"how is it possible to feel nostalgia for a world i never knew?" - ernesto "che" gueverra
...i can see my reflection in the dark places of the world...
..: priyanka :..
May 17th, 2007
.:inspired by the fountain:.
i am not afraid
sacred, profane
my heart thumps hardly
do you really understand me?
is it really that simple?
i want too much...
words that we cannot use
words can't capture me or you
this thing between us
doesn't have a name
i'm frightened...
and we are opaque bodies
just flesh and blood
two divided entities
unconnected by gravity
don't leave me...
we have transformed the earth
building castles and memories
civilization and war
literature and hatred
i feel different...
all those memories
bleeding light and plasma
hunting death and breeding life
all those years
hold me close...
and you whisper
like a melody of weeping willows
like broken glass
like a wounded animal
i can't...
you whisper in my ear
i am sorry... so sorry
i turn for you
and meet only the dark
i am no longer afraid...
April 18th, 2007
and then they will be baying for your blood on the streets.
make them invisible, disappeared.
protect you and your own.
the others?
they do not need land.
they do not need water
or food
or air
or peace.
they do not need your love or protection.
they are 'they' not 'us'...
elsewhere, unseen, unheard
except for the blood and guts and screams spattered on your screen.
they do not dare invade your reality
only their solemn gaze piercing through
the other end of the lens
of some stupid idealist's camera.
draw your borders, build your fences
fortify this nation, secure your supplies
hold your children close and whisper to them softly.
don't think of them. they do not need you. like you do not need them.
but one day, when you have forgotten what you've done to them...
they will come for you. and it will be your blood on the streets.
April 9th, 2007
.:inspired by the namesake:.
I put myself in a state baby
just so I could remember us
just so I could remember what we never had
This love-hate is so beautiful and cruel
I like its rough velvet touch
like the friction voice of an electric guitar
It's playing inside me
all this music you could never hear
all this melancholy and desire
all this feckless love
homeless belonging
blind, deaf and dumb
inside
all inside
Maybe it's not enough
you said
Maybe it was too much
I thought
Missing your eyes, missing your cheek
Remembering where your neck meets your shoulder
Remembering that I used to call it home
And just like this...
It's all fading touch
December 10th, 2004
.:inspired by aaya tere dar par ~ veer zaara:.
"the qawwali men"
[shayeri]
Behind the veils of time [waqt],
they sang earnestly of sacrifice [qurbani],
They sang of devotion,
and of unfulfilled desire [chahat].
Their voices soared past towering palaces,
scraping the heavens,
and praising mysterious eyes [naina],
protected honor and everlasting love [ishq].
They uttered ancient syllables of sacredness,
affirming love’s infinite faces, reaches and gestures.
They recalled a time, beyond the sands [dhool],
when people believed in chastity, duty,
reverence, longing and adoration [pyaar]:
a time when one glance elicited worship [ibaadat]
a time when once touch ignited passion [jazbah]
a time when one word immortalized love [mohabbat]
a time when one love lasted a lifetime...
and beyond...
[hamesha]
Soon, no one will remember what they sang about;
no one will recall the meaning of their words,
those relics of the fading past.
December 5th, 2004
shy...
smoky eyes
[esperanza]
full blooded melancholy
you are everywhere and nowhere,
a fading dream...
in foreign lands,
a distant memory...
in alien faces...
sliding on the edges of my reverie,
a mystery...
in the depths of a haunted melody,
a ghost...
shining in the candle beams,
a voice whispering to my heart,
a touch trembling to my lips.
and together
we could recount
a passionate tale
of the eyes.
November 30th, 2004
.:inspired by crown of love ~ the arcade fire:.
mellow were your words,
crumbling my thoughts.
rain washed stone disappointments,
leaving behind a thirsting longing,
waiting for the electric storms
of our heartbeats.
your skin absorbed sorrow
and bitterness,
delicate twigs of pain,
slender thorns of love.
fate’s torrential winds withered
and battered
the wavering leaves of our souls.
soft gray monsoons nurtured
our hopes
inhaling comfort from cloud blankets
moist and fertile.
golden glint sunrises
foretold
the breaking dawn
of our love.
November 23rd, 2004
.:inspired by music of the arcade fire:.
first snowflake,
first kiss,
first footsteps,
your strong young legs
carried us for miles,
through many landscapes of sorrow.
your lilting faith
gave us renewed hope.
the whole world became
our new and dazzling wonderland,
strange and beautiful.
new dawns and
new beginnings,
new tinkling melodies
that filled our hearts
with the starry nights
of times long gone,
bringing back haunting dreams,
and bittersweet memories
of joy, love and loss.
November 22nd, 2004
All the world’s beauty
would mean nothing to me
if I could never have you.
‘Tis far too cold and alone
without you.
I have loved you
underneath here
for longer than I care
to remember.
And I shall pretend
that you left no mark
upon my heart,
that you did not
steal a piece of it
when you smiled
or said sorry.
I shall pretend that
I believed in forever,
in fairies and wings,
and happy endings,
if it would calm your worried heart.
And I will still love you,
broken,
from under here.
October 13th, 2004
.:inspired by the city of god:.
have you tasted the rich dust
of the city of god?
feel the vibrant pulses
beating in our raw hearts,
our heavenly breezes,
our bleeding streets,
our smoky dens,
our glimpses of paradise...
don't fall
into
those sultry eyes,
those sculpted lips,
those slender arms.
the violence lies beneath our skin,
inside our breaths,
under our tongues...
do not tease that fire,
that slumbering beast of destruction.
you flick, we flinch.
do not tempt chaotic fate
but welcome blissful sleep,
ignorance and ecstasy.
lay back, baby,
and let the sirens lull you
to sleep...
October 10th, 2004 snapshots of passion:
lazy tendrils of her hair trailing across the pillow...
the golden curve of his shoulder...
a soothing, haunting pulse in the hollow of her throat...
the dark little curls at the nape of his neck...
the delicate shell of her ear, listening...
his long, languid fingers, musing, tracing dreams on her skin...
the graceful arch of her foot, poised in wonder...
those shy eyelashes that he tries to hide his longing under...
a mesmerizing line traced down her curved back...
the sheen of moisture on his velvet-petal lips...
her little pleased sigh...
his embrace...
September 7th, 2004
the words turn to dust in your mouth
red pools on the street reflect your startled face
you discover a child's blood looks no different from yours
yet it tears at your insides much more
a wildness begins in your veins
as you realize
that child didn't know as he saw the golden sunrise
that child didn't know as he heard his mother call his name
that child didn't know as he drank his chocolate milk
that child didn't know as he kicked an empty can down the street
that child didn't know as he yelled a greeting to his friends
he didn't know they would be his last moments
on earth
there can be no consolation at the death of a child
and there can be no forgiveness for a child's murderer...
June 21st, 2004
i feel the fear
coiling around my nerves,
waiting beyond the gulfs
and depths of despair and grief.
i see hell in your eyes,
liquid fire veins,
hollow lights,
black pools of terror.
your eyes haunt me nightly,
through skin, through flesh,
through bone,
they tear at my soul,
talons of fear and awe,
rending my heart.
how long have i been chasing the dragon?
in the deadly dark,
in my haunted dreams,
through the crumbling heavens,
in the sacred night,
on an accursed flight.
longing for release
from these dark bonds of dread,
i hold to the dragon’s tail,
falling under, falling forever,
falling to the netherworlds,
a blackness that even fear cannot pierce.
March 31st, 2004
there are no simple answers with me and it is always night here,
despondent and beautiful.
simply.
I've forgotten how my legs looked in the sunlight.
your fear saddens me with disappointment.
heavy tear stains and shorn locks swept from the rutted floor,
that is all that seems real anymore.
we have forsaken dreaming, no faith,
only hard science and proofs.
blood is now too dirty to consider.
petrol is more understandable, measurable, dependable,
usable, quantifiable, valuable, defendable,
almost life-like.
lies scream at me from dark corners but I have
some silent music to comfort me,
to plug my ears from the uncomfortable
truths of mendacity.
are we really that lost?
I cannot comprehend words anymore.
words like honor,
truth,
dignity,
faith,
tradition,
loyalty,
courage.
the ink has evaporated, leaving behind
words like practical, realistic, and survival.
dreams are so alien that your eyes cross when you read these bottom lines.
d r e a m s. dr eams. d reams. dre ams. drea ms. dream.s.
dreams that are lost in translation from thought to print.
March 31st, 2004
I drift and wither, a poetic soul
caught among seven essential vitamins and minerals
and side effects that may include cramps and dry mouth.
I have to substitute Listerine for ambrosia,
pixels for elegant, mysterious slashes of color.
my happiness is digital and binary.
the face of my beloved will form in
only 32 bits of color and take up maybe
500 megabytes on my hard disk.
I delete, print and recycle.
the car dealer promises special bargains,
but my lonely heart only aches for some good,
fresh clump of virgin earth to fall at my alienated feet.
the whole world is a number, a sum of all parts,
and I am only one digit in this mass numerical,
documented masterpiece.
where can I wander for consolation,
explanation, imagination,
commiseration, love, loss and life?
the only answer: the corner drugstore.
drown me now in the sorrow of my salty tears,
so that at least I can taste on my dying gasp.
release from a sterile, placid prison.
make me bleed, and I will see the blood red
and rejoice in its reflective rainbows of possibility.
fling me from some industrial skyscraper and
I will feel fear and glee, death and abandon,
the end and freedom.
March 21st, 2004
.:inspired by Brick ~ Ben Folds Five:.
the poetry will die, replaced by the droning monotony of necessity.
emotion will break your beautiful voice, making its escape.
some gentle hidden melody will carry our sorrow to the world.
the unshed tears and unspoken fears are all the stronger,
unsaid words, hovering in the dead space between us.
we are all crumbling, dying slowly, sinking alone into our soothing graves,
lulled to sleep by our melodious sorrows, our emotion-filled air,
tired of life.
parched poetry, empty lives,
quiet deaths and then,
silence.
March 19th, 2004
It is not love.
It is perhaps the last ember of some hope
that might have melted into love.
It is perhaps the nostalgia for the idea
of someone and me, the idea of us.
It is perhaps the memory of feeling
fluttery heartbeats and hidden smiles.
It is perhaps the desire for those
starry nights, so full of potential.
But I try to tell myself,
it is not love.
It can’t be love.
Not when my heart has broken and
mended and shattered,
once and again.
Not when tears start seeping into my eyes,
at the strains of some song,
the whisper of some name,
some unnamed feeling.
It can’t be love.
Because if it was, then love means pain.
Blood, sweat, and tears.
Something incomplete and sad.
Not love.
March 16th, 2004
fading disappearing
it's ok, it's more comfortable this way.
if you're invisible, people don't see you.
they can't hurt you.
March 15th, 2004
there is always nostalgia, some past that beckons me to it,
some incarnation that was more attractive then this current drudgery,
but letting go can hurt so much, spasms spidering across my palms,
gripping my hands in pain.
solitude, such a pleasant way of saying lonely,
alone,
isolated,
one who is without.
it is an unspeakable sorrow, something so deep seated in the soul
that human words cannot describe it,
give shape to its amorphous and ominous feeling.
an engulfing dark, a pitiful moan grows to the full strength of a primal cry,
something to keep the mind clear of webs and snares,
sad, sad, sad.
a blossoming doom for the last night, that silent whisper, filtering away the color,
draining, bleaching, growing, comes on strong
and an unbearable hollowness brews, storming, thundering and final.
March 12th, 2004
.:inspired by Airbag ~ Radiohead:.
sadly grateful for this reincarnation,
thank you for the second chance.
I fucked up the first,
melting down and breaking.
how strangely beautiful the destruction was.
here I am springing to new life,
rising hope,
melancholy bliss,
but without you and sorely incomplete.
this flight of fantasy is prepared to take off,
imagine all that we could avoid, collide,
shatter and crystallize.
globes of dream spheres and lullaby fairies,
wafting in the bouncy air,
smooth lady curves of breezes,
summer sucks of cool atmosphere,
keeping us afloat, holding me up,
on this maiden voyage,
this second maiden voyage,
alone, without you.
March 11th, 2004
I'm just some girl you used to know,
with her naive idealism and fragile stars in her eyes.
I'm that face you saw pressed against the window,
looking at the world passing by in wonder.
You've forgotten me now,
still in my fantasy years, dreaming of some new dawn of recognition.
I'm still just that girl,
with her hollow eyes and incomplete soul,
Not really here, not really there,
but still some itching fragment of memory in your mind,
that won't leave you in peace.
March 2nd, 2004
.:inspired by Whale Rider:.
I couldn’t live for you.
I couldn’t even live for myself.
You let go of my hand.
Just let it go, slapped it away
when I reached out.
I heard the call, within, around.
You could not hold me back,
couldn’t hold me down.
Those dull words you spoke
couldn’t poison my ears.
Your disappointments glared at me,
blinding me to all but what should have been.
Your old traditions broke you,
broke me, broke our dreams.
But I held you up, over my thin shoulders,
in my full heart, over that last storm,
and into the peace beyond.
February 25th, 2004
.:inspired by the launch for Rethink:.
the white-dust ghosts of that hallowed ground
wandered.
tattered wraiths of sacrifice,
in search of reason and compassion,
found nothing in gray piles of ash and debris.
nothing in
torn memories and ripped limbs,
crashing angels,
fallen martyrs,
lost kindred and fragmented souls.
ghost gray branches reached into the sky,
in hopes of finding haven.
but grappling nothing,
slipping,
fading,
fracturing light and celestials,
they shriveled innocuously,
back to frail lands of
dust-waste.
empty cages squeaked,
iron melodies of agony,
for the lost beloved.
only a dry smoky silence prevailed,
broken by the footsteps of
the haunted,
the laughter of the past.
February 24th, 2004
There
were clouds
and stars in your eyes,
the mirrors and mirages of time,
a hope.
Caught in the cradle of your lips,
was the whisper of childhood love,
a promise.
Curtains of my hair, shadowing the pillow,
fluttering in your breath and falling through your fingers,
lilted to the melody of your voice,
a dream.
My hand on your shoulder,
was it to hold you close, hold you up, or hold you back?
a fear.
The eclipsing of my heart, the darkness of your eyes,
our dreams of together and forever unraveling from a bittersweet loop of infinity,
was it really the end?
a lament.
I held your hand til the end,
knowing you didn’t want to leave,
but knowing the inevitability of your fading,
a death.
And the curtains of hair fell, brutally shorn.
My eyes, rimmed black, glistened with falling stars.
My hands sat folded in my empty lap,
a mourning.
February 21st, 2004
.:inspired by Full Metal Jacket:.
stripped.
raw skin, torn limbs, unpretty, exposed.
distant shelter rumbles good naturedly,
while i stand stripped of my dignity, faith, life.
my defense:
hate so fulfilling and strong,
brute animal.
make no promises you can’t keep against this rage,
molten steel, facing it down.
feel no breathing,
inhuman,
some cold trickle of malice dropping between cracks of cement,
broken spires and crumbling towers of this devastated landscape,
the liquid fire and loathing held in those cold eyes,
the finest fibers of hatred and pain
filtering through the gray grit smoke and debris,
an unaffordable, haunting melody that grips the souls of the despised.
this circular torture of doubt, despair and mocking hope plunges,
a blazing cold river of fire running through flaming forests of ice,
all equal, all possible, all choices, armor for the stripped warrior,
fighting for some saving grace.
February 12th, 2004
Falling in love with the illusion of you was so easy
your hand’s imaginary caress, and the evaporating touch of your wispy lips.
An ideal’s shadow, trembled and stretched in the simmering sun,
fading, weakening, crumbling, unraveling.
My pierced soul wandered, nursing its gaping hole,
searching, sifting through the sands for some hint of you.
Unknown and unnoticed you trickled away,
whispering on the high whipping wind,
blowing where your fancy dictated.
Then it was I who crumbled, unraveled, weakened, faded.
For even the illusion of love could sustain a hope,
but with no mirage, the sweet nectar dreams evaporated
into sticky sap catching the gray dust and grit of reality.
February 10th, 2004
In an elusive twinkle of obsidian,
that black hole in your whispering irises,
I saw myself waiting.
Behind the gentle curve of your ear,
underneath your skin, beside your soothing pulse,
I felt the fluttering of desire.
Gliding over the landscapes of your body,
the rise and fall of your chest,
I breathed your air, the essence within you.
Ruffling your hair, sensing your slender touch,
brushing those velvet lips,
I knew the meaning of love.
February 5th, 2003
Rain pattered softly over the smooth contours of his body.
He stood tattered, tired, exalted.
Water droplets trickled in silver rivulets down his arms, his face, his chest,
like intricate veins of that ingenious work of art, his lithe form,
diluting, purifying, spiriting away the dirt, blood, sweat and anger.
Tracks left by the sweet rain played silver bronze in the half light,
revealing the livid bruises on his sculpted figure.
A beautiful fallen angel, his smile wistful, bittersweet, longing,
the wounds of his broken wings still washing acidly in rainfall,
he threw his head back, tasting life, love, victory,
but also silent suffering, loss and gentle hopelessness.
The vast empty grayness engulfed his sole figure,
surrounding him with soft lifeless light.
Fading and falling once again...
February 3rd, 2004
When night is too dark,
and day too light,
you can bury your sweet memories
in the sultry dusk of twilight.
Eyes half closed,
liquid irises sparkling with secrecy,
dream of breathless nights,
passion red sheets, a golden sunset,
a crimson dawn, delicate lips and
deeply caressing hands.
Finger the inner depths and hidden realms
of your mystical mind,
basking in the glow of slumbering desire.
You can whisper in the wind and
I will hear your darkest dreams,
deepest desires and secret wishes.
Whisper in the wind and you will
find me next to you,
in the subtle twilight.
Whisper and I’ll be with you.
December 18th, 2003
.:inspired by Teardrop ~ Massive Attack:.
Such a beautiful whisper that human lips could not utter,
perfect amorphous syllables swirling and curling into a pale blue silk.
They sought you, that delicate curve of your young ear,
to deliver their message of hope, longing, prayer and devotion.
More plaintive than a lullaby they powdered all hearts
with meaning and affection,
cinnamon dust swirls of love.
Uncreated perfection, sprung ready from this miracle earth,
this forever flowing fountain of evolution and inspiration.
They sprang
unmeddled, untouched, pure, sweet, mellow, true, clear, and loveable.
Whisper, child...
Spread their meaning to cold, hard hearts,
for your soft whisper is unlike any on earth.
You are the delicate savior of all,
with your pondering gaze and rosy lips.
December 5th, 2003
.:inspired by Svefn-G-Englar ~ Sigur Rós:.
those gentle waves of rhythm cascaded over your shoulders, enveloping your aura.
wrapped in a mystery you floated in those white mists, light as a lullaby,
your haunting melody flying on the air.
a whisper of bittersweet promise brushed like velvet on my ears.
your lingering touch rippled through my skin, mellow and deep.
that voice, lacing through my senses, journeyed to my soul,
keening and ancient, your beckoning.
it was you,
only you,
that i saw through those mists, clear, ringing, emerging, searching.
it was that longing that brought you to me, over those jagged mountains,
those frozen lakes, those vast expanses of glaciers, those cold landscapes of the mind.
those ethereal chantings of guiding souls brought us here,
to now,
and forever.
November 24th, 2003
I bury myself in the soft sand of your caress,
floating on dripping bronze and grains of rose pink quartz.
A wafting breeze clings lovingly to my hair,
as your brown liquid eyes strike flints with mine own,
burning this crisp brown crinkled sheet of a soul.
How long do we hold such a gaze?
Unsure, pushing violet velvet thoughts
to those dark silver strand recesses of our minds,
remembering to forget,
tonguing that luxurious chocolate of amnesia.
Bury myself in that sea of lush blue green,
hoping to fragment into foam, spray, free, wild.
Sprinkle that fairy dust, delicately, forgivingly,
as my warm irises record love, pinch by pinch.
What kept you by my side all these years,
for surely these glittering fragile threads withered.
The brilliant slopes and curves of our love,
still falling, harmony in chaos, evolve in these ages and eons.
November 20th, 2003
I forget to remember the enchantment of this land.
A high wind blown romance of shifting sands and stormy seas,
a passionate love of the elements, pure, heated, verdant, earthy,
some long lost quest for adventure and honor,
forgotten ideals and broken codes,
all shift behind these turbulent liquid irises.
Some ancient longing for fulfillment
of this intense wanderlust lulls in my veins,
waiting for a spark flint to ignite
that faded flame passion, blinkering and lost,
without hope to fuel it.
It all entrances me, captures my senses, compels me to remember,
live to breath that gritty, salty, blast of air,
carried from the graves of yesterday, in lands far away,
dream among the waves and dunes of now,
not waiting for today to become yesterday, and then history.
November 16th, 2003
what miserable existence flowed from my desires?
too high, too much and falling back...
flailing on the brink with no savior in sight...
feel the touch of angels wings...
feather light, not enough for salvation.
failed dreams, failed flights,
soaring emptiness and sheepish surrender.
ravings of nothing, feeling too much,
pain, hurt, love, anger,
soul-deep hunger.
where is that promised fulfillment?
all daring led to nothing,
void of meaning, blank expressions and blurred words.
fading touch, dark nights, tattered fabric.
do I even exist for God to recognize?
have I done him wrong in not believing?
are there angels to redeem me?
hope to revive, dreams to rescue,
a future to ensure?
or is this it...
some faltering gray static life,
recycling and ruminating,
repeating sins and mistakes,
an epic boredom and grand sorrow.
November 4th, 2003
I build myself up from the ground again.
But of what use is it?
I am a monument to
love’s labors lost.
Don’t worry mom.
Your daughter is back.
She won’t be wandering far again.
Secure in my loneliness i look outside the glass
watching the world pass by.
Sorrow catches the ends of my smile but
no one is close enough to notice.
And I’m rebuilding, with no help,
walls that no one can climb and destroy.
This is my last defense, my refuge,
not lover’s arms but the cold comfort of concrete.
And I wave goodbye before retreating into safety.
October 28th, 2003
Give me an ancient solace,
a remedy of the long ago and faraway.
Let it shift sands and oceans,
tumbling to salvage my eternity.
Waiting with heavy heart,
I am lost among mortal pains,
simple ailments of love and loss.
Sobs clog my throat, tears well in my eyes,
but reason’s sure hand stays my emotion
and I sit waiting, rigid and hopeful.
October 19th,2003
.:inspired by Las Lenguas de las Mariposas:.
these crumbling stones held history.
they breathed life, reality.
were trod upon by legends.
survived through wars and jubilation,
hope, suffering and death,
each scar and crack, accidental or full of intent,
the scrapings of lovers’ declarations,
follies of youth,
the wise man’s advice.
the stones groaned under the vibrancy and vitality of life,
unnoticed, forgotten,
underlying the daily trials and tribulations of mankind.
rust red, with the blood of yesteryears,
tan with the dirt, sweat and tears of generations,
black with the smoke of ruin and plunder,
silent chroniclers of mankind’s follies and triumphs.
October 10th, 2003
barter your soul,
trade it out to the merchants of whimsy,
let it collect dust, grime, filth,
tatter and tear at the edges,
lose it’s authenticity and dignity,
flapping around useless and helpless,
all for that fix of mindless fun.
swirling sensation and giddy delight,
never mind the corrosive acids of guilt,
quell the protests of conscience.
the slow sand of sin abrading away
at the paper-thin sheet soul.
thread by thread the rags come undone,
your nobility and grace unravel,
littering the sandy ways of life and living,
leading to that final fire of hell.
September, 6th, 2003
inspired by L'auberge Espagnole:.
I dreamed of a night...
blasted with color and light,
warm bodies and good laughs,
vibrancy and peace.
meditation in chaos and
trance in movement.
Life blasted through on the air
and the primal beat pumped in our veins
love passing casually from lips
in voices and kisses.
In the moment and now,
everything rushed, flooded, soared, swirled,
spiraled to eternity and ecstasy.
August 28th, 2003
.:inspired by Dil Se:.
He drew the line, straight and firm.
He spelled out her death sentence, declared her demise.
Simply put, she could not love, live and laugh.
It was not for her, this dream of wispy romance.
Her reality lay in declaration and death.
She was not made to enjoy this world but to defy it,
To fight, to burn, to hate and destroy.
Perfection would always remain,
Just out of reach,
Taunting with its perfect toothy smile and dimples.
A mirage of safety, an oasis, a harbor,
Forever elusive and evaporating,
Like grains of sand in a fist or the waves upon the ocean.
She had tried: capturing perfection,
Holding the sand grains, keeping the waves of blue crystal,
But all that was left was a raging emptiness,
Soulless and incomplete.
August 20th, 2003
How it has all passed and faded,
like the well worn fabric of a beloved shirt.
Photographs yellowing and satisfying the appetites of silver worms,
Memory fragmented and lost in long overlooked shelves
and dusty cupboards and armoires,
Serious thoughts of once upon a time being ridiculed as childish wisdom.
I looked away and when I looked back
my past had become history,
unrecorded in any book and slowly evaporating from my remembrance.
My former self became a stranger and
I sought through the muddle of years to reforge a lost identity.
This identity, a patchwork of people, places,
things and tastes, actions and emotions,
was built upon a constantly flowing river and
I found that it was simply too fluid to pin down and make my own.
August 19th, 2003
.:in honor and memory of the deaths of thousands in Kashmir:.
She stood, wary and solemn.
Her silhouette, a study in beauty and dignity.
The valley she looked down upon was once heaven, her home.
Now it smoldered and sank deeper into
a spiral of destruction and ruination.
Angel though she was, she could not deliver
her home from the malignant evil
that had so richly stained it.
The very fabric of its creation was frayed
and tattered while it burned and broke.
Her dark eyes reflected the flames and
the anger within her soul.
In that same darkness lurked pain,
loneliness and loss of the valley of the gods.
Who could she blame, how could she avenge,
what could she judge, who could she help...
There was too much needed and
nothing to be done.
The hope within her soul died its tiny death.
She closed her dark eyes and leaped.
June 11th, 2003
Here I am...
back at the start.
Back in my castle in the air,
back on my island in the sun,
back with my head in the clouds,
back with stars in my eyes.
I lost my gamble in reality,
bonds broken and hopes shattered,
take me in and rebuild my
dreams of crystal, my heart of glass.
Perhaps leave a few pieces of memories
and warnings, lest I be tempted
to venture and hope against hope,
lest I find courage to repeat
my mistakes, sweet though they were,
lest I forget the pain of first love
left incomplete.
June 1st, 2003
A virgin memory...
wiped clean and pure...
with no bittersweet shards of reminders.
That is what I desire:
not to remember your smell,
that heavenly scent of home.
To erase from my memory your touch
quaveringly unsure but reassuringly firm.
Your hands and where they touched me...
places seen and unseen...
from my shoulder to my heart.
To forget your nearness and dearness and
the speeding of my breath and heart.
For the memory of your lips and the crinkles
around your eyes to fade and scatter like dust.
For my memory to break and leave my
already broken heart alone.
For my memory to become like the shifting
sand dunes of time that let people become memories
and memories become sand and
sand become lost on the wind.
May 3rd, 2003
So simple and stark...
her body glistened with moisture in the sparse landscape.
The girl in the ruins,
the ghostly specter of love long lost.
She sang a mournful dirge,
pouring her water of troubles into the dry crackling sand of the thirsty desert.
She lingered, her beauty eternal and her fate predetermined.
She roamed the sands lifting her eyes longingly to the heavens, hoping for salvation.
The fabric around her blew and tore with the winds
and the dove in her heart withered away its
wings,
no longer able to escape the inevitability of a lifetime
spent in mourning.
April 6th, 2003
A pale sun rises and I wait for thee...
Thy second coming.
A misty dream embraced me in its chilling arms
But now the sun’s warm glow dissipates the memory of wistfulness.
A rose may have been lost but so much more was gained.
Soft whispers in the red dawn speak
Of musical mysteries and unspoken desires.
They say what I cannot, for fear of shattering the new day
And its promises.
Listen to them, feel the warmth, touch my skin, see my eyes, know the truth...
For I am still here... waiting for thee.
March 2nd, 2003
.:inspired by the score from Requiem for a Dream ~ Lux Aeterna:.
A steel fortress crumbled
Faith fell, broken wings and
piercing screams... sorrow flowed free and wild.
Angels soared but only to sound the death knell.
Alone a sentinel cried, mourning for a world lost
a disappearing realm, an era at its end,
civilization splintering.
The last forces allied, gathered… for one… the last, the only,
all that mattered, destiny, fate, eternity, the ultimate.
The tension built and grew, spreading fear and panic, hopelessness, the ultimate ruin...
the shattering of dreams
Rain fell, soaked in blood and earth, turning the world into
the last, the ultimate, the only battlefield.
Rage, pain, love, hatred, anger,
all burned with their greatest intensity, flaring and roaring,
rushing to the inevitable,
the eternal end, clamoring for that final peace,
the endless dead silence.
And silence was all that remained.
My intial attempt: January 30th, 2003
.:inspired by Mary Renault's The Bull from the Sea:.
Liquid silver drops quiver on long raven lashes,
Trembling, shimmering, waiting to trickle down innocently.
A slow hard ache waits in her chest,
About to eclipse her already fractured heart.
Her golden irises contract slowly and dilate
As the blood red sun glowers in the sky, for the
Blood
Is not only red in the sky but also on her love.
She kneels beside the broken body, hand outstretched,
Reaching for his receding soul.
The rose curve of his lips opens to suck in air, if only to take his
Last breath.
Innocence and love dance in his eyes, already half closed,
Eyelids ready to make their
Final descent.
Liquid silver splashes gently onto one crimson stream,
Mingling with it in a sorrowful and Melancholy dance.
Wind strengthens and she fights it, shielding her love’s body
Afraid
That it will steal his already evaporating life and capture his vanishing soul.
Hands grip tightly, in a tug-of-war with the dark heralds of
Death.
From within his breast escapes a sigh of
Life leaving
and with it goes her soul.
