Alex glanced around his dressing room before taking another pull on his almost empty fifth of JD. They were in Orlando, for the opening concert of the second leg of their US B&B tour. He was scared shitless. He always was before a concert. Screw James, anxiety was his middle name. All kinds of scenarios swirled through his head, from falling during a dance move, to forgetting the lyrics to the songs. You name it, he thought it. That is, until the alcohol took over, rushing through his veins, calming his nerves, numbing his brain.

Before settling on the alcohol now humming through his system, he’d thought about doing a couple lines, but decided against it. Sarah had warned him that if she caught him high again, she was leaving him, but not before going to the guys and telling them about it. He’d had to do some serious groveling to get her to that point. She’d originally intended to leave him and do that anyway. She had given him a second chance though and he wasn’t going to fuck it up. Too much hung in the balance. Hearing someone come down the hall, he stashed the bottle.

"It’s time Bone." Kevin said, sticking his head in the door.

"Let’s do it." Alex responded, walking toward the door.

He followed the love of his life down the hall to where the others were, watching his ass longingly. Kevin was another matter. The older man had pretended like none of it had happened. That one he couldn’t figure out. He’d expected a confrontation about his dancing on a table comment or at the very least about the kiss, but it had never come. He didn’t know whether to be thankful for that or hurt that he didn’t seem to give a damn.

When they came into view of the knot of people congregated backstage though, Alex shoved some breath mints in his mouth to hide the smell of the alcohol and quickly schooled his features. He watched, dying a little more inside as Kristin walked over to Kevin and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him. If he didn’t know better, he’d think she did it in front of him just to shove the fact that Kevin was hers in his face. That couldn’t be though. Kris didn’t know anything about his feelings for Kevin.

"Hey Bone, you ready?" Nick asked next to him, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

Alex snaked an arm out around Sara’s waist who was suddenly at his side and listened to the crowd screaming for them a short distance away. He felt the familiar rush of energy surge through him. This was why he kept going, why he tortured himself with Kevin’s presence day after day after day. He lived for performing.

Smiling back at Nick, a true honest-to-God smile for a change, he answered, "Hell yes."

They all formed a circle and said their prayer, then did their chant. After it was over, they exchanged hugs, wishing each other luck. After Alex hugged Sarah, Nick, Howie and then Brian in that order, he turned to find himself face to face with Kevin. Before he could find an excuse not to touch him, Kevin had pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. Alex couldn’t help himself, his arms circled Kevin and he held on tight, wishing the hug could mean the same thing for his band mate as it did for him. He didn’t see Kristin scowling at her husband’s back. If he had, he might have re-evaluated his earlier assumption that she didn’t know how he felt.

Kevin closed his eyes, an unnamed emotion coursing through him as he hugged him. A minute earlier he’d turned to find himself face to face with him and before he could stop himself, he’d pulled him into a hug, privately thrilled with the way Alex had latched onto him as though he was his life-line. Thoughts of the kiss in the doorway a couple weeks ago and thoughts about finding him jerking off in the bathroom a couple days ago, had him pulling away before he wanted to. Apparently before Alex wanted to too, because he kept holding onto him.

He felt Kevin start to pull away, but he couldn’t make himself let go immediately. He held on for a few extra heartbeats before finally releasing him, afraid to look into his eyes.

Kevin looked at him curiously, but brushed it off as Alex’s nerves. He knew how worked up Alex got before concerts. "It’ll be fine, man. You always do great. The crowd loves you."

Alex smiled up at Kevin, relieved he’d put off the longer than normal hug on nerves. "Thanks. Good luck Kev." With that, he turned toward the door and the waiting crowd of fans.

The concert went great, if you ignored the fact that Alex almost fell off the catwalk and into a sea of fans. He rushed to his dressing room, breathing heavy from the exertion of the last dance routine. Taking a long pull of warm liquid, he prayed the other guys hadn’t noticed him almost take a header into the crowd.

He’d been doing fine, even in his inebriated state. He’d hit all his cues, danced all his moves, remembered all the words. Then, he had leaned over the rail of the catwalk, singing part of the chorus to 'Time' and got a head rush. That combined with the alcohol still running through his system, caused him to get lightheaded. He pulled back too fast and had gotten extremely dizzy. He reached out for the rail to steady himself, not realizing he was so close to one of the breaks in the rail where the catwalk bent to fold up when it wasn’t in use. His hand hit air instead of steel and he had started falling. Luckily his body turned slightly as he lost his balance and slammed into the rail next to the break, knocking the air out of him. He had gotten the hell off the catwalk as fast as he could after that.

"What the hell was that, AJ?"

Alex swore under his breath as Kevin filled the door way, all fire and brimstone. The only time Kevin called him AJ in private was when he was really pissed. He assumed Kevin was talking about the bottle in his hand, so he held it up and waved it around in the air, before taking another drink. "What do you think it is?"

"Not that, although that explains a lot." Kevin said, his voice dangerously low.

He’d finally caught him. It was about damned time. It had been killing him these last couple weeks not to say anything about his strange behavior that day in the hotel, but he’d wisely kept his mouth shut and just observed. While he still didn’t think he’d been drunk that day, he now could confront him about at least part of the problem, alcohol.

"What the fuck are you talking about then Kev?" Alex asked, thoroughly confused.

"That shit on the catwalk. You do remember almost falling into the audience, don’t you? Or are you too drunk?"

Alex smirked sadly. "I’m never too drunk, Kev. There’s no such thing. I just got a little head rush when I leaned over the rail. Then I stood up too fast and got dizzy. No big deal."

Kevin ignored the way his heart broke at the obvious sadness in Alex’s eyes. He was sick with the knowledge that Alex had come close to being seriously hurt, or seriously dead tonight. The feeling of helplessness he’d had as he watched from too far away as Alex nearly took a header into the crowd spurred on his anger, overriding his sympathy and worry.

His voice boomed through the room as he said, "No big deal? You could have broken your neck, or hurt some of the fans."

Alex cringed, backing into his dressing table as Kevin advanced on him. His face was a mask of fury and Alex was getting more than a little scared of him…and aroused. "Come on, Kev. No one got hurt, let it go, will ya?" He all but whined, hating himself for it.

Kevin stopped, inches away from Alex and glared down at him. His eyes moved to the bottle he was clutching to his chest like a security blanket and he snapped. He reached out and grabbed the bottle, catching the younger man off guard. "This shit is going to stop. Do you hear me?"

Alex’s fear was forgotten when he was robbed of his alcohol. "Fuck off Kevin. Give me that back, now!"

He lunged for it falling into Kevin’s rock hard chest when he missed. Kevin held the bottle over his head, out of his reach fighting the urge to put his arm around the smaller man and hold him to him. His anger was still too close to the surface. "No. No more alcohol. You are going to sober up, then we’re going to talk about this."

Alex’s brown eyes flashed in anger as he shoved himself away from Kevin’s chest. "Screw you. You can’t tell me what to do. I’m a grown man."

Kevin leaned down, coming nose to nose with Alex, staring intently in his eyes. "Then act like one and straighten up."

Alex fought to keep control over his body with Kevin so close. He thanked God at that moment for his love of baggy pants, or all Kevin would have to do is look down to see the effect his nearness was having on him.

In a husky voice he dared, "Make me."

Kevin was momentarily frozen to the spot by the rush of, of what? Not desire. No. He refused to admit he’d just thought about kissing him. The mere idea of that got him even angrier, this time with himself.

Nick, Brian, Leighanne, Howie, Kristin and Sarah rushed into the room, having heard the raised voices all the way down the hall. Taking a step back, Kevin turned to the left and hurled the bottle against the nearest wall. Without another word, he stormed out of the room, brushing past the others who were staring at him with shock on their faces. Kristin hid a smirk as she followed Kevin out. Once they were gone, the rest of them turned their attention to Alex.

"What was that about J?" Howie asked.

Alex shrugged. "Got me. Ask Mr. Asshole himself."

Alex tried to push past them, but Nick grabbed his arm. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, Nicky, I’m fine. Let go of me." Alex sneered, not wanting his, or anyone’s sympathy at that moment.

Nick’s face curled into a scowl. Alex knew he hated that nickname. Even so, it wouldn’t have bothered him so much if he didn’t know that Alex had said it just to hurt his feelings. After all he’d done for him and how he’d tried to be there for him, to have him purposely hurt him that way made him shake with anger. He released him and turned, stalking out of the room, no longer caring if Alex was okay or not.

Alex swore softly to himself at the hurt expression in Nick’s blue eyes. He felt like crawling under a rock.

"Honey, come on, calm down. Come back to the hotel with me and we’ll talk about it." Sarah said, coming to stand next to him, rubbing her hand up and down his back soothingly.

He didn’t want to be soothed like some small child throwing a temper-tantrum. He turned his anger at himself over what he’d said to Nick on her and her patronizing attitude. In a sarcastic voice he answered, "Not tonight, baby. Go find yourself some other pop star to fuck."

Sarah gasped, too enraged to utter a word. She turned and stalked out. Leighanne followed after her, knowing she’d be needing a shoulder to cry on.

Brian shook his head at Alex. "Keep it up Aje, and you’ll find yourself all alone."

With that, Howie and Brian turned and left too. Alex slumped into a chair and looked at the spot on the wall the bottle had hit. "I already am Bri, I already am."

At around four in the morning, Alex stumbled out of the elevator, his bodyguard holding him upright. After the confrontation in his dressing room, the last thing Alex had wanted to do was go back to the hotel. Instead he’d cruised from club to club, girl to guy, drinking and dancing. Now he just needed sleep and the blessed oblivion it would bring.

When Marcus let go of him to open his door, Alex swayed and fell against the wall, his shoulder hitting hard. He let out a pained yelp and Marcus abandoned his efforts to get the door open and grabbed a hold of him again to keep him from slowly sliding down the wall. Alex vaguely heard a door down the hall open and closed his eyes, praying it wasn’t Kevin.

His prayers were answered for a change as a moment later, he heard Nick’s voice next to him. "I’ve got him Marcus. Just open his door and I’ll take care of the rest."

Marcus released him and Alex found himself transferred to another warm body as Marcus mumbled a quick thanks, followed by the sound of the door lock clicking open.

Alex sagged against Nick, keeping his eyes closed as Nick led him into his suite and to the bedroom. He felt himself being released and then falling but didn’t much care, as long as he landed on something soft, which he did. Opening his eyes, he found himself face down on his bed.

He rolled over onto his back and watched, transfixed as Nick undid first one shoe and then the other, pulling them both off. Why hadn’t he noticed how beautiful Nick was before now. Until that moment, Nick had just been Nick. But right now, he was some golden angel come to take care of him. He was confused as to why he was though.

"Nick."

Nick stopped what he was doing, letting the shoes drop out of his hands and onto the floor as he looked over at Alex’s face. What he saw made his heart break. His sunglasses were gone, having fallen off when he’d landed on the bed. His large brown eyes were watery. "What?"

"Why?" Alex managed to choke out.

Nick sat next to him on the bed. He knew what he was asking. Why was he there helping him after the way he’d treated him earlier. He shrugged. "Someone has to, I guess."

Alex struggled to sit up, grabbing Nick’s arm to help him. He ignored the way the room spun in response. "Marcus could have."

"It isn’t his job."

"It isn’t yours either."

Nick sighed, exasperated. In all honesty, he didn’t know why he was there. "Look, do you want my help or not, cuz I’ll stop and go back to bed this minute if you don’t. I’d rather be there sleeping anyway than in here dealing with your sorry ass."

Tears streamed down Alex’s face fast and hard and he threw his arms around Nick burying his face in his shoulder. "I’m sorry. Nick, I’m so sorry."

Nick was momentarily frozen. This was the last thing he’d expected Alex to do. Of course, he hadn’t expected Alex to hurt him the way he had earlier either. Slowly his arms circled Alex’s small, sob-wracked frame. He rubbed his back soothingly. "It’s okay, Bone, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it. You were just upset about Kevin."

"Still…I shouldn’t…I didn’t mean…oh fuck it…just please don’t hate me." Alex mumbled into his shoulder. His head was swimming in alcohol, but he didn’t want to give in to the oblivion of sleep until he knew Nick forgave him.

Nick grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away from him slightly so he could look him in the eye. "Alex, I was hurt and angry, yes, but I don’t hate you. If I did, I wouldn’t be here right now."

Alex looked up at him. "You forgive me?"

Nick rolled his eyes. He knew Alex tended to blow things out of proportion when he was drunk, but this was ridiculous. He was acting like he’d killed his dog or something. "Yes, yes I forgive you, okay? It wasn’t that big of a deal anyway. Let’s just forget it and get you ready for bed."

Alex nodded, a silly smile curling the corners of his lips. Nick forgave him. He sat there like a child as Nick took his jacket off him, then his shirt. He followed orders and laid back when Nick told him to, letting him undo and pull down his jeans, leaving him in nothing but his boxers.

When Nick moved to get up, Alex grabbed his arm and yanked him back down to him, pulling Nick off balance so he fell on top of him. Nick swore, mumbling something about him being a strong little shit for being drunk off his ass. Alex just smiled and said thanks, meaning for the help, not the little shit comment.

He leaned up to kiss him, just a chaste kiss on the cheek meant to emphasize the thanks, but at the last minute Nick, unaware of what Alex was trying to do, turned his face slightly and their lips ended up meeting. They both jerked their faces away as if they’d been burned. Neither of them had planned on the kiss, and neither had planned on the spark of electricity that shot through them both either.

Eyes wide, blue on brown, they stared at each other for a long moment. Nick was still on top of Alex and he could now feel the beginnings of an erection pressing against his thigh. ‘How in the hell can he get it up that drunk?’ Nick wondered to himself. Then he felt himself respond to the kiss and Alex’s obvious arousal and his eyes dropped to his friend’s mouth as his own arousal pressed into Alex’s thigh. He leaned down as Alex leaned up and they kissed again.

Their lips met, lightly at first, both unsure of what was happening, then as the feelings became more intense, so did the kiss. Alex’s mouth opened first and his tongue traced Nick’s lips. Nick responded in kind, his mouth opening to accept Alex’s tongue. The kiss deepened, their tongues fighting for dominance, licking in and out of each other’s mouths, across each other’s tongues and teeth as the kiss became more and more frenzied.

Alex buried his hands in Nick’s hair, holding him close as sensations he couldn’t name at that moment swept through his body. He could feel Nick’s erection pressed against his thigh and it was sending heat waves coursing through his body. He fought off a shudder of need as Nick grabbed each side of his face in the palms of his hands. Slowly, not breaking the kiss even thought their lungs were starting to burn from a lack of oxygen, they started rocking their hips against each other, moving slightly so that they were hip to hip, erection to erection.

Nick heard Alex moan deep in his throat and he returned the sound with a moan of his own, completely awed by what he was feeling. He’d been with men before, occasionally, when the mood struck him, but never this abandoned, never this turned on by a single kiss and some simple dry humping. This was different, personal. This was his friend, someone he cared about. That thought pulled him back to reality. And reality was, Alex was drunk and would probably regret this in the morning.

With one last moan of need, Nick disentangled himself from Alex. Standing, he looked down into Alex’s bemused face and ran a hand through his blond spikes. "God, Alex, I’m sorry. I should have never done that."

Alex blinked, the room slowly coming back into focus. He sat up, ignoring the dizzy spell that immediately washed over him. "Sorry for what? I kissed you too."

Nick dropped to his knees, hands on the bed on either side of Alex’s narrow hips. "Yeah, but your drunk. You don’t know what you’re doing. I do. I know better."

Alex chuckled, reaching out and running a hand over Nick’s cheek. "Believe me Nick, I know what I’m doing. I want you."

Nick shook his head, pulling Alex’s hand away from his face and holding it in his lap. "I want you too, but not like this. Not drunk off your ass, Alex. If we ever do have sex, I want you to be sober and still want it."

Alex studied Nick’s blue eyes for a long moment before nodding. "I understand. Stay with me?" He acknowledged somewhere in the back of his drunken thoughts that Nick had called him Alex. He rarely called him that. He liked it.

"Alex…"

There it was again. Alex put a finger to his lips. Lips that were red and swollen from his kiss. "Not that way, Nicky. I…I just want you to hold me. Keep the nightmares away. They’re awful. I can’t stand them. Please."

Nick couldn’t refuse him. It registered that Alex had called him Nicky, but instead of making him mad or hurt like it had earlier, it made him feel warm inside. Unlike before, he’d said it this time as an endearment. "Ok, I’ll stay. But just to sleep. Nothing more."

Alex smiled and scooted up on the bed until his head was laying on a pillow. Nick took off his shirt and jeans and climbed in, spooning against him. Alex snuggled close sighing as he felt his arms come around him from behind. In a matter of moments they were both asleep.


Chapter Eight
BROKEN LOVE Contents