But really I’m not gonna criticise coz I can understand a lot of the ideas that we came from another more advanced civilisation and all coz that isn’t 2 hard to believe, but its all the other wacko stuff that’s thrown in between that makes it just plain silly. Oh and if there is any aliens reading this and all the stuff is real: I AM REALLY, REALLY SORRY PLEASE DON’T B MAD AT ME AND PROBE ME!!!! Lol ok maybe that’s overreacting just a little bit.
The thing that bugs me about the whole thing is one of their philosophies which I happened to read on their website is that they believe in individuality and all that crap so ok lets make sure we are all individual by cloning ourselves coz that wont make us less unique- What crap. Anyway heres the web address in case u r all curious go here. Funnily enough, the official website for the raelians who are supposedly deciples of a technologically advanced civilisation, there website is quite poorly linked together with a lot of the links not actually working!
Raelians also practice “Free love”…. Then again maybe I just might join…….
I could write about leavers, but I’d rather not. Yeah it was good and all, but I doubt that anyone wants to hear about how this person spewed everywhere or that person got with the weird random person, but I won’t. The other thing I could write about here is Christmas which is probably the most obvious choice here.
Now to me Christmas is an interesting thing, as it tends to stir up conflicting emotions. For most of us, the thought of Christmas makes us go all warm and googly inside which is strange seeing as at the end of it we have a big pile of useless crap we are forced to pretend we like, about 2 extra kg from all the food that we force down our throats and less money than a legless blind prostitute from Ethiopia. Please note that although I’m sounding a lot like Ebenezer Screwdge (the dyslexic one that can’t spell his name) I do actually like Christmas. My reasons for liking Christmas are different. One of my bizarre loves is wrapping presents & to be honest, I usually end up spending more on gift wrap and ribbons than on actual presents, its really sad but I just love making everything look perfect. Last year I wrapped all the presents for my mum, dad, two brothers and all our friends and family and what was more sad still was the fact I wrapped most of my own presents to.
What pisses me of however, is the annoying shops who think its ok to rip people off buy convincing them it is a good idea to buy a 3metre blow up Santa that you can put up in your front yard WTF?? Things like that completely cheapen what Christmas is supposed to be about. That’s the other thing I’m getting to if you are not a Mormon then you don’t get to justify having more than one wife, if you are not Jewish then you don’t get to celebrate Hanukkah so if you are not Christian or in the least a believer in god then why the hell can you get away with celebrating Christmas? I know that nowadays, Christmas isn’t as much of a religious thing as a societal thing so what the hell is the REAL meaning of Christmas?
Ok well I’m getting sick of talking about Christmas so I’m going to leave it at that for now. Sorry it’s not a big, long, interesting post but I will do another one later in the week hopefully.
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THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
Now heres where I think we will all be able to relate: THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing...
Ahh how true that is.
THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY AFTER SEX!!!!! (and the things pepople have said)
This one gave me a laugh hopefully it will do the same for you.
The only thing i've ever heard when a lads cum is "sorry"
I think worse thing to say would be: "Don't worry about it, it happens to all men, and I should know I use to be one!"
Smile you're on candid camera
This was the bed that mother died in
This reminds me of that time in London Zoo
You're far better than the guys said you were
Mount willy is about to erupt!
Thank's...What was you name again?
Your lips are like liver
You think the sex will be like this after were married honey?
Just wait till the guys hear about this!
I've paid good money for that before!
I was blind but now I can see!
It's never felt that way with a human before!
I'm so good!
That confirms I shouldn't have dumped you
Your sister's better
Your mum's better
Your dog's better
Next!
Close the door on your way out
Shout "GOAL" as you cum
Or, even better, as you cum let out an ear piercing scream then collapse and pretend to be dead
But this has to be me real favorite, showing just how proud we Scots are…
One Scottish bloke was telling me that he’d pulled an English bird one night and went back to his place and were going at it, and he was about to cum and he shouted out Scotlaaaaaaaaaaand!
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*names have been changed to protect the innocent me and.
(Due to recent complaints, please remember this is not designed to insult anyone by GENERALISING, but simply to express my opinions and hopefully enlighten on a mysterious group within society)
I believe Austen Powers first said it, “ carnies strange folk, small hands, smell like cabbages”, and perhaps as I have discovered he is indeed a wise, wise man. Not on the cabbage smell and the small hands but definitely the strange folk part. Now for all of u reading this, with the exception of those involved are probably thinking WTF?? You know what I totally agree this probably does sound insane at the moment so let me explain.
I happen to have a very, very dear friend of whom up until 2 years ago, was in all ways normal (I’m just joking Jade). Leaving the world as we know it, dear friend of many years became a carnie. During that time I listened to her digress her knowledge of the carnie folk, and to be honest it got me curious. Ultimately, this led me to joining their ranks one weekend down at the Brunswick Junction show, funnily enough I only lasted one weekend. Yet this time did not go to waste, I was introduced to many of the mysterious people of whom, I had spent many hours hearing about & those I hadn’t.
I fully believe that, this has all the makings of a kick ass drama, I mean were talking romance, betrayal, scandal and comedy, its got it all. Now the boss of the operation her is a tiny little blonde woman by the name Terry* but don’t let appearances, fool you, I don’t think I could have been more scared of meeting her if she was a 30foot giant squid that could walk on land and was hungry for human flesh. No ok so that might be a slight exaggeration here but it gets my point across, no one messes with Terri*. Just so you get an Idea about this woman, she once threw hot oil from a deep fryer onto a person giving them 3rd degree burns, the only reason she didn’t go to jail was the fact that she was pregnant at the time. So I think we will leave it at that for Terri it that’s ok.
The next (and for some) the most important person on the show is the hot guy of whom is very hot who works for a different carnie company. (Sorry jade I couldn’t leave him out of this). This is a sad yet romantic story about one girl and her burning desire to get this boy whom always seems out of reach. Unfortunately, this boy is quite mysterious and therefor I don’t really have an awful lot to say about him other than the sad story I am about to tell you. The crew that this boy, Giles* works for is soon to be broken up as the company is up for sale. Time is running short for this girl to get him as once the last show is over, never again will this girl see her love and I know she will be devastated.
Along with these people, there are so very many more shady characters, there is the strange Columbian boy who has the amazing ability to dance(quite energetically) for 12 hours straight. I’m not just talking ball room dancing here either, think really loud, really fast dance music, and a goldfish flipping around out of water give you a better picture? I will say this, although there is a very good chance he is on drugs, he had an awesome accent still he was a little scary. Meanwhile working alongside myself in the food van, there was the evil, sometimes sweet Crystal* whom I like to refer to occasionally as horseface. This is where the betrayal comes into it you see this girl can be quite unscrupulous and does not see anything wrong with sleeping with her friends boyfriends and failing to apologise. This girl also has the charming habit of kissing up to (quite well I might add) the boss Terri*. I think that’s all I need to say about her methinks.
Well although I have by no means scratched the surface on the topic of carnies, I must leave it at that. In the event that you were hoping that I would reveal the shady secrets and tricks for dealing with these people in their natural environment I am sorry. Due to the fact that I signed an agreement prior to working there never to reveal their secrets upon penalty of death.
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One of the most interesting things that I have noticed is the fact that although it is not that uncommon for a good looking girl to go out with a blah guy, you will never ever see a hot guy with anything less than perfection. I have come to the conclusion that there are several reasons for this, the first one being that as the fairer sex, the number of good looking girls far out weighs the boys. Then there is the other much more interesting reason, guys are very, very shallow and this is not only sad, but also disappointing. Yet there comes the point that this shows our true superiority, in our correct values on what is important. Now don’t get me wrong here, I don’t mean to diss guys here I happen to love them very much, their imput into my life is greatly appreciated (no pun intended here).
Now this is not the only flaw that comes with being male, yes I have another complaint, actually I have several. One of the most disgustingly annoying habits of guys is what I like to call the “honk and drive” or the common “whistle and drive”. Now for some unknown reason this is supposed to get our attention, upon doing this, they drive off. Excuse me can someone PLEASE explain the principal behind this?? What do they think they can achieve by behaving this way? Really do you they think we are going to rip of our shoes, chase after the car and somehow climb in? No I don’t think so (well at least I should hope not). This is not necessarily something that is detrimental to our mental health or anything like that, yet there is something to be said for the men out there who are as old, or older than our fathers who still feel the need to behave in this peculiar way, it’s just creepy… very creepy.
The next thing about boys that has become apparent, is there lack of pulling skill, that is they either sit there and dream or they cruse on up with presumptuous questions such as can I have your phone number? First of all the phone number question should never come up until one of the party is about to depart this removes the aquardness of how we might answer. In reverse, guys have a bizarre habit of being completely gutless, the only way we can know you are interested, is if something is actually said. Come on, really the worst that can happen is for a shut down. This does NOT mean harassing a girl that is clearly not interested or with a huge group the guy’s smelly friends, this tends to be extremely intimidating.
The final thing is something that I personally find quite interesting. I assume we are all familiar with the rating system from 1-10? From this arises a problem, with guys (and I’m sure you girls will agree) once they pass the 8 mark they KNOW that they are hot and for some unfortunate reason, this makes them think that behaving like arseholes is ok. Well unfortunately, this is not the truth, far from it. What makes this worse is the fact despite their arsehole behaviour, they will continue to pull chicks, which is unfortunate as this only encourages this type of behaviour. All we can do here girls is hope that their dicks will fall of or something nasty like that.
Like the rest of the male population, this bizarre sub-species displays the overconfident attitude that every time a girl looks their way its because they (the chicks I mean) are thinking “damn look at that sexy beast, gee I wish he would acknowledge I’m looking at him by coming over to say hi how u doin?” but I am afraid that this will never be the case. Perhaps it is my fault that they take my looking at them as some kind of interest and for that I apologise to all you mullets out there and truly I do acknowledge that I may stare at them for a prolonged period of time but that doesn’t change a single thing.
Now this is where I would like to clear something up for all of those sadly confused and misguided beings out there. As fascinating as the Mullets are, I have never actually been attracted to one, really that’s no lie. Despite all my staring and constant raving about finding one here or there or getting a picture of one it is just a hobby with nothing sinister, sexual or twisted about it. Ok well that’s about it really I’m quite satisfied that I have said all I have to about this subject.
Thanks for reading what I have to say you are all beautiful =)
P.S Stay tunned there MAY be some mullet pictures coming this way in the not too distant future hee hee.
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