Cleaver Trini Woman

A Trini woman and a Trini man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a Trini man; that's interesting. I'm a Trini woman.

Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from

God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." 

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! This must be a sign from God!"  

The Trini woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.

My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

 Then she hands the bottle to the Trini man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands the it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

Recycle

A Guyanese is having breakfast when a Trini man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Guyanese ignores the Trini who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:

 Trini: "You Guyanese folk eat the whole bread??"

Guyanese (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Trini: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Guyana, we only eat what's inside. The crusts, we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the Guyanese."

The Trini has a smirk on his face and the Guyanese listens in silence.

The Trini persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread?

"Guyanese: "Of Course." Trini: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling).

 "We don't. In Guyana we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the Guyanese."

 The Guyanese then asks: "Do you have sex in Trinidad?"

Trini: "Why of course we do", the Trini says with a big smirk. 

Guyanese: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

 Trini: "We throw them away, of course."

 Guyanese: "We don't. In Guyana, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Trinidad.

Trini Sex Drive

Ah middle-aged woman went to de doctor and axe for help to revive she

husband sex drive. "Yuh try Viagra?" de doctor say. Nah she say. "He

won't even take ah aspirin for a headache, much less a Viagra pill." "No

problem," de doctor say. "Drop it in he drink, he won't taste it. Try it

and come back tell meh how it work out next week. " A week later, de

lady come back to de doctor "Oh lord... it was terrible, just terrible

doctor." What happen?", axe de doctor. "Well ah follow what yuh say and put it

in he drink. De ting work right away. He jump straight up, push everyting

off de table, rip off meh clothes and start tuh jam meh on top de table."

"But dat is what yuh wanted... no? Was de sex not good ?" "Oh no doctor, de

sex was de best ah had in 25 years, but I could never show meh face in KFC again!"

Interact

A Jamaican, a Bajan, and a Trini all went to a strip club.

A sweet looking lady came up to them and began to dance up.

First she went up to the Jamaican boy. He took a $10 and stuffed in in her bra.

She took the $10 out, then took off her bra and went up to the Bajan man. So the Bajan man took $10 and stuffed it in her panties.

She took the $10 out, and then took off her panties and went up to

the Trini man. While dancing on him, she suddenly felt something SWIPE in between her ass. She turns her face to the Trini man and he says "I eh have money, yuh take Interact?"

Meh Want Chicken 

A man walked into a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in Jamaica and "passed out" on the floor. People gathered around to help him by fanning and doing everything they could to help him regain consciousness. 

Someone peeled an orange and started squeezing the juice into his mouth, whereupon the man suddenly came back to life, pushed the person away and yelled, "Luk yah man! If me did want orange, me woulda fall down in
de market."

Bigger

Ah couple in Maracas Bay with dey 6 year old son.

As he was walking down de beach, he notice some ah de girls have bigger breasts dan he mudda...

So he ask she why. "Son", she say, "The bigger dey is, deh more shupid de person is."

So... he gone again to play and come back and tell he mudda that plenty man on de beach have bigger lolee dan daddy. Mommy say, "The bigger dey is, de more shupid de person is."

So... Again the boy gone to play. Shortly after, he come back and say,

"Mommy... Daddy talking to the shupidest girl on the beach and de more he talk, de shupider he getting."

Always Listen Tuh Yuh Woman...NOT

 Ah man been a sleep with he wife when he hear somebody knocking on de door.  He roll over and check de clock-half past three in de morning.

He thinking "I eh getting out ah meh bed now", and roll back over.  Den, de person start tuh knock louder.

"Yuh nuh answering dat?" wifey say.  So he crawl out of bed, and run downstairs.  When open de door he see ah man standing at the door drunk like ah fish.

"Eayee" de stranger say, "Yuh could give meh ah push?" "Nah gone from here, is half past three in the morning" says de man and he slam the door.

He run back up in he bed and tell he wife what happen and she say "Dexter, dat wasn't nice.  Remember dat night we break down in de rain on the way to pick de children up from de baby-sitter and you had tuh knock on de people house to help we get we car tuh start?  What yuh think woulda happen dey did tell me "NAH"?

"But de man drunk. "He say "It doh matter. Wife say.  "He need we help and is de right thing to do.

So de husband jump out ah bed again, get dressed, and run downstairs.  He open de door, and he ain't see de stranger,....so he shout out: "Hey yuh still want ah push?? "and he hear a voice brawl out "Yeah please."

So, he still can't see de stranger he shout out:  "Whey yuh?"

And de stranger reply: "Over here, in de back yard...ON YUH SWING."

Genie In A Bottle

A Trini is strolling down the street in downtown P. O. S.  and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie.  The Trini is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want." The Trini begins tinkling, "Well, I is ah man who real like drinking rum." Finally the Trini says, "Is rum ah like to drink, so make me pee rum," yeah man. The Genie grants him his wish. When the Trini gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pees in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. The ting look like rum. The ting smell like rum. He takes a taste and it is the best rum he has ever tasted.

The Trini yells to his wife, "Beverly, Beverly, come quick nah woman." She comes running down the hall and the Trini takes another glass out of the cupboard and pees in it. Drink up woman is rum. Beverly is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip.  It is the best rum she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night. The next night the Trini comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to pee in the two glasses. The result is the same, the rum is excellent and the couple drink until sun up.  Friday night come and the Trini comes home and tells his wife, "Beverly tek one glass and we will drink rum." His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. The Trini begins to pee in the glass when he done fill it de wife ask, "But Winston, Why is one glass tonight?" Winston raise the glass and say, "Because tonight my love, you drink from DEH bottle."

Fixed Up Marriage

A woman had a daughter to marry she, so she got someone to find a boy for her to marry.  She finally got someone and married her daughter.  On the wedding night they went to bed so the guy had a wooden foot, he took it out, the girl ran to the phone and call her mother and said "Ma ma this guy has one foot."  Her mother reply gyal yuh lucky your fadder de have four inches.

Consent 

It had this man he was 34 years old having sex with a 14 year old girl.

  The police caught him and said "Boy you know what yuh did is wrong, yuh having sex with a minor, she is only 14 years old, yuh could go to jail for a long time for this. This is rape, don't you know before yuh have sex with a girl yuh suppose to get she consent first?

The man reply "Oh yes sir I did get she consent'.  I get she c*nt scent on meh face meh tongue meh hands I get she c*nt scent all over meh.

Sucking Yuh Tumb

Ah mudda and fadda watching TV in de living room with dey two sons, one 13 and the other son is 9.  N E way de mudda look at fadda and gave him a sweet eye so he ketch on and they both went to their bedroom. After a while the kids hear something so they went to investigate, when dey reach de bedroom de door was crack.  The older brother call his younger brother and said to him "Do you believe this $h*t and she used to buss we ass for sucking we tumb."

How Long Before I Can Get A Haircut?

      A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."  The guy leaves.

     A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.

     A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How
long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.

     The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back." A little while later, Bill
comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill,
where did he go when he left here?"

     Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"

Donkey To Sell

Jonsey buy a donkey from Ramsingh, a old farmer partner, for $300. Ramsingh agree to deliver the donkey the next day. Next day, Ramsingh drive up and said, "Sorry Jonsey, but I have some bad news. The donkey dead."

"Well give me back meh money," said Jonsey.

"Worse news boy, I went and spen it already."

"OK, then. Just unload the donkey."

"Wha yuh go wid him?" asked Ramsingh.

"You don't worry, I go raffle him."

"You can't raffle a dead donkey. Yuh mad or what!"

"Who say so....you makin' joke.  Watch me. I ent tellin' nobody he dead," said Jonsey.

A month later Ramsingh bounce up Jonsey in the market. "Jonsey, wha happen with yuh dead donkey boy?" Jonsey replied, "Ah raffle him off nuh. Ah sell 500 hundred tickets at 5 dollars and ah rake in $2,500.00"

"Nobody eh make noise?" "Only de fella who win.

So ah give him back he five dollars!"

           There were three men from the Caribbean living together in London;  a Trinidadian, a Barbadian and a Jamaican who were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.  However, upon coming close to a posh restaurant they came up with a plan. 

          The Trinidadian went in first. After being seated he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal the waiter came by with the check. 

          "But I paid you!" the Trinidadian shouted. 

          The waiter was very confused as he could not remember being paid, but as he did not want to cause any trouble...he let the Trini leave. 

          Five minutes later the Barbadian walked into the restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine.  When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for food. 

          "But I paid you!" The Barbadian shouted. 

          This time the manager came and had to calm down the Bajan, and as he did not want anything to upset the other customers he let the Bajan go. 

          Ten minutes later the Jamaican walked in, sat down, lit a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu plus two Red Stripe beers.  After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal and before asking for it, the waiter said, "Sir... I have been having a sort of problem all day and I can't understand it. Other people like you came in earlier and ate and they said that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them, so........ 

          Before he could finish, the Jamaican chimed in loudly "Hear mi nuh boss, that ah fi yuh problem...jus gimme mi change!" 

Those Awful 4-Letter Words

An Italian girl had just gotten married to a West Indian. 

When they got back from their honeymoon, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well," said her mother, "so-how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic... "Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Bob started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home...PLEASE MAMA!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed-they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE !!!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like: Dust, Wash, Iron, Cook....

"I'll pick you up in ten minutes," said the mother.

Smart Ass

This man from the country had lost his house and all his crops after a hurricane. He had nothing left but his donkey. After days of being miserable, and not being able to find a job, he took his donkey into the city and put up a sign that read "Betting $10.00 that this donkey could answer any question yuh ask."
             
One man come up saying: "No way that ass could tell me how much numbers in a phone number?" The owner said "Tell him ass?" The donkey stomp on the ground seven times, the man paid and walked away shocked. 

Ah next man come up and say "Tell me how much players make up a football side?" The donkey stomp the ground eleven times."  The man paid up.  By now, news spread like wild fire and nuff people gather around to see this smart ass.
             
This woman come out of the crowd, walk up to the owner and said "You is ah fraud and ah bet $100.00 he cyan tell me meh age." The donkey step back, leh go a loud fart and stomp he foot two times. The woman faint. After some smelling salts and water, she revive and point at de donkey and say, "He know ah was farty-two".

Bwoy ... Go Get Yuh Muddah

A boy and his father from the Caribbean were visiting America for the first time. 
The first time they went to a mall, they were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. 
The boy asked, "Ah whahdat, daddy?" The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "Son, meh nevah see nuting so inna mi life! Mi nuh know what it is!" 
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. 
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 19-year-old woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, says quietly to his son, 
"Bwoy... Go get yuh muddah!"

TnT Government

The TnT government announced today that it is changing its emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects the government's political stance.

A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while it's actually screwing you.

Miss Maisy

A Jamaican man is sitting watching TV and his wife comes up behind him and whacks him with a frying pan. 
"Ay! Wah' dat fah?" e shouts. 
 
"Me fine one paper inna yuh pocket wid a gal name pon it, "Miss Maisy." she says. 
 
"Wah you mean? Me an' me frien' Leroy went a race track last week and Miss Maisy is de name a de 'orse weh run ina de first race," he protests. 
 
Two days later he is sitting watching TV again and "wack" one lick ina him head back with a dutch-pot. 

"Oooowww" he shouts, "wah' dat fah now?" 

Wife replies, "Yu horse deh pon di phone "!

Donovan and Leila:  A Caribbean Love Story

Donovan was on his death bed. His wife Leila was maintaining bedside. She held his fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. 
"Mih dahlin Leila," he whispered. 
"Hush mih love," she said. "Rest. Shhh... doh talk." 
He was insistent. "Leila" he said, in his tired voice. Me have someting me 
hafa confess to yuh." 
"Yuh have nuttin to confess." replied the weeping Leila. Everyting alright, 
go to sleep mih love." 
"No, no, me hafa die in peace love. Me sleep wit yuh sister, yuh best 
friend and yuh mudda." 
"Me know," answered Leila, "dat's why me poison yuh."