5:09 am: Kisses the stuffed horse, and tucks it back in saying, "Good-bye, Toby Junior!"

5:10 am: Kicks aside the scattered empty bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade on his way to the shower.

5:14 am: Climbs into a hot shower and "accidentally" pees down the drain, figuring it saves time.

5:30 am: Gets out of the shower and stands in front of the mirror naked.

5:31 am: After admiring himself for a moment, does the "Shake-It" dance.

5:32 am: Spanks "Toby the 3rd" ifyaknowwhatimsayin.

5:35 am: Wonders why it took him so long.

5:40 am: Plucks eyebrows.

5:45 am: Practices smiling, and different ways of tilting his head to make himself look more manly.

5:50 am: Does his daily affirmations. "I AM a hottie. I DO have fans...and gosh-darnit, people like me!"

6:15 am: Leaves bathroom.

6:17 am: Goes into the kitchen to make himself breakfast.

6:19 am: Kicks a hung-over Joey from in front of the fridge.

6:22 am: Makes himself french toast...with powdered sugar, and a "lovely" danish.

6:30 am: As he's eating, wonders how much the half-eaten danish would be worth on ebay.

6:42 am: Realizes he's still naked.

6:53 am: Gets dressed in his "Junior NASA Space Cadet" suit.

7:20 am: Listens to "The Dance" by Garth Brooks.

7:21 am: Weeps openly.

7:30 am: Leaves the house for his acting lesson.

7:45 am: Arrives at Justin's house.

8:00 am: Time for lesson to start. This week Lance is to learn, "How to act sad."

9:00 am: Still waiting for Justin to stop watching himself at the end of the "Rock Your Body" video over and over.

9:45 am: Still waiting...his mind wanders to space and he starts drooling.

10:30 am: Mind still in space, picturing himself zooming around in a space capsule. *Puddle of drool quite noticeable*

10:45 am: Justin finally comes to, and makes Lance mop up the drool off the table.

11:30 am: Justin tells Lance he missed a spot, and makes him do it all over again.

11:31 am: Lance makes a really sad face.

11:32 am: Justin yells, "YEAH! Like THAT dawg!"

11:40 am: Lance has to intercept a call from Britney on Justin's cell phone by telling her that he moved to Antarctica and changed his name.

11:45 am: Lesson continues.

12:00 pm: Justin tells Lance to use not going to space as his inspiration for sadness.

12:00 pm and 30 seconds: Runs out of Justin’s house crying like a baby to his holy sanctuary, Mary Kay's gravesite.

12:25 pm: Sends 25 minutes sobbing and "talking" to Mary Kay about really wanting to go to space and if she could help him out. Decides a shopping trip will make him feel better.

1:00 pm: Goes to Toys R Us to buy the new Tonka Toy space shuttle.

1:30 pm: Gets kicked out of Wal-Mart for trying to ride in the little quarter-operated space ship out front.

1:40 pm: Sees another kid riding the quarter-operated horsie next to the space ship. The kid's having trouble breathing. He says, "If you had an oxygen mask, you'd be all good."

1:41 pm: Pulls out his Oxybreathe Bassmask and hands it to the kid. "For just three installments of $19.99 you can have your very own with your name embroidered on the nose piece."

2:00 pm: Meets JC at Subway for lunch.

2:01 pm: Jayce had just gotten a manicure and was recommending the manicurist to him.

2:10 pm: Jayce spots Jared and tells him he's a big fan of his subway diet.

2:12 pm: Jared glares at Jayce and Lance for being so skinny and hurries out with the new line of subs.

2:12 still: Lance runs after Jared asking for his fat pants to use as a pretend spaceship.

2:15 pm: Bumps into Chris, who tells him an absurd story about crop circles. Is fascinated anyway cause it has to do with space creatures.

2:45 pm: Goes for his daily visit with his momma. Pats his pocket to make sure he still has his half of the umbilical cord in his pocket.

6:45 pm: Mama Bass had his room all ready for his afternoon nap, so he took one. He had visions of asteee-roids and space mo-biles. It was so wonderful, he didn't wanna wake up.

6:50 pm: Gets call from Russia saying he will go up in April.

6:52 pm: Gets a call from Russia saying no, he won't go up.

6:54 pm: Gets a call saying he'll go up in October.

6:56 pm: Gets a call saying, "PSYCHE!!" It was Chris calling the whole time.

7:00 pm: Russia really calls him and he hangs up on them, thinking it's Chris again.

7:30 pm: Gets a call from Justin asking him to teach him some Russian terms.

7:31 pm: Joey's on call waiting, also wanting to know Russian terms. Puts them all on three-way. J says, "Okay so check this. I need to learn how to say Brothel, bitch, fu*k session…"

7:50 pm: Has decided Chris's new name will be bzdenok (little old man who farts frequently).

7:55 pm: Joey interrupts Lance's lesson from The Alternative Russian Dictionary, telling him to meet him at the airport, because he's going to space after all.

10:45 pm: Lands in Detroit and limo takes them to the hottest nightclub in the city, Space.

11:00 pm: Arrives at Space and just blinks, then stares at Joey. Joey snickers and looks at Lance. "It's ladies night man. You get free beers."

11:03 pm: Gets laughed at when he orders a Mike's Hard Lemonade at the bar...but the bartender gives him one anyway.

11:04 pm: Cusses at them in Russian and demands some good Russian vodka.

11:06 pm: Best the bartender could come up with was a red headed slut, named Willa…or in Russian, Villa. [red headed slut is a drink with some vodka in case you didn't know]

11:15 pm: "Like I Love You" starts playing and the dance floor clears...leaving Lance dancing by himself.

11:26 pm: Still not happy with the bartending, and decides to do it himself. The search for America's Most Talented Kid wasn't paying enough, and he needed to raise the 20 million somehow.

11:50 pm: Has served Joey enough drinks that Joey ends up trying to pick up on him.

11:53 pm: Tries to pick up one of the cute blondes who ordered a drink. "So, how'd ya like to take a space ride on my space capsule? The Soyuz was built to withstand the turbulence upon re-entry."

Midnight: Has gathered up enough hunnies with his Soyuz line to bring and have a private little party in Jared’s pants.