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Straight into the shiny dancing man-thingies this week. Things you learn by Zaprudering the opening credits:
1. I can't tell if those guitars and microphones actually explode out of the android's chest, or whether he's blowing chunks. I'm kind of skeeved out by the thoughts of a lot of little Alien microphones. So I'll take the second thought - it seems appropriate to the show.
2. VCRs suck for zaprudering. I need me a Tivo.

Ben bounds onto the stage in a charcoal pinstripe single-breasted suit over a purple striped shirt. Between Shoebox, Zack and I we've just about worn out this millennium's supply of ManTan jokes, but I will say this: my little sister's Malibu Ken had more natural skin tone than this bozo does.

Ben says "if you've never voted before, this is the night to start". Seems like Saskatchewan at least took him to heart. As I write this, it's iffy getting dial tone, and once through we get arbitrary messages that, translated, say "SaskTel, your phone system is in the crapper". Ben introduces "our last three hopefuls" who are "neck and neck".

The "punk prince from British Columbia" comes out in a black frock coat and open-necked white dress shirt. Jacob looks a little subdued. Perhaps he's been taken out back of the woodshed and given a proper tanning for his little indiscretions with journal entries. Or just threatened by some rather surly fellows from the CTV legal department.

This week, Theresa is the "jazz gem" from Saskatchewan. She's wearing a purple shirt with a v-neck and a lot of front panel detailing that makes her look a little heftier/bustier than she is. She's got her hair down and in curls and is wearing glasses. She adds a weird clenched-teeth smile and the Jenny Gear impersonation is dead-on. Bizarre.

Kalan, the "rock renegade" from Alberta, is wearing a brown cord shirt over black T-shirt. Like the other two, he's wearing jeans but his are rebel black. Ooooh, you renegade, you. You can totally tell he daydreams in church.

This week, "the idols are in the hands of our resident experts". Sass only wishes. Kalan and Jacob are already eyeing the exits. The theme is "judge's choice", which is their chance to engage in a lot of self-congratulatory rationalization about the lame songs that were within CTV's budget while the rest of Canada says "what the hell were you thinking?".

The "rabble-rousing prophet" Zack is wearing a black collarless motorcycle jacket over white/black T-shirt. He gives a little grimace and pushes his hands down as if to say to himself "I'm here, I'm getting paid, it's OK, really, I used to be somebody, I had a band..."

Ben interrupts Zack's self-affirmation to introduce the "rock and roll cheerleader". Sass is in a green and rust dress that's in pretty much the same shades as the countertops we chose for our last house. Which by a coincidence were the exact same pattern as the tabletops in the downtown McDonald's in Saskatoon. They totally copied us. Anyway, McSass grins and presses her hands out and up as if to say "Zoloft - so nice".

The "poet-laureate coach" is dressed in a double breasted black and gray pinstripe suit with candy-striped tie and maple leaf pocket puff. Farley plays with his suit buttons as if to say "I'm cooler than this, but everybody knows it, so it's still cool."

The "musical man of steel" is dressed in a banker's grey suit. I'm sorry, I just don't get the man of steel reference. Do they mean he's about as stiff as rebar? Jake gives a nod and a grim little smile as if to say "this suppository is killing me". Or maybe his Superman Speedos are a little too tight tonight.

The question of the night is "what's the key to finding just the right song for each competitor?" I'm thinking, maybe they should have asked that of themselves before sticking several of our competitors with big balls of suck, but I'm ahead of myself. Jake replies that they are looking for the right sentiment, and also that they considered what the contestants could sing in terms of range. Perhaps they could have also considered whether the song would be relevant to anyone born after 1980, and whether there was a milligram of cool left in the song. Or in the case of one particular song, whether it was ever there to start with. OK, getting ahead of myself again. Also, not bitter. Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean...

Farley claimed that the only difficulty was that the contestants showed such a breadth of talent, that narrowing the field to one or two best songs was a problem. That would say to me that they had a whole bunch of good songs to pick from and were just having problems settling on which ones to choose. I think they had a handful of songs cleared by Legal and about 45 minutes to make happy hour.

Just as Sass is about to be asked her opinion, she lets loose with an awesome Flipper impersonation. Maybe not Zoloft after all... Quaaludes? I'm sorry, my pharmaceutical background is not that strong. Consulting my battered copy of Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas suggests a pint of ether may be involved. Sass claims that resolving disputes over the choices resulted in headlocks and mud wrestling. Get your heads out of the gutter, all of you. Right now, I mean it. I'll stop this recap and turn it around, you see if I don't.

Zack is asked if any of tonight's choices are going to surprise the audience. Directly behind him are a couple of ladies who maybe take the L'Oreal propaganda a little too seriously. I don't think they hear a word he says, their thoughts are straight in the gutter like the rest of you. "Zack...mud...mmmmm". Or "ew", depending on your sexual preference and sense of taste just in general. Whatever their thoughts, they paste some smiles on their faces and stare unblinkingly at the cameras. Somewhere in Etobicoke their bridge club is all, "Look, its Irma and Francine!"

At any rate, Zack doesn't answer the question, but instead chooses to address the whole Jacob journal foofarah, claiming that "winning this contest isn't such a bad thing". He then outright lies, saying that whoever wins "can set their own path for what it means to be a Canadian Idol". Yeah, I'm sure Ryan Malcolm is out there thinking he's really happy with singing Star of All the Planets while his career spirals down the tubes. Anyone who's had even a passing glance at the contracts knows that the Idol winner has exactly as much control over their career as BMG deigns to grant them. Which in the past has been not much.

Jacob is introduced, holding a hand to the side of his face and his mouth in an "O". The expression is clearly "what trouble have I gotten into now?" Sass says that the lyric of If You Don't Know Me By Now is perfect for an Idol. What, we all figure they're philandering scum and they have to defend themselves in song? Fair enough; I've always known in my heart that Jacob's been cheating with Australia. Last week, he came home with red sand in his shoes. I even caught him watching cricket one night, that bastard. And the Aussies aren't the only ones - his beer has been suspiciously warm lately.

Jake says the tone and the phrasing fit Jacob very well. I dunno. He's shown he can Jacob-ise pretty much anything thrown at him, but that little bit of white-boy soul doesn't immediately strike me as him. Farley says he's a really physical performer and the song really lends itself to expressing oneself physically. OK, now I think Sass is sharing her stash. Zack finally gets to the real reason they gave him this song - can he kill it as Jacob Hoggard when they flat-out know he doesn't have the chops to sing it straight?

Jacob walks out onto the stage. Once more he looks tentative, nervous, chastened. I think he now knows what it's like to be called on the carpet as an adult - it's a little different than getting busted in high school for skipping class. His physical performance mostly consists of him standing with his hands in his pockets. As he sings I ain't gonna do nothing to upset our happy home he looks up and around the theatre. The reference is clear.

The Dread Lord Clive: I am mightily displeased! Back when such lackeys were my slaves in truth, I would have them flogged for such insubordination. He seems contrite, but unbroken. My minions seem unable to locate a good rack anywhere. Can we at least put him on a bread and water diet? No? Cursed modern laws.

Ahem. Back on stage, Jacob ups the physical performance ante by grabbing the microphone. Way to call it, Farley. Overall, it's not a bad performance. He hits the notes and generally doesn't have any technical problems that he hasn't had before. I just don't think he has enough voice for this piece, nor is his heart completely in it. He tries to inject some of the same zing he's had with other ballads, but it's not enough soul to overcome the little voice that could. I'm missing having a technically strong voice on this piece, which pretty much demands it.

Jake says that "if people don't vote for you, they gotta be crazy". Which would be an OK statement if he didn't praise the other two contestants to the point of embarrassment. I hate when the judges fall over each other to up the ante in the tongue-bathing department.

Farley totally back-tracks on his earlier comment, saying he liked the understated presentation. Sass says he "never fails to amaze [her] with his ability to turn molehills into mountains". Wait, did she just say he did a good job with a sucky song? I think I need to have my Sass-o-meter adjusted. Their song choices are flawless, n'est pas? She goes on to describe him as a "big juicy ham with a side of cheese". No argument from me, there.

Zack rolls his eyes at the Sass-isms and readies himself for his role as CTV's designated hit man. He starts out saying that Jacob sometimes doesn't know the difference between funny and silly. Which has no bearing at all on the performance he gave or anything at all, really. He goes on to say that when Jacob does something as himself, it shows that he doesn't know who he really is nor that he "really wants this thing." Which he yells, just as the camera switches back to show Jacob's Dad giving the big thumbs up in his goofy cowboy hat. At least one member of the Hoggard family wants it.

Zack seems genuinely pissed. I think Jacob's actions have ticked him off because it boils down to a condemnation of the whole Idol show concept, of which Zack is a pretty integral part. If you've deluded yourself into thinking that being the judge of what boils down to essentially a gussied-up karaoke contest has relevance to what's really going on in music, having one of the young contestants publicly thumb his nose at you must really hit home.

Zack's run out of steam and time, so Jake throws out another "do ya want it?" as the music kicks in. Zack's his hero, 'cause he's so big and strong. Jacob turns and trudges wearily towards the chairs. He manages to perk up for the obligatory banter with Ben, but sinks back into contemplation as Ben makes with the numbers.

Commercials - the makers of Four Weddings and a Funeral, which I love, hope to regain their rep with some romantic schlock starring Kirsten Dunst. I preferred it when they make their quirky little English films with quirky little English actors, personally.

Back from the commercials, and the first of many shots of Canadian celebrities, minor and major. Lisa LaFlamme and Sandie Rinaldo are shown applauding beneath a Jacob sign, but you just know they're Kalan fans. Pan across the judges as Zack stares into space, Sass examines her nails for little tiny universes and Farley and Jake stare adoringly at Ben. Yes, everyone's been into Sass' stash, and the good stuff is starting to kick in around now.

Next up is "the lady they call Theresa Sokyrka". I've never been one of "them", can I call her Fred? What The World Needs Now, according to Sass, is a beautiful sentiment. One woman's beautiful is a Dwarf's trite, mawkish, naive and cliché. Overtop of footage of Theresa singing There's A Kind of Hush, a similar song choice universally reviled by the judges, Sass blathers on about the combination of sentiment and Theresa's voice being perfect. I'd say, if anyone can sell this turkey, she can, but that doesn't mean she needs to saddled with it. Jake says it suits her because she has no problem showing vulnerability on stage. That only works well when she's singing personal songs - she may as well be singing I'd Like To Teach the World to Sing as this over-sentimental, over-done paean to whirled peas. Zack says he's looking for her to take something well-known and find a way to "Theresa-ise" it. Translation: your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to take a pile of shit that even your Grandmother finds maudlin and make the audience enjoy it. With a smile. Farley thinks the song will connect with her because so many people like her. Except, you know, the judges, going by this song choice.

Comparing her rendition of What The World Needs Now with There's A Kind of Hush, I'd say she does a better job here. Her voice is a little stronger, she breaks out a little near the end and she hits all the notes. She has the Wide-Eyed Stare of Innocence and the Raised Eyebrows of Sincerity going, which I counter with the Crossed Arms of Skepticism and the Gritted Teeth of Endurance. I'm not sure whether she believes the sentiment, but I'm pretty sure she's not naive enough to believe she can sell it to everybody. She tries, though, and ends up falling short because this.song.just.sucks.so.hard. It must have sounded better live, as she got a standing ovation. That or the audience was under strict instructions. Over to you judges, and the rationalizations.

Farley alludes to her throat troubles, saying he's really glad she was able to open up. Me, too, otherwise I'd have wasted two minutes that might have been better spent feeding my fish or something. According to Sass, Theresa comes from the "serene skies of Skakatchoowon". Sass, here's a little tip from your ol' uncle Dwarfy: say "Skatchwan". You'll sound like a native, and still be able to pronounce it after your 23rd Boh in the Delisle Hotel Bar. Apparently, Theresa has glided with grace. I'd say that applies: she was able to stay upright after slipping around in 2 minutes of crap. Zack says she's got to show people why she's the one. I'm sure she'd like to, Zack, only you gave her a song that the entire cast of AI2 sucked slough water on. Jake proclaims she'd solve Middle East peace problems with this song, which...which... I have no words, as the judges say. Make her try to sell us this cloying tripe, but don't try to tell us that any thinking adult would believe that, even as hyperbole.

Commercials - I don't drink coffee, I don't like coffee, so a whole drawer of coffee just squicks me out. Coffee Crisp, I like. Fun fact for the day - Canadian chocolate bars taste better than American ones. Colder climate, less wax needed to keep them from melting on the shelves. Now you know. And more TAR! Yay, TAR! I totally want a Zorb. Only problem is finding a hill in Saskatoon to roll it down...

Hey, Pinball Clemons. Man has got hisself some good-lookin' family, there.

The judges explain their choice of I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For. Sass says it has the passion and intensity that Kalan brings. Jake says it allows Kalan to open up his big voice. Farley agrees that the U2 will let him have a "big rock moment". Zack carries on with his theme of the challenge of the song, which is to de-Bono it.

I agree with the judges, I think it's an obvious choice for him and is essentially a soft pitch. Which is what all these songs should be. The theme nights are about challenging them, judge's choice should be about bringing out their best. Which I actually prefer to be with songs that I didn't think of for them myself. I can't have been the only one watching Josh sing U2 and thinking, "that's fine, but Kalan would have slayed that". I was kind of hoping the judges might come up with some more interesting songs tonight. Eh, I'll have to settle for suitable, in this case.

The problems start early, with the backing track. Somehow The Edge's distinctive, ringing rhythms have been put through the Idol cheesifier and left sounding like they're being played through an old AM radio with a buzzing speaker. Kalan seems tight. His body language doesn't say rock star, it says "Jacob gave me a wedgie backstage and I'm still a wee bit uncomfortable". He's swaying back and forth and looking at the ceiling like he's at the Idol Special Olympics. When he lets loose with his voice a little bit, his body loosens up but unfortunately so does his pitch control. He sounds like he's still trying to work out the phrasing. I think if he had a few weeks to rehearse this with his band, he'd kill it. But for tonight, swing and a miss at the soft pitch. It was at least not boring, and kind of fun to see him try his hand at something written after 1975.

Sass says "you're a simmering volcano under an ocean of emotion just waiting to explode all over your adoring public". Ahem. Erm. I have trouble hearing the rest of her comments, what with the boom-chikka-wah-wah blaring in my head. A flurry of possible jokes strikes me: Sass has a side gig as a phone sex girl - too obvious ... Sass has plans to revive her career as an (even) older Liz Phair - not obvious enough ... Sass hosting the Friday night movie on Bravo... Sass starring in the Friday night movie on Bravo... Sass and Mary Kay, swapping legal advice... I shake the saxophones long enough to check Kalan's reaction - he's briefly thanking Sass with a squicked-out look and thinking, "That's exactly what Kalan_4_Eva IM'd me last night! I've got to ask my Mom what to do about all this stuff..."

Zack wishes there was a live band. As do we all. Why can't we have a live band all the time? It's not like CTV is losing money on this thing. He claims that despite backing track problems, Kalan was awesome. Could well have been, in studio. It's the risk you take with a rock track - much harder to engage your audience through the TV, much easier to make technical errors in your effort to rock out which nobody cares about live but are plenty obvious to those of us sitting on our duffs in front of the idiot box. Jake was worried that they wouldn't get emotion in the song, but that he got that and it was the best thing he's ever done. Eh. He was trying to inject a lot of angst into it, but it mostly came out in tight body language and off-key singing. Farley makes an extended sports reference, the gist of which is that Kalan has this thing won already. Well, duh. He had it won 8 shows ago, the rest of us are just curious about who's coming in second.

Ben says that Kalan rewrote U2. Unless he's writing it as V8 these days, I don't think so. He didn't mess at all with melody or structure. Like any other KALN (we rock the classics!) version, it was pretty straight. After giving the digits, Ben introduces a photo shoot segment.

The piece opens with a quote claiming rockers are the nicest people to shoot, as they have no inhibitions. That covers Jacob, but I'm guessing Kalan and Theresa have enough inhibitions to cover off Jacob, the camera crew, and the collection of skinny fashionistas in the next room doing the winter collection story. They're doing the shoot for Fashion18, which I've never heard of. I think they must be a CTV property as their website is a very similar design, only brighter. Waaay brighter.

The real star of the shoot is a white '62 Corvette convertible with red leather interior. That's the sort of car that could make even Gary Beals temporarily cool.

Jacob gets the suit, but first we get him acting all punk-like to make the contrast. I guess the shot of his ass hanging mid-air is the price we pay to see him in a suit. It's a nice suit, and he wears it well. My esteemed colleague is correct - wearing a suit well is a skill. Compare your local weatherman with Pierce Brosnan, and you'll see what I mean.

At first they show Kalan in one of his stock western style shirts. I figured they'd be dressing him up some, but the final product is pretty much Kalan in a western shirt. Sorry, gurls - you only get two suits a year on this kid, and you saw 'em both last week. He looks like he'd rather be doing anything else than be in that studio. Mr. Porter is in for a world of hurt in the next few weeks if he can't relax for getting his picture taken and stuff.

Theresa gets the full fifties glam look, with sleeveless chiffon gown and scarf, big shades, big hair, big makeup. She looked great and was clearly relaxed and having fun.

Commercials - Ford shows off its GT. Between the 'Vette and the GT, I am one tortured mini-van driver. I need to schedule my mid-life crisis, stat.

Hey, look, it's Seamus O'Regan. I haven't the foggiest clue who the hell he is, but he seems a strapping young lad and damn glad to be there. I say, good on you, Seamus. Grab a Guiness with Farley O'Flex after the show.

As I write this recap, my VCR is tuned to MuchMusic. Every time I leave it paused too long, I get a few minutes of The Wedge. It's a pretty solid reminder that as much as Jacob is considered an alternative, off-the-beaten-path candidate, he's really pretty mainstream. It would be cool to see Idol used as a vehicle to push around the edges a little bit, especially with Canadian music. Never, ever happen. So good on you, Moses. You've done more for CanCon than the CRTC could ever have imagined.

Sass says they've chosen I Want You To Want Me for Jacob because it's a classic. It's a classic if your definition is "any song more than 5 years old". It was a huge hit for Cheap Trick, but it's not the sort of song that gets replayed a lot these days. Jake makes the rather obvious point that the lyrics are a good fit for an attention whore like Jacob. He also says it's a great pop song. I've always thought of it as a rather infectious, if repetitive, rocker myself. Zack says they picked the song to allow himself to be Jacob "in that moment". I was kind of hoping for that too. Farley says they wanted him to be able to work with it both naturally and consciously.

The result was a bit too much consciousness and not near enough naturalness. It's not really a bad song choice, but it is rather repetitive. It's also heavily dependant on the driving guitar line and two-beat rhythm, which unfortunately faded due to the cheesification of the backing track. This left Jacob to drive it solely on his energy, which was strangely lacking. I kept waiting for him to bust out and dance, use the stage, dive into the audience, anything. He's got a song that's only going to work on sheer energy, and it's a half-hearted effort. It was frustrating. I knew he had a better performance in him somewhere. When he resorted to clapping and pointing, it was all over for me.

Zack says he wishes he used the whole stage. He goes on to say that the Canadian Idol doesn't need to sing anything, he needs to sing "that", which Jacob killed. I don't think he killed it, but I do agree that it is unreasonable to expect the Idol to sing all things well. Although I do think it's a little weird to say that to the contestant who has demonstrated the most range, style-wise.

Jake said they finally got the physicality. Not so much. He figures they were geniuses for picking that song. Again, not so much. They could have picked any number of songs that would have suited him as well or better than that one. I'd like to have seen them assign him something from the last decade or so. There's any number of cool alternative songs that would have been recognisable to his fan base and would have allowed him to rock out in the same manner.

Farley says he's not just ready to make a record, he's ready to entertain the world. I think he's ready to make a record, too. I'd even buy the record, so long as 19E had nothing to do with the content of said record. Sass says he's her favourite Mexican jumping bean. I think Sass has been eating a few too many Mexican worms lately.

Commercials - Yet another plug for Resident Evil 2. This piece of shit's promotion budget rivals Ben's ManTan expenses, yet the first one went to video faster than Malcom's album hit the bargain bins. Who exactly is watching this crap?
Kalan_4_Eva: resdint evol wz th shizzl!
The Dread Lord Clive: It was a crude, yet strangely effective little confection. I particularly appreciated all the beheadings.

Brian! Mila! How ya doin'? Long time, no see. Brian, you've lost weight I see. Mila, still looking good. So, Brian, how's life been going since you screwed over the country and left Kim holding the bag? Lawyering, eh? So not much of a change, there. You figure if Clinton can plug his book on Letterman, doing your half-wit son a solid by showing up on a talent show isn't so bad? I guess that's true.

Enough chit-chat. Dore shows up, his parents are there too. Not-so-witty banter ensues. Ben claims his folks are cool and famous. I guess Mila is kinda-sorta cool. Brian has never been cool in his life. He's been slimey, he's been sleazy, he's been sneaky, he's been ... OK, you get my point. I didn't like Trudeau much, either, but there was no denying it - he was cool. Brian had Gucci loafers and nice suits.

Zack says the judges have chosen Ready For Love by India.Arie. Finally! A song from this century. A song I haven't actually heard. Have I mentioned how much I love hearing something new? XM Radio is my favourite toy. He says they chose the song because it wouldn't pigeon-hole her. Sass says that the song has a very smokey and personal flavour to it, which Theresa has as a performer. I wish she'd shown that much insight picking the first effin' song. Farley says that people will watch their TV screens and feel that she is singing that song just to them. Jake says it has the right sentiment, will challenge her, and they hope she'll do well.

Theresa has ditched the glasses and switched to a sparkly red camisole top for this song. But she's not spinning it for sex, rather she's going for a sort of sad hopefulness, playing a character who is begging a lover for another chance. It's absolutely stunning. She presents it very simply, seated on a stool with no distractions. I really appreciate that she (as well as Jacob and Kalan) doesn't feel the need to fiddle with the mike, reach for babies or otherwise show that she doesn't know what to do with herself. She's comfortable, she's herself, and it's enough. I'm reminded of watching a Cowboy Junkies concert, where Margo Timmins sits on a stool, with a vase full of flowers and a cup of tea, and keeps an audience captivated for 2 hours. If you don't have the patience for this sort of quiet, personal style, I can understand it. But for me, this was the performance of the evening and of the series. In the end, Theresa is going to be like Margo, Sarah or Jann - not just a song or a voice, but a person you feel you'd like to spend an evening with, a person who might be a friend, someone whom you respect both for their talent and for who they are. She won't win this contest, but she'll be around long after all the other contestants have become trivia questions. I am not unbiased in this, it's clear. My heart is on my sleeve with her, and that's just fine. Here's hoping she gets out of the clutches of the Dread Lord Clive sooner than later.

The Dread Lord Clive: Really, she's awfully boring. Not my cup of tea at all. I plan to throw her back to the masses just as soon as I can determine whether there's any money to be made from the wretch. Sniveling recapper.

Jake says that nobody who has ever been on this show can captivate or be as vulnerable as she can. Theresa appears to be having some difficulty pulling herself out of the song and is near tears. Farley says she's wonderful in the first person, as the camera shows Theresa, lip a-quiver, still trying to reel in the emotion. Sass says that although she doesn't have a huge amount of range, she has a huge amount of heart. I think this sums it up very nicely. I much prefer coherent!Sass to halfinthebag!Sass. Zack says she is the reason he does "this silly TV show". And here I thought it was the big fat cheques. Nice sentiment, though. It just about pushes Theresa over the brink.

Commercials - Mrs. Dwarf says the Panoramic Curl Girl looks like she belongs on the original Star Trek series. I can see it, too - just slap a red shirt on her, and she'd be Captain James T. Kirk's shag-o-the-week.

Farley says Nature Boy is one of his favourite songs both melodically and lyrically, and that the lyrics capture Kalan perfectly. Zack says the challenge will be to see whether he can find a modern twist to it. Seeing as Kalan is going to crib directly from David Bowie's version, Zack's line seems a tad fatuous. Jake felt they needed to give him a challenge, as he's Conservatory and really knows his stuff. He's going to learn the tune and figure out how to fit it into his world. Again, Bowie version, not so much with the figuring on Kalan's part. Sass feels that since he's so studious with his approach to the song that he might surprise us in a wonderful way.

I think this is a pretty good song choice, but if they really wanted to challenge Kalan they should have given him a modern song. I guess I'm contradicting my earlier statement about Judges' Night being all about the soft pitches, but in this case they know he's going to knock it out of the park. We have yet to see Kalan sing something newer than around 1975, except for group sings. I'm getting a little tired of young dude sings like old fart.

Kalan's thrown a Western-ised sports coat over black T-shirt and jeans for this sophisticated song. He should have borrowed Jacob's suit.

Camera One: Ooh, baby, where you been these last few weeks. I've been soooo lonely. Gimme some of that good eye action. A girl gets all hot and bothered under these lights...
Camera Two: You gorgeous volcano, why don't you simmer on over here and explode all over me.
Camera One: I saw him first!
Camera Two: You had him last time!

Girls, girls, there's plenty of eye action to go around. Kalan unleashes the full power of the baby blues, the golden curls, the fluttering lashes, the quivering lip ... oh yeah, and that voice. Damn, but he is good. As much as the U2 was tense and unexpectedly off, this is smooth, flowing, bang-on. Flawless, really. I'm given to understand that this is a very difficult song to sing. It didn't sound it, which I suspect is the highest compliment one can pay to his technique. I much preferred Theresa on raw emotion, but for those people who are judging on sheer technical ability, it's no contest.

Farley says that Kalan is 18 years old with the soul of Nat King Cole and "takes this thing so seriously". I guess it's his turn to be CTV's spokes-dawg. Sass makes a lame joke about Medicine and Hat. Kalan is all "just smile nice at the old lady, and maybe she won't knock on my door at 2 AM. Again." Zack says he's voting for all three, and thanks Kalan for being there "in every way, shape and form". Jake says he dug down even deeper and it was the best thing he's ever done. He won't get much argument from me.

All in all, a slightly disappointing evening. Some better song choices and a few less nerves might have made for a more consistently entertaining set of songs. However, this is a very, very strong top three. It is also surprisingly diverse. I would have been happy with any two of them moving on to the final, although I must admit to being happiest with the Kalan-Theresa finale we'll be seeing next week. Over to you, Shoebox.