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Thema: {AIWL} No Holds Barred, Part 1
Datum: 15.11.99 00:45:50 !!!First Boot!!!
Von: Tolonoguy
Blindkopie: Dev is back

(We open up live once again in the Fleet Center of Boston, Massachusetts.  The arena is set up for the multitude of different matches that are going to occur, including a mud pit for the mud wrestling match and a three story cage for the Towering Inferno match.  Dan Lawrence and Brett Johnson are standing in front of the ring ready to kick off the show as the fans come absolutely unglued, ready for a full night of pure AIWL action.)

DL: Welcome to the AIWL's one and only all gimmick match pay per view....WELCOME TO NO HOLDS BARRED!!!!  I'm Dan Lawrence along here with Bretty Johnson, who we're lucky to have with us after his little pre-show brawl with Razor Rashaan...

BJ: Razor had it coming, but that's beside the point now.  We've got to get things rolling with what should be an incredible evening of fights to the near-death.  Four title fights, including the big World Title match between Justin Sane and "Crazy" Joe Davola.

DL: Not only that, but we've got Darkman and ICON vying for the number one contendership to the World Title, as well as several big rivalries to be settled here tonight.

BJ: We've enlisted an incredible wealth of announcers to bring you all the action here tonight, and let's throw it to AIWL President Ryan Byers and The Cheater, who will be calling our opening bout.

(The camera cuts to Byers and the Cheater, who are set up in front of the mud pit.)

Byers: Thanks, Brett, and way to go smacking around Razor.  We're set to have a hell of a mud wrestling match here, but before we can get to it, here comes our special guest ring announcer for this match....Demi Moore!

Cheater: shes got some experience mud wrestling me}quote the cheater!

(Demi heads down to the mud pit and gets her hands on a mic.)

DM: The following mud wrestling contest is set for one fall with no time limit.  Introducing first, from Crowberg City, weighing in at 242 pounds and accompanied by Team Millennium....CROWBERG!

(Chants of "CROWBERG CROWBERG" fill the arena as Crowberg, "Stone Cold" Dan Austin, Kenan, and Karl walk out to the ring.)

Byers: Out of nowhere, Crowberg spears Demi Moore into the mud pit!  She doesn't look too happy about getting that lovely outfit of hers covered in mud!

Cheater: i like to get down and dirty with my fine chiks}quote the cheater!

Byers: Demi's fighting back with some stiff martial arts kicks to the side of Crowberg's head!  Ever since GI Jane she's been trained in about fifty forms of hand-to-hand combat.

Cheater: im better with hand-to...

Byers: Don't even finish that though.

Cheater: quote the cheater!

Byers: Just had to add that on, didn't you?  Anyway, Demi just DDT'ed Crowberg in the center of the mud pit, and she's pinning him!  1......2......3!


Byers: Dan Austin's charging at Demi now, but she back body drops him right on top of Crowberg!  Kenan and Karl charge her as well, but Demi double DDTs them and the two roll on top of Dan Austin!

Cheater: it looks like an orgy in the mud}quote the cheater!

Byers: All three other members of Team Millennium are piled up on top of Crowberg, and Demi is counting the fall!  1.....2.....3!!!  That's a total of four losses for Crowberg before this match has even officially started!

Cheater: he makes me look good}quote the cheater!

Byers: Demi's pulling herself out of the mud, and it looks like she's set to announce Crowberg's actual opponent.

DM: And his opponent...from Evergreen, Colorado, accompanied by her stuffed monkey Pookie, and weighing in at around 95 pounds...Kellie!

("Just a Girl" by No Doubt plays as Kellie toddles out to the ring.)

Byers: And here comes everybody's favorite thirteen year old killing machine!

Cheater: i woder if shed rub my ankel}quote the cheater!

Byers: Watch it there, Cheats, she's underage.

Cheater: oh ya}quote the cheater!

Byers: Kellie immediately slides into our mud pit and takes down the Millennium Man with a double leg takedown, followed up by a headbutt to the groin!

Cheater: ouchies}quote the cheater!

Byers: Referee Darin Christman is clearing Team Millennium out of the ring while Kellie continues to clobber Crowberg with lefts and rights to head....

Cheater: i bet she hits like a girl}quote the cheater!

Byers: Why don't you go ask Crowberg about that?

Cheater: because he scares me}qoute the cheater!

Byers: And Kellie picks up Crowberg, driving him headfirst into the mud pit!  There's nothing but concrete under all that mud!  You'd think I would've built it out of something safer...

Cheater: nah this is big and nice and hardcore}quote the cheater!

Byers: Well, Cheats here seems to have the intelligence of your average hardcore wrestler.

Cheater: huh?}quote the cheater!

Byers: That's exactly what I mean....uh-oh, Kellie had better look out, Team Millennium's headed into the mud!  They're attacking the little girl!

Cheater: four on one...i saw a porn like this last night}qoute the cheater!

Byers: Kellie's taking a four one beating from all of Team Millennium, and Demi Moore looks pretty steamed about it!  What's she doing?

Cheater: hopfeull the same thing she did in striptease}quote the cheater!

Byers: She's got that stuffed monkey of Kellie's, and she just tossed it into the mud pit.

Cheater: its name is pookie}quote the cheater!

Byers: Huh?

Cheater: her monkeys name is monkeys name is steve and my fine chicks rub it all night in the big nice bed}quote the cheater!

Byers: Well, Kellie's got Pookie....and she just blasted Kenan in the face with the stuffed bear.  Kenan went down like he was hit with a steel chair!  What the hell?

Cheater: save me from teh bear}quote the cheater!

Byers: The Cheater is now cowering under the announce position in fear, and Kellie is going nuts, hitting all of the Team Millennium members with good old Pookie!  Cheater, are you ok under there?

Cheater: ....

Byers: All of the Millennium Men have been KO'ed by a stuffed children's toy, and Kellie's covering Crowberg!  1..........2.......3!!!!  Cheater, you can come out.  It's safe now.

Cheater: ok}quote the cheater!

Byers: Hold on, it looks like Kellie's tearing open the back of Pookie...and she's pulling out a break!  There was a brick in that stuffed monkey all along!

Cheater: crowberg lost to a girl...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA}quote the cheater!

Byers: Yeah, and you could beat her I suppose...

Cheater: ........

Byers: That's what I thought.  Anyway, we're ready to through it to our next match, which is live via satellite from a local swimming pool.  Bring you all the action well be Dick Vitale and Zach de la Rocha!

(We cut to Dick and Zach standing in front of an empty indoor swimming pool.

DV-Hello ladies and gents and welcome to the most scrumdidlyupmschious fight of the night!

Zach- Yea! We've got an empty pool, which the water has been donated to satisfy the tree's foundation, 4 wrestlers, all of which are Americans defending a country they shouldn't!

DV-Yes siree but either way were gonna have one sloberknocker of a bout here!

ZR-Yea see, the pool is 20x15, one end is 2 1/2 deep and slowly decreases to the bottom where the deepest part is 15 feet.  One half of the pool has a sudden drop to the deepest, while the other has the slow decline.  On the deep end there is a diving pool, also about 5 feet from the pool is a baby wading pool about 5x5 which is actually filled with water instead of baby piss.

DV-Enough about the pool, Zachy! Let's get to those rough tough and grough competitors.

RB: ENTERING FIRST!!! At a combined weight of 520lbs THE GOLDEN ONES, MICHAEL O'DELL AND WILL E. BED!!!!

(The golden theme song plays as the men walk out to the ring in their usual tuxes and golden ties. They then strip down to speedos with gold writing on them. Will even puts on a swimming cap.)


(Both men's theme songs begin to play at once making a trippy techno sound at first, then the pyros go off, and it just sounds like crap.  The men just blow it off though and get in the pool ready to fight.)

DV-Hmmm, that's superbly strange!

Zach-Now since this is a pool match we have flown in David Hasslehoff as a special guest refere/life guard.

David-Ok guys, look I want a good clean fight, nothing too strenuous, nothing too close to my face and all normal pool rules are still in effect.

DV-And they are off!!  Tofa and Bed are the first legal men, starting off on the shallow part of the pool.

ZR- A fury of punches by Tofa to Bed. Bed then gives up and turns around and runs the other way to deep half of the pool.

DV-Tofa follows and jumps from the ledge and now a suplex......... but wait! What the! O'Dell has jumped from the high dive on to Tofa in the midst of a suplex, all three men are down!

ZR-Sam notices the chance and jumps on the slide. He rides it down end ends up in the deep end on both feet.  The Golden Ones are up and deliver constant punches.

DV-They grab Sam by the arms and throw him into the wall and chase after him, and WAIT! Oh my!  He's run up the wall and did a backflip ala Gene Kelly and landed a stellar drop kick on the Golden Ones!  Sam and Tofa grab them and drag them back to the shallow end.

ZR- Tofa has thrown out Bed after Hasslehoff spotted the illegal men. Sam and O'Dell are the legal men now. Sam throws O'Dell into the wall, and he falls on his back. He then throws him out of the pool and climbs out after him.

DV-Sam takes O'Dell to the rim, and OH BABY!  Powerbomb 15 feet into the deep end!  He then walks backwards a few feet and runs....SUICIDE JUMP!!

(A whistle blows.)

Hasslehoff-No running by the pool!!!

ZR-What?!?! WHAT THE HELL! You're oppressing this man's occupation, how can you do it!?

Hasslehoff-Look captain anti-American, it's in the rules.

ZR-Ah fuck it! Turn it off!

DV-Sam has had to settle for a leg drop from 15 feet. He jumps and O'DELL ROLLS!!! OH BABY!!!

ZR-Yeah...he runs up the pool to the wading pool and tags in his partner.  His partner runs to the diving board and, 720 OFF THE BOARD AND ONTO SAM!!!!!

DV-Oh is he suffering this battery??? Oh but he's getting up!  It looks like Bed has gotten the wind knocked out of him from that last maneuver, and Sam gets enough time to tag his partner.

ZR-Tofa and O'Dell run at each other and Tofa delivers a chop block. O'Dell gets up and gives Tofa a low blow on the way up.  He takes him to the edge of the deep end and the shallow end, knees him in the gut and suplex!

DV-But wait!  Tofa is reversing it!  Reverse suplex into the deep end baby!!!!!

ZR-Tofa is approaching the waiting pool to tag Sam, but O'Dell has grabbed a set of brass knuckles out of his speedo!

DV-I knew he looked a little bigger today!

ZR-Sam sees him pursuing and suicide jumps towards O'Dell and lands on him and begins to beat him with punches!

(A whistle blows again.)

Hasslehoff-Ummmm...according to my book that was diving from the shallow end and that is illegal in pools. So by disqualification, the Golden Ones are the winners!


(Zach gets up from the table, punches Hasslehoff in the face and walks off with Tofa and helps Sam get up after the brass knuckles connected with his face.)

DV-Whoa!  Looks like Zach there needs to lay off the caffeine, baby!  But, anyway, we've got to get back to Dan and Brett in the arena....guys!