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Spring
Break 1989 by Ron Kaplan
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Led by All-American Greg Grant, the TSC basketball team capped off an incredible regular season by making the final 4 of the NCAA tournament. The tournament was held in Springfield, Ohio. While most college students go to Daytona or some other beach resort for Spring Break, Tom Metz, Jim Casey, Fred Benlein and Ron Kaplan decided to take the long drive to Ohio. We left the TSC campus in the evening for a overnight drive to Ohio in Jim Casey’s car. What do people do to pass the time away on a long drive? Listen to music? Sleep? We went to TSC before you needed a 1200 SAT and decided to do something a little more primitive. A FARTING CONTEST! We stopped off at a Wendy’s superbar and let nature do the rest. Final Results – (9 hours) Jim Casey – 130 farts Tom Metz – 90 farts Fred Benlein – 35 farts Ron Kaplan – 17 farts There was another contest that took place during the ride. We bet Fred Benlein $20 that he couldn’t stay up for 5 hours. Fred was very determined. Each hour he would remind us another hour has passed. When he got to 5 hours, within microseconds of getting the words out of his mouth, Fred fell asleep. It ended up Fred had a defective watch and was only awake 4 hours and 30 minutes. Fred lost the bet but when it was time to pay up he discovered that he left his wallet at TSC. Fred was trying to persuade us to drive back to TSC even though we were more then half way to Ohio. Fred’s request was denied! We got to Dayton, Ohio early in the morning. Everybody was eager to get to Bert Lundberg’s place to rest but Fred. Fred was starving! We all chipped in and bought Fred breakfast at a Wawa and then proceeded to drive to Bert’s apartment. Bert, was a fellow TSC alumni and X/C runner who was going to law school at the University of Dayton. We slept most of the day at Bert’s apartment. Tom & Casey ended up sharing a bed. Casey, who was suffering from flu like symptoms, ended up breaking such a large sweat in his sleep that Tom thought he had wet the bed. We all woke up from Tom’s screams of horror. We weren’t up more then 5 minutes until we found out Fred was starving again. Knowing we were low on cash, Bert was nice enough to make us a spaghetti dinner. Fred sucked up his portion faster then a vacuum and left the room in a hurry. We found Fred scraping the remaining morsels of noodles from the pot with his fingers. Fred’s comments were ”you never know when your next meal will be so you have to make the most out of it”. That evening was the semi- finals game at Whittenberg University. TSC won in a landslide. Greg Grant was incredible! We all decided to celebrate that evening by going to some of the clubs in Dayton. We ended up at a 30 and over singles bar and we all got plastered. Fred was in his glory because they had free popcorn. At one time during the evening we saw Fred on the dance floor doing the electric slide while holding a bowl of popcorn like the statue of liberty. When it was time to leave later that evening Fred was missing. We looked all through the Bar and there was no sign of Fred. We decided to go outside and Fred was hurdling traffic cones and fire hydrants in the parking lot and of course running on his toes. Fred was practicing his form in order to make the transition from the 10K to the steeplechase. Finally we subdued Fred and got back in the car to Bert’s apartment. While in the car Fred started to make these retching and burping sounds like he was about to lose his spaghetti dinner and 20 bowls of popcorn. In fear of having Fred vomit in his car, Bert pulled over on a major interstate highway in Ohio. Fred decided this would be a perfect opportunity to do a long distance run and jog back to Bert’s. There was only 1 problem. Fred had no clue where he was, and he was drunk and couldn’t run in a straight line on a major highway. Just as Fred was about to angle to the right lane of the highway I tackled Fred from behind along the shoulder. This tackle would of made Lawrence Taylor proud. Finally we subdued Fred again and got back in the car to Bert’s apartment. When we got to Bert’s apartment Fred was in a catatonic state. We put him to bed hoping we wouldn’t hear from him again. Tom, Casey, Bert & Ron decided the night was still young and rented a couple of porno movies. While watching the movies, at the corner of our eye we saw Fred crawling from his bedroom to the bathroom in the hallway wearing only fluorescent yellow bikini briefs. Fred proceeded to pass out in the hallway bathroom where he spent the remainder of the evening. One of Bert’s roommates had to take a shit in the middle of the night and had to do his business with Fred passed out in the bathroom. The next evening was the Championship game. Greg Grant chose a bad game to have an off shooting night and TSC lost to Wisconsin Whitewater in a tight battle. Everybody was depressed. I think Jim Casey was actually in tears. After the game the alumni association invited all the fans who came to the game for a catered dinner. It was a lot of fun. Greg Grant gave a speech and made fun of all his teammates and reflected on a magical season. Steve Hund’s (forward on the TSC team) father choked on a chicken bone and Kevin McHugh performed the hiemlick maneuver, saving his life. After the party we decided another night in the town would be too exhausting and we were broke from funding Fred’s appetite, so we decided to drive back to New Jersey. The ride was very uneventful accept for a speeding ticket I got while in Ohio. The cops are very friendly in Ohio and I thanked the police officer for giving me a ticket even though he wouldn’t accept Jim Casey’s PBA card. 2 hours from New Jersey, Fred made us break for one last rest stop. Fred still didn’t know when his next meal would be and he was starving. We purposely didn’t give Fred any money but he came out of the restaurant with 2 hamburgers, fries, and a milkshake. Still to this day I have no clue how he got the money to pay for that meal. We got to TSC at the middle of the night and settled up with Fred’s father in the student parking lot. It must of looked like a drug deal since so much money was changing hands. We all got in our cars and drove home for the remainder of spring break. That was one of the best 48 hours in my life! |
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