This will be my first diary entry on my site (you are witnessing history!). Tonight I happened to mosey on down to C-block hall at Hillcrest High and found that there seemed to be a shin-dig of some sort happening there. I decided to take a look. What follows is...
For starters, the theme of this social was ‘high school high’ – something so vague and broad that people could basically come as anything they damn well wanted. It seemed to be popular however, as it gave the majority of the people there the opportunity to dress up like schoolgirls (most of the guys’ fantasies come true) – guys included (some of the guys’ homo-erotic fantasies come true). Everyone seemed to miss the point that we are technically at school already, so you can see chicks in school uniform any day of the week. Oh well.
While I’m on the subject though, it was interesting to see that there was only one ‘best skank’ award (eventually going to Sam Rimmington I believe) because the prize could have easily gone to about 100 chicks. Now, judging from the law of averages, about 40% of those would have been under 15. Am I the only one disturbed by this? Their parents actually drive them to this thing, while they sit in the back looking like mini-Britney’s, tarted up and ready to suck cock at will? Luckily it was a dark night…
Anyway, on to the review. This review can be broken up into two parts, music and DJs, and so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Music
It was standard ‘Hillcrest social’ muzak. Anyone that has been to a social, caberet, ball, or afterball will know exactly what I’m talking about. In all of these functions there are a few main rules:
Rule 1: Always play ‘500 miles’ by the Proclaimers
Rule 2: Always play ‘Hey Mickey, you’re so fine’ (even though everyone only knows the first bit)
Rule 3: Always play a ‘Grease’ medley
Rule 4: Always play one of those gay ‘Edge’ medleys that go “Let’s get ready to rumble…”
Rule 5: Never play any music that has any credibility whatsoever
Rule 6: Never play any music people can actually dance to (ie house, trance, drum’n’bass)
Rule 7: Never play anything with a cheese level below ‘Edam’ (extremely cheesy)
This social was no exception.
Highlights of the night included ‘Red Alert’ by Basement Jaxx, the Proclaimers, and at least one song (that I remember) by the Doobie Brothers. There were some horrible moments however. Like the way they played Nelly. About five times! And all the little ‘uns knew the words (OMG!!!!!!11 IT’S NELLY!!!!1). I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: I do not like hip-pop. It’s too slow to dance to, too sugary to rap to and too lame to sing to. They could have at least played some fucking garage (Craig David to the uninitiated) or something…
But I digress. Back to the lowlights. They played Sash! And not just one track, oh no. Just as you were recovering from the horrors of ‘Ecuador’, he launches into another track straight away. I didn’t catch the title of the second track because I was too busy trying not to slit my wrists (I’m sure one of the hardcore Sash massive can enlighten me… kid_a@drumnbass.co.nz). I tell you, those kids in Vietnam don’t know what real torture is…
Having said all that, it was generally fun fare, providing you remember to check your morals and ideals in at the door. You wont get very far waiting in the corner for the DJ to spin your favorite Tool or Aphex Twin track. Most tracks are chosen to get people singing, which is good but can be a pain in the arse when Tom hassles you for the next year for knowing all the words to ‘No Scrubs’…
The DJs
Right, on to the DJs then. Now I admit, I’m not a DJ. I do not have the technical knowledge, equipment, or experience to make a job out of playing ‘choons’ to others. However, my meagre experience has taught me a few things, which I will share with you now.
Do's and don’t s of a good DJ:
+Do: Play good tracks.
+Do: Have some knowledge about the tracks you are playing.
+Do: Play to the crowd.
+Do: Let your tracks speak for you.
+Do: Keep the crowd ‘amped’ and dancing.
-Don’t: Talk over, or after the tracks. It shows you are a complete wanker who’s ego is big enough to stop people from having fun. Saying you are about to play Linkin Park and then talking for the next minute is not going to endear you to the crowd.
-Don’t: Disrespect the crowd. They are your customers.
-Especially don’t: Swear at/abuse the crowd. Saying “Shut up if you want to hear the next track” is not a smart idea. Guess who paid your fucking wages, wanker!
-Above all, don’t: Let the crowd see you singing along to Nelly. AHAHAHAHA! Everyone else singing is under 16. What are you, like 30?
I think you understand what I thought of them. Please, If anyone reading this is organising another event like this, please don’t hire them. I’m begging you, they need to learn their lesson. Life would be a lot better with them on the dole instead of the dancefloor.
Overall, it wasn’t a bad night to be had. A bad DJ and poor track listing almost made it a disaster, but the cheesy fun to be had outweighed all of that. Plus, you got to see Sack looking more punk than Justin ever has! If you are reading this, and haven’t been to one of these yet, my suggestion is go. You might even enjoy yourself…
This was the first installment in (hopefully what will become) a series (if I can be bothered). I’ll tell you what major things have happened to me lately and you’ll get to hear me whine. Woohoo!
