Alex stood by the window of his and Kevin's bedroom just staring out at the beautiful view of the tree covered valley in front of him and the mountain beyond, not seeing any of it. His thoughts were focused on the night before and that morning with Kevin. They were finally together. In every sense of the word and it had been unbelievable. Everything he'd imagined and more.

So why were there these lingering doubts? He just didn't have an answer for that. But, he'd meant what he said to Nick on the phone minutes earlier. There was no way in hell he was giving Kevin up now that he had him. Not a fucking chance in hell, or anywhere else for that matter. Whatever kind of self-destruction he was bent on committing now, he was going to fight it every step of the way to keep him.

He sighed, turning away from the window. Staring at the bed he and Kevin had made love in, he started to harden. God he wanted him. He'd thought the want and need would ease after the first couple times of being with him, but it hadn't. Now that he knew exactly what it felt like to be with Kevin, his desire for him was stronger than ever. He remembered his earlier thoughts when he'd come out of the bathroom about Kevin and the kitchen and a smile crossed his face as he started for the door, wondering if Kevin was where he'd left him.

Ten minutes later, Alex stood in the middle of the living room, running a hand through his blond hair in frustration…and a little bit of fear. Kevin was nowhere to be found. Where the fuck had he gone? He wondered. He'd checked every room upstairs and down twice finding no sign of him.

He was getting nervous, letting doubts creep in and take over when he heard a sound from the side of the house. Remembering the door off the side of the kitchen, he hurried in that direction and burst through the door into the adjoining garage.

Kevin pulled his head out from inside the trunk where he'd been rummaging around for his cell phone. He hadn't wanted to interrupt Alex, but he had a couple calls of his own to make and when he couldn't find his phone in his bag, which had still been by the front door since last night, he went out to check his car, pulling it into the garage while he was at it.

He smiled when he saw Alex, but the smile slipped from his face when he saw the look in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

Alex took a deep breath, willing his heart to slow back down. He hadn't realize how scared he'd gotten that he'd left until he found him and now he felt silly. Reaching for the hem of his shirt, he started to fidget with it. "Uh, nothing."

Kevin shut the trunk, not having found his phone in it, stepped away from the car and closer to Alex and ran his hands up and down his arms soothingly. "Alex, talk to me."

Alex looked everywhere but at Kevin, feeling utterly foolish. "I just…well, um, I couldn't find you anywhere…"

Kevin watched as he nervously tried to explain, eventually trailing off and it hit him. "You thought I'd left?"

"I know, it's stupid. Just forget it. I'll go back inside and uh, do…something." Alex said, wanting to get away from the embarrassment of overreacting that way as soon as possible.

Kevin gripped his arms as the younger man tried to turn away. He waited a minute as Alex stood there, looking everywhere but at him.

Trying to hide the amusement in his voice, he finally said, "Alex, look at me."

Alex sighed, his shoulders slumping as he slowly brought his eyes to Kevin's. "Yeah?"

"I'm not going to leave you." He said, a smile playing at his lips.

Alex caught the amusement in Kevin's eyes and jerked away, biting out, "I know that. I just," He paused, running his hand through his hair, trying to figure out how to say what he was feeling, finally giving up on finding the right words. "Fuck, I don't know what I was thinking."

Kevin sobered, the look in Alex's eyes telling him just how seriously scared he'd been that he'd left. Reaching out, he cupped his cheek in his hand and stared down into his eyes.

"I'm not going to leave you." He said staring down into his eyes, this time completely serious, trying his best to convey to Alex that it was not only a statement, it was a promise.

Impulsively, Alex stepped forward and pulled Kevin close, wrapping him in a death grip. Inhaling his scent, he said against his neck, "I know. I'm just…having a hard time believing all this is real I guess."

Kevin wrapped his arms protectively around Alex, wishing he could make all his fears go away. "It's real. I promise. I'm not going anywhere without you…ever."

Alex ignored the knot in his stomach at the permanence of Kevin's statement and relaxed against him, closing his eyes and focusing on the love that welled up in him as Kevin's arms surrounded him.

In an almost desperate voice, needing to hear Kevin say it back as much as he needed to say it to him, he whispered, "I love you."

Kevin closed his eyes and held Alex closer still. "I love you too."

A minute later, he pulled back a little and cupped Alex's face in his hands, running his thumbs over his cheeks. "This is real. It's not going to just disappear." At Alex's nod, he leaned in and kissed him long and deep, sliding his tongue inside Alex's mouth as his lips parted for him. A minute later, he ended the kiss and whispered against Alex's lips. "It's real."

Alex shuddered, his arousal from earlier returning and suddenly he needed Kevin, right then, right there. He leaned in, bringing his own hands up to hold Kevin's face and kissed him hungrily.

Kevin moaned into the kiss, letting go of Alex's face and sliding his hands around to his back, pulling him close, then sliding his hands lower to cup his butt as he ground himself against him.

By the time the kiss ended, they were both hard and panting with need. Neither of them gave it a second thought as they stepped away from each other and started to strip. Once they were both naked, they came back together, pressing against each other, moaning at the feeling of skin touching skin, erection pressed against erection.

Alex shuddered as Kevin kissed his way down the side of his neck. He needed him badly. Needed to feel him inside. He didn't want all the foreplay, just the feeling of him inside him, filling him.

Reaching around and down, he grabbed Kevin's ass and squeezed, grinding their hips together. "Kevin, I need you now. Inside me…please."

Kevin swallowed hard. He wanted that too, but, "We don't have any lube…"

Alex pulled away and smiled. "I can take care of that."

Before Kevin knew what he was doing, he'd dropped to his knees and engulfed him in his mouth. Kevin moaned, his hands finding their way to Alex's head as he thrust into his mouth.

Alex let him fuck his mouth for a minute, before he forcefully grabbed Kevin's hips and pushed him away slightly. He heard Kevin whimper in disappointment, then suck in his breath as he slowly started licking his way up and down his shaft, getting it wet all over. Once he was satisfied that he was lubricated enough, he sucked him into his mouth one more time, before releasing him completely and getting back to his feet.

Kevin's arms dropped to his sides, his brain in a complete fog from what Alex had been doing. "Wha…"

Alex smiled at him seductively. "Now you're lubricated."

When Kevin continued to stare at him not comprehending, Alex chuckled and stepped in close, pressing his lips to Kevin's before turning around and bracing himself against the trunk of the car.

Turning his head back to look at Kevin over his shoulder, he said, "Fuck me Kevin. Now."

Hunger flashed in Kevin's green eyes as he pulled his thoughts back from the mind blowing orgasm he'd been approaching. His cock jumped at the sight of Alex, back to him, legs spread, hands braced against the car and he didn't wait another second before stepping up behind him and placing himself at his entrance.

"You sure? You're not still sore from last night?"

Alex was, but he wasn't going to let that stop them. He needed Kevin inside him. Being sore didn't matter in the least. "I'm sure. Do it."

Kevin took him at his word and pushed his way in slowly, but surely. He heard Alex suck in a breath and watched his back tense, knowing he was in pain. At that moment though, the feeling of being engulfed by Alex's ass was too good for him to even think of stopping. He reached out and ran his hands up and down Alex's back as his cock rested inside him, completely engulfed.

Alex took deep breaths in and out and slowly. Between that and Kevin's soothing hands rubbing his back, the pain subsided, leaving him with the fullness of Kevin being inside him. Heat swept through his body and he pushed back against Kevin.

Kevin took his cue and slid his hands down his back to grip his hips. Slowly he started to thrust in and out of Alex, wanting to make it last.

Alex couldn't take the slow teasing pace. He wanted it fast and hard. He wanted him to fuck him so hard he couldn't think straight. He started pushing back against him, squeezing his ass muscles every time Kevin thrust in.

Kevin shuddered, groaning out loud. "Alex, stop, I can't…I'm going to loose control…"

Alex groaned too as one of Kevin's thrusts hit his prostate just right. "I know…do it Kev…fuck me…hard…"

Alex felt Kevin dig his fingers into his hips and start thrusting in and out faster and harder hitting his prostate again and again until they were both moaning and sweating and panting. Alex was having a hard time keeping his grip on the car, his sweaty hands almost slipping off several times, but somehow he managed to hold on as Kevin slammed in and out of him, bringing them both closer and closer to the edge.

Then suddenly, Kevin was leaning forward slightly, reaching around him and grabbing his cock, pumping it in time with his thrusts. Alex couldn't take any more and came all over the trunk of the car without warning, screaming Kevin's name.

Kevin continued to thrust in and out of him for a minute more, still milking Alex's cock, prolonging his orgasm. With Alex screaming his name repeatedly and his ass spasming around him, Kevin let go of his cock and straightened, gripping his hips tightly as he slammed once again back into him and finally came, crying out Alex's name as he thrust back in him a few more times, riding out his orgasm.

Alex collapsed against the trunk of the car, sucking in a sharp breath at the shock of the cool metal against his hot damp skin. He didn't care though, it felt good. All of it. The cool metal against his skin, Kevin still inside him, the racing of his heartbeat in his chest, it all felt absolutely wonderful.

Kevin collapsed on top of Alex, resting his cheek on his upper back, just below his neck as he tried to catch his breath. The orgasm he'd just had had been mind-blowing and his heart felt like it was about to pound right past his rib cage and out of his chest. After a few minutes of absolute silence, save for their labored breathing, Kevin focused on their surroundings and started to chuckle.

Alex smirked as he lifted his head slightly to look back at him. "What?"

Kevin lifted an arm and gestured around them. "We just had sex in my garage."

Alex laughed. "Yeah we did. How observant of you."

Kevin pulled himself up and out of Alex. Both of them moaning over the loss, then Alex straightened and turned to face Kevin.

Kevin pulled him into his arms and kissed him long and hard. When he pulled away, he said, "What's unbelievable is that I completely forgot we were out here. I wanted you so bad, I swear, we could have been in a crowded restaurant and I still would have done what I just did."

Alex shivered in his arms. "Shit, Kev. Keep saying things like that and we're going to be going a second round out here."

Kevin chuckled as Alex leaned in, resting his head on his shoulder. They just stood there for a few more minutes holding each other, until finally they decided they should grab their clothes and head inside.

As Alex leaned down to get his, his eyes caught the mess on the back of Kevin's car. "Kev, dude, your car. I came all over it."

Kevin stared at the mess before shrugging. "We'll take care of it later. Right now I want to get all comfortable with you on the couch in front of the fireplace. Any objections?"

Alex shook his head vigorously. "Not a one."

Kevin got a mischievous smile on his face. "Good, I'll race you there."

Alex just stood there in shock for a second, watching a naked Kevin with an arm full of clothes race out of the garage and into the kitchen. A second later though, his competitive instincts kicked in and he took off after him, chasing him into the house, through the kitchen and into the living room.

When they were almost to the couch, he saw he was loosing and since Kevin had cheated, he decided to even up the score. He dropped his armful of clothes and grabbed a hold of his ankle in mock pain, moaning loudly, hopping on one foot. Kevin stopped immediately and turned back, dropping his own clothes to grab him, lifting him in his arms and carrying him to the couch. He knelt down in front of the couch and set Alex down on it, then reached down to check on his ankle.

"God, Alex, I'm sorry. I totally forgot about your ankle."

Alex fought off a smirk and said, "Yeah, so did I. It was feeling so much better this morning when I got up. I didn't even think of it until I started loosing the race."

Kevin examined it, not seeing any alarming swelling starting, "Well, it…" He stopped, picking up on what Alex had said. He didn't say, 'Until it started hurting while I was chasing after you,' no, he'd said, 'Until I started loosing the race.'

Kevin's eyes narrowed and he shifted his gaze from Alex's foot to his face, seeing the mischief dancing in his eyes. "Why you…"

Alex held his hands out to stop Kevin who was leaning in like he wanted to throttle him. "Now Kev, man, I was just trying to even the odds. You cheated and my ankle does feel stiff, I had to even things up some way!"

Kevin paused and after a tense minute, he cracked a smile. Alex had a point. "Guess you got me good with that one."

"I did, didn't I?" Alex smirked, then started to bounce a little on the couch as if testing it out. "And, Kev babe, I do believe I won, didn't I?"

Kevin started to open his mouth to say no, but then he realized Alex had been the first one on the couch, even if it had been Kevin that had set him there. "I'm not even commenting. You stay put while I get the fire going."

Alex just laughed at the exasperated expression on Kevin's face. His laughter died, even as his smile got broader as Kevin walked away. He licked his lips watching his bare ass as he moved gracefully across the room. In Alex's opinion, Kevin had the perfect ass. Not too big, not too small…tight, firm, just…damn nice.

His musings were broken as Kevin grabbed the remote off the mantle and pushed a button, lighting the gas fire. Then he was met with a whole knew perfect body part to watch as Kevin walked back to him. He licked his lips again, remembering how Kevin had tasted inside his mouth. He loved going down on him. He'd only gotten to do it twice so far, but he definitely planned to make it a regular occurrence.

Again his thoughts were interrupted by a movement by Kevin. This time it was by him sitting down at the opposite end of the couch and motioning for Alex to join him. Alex maneuvered around and did just that, settling in between Kevin's legs, with his strong arms wrapped around him, his back to Kevin's chest and his head on Kevin's shoulder.

Sighing, he said, "This is nice."

Kevin answered, "Yeah it is."

They just sat there in silence for a while, staring at the fire, content not to do anything but just enjoy being with each other. Eventually though, Kevin spoke up.

"We should talk about some things."

Alex nodded. "I know."

Kevin sighed, "Where should we start?"

Alex swallowed hard, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice. "How about with why you lied about still being with Kristin?"

Kevin tensed. He knew Alex wasn't being petty or accusatory, but he heard the hurt in his voice and it made him want to kick himself.

"Because I was stupid. I thought you'd be over me, since you said in that letter you sent me from rehab that you were going to get over me and I just didn't want things to be strange between us. I also didn't think that even if you were still in love with me, that you needed the added complication of a relationship with me in your life when you were still trying to deal with being sober and having to do it with a million eyes watching you. Still, though, that's no excuse. I'm sorry Alex, I know it hurt you."

Alex was silent for a moment, processing all that, before responding. "Well, I won't lie. It hurts that you did that. But we both know I'm no angel, so I can't really hold it against you, and you did have good reasons for doing it."

He paused, but Kevin sensed he wasn't through, so he kept quiet and waited.

Alex continued after a minute. "And about the letter. God, Kevin, I did try. I thought I had to because I thought you were still with Kristin. I couldn't though. The obsessive part of it got better, thank God, but the love, it never went away. Not for a second."

It was Kevin's turn to try to hold back the hurt when he spoke. In a quiet voice he asked, "Then why did you tell me you were over me? On the bus that night? You said you'd just been confused before, that I was just someone safe to have a crush on. I believed you."

Alex took a deep breath before answering. "I know. I'm so sorry. I was confused to an extent. They told me in rehab that that's what it was. All my sessions with the shrink, and then the group therapy, they always said the same thing. It was just an obsessive crush, because I wasn't ready for a real relationship and since you were off limits, I could put my emotions there, instead of risking them on something real."

Alex paused and shook his head. "That's no excuse though. I knew deep down it was more, that I loved you. I just didn't trust myself to believe in it and I didn't think it mattered anyway. There was no way I wanted to be responsible for breaking up your marriage. I thought it'd just be easier to believe what they were telling me and shove the feelings down deep. So I did and it worked for a while."

Kevin's heart constricted, imagining what Alex had went through, feeling something and being told it wasn't real. "What changed?"

Alex shrugged and said simply, "I saw you again."

Kevin was speechless. That simple statement touched him as deeply as Alex telling him he loved him for the first time last night.

They sat there for a few more minutes in a comfortable silence before Kevin ventured, "What about Nick, Alex? What really went on between you two?"

Alex tensed. This was the part of the conversation he'd really been dreading. He'd outright lied to Kevin and not with good reason. "Well, we did sleep together, my first night out, but I swear that's it. Nothing else…well, besides the kisses."

"Why? Not the sex, I can figure that one out, but why all the kissing and acting like a couple."

Alex's shoulders slumped and he sighed. "This is the part where I admit I was an asshole I guess. I was stressed out about what kept happening with you, thinking I was tempting you to cheat on your wife and then I found out about that guy outside the club…"

Kevin tensed and interrupted him, "I explained that last night."

Alex nodded. "Yeah, I know, but I didn't know that then."

"Go on," Kevin prompted when Alex hesitated.

Alex cleared his throat. "Anyway, after he told me about that, I felt, I don't know, cheap I guess, like I was just someone for you to cheat on your wife with. So I went to Nick. I spilled my guts. We talked for a while on his bus that day I ran out of mine on you."

Alex paused, not wanting to say the rest, but knowing they had to clear the air. "See, he had feelings for me. He said it wasn't love, just an infatuation and then we talked about you and he made a suggestion that he and I should hang out…a lot. Not give you and I a chance to be alone together. He said it would help me out and him, that maybe if he was around me twenty-four seven, he'd get sick of me and get over his feelings. I commented that you might get the idea we were a couple and he said that might not be a bad thing. That maybe that would help you stay away from me too. I went along with it. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"So, you're saying you guys kissed in front of me on purpose. To get me to stay away from you."

In a small voice, Alex answered. "Yeah, I guess that's what I'm saying."

Kevin was silent for a minute. That hurt. He couldn't pretend it didn't. "That hurt so badly. Watching him kiss you and hold you and make you laugh, all the things I wanted to be doing."

Alex blinked back tears, a sick feeling in his gut at causing Kevin that kind of pain. He knew it well. He'd felt it for years watching Kevin with Kristin. "But I didn't know, Kev, I thought I was just another guy for you to make out with. I really did. If I'd had a clue, I never in a million years would have done that."

Kevin went on, almost as if he hadn't heard him. He had, he was just lost in the feelings he'd had whenever he saw Alex and Nick kiss. "I had tried so hard to not let you know how I felt, because I was worried it'd be too much for you to deal with so soon, being in a relationship you'd have to keep a secret from the world, and then you turned around, as far as I knew then, and hopped into one with Nick. I thought I'd lost my chance with you."

All the hurt Alex had felt for years as he watched Kevin and Kristin live their supposedly happily ever after welled up inside at Kevin's last sentence. Almost to himself, he said, "I know that feeling well."

Kevin tightened his arms around him, pulling him closer. When Alex turned to look at him, Kevin lowered his head and brushed his lips against his. Once, twice, then another time, finally deepening the kiss. Alex reached up and wrapped an arm around the back of Kevin's head, pulling him closer still and moaning into the kiss. It felt so right, so perfect, being there, in his arms, pouring their hearts out to each other, kissing as if each other's mouths were air they needed to breathe to survive.

When they finally broke the kiss, Alex stared deep into his eyes and said, "I'm sorry Kevin. For doing that to you."

"Maybe it was a good thing."

"What?" Alex asked, taken off guard by that comment.

"Well, I got a sense of what you went through all those years watching me and Kristin. I know it can't even come close to comparing to all you went through, but I think it gave me enough of a taste of it to understand your drinking and depression better."

Alex couldn't blink back the tears that time and they slid silently down his cheeks. His heart swelled. He was a lucky man to have such an understanding lover and he knew it. Kevin could have reacted so much differently to everything he'd told him, but he'd chosen to be understanding instead. He didn't know what to say, but he had to say something.

He reached out and cradled his face in his hands, noticing the tears streaming down his cheeks too. He leaned in so they were forehead to forehead, green eyes connecting with brown.

Taking a deep shaky breath, he said, "I didn't think it was possible to love you more than I already did, but you just proved me wrong. I love you so much, Kevin and I swear, no matter what happens, I'm never letting you go."

Kevin reached up and cradled Alex's face, bringing their lips together for a quick kiss before answering, "I love you more than I thought was possible too, Alex. And that goes double for me. If you think I'd ever let you go now that I have you, you're dead wrong. I plan on being with you until we're old and gray and ornery and then some."

Alex laughed through his tears. He could picture them old and wrinkly and crotchety, sitting around irritating the fuck out of each other, but loving every minute of it at the same time. For the first time since last night, there were no doubts poking at the back of his thoughts. He didn't fool himself, he knew that probably wouldn't last, he had the self-destructive personality to prove it, but he wasn't going to question it while he had it, either. He was going to enjoy the feelings. He was exactly where he should be, with the man he was meant to be with and at that moment, the world was right.

Kevin leaned up and pulled Alex into his arms, having much the same picture of the two of them years from now in his own head and they sat there laughing and crying and holding each other. After an indeterminate amount of time, Alex pulled back and wiped at his face with the back of his hands, shaking his head at the two of them.

"Fuck, Kev, we're a couple of girls."

Kevin started laughing all over again, looking Alex up and down, then himself. "Uh, I seriously doubt that Bone."

Alex felt his skin heat under Kevin's gaze and started to lean in for a kiss, but something caught the corner of his eye instead. Turning to look at it fully, he asked, "Hey, Kev?"

"Yeah?"

"Um, just a question. Why did you park outside the front door last night instead of pulling in the garage?"

Kevin looked over to where Alex was looking and saw their bags still there along with the discarded crutches. Looking back at Alex, desire flashed in his eyes as he remembered what Alex had done to him over by that door.

"Let's just say I was extremely anxious to get you in the house. I didn't think I could wait for the damn garage door to go up all the way and since I didn't think it'd be a good idea to crash our only mode of transportation right through it, I parked it near the closest door."

Desire flashed in Alex's eyes. "Fuck."

Kevin looked down and noticed Alex's growing reaction to his admission. "Yeah, fuck." He said, just before pulling Alex to him and attacking his mouth forcefully.


Chapter Four
LIVING LOVE Contents