I already wrote one reflective piece for English but I feel the urge to write another one. The last one involved looking into the past and analyzing it. This one involves the present and the future.

Every year, we students look forward to summer vacation. A time to relax, enjoy life, and for me and others, go somewhere different and learn something new. No matter what, we were comforted (though we may refuse to acknowledge it) by the thought of coming back to the same school, familiar faces, the same routine, the familiar surroundings. Our minds didn't have to stress about adjusting, fitting in, and acceptance.

The end of this school year has sparked a new feeling in me: a feeling of amblivalence. I don't know whether I should be happy or upset that I'm graduating. Here is my weighting of the good and the bad:

The Good:

No School Work: within the last few weeks of school, my teachers turned sadistic. I had the following: a 8-page chem paper and project; a 10-page English paper (both the chem and English papers involved research); TWO, not one, but TWO essays on Othello; the aforementioned autobiographical reflective piece for English; an insane art teacher who said in delusion "this class is just as important as any of your other classes"; studying for the CCNA exam (which I failed anyhoo) and a struggle to raise my pitiful Calculus grade. By forfeitting my social life for the past few weeks, I somehow fufilled everything and managed to make it to UConn for orientation. But God save me if that ever happens again.

Leaving Windsor High School: WHS has the most horrible administrative problems ever. Every policy they implement backfires because the administration are idealistic idiots: they believe a policy will do good though, if they were socially aware enough, they would see that it would lead to more upset students. Example: the elimination of privileges and senior write-ups for next year. Enough said.

Leaving Windsor High School, Part II: Though I have many good memories, the social environment of WHS became crippling at times. For example, junior year and the entire controversy of the GSA. Never before have I experience so much hate. I guess that's an indication of exactly how prissy my life is if you consider how much worse it could've been. We were lucky: there were no physical attacks. But those hateful words still hurt. And what I never understood is this: people will get into big arguments with me about how they believe that gays shouldn't have equal rights, then in the end they say they're just kidding. But are they really kidding or are they using a light-hearted way to end the argument because they do believe that gays shouldn't have equal rights but don't want to kill their bonds with me? I never understood that.

Leaving Windsor High School, Part III: The loud idiots who hang out in the hallways. The pretensions of the seminar program (If you were easily identified as being a part of seminar and you believe that we didn't act pretentious every once in awhile, you need a reality check. Even I admit that I acted like a jerk every once in a while by flaunting my seminar status.) Certain idiots in general. Stuff I'm happy to leave behind.

Being on my own: I loved the freedom that I experienced at Smith College and I can't wait for UConn to be on my own and explore other interests. Perhaps ballroom dancing. Perhaps fencing. One could only wonder.

The Bad:

My friends: I have made wonderful friendships in Windsor. But how will the physical seperation affect these friendships? That's what I keep wondering. Can e-mail, instant messaging and the occasional phone calls make up for the lack of daily interaction? I know people who can keep relationships strong despite the physical seperation, but I don't know about me...

UConn: UConn's a fine school. Hell, they're giving me a free ride and the honors program already loves me. But I have that weird feeling...new situations: I've never had a roommate before: at Smith, we were prissy enough to have singles for everybody; dorm life...the rumors about the loud drunk partying conditions at UConn. Will I enjoy my time at UConn or will I feel trapped like I did in WHS? My course schedule is also screwed up, making me worried. And the new courses will probably taught in a different manner from what I'm used to... An adventure it will be.

Leaving Windsor: Windsor is where I grew up, where I "awakened." Nowhere else could I have experience the personal changes I've undergone.