Relapsing Thoughts

My heart craves
some combination of words
that will make this less painful
less intense
But there are no poems left
to be written
I told myself this was over
so long ago
I told myself it was gone
That it left with the self-loathing
Yet, here I am
freeing the tears and hating myself for it
Needing more to make this go away
And I WILL NOT do this again
I will not leave the scars that
feed this vicious cycle
I will not starve the metabolism
that is still suffering from
my past
But I need something
Someone
And you can’t understand
that some days
I’m just sad
and I need to be held
I need to be sad
until I’m not

06/10/05

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