Signs at Work

okay. it's been a retardedly boring weekend at the information centre where I work. that must mean the summer is over or some lame crap like that, because it's a long weekend and there aren't even that many tourists in here. however; there seems to still be no end of really dumb ignorant people coming in. it's like they waited until the end of the summer. so anyways, i've noticed this weekend, especially today, that people are having trouble with signs. maybe where they're from, like in the u.s. or australia or kuala lumpur or whatever, they don't have signs; or they never read signs, or they have real bad vision or something like that.

so anyways, i decided that since i'm having the most boring day of my life (every freakin' day is more boring than the last lately. work sucks) that i would make a list of signs and what they mean; because apparently the english language just changed the other night while i was sleeping or something. besides, you internet-folk like to read dumb lists of stuff; so here's just one more. feel free to forward this to everybody you've ever met. "FWD: FWD: FWD: LOL!!!111 READ NOW LIST OF SIGNS THIS IS FUNNY!!! HAHAHAHAGAHA ROFLMAO" or something like that is a good way to do it and make sure nobody will bother reading it unless they're as lame and retarded as you.

aaaaanyways: here's the list of the really confusing signs at my work, in case you also forgot to get the latest English Language update. if anybody else sees more words that have changed, please DO NOT let me know. because i don't really care.

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coffee: donations kindly accepted
this means "Free coffee"
RESTROOMS ->
means "please ask me where the washrooms are. the big arrow is probably wrong anyway."
if toilet does not flush, push handle forwards
clearly, this sign means you should leave your shit floating all day
where are you from? (on our visitor questionnaire)
this is a tricky one. it obviously means "please write your name."
staff only
it must mean "please wander through this door"
any item free with donation
means "take a hundred things and leave me two pennies"
free ontario maps
please ask me how much these are
maps for sale
please, take one.
fresh coffee inside centre (this sign's inside the washrooms)
means "Use old ugly vending machine that never gets refilled instead of the fresh coffee eight feet away from it"
due to lack of funding, this centre may soon be closing
means you better ask me why we might be closing