|
Time Pass Links |
|
Answering
Machine Messages |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
Funny
- Answering Machine Messages
1. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why
we're not here. So leave a message.
2. My wife and I
can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number,
we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the
money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid
institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe
me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now you say something.
5. Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can
talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
7. (From a Japanese fellow in Toronto) He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you
leave message, I call you soon. If you leave *sexy* message, I call sooner!
8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of
these magnets.
9. Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just
eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you
want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the
phone.
10. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their
carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need
their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and
they will get back to you.
11. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason
for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about
returning your call.
12. Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
13. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.
Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
14. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home
cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we
probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.
15. You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting
heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and
your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel
helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.
16. Y ou
have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now
being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our
computers will be able to use the sound of *your* voice for literally
thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial
consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you
in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to
arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound
of the tone. Thank you.
17. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
18. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone
right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it
up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... really slowly. So leave a
message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
Last Updated: March 1, 2002
Site Best Viewed by: Internet Explorer
4.0 +
Copyright @ 1999 - 2002 Chirag Shah.
All rights reserved. |
