With Alex in his arms, Kevin made it to the top of the stairs in record time, walking down the long hallway toward the room he hand in mind. He hoped Alex liked what he'd done. He'd called Beth, the woman who kept the place up for him, on his way to the airport in Dallas and asked her to get a few extra things ready for his arrival on the off chance Alex took him up on his offer.

Alex watched as they passed the master suite at the top of the stairs. He almost sighed in relief. He hadn't wanted to say anything, but he also hadn't wanted to have sex with Kevin in the bed he'd slept with Kristin in. As they passed doorway after doorway though, he got more and more curious as to where they were going. He figured maybe they were headed to his room he used when he visited, but that idea was shot down as he watched that doorway go by too. Of course not. He'd slept with Sara in there.

"Kev?"

"Yeah?"

"Where are we going?"

"Someplace that's going to be just ours."

Alex shivered and tightened his hold around his neck. "Ours?"

"Yes." Kevin said, finally reaching his destination and stepping through the last door at the end of the hall.

Alex looked around. He'd never been in this room before. It had been unfinished the last few times he'd been here, and Kevin had always kept the door closed. It looked finished now though.

Kevin moved to the bed in the center of the room and set him down. Alex scooted up it, leaning back against some propped up pillows and looking around as Kevin got back up and walked across the room, lighting the candles that seemed to be everywhere. There was a gas fireplace, already lit, past the foot of the big four poster bed he was laying on, a huge bay window to his right that overlooked a deep valley below, and a couch against one wall with a table and lamp at each end for reading. Turning his head the other way, he noticed two closets and another door besides the one back to the hall, that he presumed was the bathroom.

His eyes drifted to Kevin as he lit the last of the candles and turned toward him. He sucked in a breath at the beauty of the man as the candlelight flickered over his muscled body, his sculptured jawline, and in his green eyes. He was perfection, inside and out. Alex suddenly felt self conscious and turned away, picking at a spot on the bedcover he was laying on. Here he was, a skinny, tattooed, no-butted freak with dyed hair and a shitload of emotional problems. What could Kevin possibly see in him?

Kevin watched Alex's expression turn from love and desire to uncertainty. In a few long strides, he crossed to the bed and sat down on it, reaching out a hand to cup Alex's cheek and force his eyes back to his.

"What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

Alex stared at him long and hard. "It's stupid, forget it."

"It's not stupid if it's the way you're feeling. Tell me."

Alex sighed. "Why?"

Kevin didn't think he was asking why tell him. "Why what?"

"Why do you want me? My God, Kev, look at you. You could have any guy or girl you want. What are you doing with me?"

Kevin's hand dropped away, hurt flashing in his eyes. "I see."

Alex's brows knit together. "You see what?"

Kevin stared at a point on the wall above the bed. "You want me because of how I look. I wasn't aware that you were that shallow, or that you thought I was."

Alex's face burned. It did sound shallow now that he thought about it. "That wasn't what I meant. Fuck."

Kevin's gaze softened as his eyes returned to him. "What did you mean?"

Alex shrugged, then took a deep breath and answered. "I don't know, I just…I guess it's just that I'm so screwed up. I'm an alcoholic, I've done drugs, slept with more people than I can count, or even begin to remember, not to mention my anxiety problem and depression, and then there's all the shit I've put you through…"

Kevin silenced him with a kiss. When he pulled away he looked into his eyes and said, "When I look at you, I see a man who's overcome a hell of a lot to get where he is. You're smart, funny, creative, sexy as hell, you can capture the attention of a room full of people in an instant, you capture my attention just by being you, you're voice does things to me I can't even describe, both when you're singing and when you're just talking, shall I go on? Because I can, there's also the…"

It was Alex's turn to silence him with a kiss. When they pulled apart, Kevin's heart lurched at the tears he saw in his eyes. "Why are you crying?"

"I love you." He choked out, his voice filled with emotion.

They sat there in total silence for a full minute, neither quite believing he'd said that. Alex was dumbfounded. He meant it, of course, how could he not? Besides the fact that he'd been in love with him for nearly nine years, his heart was so full at the moment from all the things Kevin had just told him, he thought it might burst. He just couldn't believe he'd actually gotten to say the words. Sure, he'd mentioned it in Boston, but in a round about kind of way. He'd said he was in love with someone, then answered his question of who by telling him it was him. That was not the same.

Kevin was having a hard time forcing air into his lungs after Alex's admission. He'd had no clue how strongly those three words could affect him until Alex said them. Never had it felt like this when anyone else said it to him…not even Kristin.

"Alex…"

Alex reached out a hand and put a finger to his lips. "No Kev, I don't want you to say it just because I did. It's all right if you don't. It's enough that you care and you want me."

Kevin reached up and circled his wrist, pulling his hand away. "But…"

Alex reach out his other hand and did the same thing with it, silencing Kevin once again. "I'm serious, Kev. I don't think I could handle you saying it to me now, just because I said it to you, and then taking it back later."

Kevin again reached up and circled his wrist, pulling his hand away. They were both aware that he had Alex trapped, at his mercy. Desire flared between them. Kevin ignored it for the time being though. He had something to say and damn if he was going to get cut off again.

"I love you too."

Alex closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. He'd wanted to hear those words for so long, but he was scared to trust them.

Kevin watched his reaction closely, could see the fear in his eyes just before he closed them and wanted to reassure him. "Alex, I'm sure about this. I'm not saying it just because you said it to me. I've felt this way for a long time."

Alex opened his eyes and stared at him. "You have?"

Kevin nodded. "Yes. I've been in love with you since the first time I looked into your eyes. I just buried the feelings deep inside until recently."

"Why?" Alex asked in a quiet voice.

Kevin released his wrists and started to reach a hand up to run through his hair before he remembered the cornrows. Dropping his hands to his lap he said, "Because, first, we're both guys, and damn, Alex, I wasn't raised this way. I was raised to believe a man and woman were meant to fall in love and settle down together. And second, hell, you were fifteen when we met, and I was twenty-one. You hadn't even had your first date yet. Plus, I had no idea you were bi. I thought you were straight. You hid it well."

"So, what about since I've been back? Why did you keep you and Kristin breaking up a secret?" The hurt in Alex's eyes was evident.

Kevin looked away and stared at the flickering fire for a minute before turning back and answering. "I didn't want you to think you'd broken us up, and I knew you were going to have so much to deal with already. I didn't want to add to it."

Alex swallowed. "Did I?"

"Did you what?"

"Did I have something to do with you and Kristin breaking up?"

Kevin looked away again, not wanting Alex to blame himself, but also not willing to lie. "Yes and no."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Well, that sure clears it up."

Kevin shot him a look and said, "Let me finish. I wasn't in love with her. Ever. I did love her, she's a great person and she was my best friend for a long time, but I was never in love with her."

"Then why in God's name did you marry her? God, Kevin, that hurt so much!" Alex blurted before he could stop himself.

Kevin flinched at the pain in Alex's voice. "I was scared. I was getting older, I wanted to settle down, be with one person, and I wanted kids. I thought Kristin was the answer to all that."

Alex started picking at the bed cover again. "What made you realize she wasn't?"

"In a word? You."

Alex's eyes shot up to meet Kevin's. He didn't know what to say to that. It was so much to absorb all at once. In the past few hours, his world had been completely flipped upside down. He looked at Kevin, at the love shining in his eyes, and he didn't want to talk anymore. He wanted to feel.

He leaned up to kiss him. Kevin leaned down to meet him. The kiss started out slow and tender, but soon it heated, ignited by a passion and need neither one of them had yet quenched.

Alex laid back as Kevin shifted and stretched out next to him, propped up on one arm. Alex reached up and pulled him down to him with a hand at the back of his head. Their mouths met again, their tongues licked and tasted. He couldn't get enough of kissing Kevin. He didn't think he ever would. It felt so good to kiss him, to touch him. He wanted all of him, everything he could give him, and he didn't want to wait anymore. He slid his hand down Kevin's back and over to his arm, pulling on him.

Kevin took the hint and was quickly laying on top of him, between his legs, skin to skin, erection to erection. He groaned at the sensations that washed through his body. Never had he felt anything like this. He guessed though, that tonight he was in for a lot of feelings he'd never felt before. He leaned down and kissed Alex's neck, licking and sucking the vein that always popped out there until Alex was writhing and panting underneath him.

He slid down slightly so his face was lined up with Alex's chest and he leaned in and took one small dark nipple in his mouth, sucking and licking. He got harder by the second listening to Alex's moans. Impulsively, he bit down on his nipple and was totally unprepared for the way that Alex lost control. He cried out and bucked up against him so hard that Kevin was actually almost knocked right off him. He pulled away from that nipple and repeated his actions on the other one, getting the same response.

"Holy shit, Kev, you've gotta stop that or I'm going to cum right now." Alex said desperately.

Kevin chuckled. "That would be a bad thing?"

"Hell yeah, I want you inside me when I cum. Please. Now. No more waiting." Alex said in a husky voice.

Kevin's eyes darkened. Alex wanted him inside him. God, he wanted that too. "Just a second."

Alex almost whimpered at the loss when he got up off him and crossed to the bathroom. He came back a minute later with some lotion, and an apologetic grin. "Sorry, this is the best I could do. I had Beth set the candles up and make sure the fireplace was ready, but there was no way in hell I was asking her to pick up some lube for me."

Alex chuckled. "It's fine, get over here."

When Kevin was back on top of him, they kissed again. Alex reached down and grabbed Kevin's ass, grinding up into him. Kevin released his mouth and buried his face in his neck, moaning at the feeling of their cocks rubbing against each other.

"Shit, that feels so good, baby." Kevin said in a deep voice.

Alex's eyes flared. "Kevin. Make love to me. Now."

Kevin stilled. "God Alex, I want to, but…"

Alex stilled too, his hands squeezing Kevin's ass harder, nervous he'd done something wrong. "But what?"

Kevin sighed. "I've never been with a man before."

"You haven't?" Alex couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice.

"You seem shocked." Kevin pulled his face up and looked down into Alex's confused eyes.

"I am."

"Why?"

"Well, I…" He decided to tell him the truth, and hope Howie would forgive him for breaking his confidence. "Howie saw you out back of a club…with a guy."

Kevin was quiet for a moment. Howie had seen him? He wasn't sure how he felt about that, but he'd figure it out later. "Shit. That was just an experiment. I wanted to know if I was bi, or if you were the only guy who had the power to turn me on."

"And did he? Turn you on I mean?" Alex was almost afraid of the answer, but he wanted to know anyway.

"Yeah, for about a minute. Then I thought about you and lost all desire for him." Kevin answered honestly.

Alex smiled. It was stupid really, to be that happy that he'd ruined Kevin's desire for another guy, but he was happy, insanely happy about it. "Good. I'm glad your first time's going to be with me."

"So am I." Kevin said, smiling back.

And then they were kissing and grinding and touching all over again until neither of them could stand it anymore. Kevin pulled back and grabbed the lotion, while Alex grabbed one of the pillows and pushed it underneath his hips. After Kevin prepared himself, he sat looking down at Alex for a moment before tentatively reaching out a lotion covered finger and pressing it against his pucker.

Alex closed his eyes and moaned as Kevin's finger slipped inside. He moaned again as Kevin slipped a second finger in and rotated them, hitting his prostate. When he slid a third finger in though, Alex opened his eyes and flinched.

Kevin stopped pushing and started to pull out, but Alex stopped him with a shake of his head. "No, don't stop."

"But I hurt you. What did I do wrong?" Kevin asked, concert etching his brow.

"It always hurts the first time. It's okay." Alex said, holding his breath to see if Kevin would figure out what he was trying to tell him.

"You mean every time we do this, the person getting it is going to be in pain?" Kevin didn't know if he liked the idea of that.

Alex shook his head. "No, only the first time."

Understanding dawned in Kevin's eyes. "You mean…"

Alex nodded. "You're the first."

"You've been with guys though." Kevin said, confused.

Bluntly Alex responded, "I've fucked guys. I've never given myself to anyone. Only you."

Kevin was speechless. Without another word they stared into each other's eyes as he worked his fingers the rest of the way in, stretching and loosening him for a minute before he pulled out and positioned himself at his entrance.

Searching the chocolate brown depths of Alex's eyes, he asked, "Are you sure?"

Alex nodded, staring back up into his electric green gaze. "I need you inside me. Now. Please."

Kevin didn't wait any longer. Leaning down for a kiss, he pushed, groaning as the head of his cock popped inside. He pushed in another inch and paused, giving Alex time to get used to him. Another couple inches and he paused again, looking down at his newly found lover with concern on his face.

"Are you all right?"

Alex clutched at the sheets, his body tense with pain. "Yeah, just do it. Push in the rest of the way, fast. Please. This slow shit is killing me."

Kevin did as he asked and watched as Alex bit down on his bottom lip to keep from screaming. A second later blood bubbled up where he'd bitten. Kevin leaned down and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, licking away the blood. He felt awful that he was hurting him so much, but he couldn't have stopped now if he wanted to. It felt so damn good inside him.

Releasing his lip, he told him as much. "God you are so tight, baby."

Alex forced himself to relax and take deep breaths. Soon the pain subsided and he was left with the fullness of Kevin inside him.

"Alex, I've gotta move. It's too good, too tight."

"Do it. Fuck me. I need it too." Alex answered in a near desperate voice.

Kevin groaned as Alex purposely flexed his ass walls around him. He started to move slowly, in and out, torturing the both of them. Alex pulled his legs up farther and Kevin adjusted so they were over his shoulders. He reached up and wove his fingers through Alex's, leaning on his hands, pressing them into the mattress below them.

He rocked into him that way, slowly, sensually, staring down into his eyes for as long as he could. Too soon though, both because it was their first time together, and because Alex's virgin ass was clutching his cock so tightly, Kevin started to speed up, loosing control.

Alex moaned, closing his eyes and pressing his head back into the mattress as his back arched to take more of Kevin in. "Fuck, yes, harder…so good, baby."

Kevin groaned, both at the feeling of being inside him and at Alex's words. He pumped faster, thrusted deeper. His hands left Alex's and moved to his hips, grabbing a hold of them for leverage.

Alex locked his ankles together behind Kevin's neck and arched up even higher. Kevin was hitting his prostate with every thrust now and he was close to the edge. He hadn't even touched himself, but he was almost there anyway. He remembered his earlier wish, to feel so connected with him that he didn't know where he ended and Kevin began. He felt that way now.

"Alex, damn, I'm close…gonna cum…cum with me…"

Alex moaned, his breathing reduced to short gasps, as Kevin slammed into him harder and harder. He clutched at the sheets, and writhed underneath him, unable to hold still.

"Almost there...fuck…Kev…oh God…"

"Cum baby, now…I'm there…."

Alex screamed his name, cumming in long streams all over his stomach and chest.

Kevin thrust in again, feeling his ass walls spasming around him with his orgasm. He threw his head back and groaned out Alex's name as he emptied himself deep inside him. He collapsed on top of him, their stomach's sticking together with Alex's cum, but neither caring. It had not only been the best orgasm either of them had ever had, but also so much more.

After a couple minutes, Kevin slid out and off of Alex, pulling him with him so they were laying on their sides facing each other, completely spent, their limbs feeling like jell-o. Alex leaned in and kissed Kevin, still unable to quite believe it was real. He kept expecting to wake up at any minute and be all alone.

When they pulled out of the kiss, Kevin said, "That was amazing."

Alex nodded in wonder. "Yeah it was."

Kevin reached out a hand and cupped Alex's face, staring into his eyes. "I love you, baby."

Alex closed his eyes as a memory of that night he'd stayed with him when he was drunk flashed through his head. He opened his eyes again and stared at him. "I love you too, baby."

Kevin leaned back behind him and off the side of the bed to grab something, coming back with a damp towel. Alex arched a brow at him and Kevin chuckled. "I figured we'd be needing to clean up a little."

Alex smiled and took the towel from him, wiping Kevin's chest and stomach first, which had splotches of cum from where they'd touched afterwards, and his own chest and stomach second. After he was done, he tossed the towel off the side of the bed and snuggled into Kevin's arms, smiling as Kevin murmured, "Love you baby."

A minute later he asked, "Kevin?"

"Yeah?"

"You knew it was me, didn't you?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"Huh?"

"That night I stayed with you in your room. You called me baby. You didn't have me mixed up with Kristin, did you?"

"No, I knew it was you. I also knew you were trying to get out of the bed when I pulled you against me. I didn't want you to leave. I wanted you right there next to me while I slept."

Alex felt his heart nearly burst at that admission. It was turning out that all the moments they'd shared that he thought were special, but had thought weren't special to Kevin, had been. He loved that knowledge.

After a minute, he turned around as they both yawned in exhaustion. He pulled Kevin's arm around him, fitting himself into the curve of his new lover's body and said, "You've got me now, for as long as you can stand me."

Just before they both dropped off to sleep, Kevin murmured, "Then I've got you forever, baby."