I wonder if everyone has a beautiful melody deep within their soul that makes them who they are?
It amazes me to see somebody I talk to every day, somebody I know and love, draw such music out of an instrument. More than music. It's a whole different side of them that I know is there but don't often get to see, because we spend so much time alone in practice rooms.
But the best part is knowing how deeply music is connected to everything that matters. It makes performing feel like telling a most sacred secret, sharing the most intimate part of our souls. I think that's why it can be so nerve-racking to perform, but it's also why it's so beautiful. So thanks--I love you.
All of a sudden, the prospect of going out into the real world isn't as much scary as it is exciting. I had the time of my life today! Melanie, Marcia and I spent the day in Milton with Trina, and we each had the opportunity to play with her 6th grade and high school bands, and to teach some sectionals in each band. It was awesome--the kids were so enthusiastic, and they sounded a little bit better after just the few minutes I got to work with them. I could never have imagined how invigorating it can be! I can't begin to imagine what a thrill it must be to stand up in front of a full ensemble and, using only a stick, pull such music out of students.
I also learned that there are only two steps to being a great conductor:
1) Know everything.
2) Motivate.
I can hardly wait.
I have been playing horn for not quite two years now, so it's easy for me to feel like I'm always catching up to everyone. My biggest challenge has been that, since I started in high school, I've had this idea of the ideal music I could make ever since I started. When you start young, it's okay to just worry about notes and rhythms, but I've always wanted to make music.
In the last couple of weeks, it's finally started to happen for me. I don't have to focus on what my muscles are doing; I can trust that my face is going to do what it's supposed to, and I can focus on exactly what music I want to hear.
It makes me think about what music really is. I won't look it up in a dictionary, because I know it won't even begin to say. I have been forced to the conclusion that music isn't really something I can make. It's something we just have to grab onto in order to show it to people. I think we all have it, we just don't all know about it. Our job is to draw it out of anyone who's listening. We have to put in our heart and soul so that their heart and soul leap out to meet the music and embrace it. Only then will they be able to carry it with them.
It makes me want to play for someone I love, and not for myself. Even when there's not one person I know in the audience, I am sitting in an ensemble made up of my family, and if we are playing for each other then we're all getting music from dozens of other people, and then we have all the more to give back to the audience. That is why music is so beautiful.
I read this quote on the wall of my high school band room, and it got me thinking. I have always taken this sort of philosophy, always trying my hardest and knowing that I have the potential to do just a little bit better. But sometimes this leads me to get a bit desperate, because no matter how much I may improve I feel like I'm never quite where I could be.
This is one of the greatest downfalls of musicians. I think it's because all of us have this perfect, beautiful music flowing through our souls. We can hear it, feel it with every fiber of our being, and we just want to make that music come out the end of our horn so that everyone can hear it. But that so rarely happens. No matter how well we might perform or practice, it's never *quite* the perfect, flawless music vibrating in our heart.
As I pondered this I remembered another quote that was a favorite of my riding instructor's: "Only the mediocre are always at their best." I'd always liked this one as well, but at first glance it seems to contradict the other quote.
Then I realized that I needed to define the word "best" in order to fully understand. I decided that I, we, need to differentiate between the best and our best. We can't all be the best, it's a simple fact. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try, but it does mean we shouldn't be upset if we aren't the best. The good news is that we can all be our best. We can put our heart and soul into all that we do, and leave with the satisfaction that we gave all we had.
So cling to the music, and play your best.
