"Huh huh, you said member"

"Everyone should understand the importance of grapes. Grapes are the foundation of all fruits. Without them, the other fruits are nothing. Any other fruit is bland compared to the grape. It can be red or green. Just make sure its not blue. That might be a smurf. " - Jenova

"Why should I go on living in this unjust, inhumane, technology dependant world where one marginally sane person can't even delude himself enough to believe that one person can make a difference as nameless, faceless forces seem to conspire against my every hope and dream, leaving me spiritually ravaged and consigned to work at the drive-thru window at Wendy's? Also, are Cheetos really made with real cheese?"

"You think it's just horny farm boys that do this? I have a report about a 42-year-old woman with four children who was five months pregnant. She complained to her doctor of dizziness and fainting and "confessed that approximately 20 minutes prior to her arrival she had had coitus with her German shepherd dog. . . . One or 2 minutes later she began feeling hot, broke out in whelps [!] and felt faint." She was allergic to dog semen, the loser." source: The Straight Dope

"Our undergarments may be soiled, but, our hearts remain pure." - Rasputina

"Vampires are here to stay. I guess because they are immortal." - Rasputina

“OK, the guy was stroking it in public. It happens.” – Kayna

"I also know deep down that shoes and socks were created by the Devil to hide feet in all their perfection. He's just a jealous bastard because he has hooves."

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, " What about extreme sexual exhaustion? ", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, " Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

PorkFilledHemoglobin

God loves homosexuals, too - that is why He created The Fab Five, so that men all over the world may know the joy of having really cool hair.