Coping

I find myself again
cursed with this feeling
of confusion and chaos
regretting the disappointment I’ve caused
but reluctant to face it
and I consider giving up
I consider returning to behaviors
I’ve long discontinued
but certainly not forgotten
But the thought is fleeting
And soon dismissed
Memories of the turmoil
caused by such temporary relief
flood my mind
And I remember why I gave it up
And now I return to this feeling of hopelessness
And I’m stuck with no solution
No quick fix
And this feeling
This emptiness that I can’t seem to adequately describe
is the reason that I acted
in a manner which seemed to defy logic
And these words are still an endless cycle
of improprieties and confusions
But for now…
They’re all I have.

07/01/04
8:04 p.m.

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