

Above - The Goat-boy

5 dead after Goat-boy gets loose

COLLINGWOOD - About 32 seconds after we interviewed the Goat-boy (article above) The Goat-boy went on a madness rampage.

It first went after Mr. Purdy's head, killing him instantly. It then went straight to the "special" class killing four out of five kids, saving the life of Andrew Todd, before running down Collingwood street

"It was cool," said Andrew Todd "that goat-boy was pretty sexy, I think I saw a nice nigdick on him"

Watch The New VR LIVE at 6 for more details

Women, 106 gives birth to twins

ENGLAND - Yesterday was a wonderful time to be sick. Bobber Gibbs, a 106 year old women gave birth to two health boys.

"I'm so happy," said Bobber "My husband and I can't belive it. We finally have a family"

Bobber and her husband, Sam Giffen age 17, have been trying to have a kid for 6 years now but Sam couldn't get it up back then

"I don't care what happened, well should I say what DIDN'T happen 6 years ago," said Sam "as long as we have them now"

Because the mother is 106 and sleeping on her daeth bed, the two lucky parents decided to sell their kids for $36 each to the Shady Acres Research and Development Department.

Above- The twins

Man in wheelchair charged......FOR HIT AND RUN

Flordia - Stan Joseph, 83, was charged today for a hit and run down Main street.

Witnesses say that they saw Stan coming out of the local bar around 9am this morning pissed drunk

"I saw Stan coming out of the bar and flooring around the corner with his wheelchair hitting the young child then riding off"

Police say that Stan turned that corner at about 3 MPH hitting the young child and killing her then riding onto the freeway which turned into a 5 hour wheelchair race.

Police finally caught him after Stan rolled his wheelchair.........Police charged him on the spot.

Stan Joseph

NEW WORLD RECORD!!!

Creemore - As we all know, the Summer Olympics are going on in Creemore Ont.

Every athlete is doing very well but one stands out out of them all, Mr. Jason Nixon.

In the Jizzing races, Mr. Nixon came up facing Mr. Andrew Todd, and Kenneth.

The bell went off, Nixon started beating and blew at a time of 1.06 seconds, A NEW RECORD!!! The record blew the old record out of the water (5.34 seconds sent buy "You like baseball??" in 1996

Video on world record

To have complete story lines on any story above please visit your local news stand and pick up a copy of The Shady Acres Times.

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