The Coke website was calling for reviews of concerts and crap to win some gay prize. I wasn't really interested in the prize (probably a can of Coke), but I wanted to counter some of the pro-Zed attitudes that were already on there. So, I wrote this:
Webber's Review of the Hamiltron Rockquest
The Rockquest has always been a fine tradition in Hamilton. Considering that it is officially New Zealand's most boring city and there is all of one all-ages venue, it is fair to say that the youth of H-town does not get as much exposure as it should to live music. Therefore, the Rockquest (or to use its full, corporate name, the Cokesmokefreerockquest) is Hamiltons one chance in the year to truely shine, really show off its talent and let people go nuts.
Too bad it sucked.
Yes, I did not think the Rockquest was at all good this year. Sue me. Compared to last year there was a hugely underwheming display of talent.
Now, I accept that not everyone is going to have the same preferences in music as I (in fact it would seem no one does), but does the crowd really need to be subjected to wave after wave of Fred Durst wannabes in exchange for its hard earned $14?
In fact, most of the bands were so similar that only a few stand out: DMC, the second act on, who ridiculously stopped singing half-way through in favour of a choreographed dance routine (which incidentally, they did NOT pull off). I'm sorry, I thought this was the ROCKquest, not the J-Lo-DANCEquest.
Another band I remember distinctly, but I forgot their name (silly ol' me). They played the same sort of nu-metal that is staple on Channel Z et al, however fleked with a bit of hardcore, resulting in a Slip-knot esque sound. This, while not being to my tastes, was at least a display of talent, and their raw energy deserved to win them the Stage Presence award.
The last band I recall distinctly was a band by the name of Artswank Deluxe, who you could tell were out to subvert things. They came dressed in Elvis costumes and all sorts of crazy get-ups. They played what can only be discribed as 'interesting' music, employing a sample machine, a knife to strum the guitar, and a psyco drummer. They were different in absolutely every single way to the other bands on show.
They didn't win anything.
All other bands could be described as either direct Korn rip-offs or girl-pop bands. Now, I have nothing against girl-pop, it is certainly a better showcase of talent than screaming into the mic, but some of the acts were pretty poor. When your best feature was the fact that you have no bra on (sorry to get lewd, but it was the blinding obvious), it is hard for the punters to get excited.
Still, in accordance to unwritten law, a girl-pop band must win the Rockquest every year - stretching all the way back from the days of Handsome Geoffery (*sniff*, memories), and win they did. The winning band was coincidentily the last one, and also coincidentily I'm sure, were the ones with the greatest number of cheerleaders.
I honestly could not remember a single second of their music.
Still, a lot of people cheered for them, so they must be good, eh?
Now, don't get me wrong, I do think it is good for aspiring musos to get a shot. But none of these bands showed even a mote of originality, all seem to have copied Korn/Blink 182/Handsome Geoffery in every single way. Come on, we've gotta draw a line somewhere, and you have to remember that we paid $14 each to watch this. Aren't the heats supposed to weed out the bad ones?
I could go into further detail on the stupid prizes on offer (why do people get so excited about blow up toys as big as your hand?!), or the obvious inexperience of some of the crowd (umm... If you go up the front you might just get pushed. Deal with it), but I think you get my point of view of the whole evening.
(I also think that seeing this is www.coke.co.nz, this review will not get passed the first person who reads it. If it does reach the general public, then hey, Coke ARE a benevolent company!)
Maybe I'm just gettin' too old for all this stuff...
