Forty-five minutes later, Alex took a deep breath with his hand on the door of the locker room where he'd been told the rest of the guys were. Pushing the door open, he stepped in, his eyes nervously flicking from one surprised face to another. There was one face he avoided though. It was the one face he couldn't quite bring himself to look at yet. If he saw disgust over what had happened between them that morning there, he might loose the tenuous hold on hope that he had.

"Hey guys. Sorry I'm late."

"Whatever, man, you're here now." Nick shrugged, trying to hide his concern for his friend. He’d been burned too many times by him now. He needed the artificial distance.

Howie and Brian just nodded their agreement with Nick’s statement..

Kevin's deep voice broke the ensuing silence. "We're glad you're here Alex."

Alex's eyes flew over to Kevin's. He almost cried in relief at the look of warmth and encouragement on his face. Swallowing hard, he started, "I've got something to tell all of you..."

Just then, the door burst open and a man poked his head in. "It's time guys."

Kevin nodded and when the man disappeared, he walked to Alex and rested his hands on his shoulders. "After the game we'll go back to the hotel and you can tell us there. Ok?"

Alex only nodded, too caught up in the feeling of Kevin touching him and smiling down at him in support to answer verbally.

Kevin stood there for a moment longer staring down into his eyes. When Alex had walked through the door, he’d looked so scared, so afraid of rejection. Kevin had wanted to pull him close and chase all his demons away. He knew he couldn’t though. It would only make it harder on Alex with the way he now knew he felt about him.

He couldn’t help but give him some encouragement though. He’d noticed immediately when Alex had walked in that he was sober. It was the first time he had went anywhere in public completely sober in a long time.

The game went well and the press and fans ate up their presence. The whole time Alex felt like he was going to throw up. He was scared. Scared and stone cold sober. His hands shook and he needed a drink badly, but somehow he made it through.

He rode in the van with Nick on the way back. He fidgeted under Nick’s stare. Finally he couldn’t take it any more. His nerves were already raw from the lack of alcohol in his system. He was fairly sure he was feeling the beginnings of withdrawals.

He looked down at his shaking hands in his lap as he asked, "What?"

Nick shook his head. "Something’s different with you." He studied him for a moment longer. "You’re sober!"

Alex’s eyes shot back to Nick’s. "The difference is that obvious?"

Nick shrugged. "To a close friend, yes."

Alex’s eyes widened in surprise. "You still consider me a close friend? After what I’ve done to you?"

Nick nodded slowly. "You’re one of my best friends, Alex. The only reason I put some distance between us these last few weeks was because, I guess, I just got to the point I couldn’t watch what you were doing to yourself anymore…because I care so much."

Alex didn’t know what to say. He’d thought no one cared. He’d been wrong. Glancing down, he noticed Nick’s hand in a cast.

"That’s because of me, isn’t it? Kevin mentioned you put your fist through a wall."

Nick glanced down to where Alex was looking and shrugged. "Yeah, hit the stud, dumb luck."

Tears threatened the corners of Alex’s eyes. "I’ve really hurt you, haven’t I?"

Nick looked away, staring out the window as he nodded.

Alex opened his mouth to say something, but just then, they arrived at the hotel. Nick started to get out, but Alex stopped him with a hand on his arm. "I’m so sorry Nick. I know I’ve got a lot to make up for, but I’m damn well going to try."

Nick’s eyes watered. He leaned over and pulled Alex into a tight embrace.

After a moment, they parted and Alex looked at him, asking, "Could you grab the guys and meet me up in my room in fifteen minutes?" At Nick's nod, Alex stepped out of the van.

Fourteen minutes later, Alex's bags were packed and by the door that the hotel management had fixed while he was gone and he was pacing. He nearly dove at the door when he heard the first knock. He opened it to find Kevin standing there, the rest of the guys behind him.

"You, uh, got the door fixed?" Kevin had the grace to look embarrassed.

Alex averted his eyes to the other guys, who were looking everywhere but at the two of them. "You told them I take it?"

"About the door and the fight, yes." Kevin stated, looking into Alex’s eyes meaningfully.

He got the message. Kevin hadn’t mentioned anything about them nearly having sex and him professing his love for the older man. He mouthed a silent thank you and stepped aside, allowing them all in. Once everyone was seated, he cleared his throat and took a deep breath, itching for a drink, his hands still shaking.

"Uh, I called you all here because, well, because..." His voice faltered and he stopped, closing his eyes.

Kevin leaned forward and reached out, covering his shaking hands with his own, squeezing lightly, helping a little to steady him. "It's ok Alex, just take your time."

Nick watched all of this with heightened interest. He’d caught the look that passed between them in the locker room and then again at the door a few minutes earlier, and now this. He had a sneaking suspicion that something major happened between them this morning besides Kevin going ballistic.

Alex opened his eyes again and smiled his thanks as Kevin sat back again, releasing his hands. "Um, I don't know how to say this, but, well, I need help. The shrink you got for me after the first show isn't working out, not that I gave him much of a chance, but even so, it’s just not going to work. I've got a problem and I need to go somewhere more structured to get help. I...I'm an alcoholic."

There was a moment of silence as the guys digested what he was saying and everything it meant. Brian was the first to respond by standing and pulling Alex into his arms.

"I'm proud of you, Aje."

Tears streamed down all their faces as one after the other echoed Brian's sentiment and hugged him. Kevin was last and when he hugged Alex, he whispered in his ear, "I knew you could do it."

Alex pulled back and stared up into his eyes. It was then he realized Kevin's actions and words that morning had been meant as a wake-up call, not to hurt him, but to help him.

After everyone sat back down, they spent the next hour ironing out the details. Management wanted them to lie, but they stood behind Alex, who insisted on being honest with the fans.

All too soon, there was a knock at the door and Alex got up to answer it. His stomach knotted up at the sight of Marcus. This was it. He was really doing this. "It's time?"

Marcus nodded.

Everyone but Kevin took that as their cue to say their good-bye’s. After the other three left, Alex, Kevin and Marcus stood in the room looking at each other.

Marcus cleared his throat in the awkward silence and grabbed Alex's bags. "I'll just go find someone to haul these down."

After he left, Kevin stood for a moment looking down at the floor, then said, "I'm sorry about loosing my temper that way this morning."

Alex shook his head, drinking in the sight of Kevin, like he usually did. "Don't be. It was what I needed to wake me up...that and the other."

They both knew he was referring to what Kevin had said after they kissed.

Kevin looked up and their eyes locked. Green on brown. "About this thing between us..." he started.

Alex put his hand up in the air to stop him. "Don't worry. I get that you're married. It's my problem and I'll deal with it. I know you love your wife. I'll get past this."

Kevin nodded, ignoring the emptiness that left him with. He should be relieved. "Ok."

Alex nodded and turned to leave. He hesitated, then turned back and crossed the room to Kevin. "One last kiss...please."

Kevin looked down at him, at the plea in his expressive brown eyes and was lost. He nodded.

Reaching up, Alex grabbed the back of his head and pulled him down into a deep kiss. Kevin’s lips automatically opened and then their tongues were tasting. This time, Alex tasted like mint toothpaste instead of stale alcohol. Kevin reached out and pulled him to him, holding him close as the kiss went on and on.

Alex was in heaven. He was in Kevin’s arms, their mouths making love and for that instant the world was all right, he was all right. No alcohol cravings, no self-hatred. Just love for the older man...pure love. He tried his best to tell him what that meant to him through the kiss. He hoped Kevin understood.

Kevin did, because he felt it too. No Kristin, no doubts about what he felt, just love….for Alex. He didn’t even question it.

Then the kiss was over, leaving them both shaken by it’s intensity. They stared at each other a moment, then Alex turned and walked away. When he reached the door, he paused with his hand on the knob, turning back one last time.

"Thank you Kevin. You'll never know how much you helped me. I was close to the edge the last few days...close to ending it all and you pulled me back." His voice cracked, tears springing to his eyes as he turned away, rushing out of the room.

Kevin just stood there in the middle of the now empty room, Alex's last words freezing him to the spot. He had been thinking of suicide. He could have lost him. He could have walked into his room one day and found him dead. His stomach dropped out. He tried to tell himself that the tears suddenly pouring out of his eyes were purely caused by the thought of loosing a close friend, a brother...but deep down, he knew it was more. He knew he had a lot to think about and with Alex going into rehab, he'd have the next thirty days to do just that. Hopefully he'd be able to come up with some answers for both their sakes…and Kristin’s.