Whoever is a true friend I know at heart.
Thank you for being there always, for the time, attention and care. Thank you for rejoicing when you see I am happy and prosperous. Thank you for being sincere and true to me. Thank you for the laughters and joy. Thank you for all the wise advice, for showing me a better path to go to. Thank you for treating me well and loving me tenderly. Thank you for all the good things you bring in my life. Thank you for accepting me with all my faults and still like me enough to be considered as your friend or best friend.
Forgive me if in the past, the present and the future I cause displeasure, anger, irritation, and confusion. At times, I can be very stubborn, stupid and ignorant.
May all be at peace
Fragments of memmory...and I'm sure if I can write here..it must be positive.
It is nice, to dwell in peace and bliss.
But...it is always nice to have friends sharing the peaceful harmony.
My sister was visiting Pauline...so, I had a ride from her to the southside library..however..it is closed...so...I've no choice but to go along with her...I was bored. I wanted to study...but....
End up studying in the car.
Then phoned Nancy. Nancy said I can go visit her. That was nice. It was her mom's bd. The Mango mouse cake was good.
Nancy showed me some cool clips.....funny cat clip..crazy speedy car clip...skateboarding dog...etc.
Because of her..I laughed so much these days. Her world is pretty interesting.
Maria phoned...give me a very shocking news....she broke up with Dima...I can't believe it...but I think...she and Dima will be together again. I just can't imagine them being apart.
Saturday, September 24th
Morning...have sorethroat...ate too much fry stuff or hot element food.
MSN. Discovered Poto has a webpage ne.
http://www.Nekronos.blogspot.com/
Evening. Went to BD party of Dima's. Maria and Dima came and pick me up. Met three other people. Chuck, Samantha and Amiel.
I discovered Samantha and Amiel is going to Ipsos Reid...hmm...they even have my same team leader Tony. I used to work there. Interesting to know the TA still is there.
Dima's house is very nice...still under construction. I really like their flowery glass door and the wall papers with light silvery peach carved mosaic flowers.
The pizza was wonderful. There's mushroom, green and yellow peppers, tomatoes...lots of cheese, onions, and I think maybe olives. Amiel also had vegetarian pizza cuz he does not eat pork.
We also had those spinach feta puffs and lots of desserts. I had creamy whole chocolates that taste like nutella...and this crunchy dessert with chocolate drizzle on top of it and sunk in sticky honey at the bottom. Then there is the cheesecake...apple pie, cherry pie. I wish I could cook like Dima's mom. Fabulous evening dinner. I was so stuffed up.
Maria was looking very nice. She was wearing this evening wear that she made herself. I was wearing my evening wear too..I thought we both look very good...too bad we forgot to take pics.
Bathroom...me and Maria have our girls talk.
We all went to play pinball and later went to cue club to play pool. Chuck and I paired up to go against Maria and Dima..later we go against Samantha and Ameil.
While on the way of driving us back home. Chuck and I bug Dima to tell us some of their romantic dating stories. While Dima was bashfully telling us some cute stories about him and Maria...the car sped up...and Chuck need to brace himself and said: Dima! You speeding up man...whoa!...When we get to chuck's house..chuck said: "Aren't you glad you can get rid of me now?"...Dima smiled largely and said playfully: "Get outta here!"
Maria was tired and she curled up and laid her head on my shoulder. We both rest our head together like twins. I ask Dima what he likes about Maria..and I can tell he loves her so much. He was saying Maria is cute..and gentle..and sweet...and etc...Well..we get it Dima. ^ ^ so sweet.
Friday, September 23rd
Morning so nice to receive a call from Yui Chan.
We talked and laughed about the little silly details of what happened last few days. She was planning about today's shopping event. She and Elley will meet up first then I'll meet them later at T & T.
Met Nancy and Ellen. Most interesting thing is she bought two fishy. We then went shopping..all of us got something. I got a nice sweater. We walked for so long...I totally forgot nancy was carrying that plastic bag of fishes. So poor fishy!.
later...they came to my house..but...because we had a debate whether the fish will die or not....so their visit was shortlived.
I hope nancy's fish enjoy their new big home...however..Nancy doesn't seem to like the idea cuz that tank is big size indeed.
Felix gor phoned. He said he is going to Hong Kong next month. I think I'll miss him. It is sad...I did feel a bit sad. He was such a good brother to me. I still remember the time when I came back from Vancouver, he made Tong shui and came visited me...at that time..I was having relationship problems...it was a comfort. I remember too the time when after we sang Kala at Damon's place. He drove me back home..and he treated me funky pizza. We ate pizza in his car infront of my house...it was almost 1:30 am. ..although it was quiet..he is always so quiet....we didn't talk..but just concentrate on eating our pizza..but...it was nice and comfortable feeling....I'm going to miss this dai lou....who has always been a quiet strength of support to me whenever I am unhappy. I wish he will always be happy.
Damon phoned and said he and the others might be going to Tzu Chi's volunteering service on saturday. I didn't even know...but I know Tang is going for sure....cuz last time I bumped into him at the Career's fair. I'm glad my sister's tzu chi group is finally starting. Thanks to the support of these people.
better get some sleep....
Thursday, September 22nd
Lunch..went to kelly's. Kelly and nancy found it amusing that I was so prepared....with my peanut butter crackers..and Cranberry rasberry jam. yes...I brought the whole bottle of Jam with me to school..and also knife. ^ ^ Well...guess I'm a very busy student leh. Actually..it should be my breakfast.
Kelly....for inviting Nancy and Me for lunch at her place. I slept on her round bee pillow...and I falled asleep for 5 mintues. She was very nice and unselfish because she later gave me the large pillow that she was sleeping on when I said if only this bee pillow is bigger so I need not curl up into this tiny space. I didn't mean to take away her comfort for my own comfort..but she insist. So self-sacrificial..she keep on saying she don't need it. It was a lazy hour spare. nancy and Kelly was lying down on those lazy sedan chair...and I'm happily lying on that cute fat and round bumble bee pillow. SOO comfy. If every tues and thurs i get to have this little nap...will be so nice leh.
Me and Nancy together walked to bookstore at SUB...mmm..her book is still not out yet. Oh..forgot..I should start calling her Yui Chan now.
Later Yui and Me went to Arts Lounge. We prepared the tables and chairs...and wondered who will show up today. Ellen showed up..then Weber. Ellen was wearing her very Ookii headphones. She looked so cute. Weber came in...and we thought he was looking for a chair to sit cuz he was turning his head left and right...then..he disappeared behind the room. Yui had an invisible question mark on her forehead and said to me..what is he doing? there's so many chairs around here. Anyways...we found out that he wasn't looking for chairs..he just went to get a pop drink.
During our studying session:
I phoned Cass to confirm about tomorrow..are we meeting are we not? I don't want to take the LRT..and he does not have a car. He is taking a nap again...said he isn't renting a car today. Going to this party on Sunday....drinking party...I hope he does not drink so much neh. I told him about my sister's job in vancouver..and.....well..very short conversation.
During our studies:
Yui sneezed..and I said Bless you. I asked everyone..how you say that in Japanese. Weber answered: Blasto you. Then...everybody laughed.
Yui continued: Bing Bong Bing Bong...that's what Sensei used to say..correct.
I said: Bingo Bingo..sounds like.
Yui added: Bin gor Bin gor..( who who)
I found our group likes playing around with words.
What else...anybody remember funny things?
Yui still is amazed why weber and kelly or poto liked my crazy idea of everybody wearing that band of beet sing around our head for a funny group pic.
Yui decided she can do it too...so after we went to Vancouver...we'll be coming home with headband gifts for our group of people. Gonna get it from Daiso. Yup...my dream of having this funny pic of everyone wearing this headband...has a high chance of coming true.
Elley...for letting me put my heavy bag at her place before we walk to Yokozuna.
She talented. She writes story and she made her kimono.
Weber..so quiet and polite always.
Later we all went to Yokozuna. I ordered my vegetarian. Everybody ordered their own thing. I tried the seaweed thing. Pretty good.
June..asking whether I have a ride home..and her smiles. I was glad that I met up with her or that she is in one of my classes. I want to gather our vegetarian group..and I know she is vegetarian.
Sunny for offering me a ride home. I found out that he is afterall a very quiet conservative.....very independent person...Good to his family.
and Good old Terry partner..it is so nice to be able to dance with him again. He is always so caring..and he keep on giving encouragement and praise...that I'm doing great..or we are doing great.
At night...I called up Nancy..she still talking to Elley...wholly....I can't stay up so late..My eyes so tired!. It is amazing how she still have that much energy..even Elley takes nap. Did she actually had good sleep?
I look so chan ar.. How horrible. getting old.
Tuesday, September 21th
In the morning..receive message from Nancy..actually it should be yesterdays...but somehow..my cell's reception isnt' very good. It was a very nice message.."Do you collect bookmarks? I found some very nice bookmarks. I'll bring it and show it to you.." Well..this is almost the closest I could think of.
At LRT saw Tracy walking away...and she looks kinda confused...I thought she missed the LRT station train..but later she phoned me while I was walking with Beverley..and she said...Hey..I saw you. Interesting. I saw her too. I thought she missed the train..but she said she saw me and was looking for me. Ah..so that's why she look a bit confused..she was actually trying to pick me out among the crowd of people inside the train.
We went to Kelly's apartment to eat together at lunch. At first we went to the Lister hall....Kelly need to clear up something with the housekeeping department...and then....we went to her apartment at Hub.
Nancy said I was quiet. I was.
Once funny thing about today's conversation..which is pretty silly. We saw an aeroplane drifting pretty low....and then...we saw a black trail of black cloud of gas behind it. Then...Nancy and Kelly said something...and I uttered something which created a cackle amongst them. I said....I can't believe I said this..." The plane..hou chi lao yau....means..the aeroplane ..looks like it is leaking oil."
Then nancy laughs..and commented that it would be horrible...we'll be seeing the aeroplane explode..and it oil dripping..drip drip drip...she made some funny action or facial expression. We all laugh at our own silliness and espeacially mine.
nancy said...what's that word....si dou....si dou......we were like..what si dou.....oh...actually..she was trying to say...dou si...you know..the black bean ....Nancy said..oh no..I'm beginning to talk like you neh!.
She said..maybe you should start having me influence you instead of you influence me leh.
Evening...Talked to Xua.. Y.? what's his name again...anyways..that guy..irritates me...he keep on saying yo...how's life...talks like black guy...and although i have no offense...but please speak proper standard english if you can....anyways...I speak the same language with him..and he suddenly switched back to proper. However...the conversation was a bore..I didn't talk to him long...and I just stop answering him.
Weber messaged and said hi. I told him I'm on the phone with nancy. He said sorry. So polite that guy. Anywyas. He told me a disappointing news...the OCT 3rd party...the rooms are already booked..so we couldn't possibly have a party at Windsor. I'm thinking...I would have to phoned up 20 or 30 some people and notify them...but..then...I think I'm having new brewing thoughts...We could go to Hawrelak park afterall. I hope the weather is nice.
Nancy had a new rule now..everytime we talk on the phone...we will have to greet each other Mushi Mushi...if we see each other...we have to say Ooosu. See..I like it. I like having creative friends..make life so much more interesting.
Evening....late late evening...we talked about everything....and then...we said..um..yea..we better go sleep.
I have a new friendship blog now...so others can post their comments here.
http://tomodachigrl.blogspot.com/
Monday, September, 20th
Today....If I didn't ask others to come study with me..I would not have dragged myself out of my laziness and go to U to study. Well...eventhough Ellen didn't show up..Nancy could make it.
I let nan read all my letters that I've stored up and accumulated...supposedly..for my bf...but now..my x. She read it..and laughed..and then...make some comments and give me weird looks or shudder...and said Sabishi ne.
Well..one time she said..I should write my letter like this....
I had a good laugh. I'll post it up later after she typed it in chinese.
well..definitely better than my original version..where I keep on stepping on myself ...and putting my x on the pedestal...but her version is a reversal role where I'm on the pedestal and I'm stepping on him.
Here is the version Nancy wrote: 雖然我是覺得你很英俊瀟灑﹐高大威猛﹐但我也不甘示弱。你放棄我是你人生最最最大的損失。你都不知道我有多少的追求者﹐沒有你﹐我的日子依然過得幸福美滿﹐多姿多彩。哈哈﹗﹗死未﹗﹗你自己會家慢慢反省吧﹗沒有我在你身邊的日子就等於沒有歡笑﹐沒有生機﹐沒有活力﹐就似一個活死人。
hahaha....I don't know..I just can't stop laughing everytime I read it.
It is just hilarious.
later she went back to class and i stayed behind and studied. She came back. A muffin for herself. She said the muffin was very sweet...but secretly..I was eyeing it..and thinking..mmmmmmmm.
later..I thought she didn't finish it cuz it is too sweet. She left it in the brown bag..I eyed it and said..hey nan, you didn't finish it? She said...yea I did. I swear that Muffin still look like as if it is attached to the papers. There's still some thick cakes stuck on it or something...so causing this illusion that there's still some left. Well...to my disappointment it is just paper! hah..was hoping she couldn't take in the sweetness so I can have her muffin instead.
She came back with a letter for me. She did messaged me saying that she will be giving me a letter cuz she read so many of my letters.
Yea..it was a very good letter ne. So kind of her.
Later..sleeping spell seemed to be cast on us...Nancy tried write back the past events on her diary..and I was like sleeping.
Later we bump into Poto at Sub. He was like...hah. Hou dar han ar lei dei leong gor. We were like...yea...lei leh? lei dou hou dar han ar...why you here??
He is like..no no...not so free like you two. We said...we just went study....we so busy! not like you wandering round here.
Poto is bussing home. I got the door first and he gave me a weird look. I said..yea..ladies first. He said: yes of course...then me & Nan bid him goodbye.
We went to Cam's library to get online.
Browse around a bit at blog site and psychological sites..emails..etc
Nancy went home.
I just discovered the red lines are reception line. Bad reception at Cam. However...waiting for sis to drive me. I'm so so tired....don't even feel like walking.
anyways..it was funny. Nancy message me a few times while I'm still in Cameron Library. Then I message her and said I'm going to write horrible stuff about you leh..and she laughed....can you imagine?...She actually will enjoy reading about horrible stuff about herself. She even encouraged me to write....I mean...I'm going to be posting it up on the WEB! Open view for all to see...publication! ...well....I think that would be like so rare..for me to broadcast the evil of others....hmmm......I'm too nice leh...but..of course...so far I have not seen her faults yet. What to do..so don't be disappointed neh Nancy.
Later Maria phoned and asked me to go to Dimitri's party on Sunday. I have to worry about what to get for her bf leh.
HERE IS Nancy's Comment : i wasn't tired at all when u were in my bedroom la, i was just pretending i was mad about u. did i en u were in my bedroom la, haha... that's my purpose !!
Nancy: did i give u a big smile when u said i can have all ur tips ? can't remember ne ~
Nancy: can't recall what u said to make me spilled my bubble tea in the car ? it's something about the psychic something ....
me: Ahh..now I remember....my friend's email name is psychicaurora..and I start having curious thoughts of whether she is psychic.
Nancy: u did disappoint me now. come on ! post the horrible yet funny thing happened on thurs dinner. don't know which one i'm talking about ? one of ur making money plansss la !
Me: I know...the bun thing!
Nancy: hey ~ if u want some of my muffin, why don't just ask ? i won't mind to share some with u !!
Sunday, September,19th
so nice...went shoping with Sis. She got some outfit that makes her look so gorgeous and smart.
I finally called up my long lost friend Cass. We talked a bit. He said he has something to give back me. I said okay. He asked when I'm free. I said Friday. Then he said..okay..call me. Now..that is very irritating..why do I have to call him always? Lei sai pou ger. I hate calling guys..espeacially guys telling me to call them. :P
anyways...it was nice to be able to called up Nan, cuz she lives in South side..and i am at southside....and inconveniently..if my sis goes to west side to shop..she has to come back to south just to drive me to work...so I phoned nan and ask whether she can let me come to her house for a few hours and we together go work. She said sure..come over. Wow...isn't that nice?
like all of a sudden, I have another place to go to
anyways...I went..and told her about my unhappiness..and my yimar was just horrible causing me to have to go to the bathroom so many times.
then..Nancy showed me lots of her pics...I think she look prettier now than before. Then....we talked about everything....then....at the end I started not paying attention to what she is saying cuz my mind keep on drifting to that someone whom I should not think of. Anyways...she said..fine! I'll go sleep! huh! don't wanna talk to you tomorrow! Then...she cover herself with her quilt and then did not move for quite some time. I was like...ahh, don't be mad at me kay!! ...anyways..kinda funny the whole thing..like we so childish.. she was cute too in a way..cuz suddenly..later..she sat up and looking very not tired! I asked her...so you done taking your nap..? I said I will never be able to take a nap if friends around. she asked why? I said...well..cuz I have to entertain them. She said she's not like that. I said..well I don't mind her go sleep...she can snore all she like and I still won't wake her up. anyways..she said just lying down is taking nap..I'm thinking...how could someone nap without falling asleep?.
.but yea..I think I've gone nuts over depression, cuz later when she was driving the car...she was talking to me...and I was like yea...ya...ya...and my mind was not working at all in processing the info she fed to me.... She was smart..and said..hey! and her reaction is like a whack to my head and snap me out of my concentration to inner hell.
are you listening?? what did I say? yea...she really is true to herself and true to others. She don't pretend to be nice or polite or hide her feelings.
anyways...we went to bubble tea later...she had poutine..I had taro. The couch was very comfy. We both sat there and just relax. hah. so nice. So quiet. so peaceful. I'm still thinking...but I need bf. Dang. Me stupid women
nancy let me try her poutine. Pretty good afterall. Anyways...we were in the car...and I told her something and she almost spilled out her drink. What were we talking about...I couldn't recall.
later...we went to work. Hah..so busy today!
I owe nancy like 15 dollar. When she give me my 30% tips...I said..no..I owe you right...so to my surprise..she flashed a very large happy smile and said thank you. Hmm...I'm recounting how much I owe her..and I still owe her like a few dollars...then I retold her..and she said..nar..nothing. no need pay back. See what kind of nice person she is man.
anyways..later...I forgot my shoe even. She's like..what are you thinking??still thinking of him? start thinking of money and school not him.
well...we sat together in her car..and she send me some doraemon song and teach me how to use some of the function. Later we laughed about the unsent messages and send messages that she never received. It was pretty cool of her. My sister finally came and off we go. My sis kept on saying..how lucky I am to have a nice friend like her.
Yea...Nancy. Yasashi desu. Aii...not sucking up to anybody lar.
anyways...I'm glad you are tired and I'm tired too...we can save our chi and recuperate by sleeping and not talking so late in the wee late hours.
Saturday, September 18th
Unbelievably tired...and lazy. Don't wanna get up at all!....It is nice to receive message from Nancy and nice to send her messages too...but somehow..she complained I didn't reply...We found out sunday that the messages I've send did not go through...and because of my inadequacy or inept ability to send messages...i actually got some stuck in my unsend list...(hmm..no wonder she said she didn't get any reply from me)...sometimes...accidents sure could cause misunderstandings...and mistrust ne. Good thing Nancy the type that is totemo yasashii and optimistic ne???
Because of nancy...I decided I can still go to the SEA...however...I have a bad feeling about it...like I foreshadow I won't enjoy myself at all for some reason...but then...when I was at the LRT....I met Kelvin..he was reading brochures...and I was glad to see a familiar face...then...this girl called karen started to smile at me and I smile back at her..and then..we ended up talking to each other.
So....later..more new people I meet.Lilian......Dylan.....and then...Nan the vice president....then...I told them my friend Nancy driving me to the park...so no need walk....Kelvin decided to tag along with me and Kelly...then Nan asked whether we could fit in three more people. It was nice phoning Nan a few times...and asking her whether she can drive. She said..hah? I've become a taxi driver?. I keep on telling her...her very old sky color van is perfectly fine...eventhough it is like granpa van.
Anyways..thanks to her...we all saved from walking and freezing outside the cold.
Later....we decided to go early. Nan and Kelly walked quite fast. I have to wait for Lilian and Dylan to come along. They were like so slow...and Nan phoned and started rushing us to hurry. It was awful cuz lili and dy so slow...but finally...I decided to catch up with Nan. Nan was like threatening to leave with her Van...cuz Lil and Dy after all warning signs still dragged their leg...oh buddha.
well..it was funny...what Nan did..pulling that stunt of leaving them...anyways...everybody was happily back at LRT station. Then later we went our separate ways. I and Lilian and Dylan and another girl went to take bus to LRT. THen...I met another stranger girl called Winnie. Discovered she is a vegetarian...Isn't that amazing? I was like so happy...felt like I just found a long lost relative.Anyways..later....We got each other emails..numbers...I asked Dylan to be my dance partner becuz he said he had taken level two and I'm still taking it this semester. That's good. He is afterall is above average looking.
We went to T and T...Nancy suddenly send me a message...actually she did send me one at the bus I think...she ask me to buy her durian. I'm like...whatever! Phhhf... and me and Winnie went and got Ice cream..those Taiwanese ice cream...with green beans...and jelly..etc. It is good..not too sweet.
okay...so everybody is coming to the OCT. 3rd party
later...went home.
I think me and Nan talked in the evening...talked till five am? Whoally...I don't know..either way..it is still more than two hours for sure. We both talked about anything! including ghost without heads...freaked the hell out of me..and I tell nancy to stop talking about it cuz I can't go to bed with a safe heart.
panda...I think i'm turning to be panda.
Friday, September 17th
Morning, receive message from Nancy. I was doing laundry. Then..later..went to SUB to meet her up. In the morning..I met this girl called Mandy. Cool..she seems to like the idea of us cooking together. That's good. A neighbour friend is always fun.
Later...I get my Sub coupon...bought this 12 inch sandwich but dang....I need to get a pop...and it all almost come to the same!. hah! I feel so wripped off.
Then...well..good. I got my homework done. STudied my chapter.
Later...Nancy came again. Later Kelly came. Kelly did the psychology test. She seems like a very normal person. Then..meet up with Ellen. Then Judy...then...play badminton. They say I'm scary hitter. I guess I hit like a tennis player and not like catching butterfly with a net....don't know what I'm talking about. Anyways. We all did had fun. Nancy was like..yea you watch out. I'm going to kick your butt...and Kelly san was always saying I'm scary...and Ellen always hit so gently....I almost felt impressed that I'm hitting with so much strength..and yet they could manage to hit back with gentleness...and fast travelling bird become slow and calm travelling bird.
I like listening to Yu gin song transferred by Nancy through IR.
Then.....Nancy suggest this crazy stretch...we both tried to do it..and in the end we managed to get both our legs out and up in the air..us tugging each other's wrist. Nancy got tired. Then Ellen too tried and not more than 5 min...she got tired too over those stretching.
anyways.....my yi mar is here...so I can't do much. Stomach pain bugging me.
Then..sis came drive me home. So thankful to have a sis around...
In the future...don't have anybody to drive me lor.
And..then...my brother emailed all of us and wrote in the email:
Tell 2nd sis I went to Daiso but did not get anything for her. hehe... ^^ If she wants something, she needs to beg me or write me. hehe.... As for 2nd sis... Aiya... "fai dit graduate lah" You got to graduate b4 me k? And also... hurry up and get into nursing... so you can marry a rich doctor and you can pay me back my $20 dollars. :P hehe.. joking.
Then...Sis told me tracy told her what she thinks of me. Said that I have actually a lot of potential that I haven't realized myself. She said I could fill out the form quickly in 2 or minutes time..and she said I am a fast thinker and always act quick. Plus who could type 100 wpm....etc...
hmmm...yea..i think in this world..Just tracy thinks I'm intelligent and smart.
It feels good to be thought of goodly.
lastly...my sis got the job...so..congrats to her.! She is going to Vancouver....and....well....I guess I won't have much a chance to see her anymore...and....I don't know what I'll do without her...
Then again...it is time for me to learn to be independent.
Yuri phoned. I was surprised to hear from her. Actually very happy..but then she said..is Mei Chin there...so...I was then disappointed. However...I know that MC phoned her..so I passed down the good news. She still is having bronchitis flu...for a month I believe...I hope she gets better. I wonder how such a good person could get so ill...how horrible. I'm happy to hear that she is coming back from Calgary to Ed..around the time I'm going to hold a party. I'll post up the pics here later. Anyways.......hah...it was nice talking again to her. It feels like I'm in touch with my roots somehow...I don't feel like a stranger..or eccentric anymore...or a minority among the majority. She shared the rare values that I share as well. It is good enough for the day.
Thursday, september 16th
The Psychology test Nancy give us was pretty fun and accurate. All six of us did the test..and we all had a good laugh at each other's drawing and interpretation of our characters.
I told Nancy I want to take a group pic..with me wearing that beet sing chinese sign...( succeeed)...but...she was like...what???? no way! I'll hide myself..I guess she can't stand the idea of an eccentric character like me wearing this weird band over my head...beside her. hehe.
we ended up chatting instead of studying!! at first we were laughing..but at end..I think I tried and tried concentrate...but at one point I said..Nancy stop distracting others! ....then all of a sudden everybody got serious and start studying...then I felt kinda embarassed....feel kinda guilty..cuz everybody is having such a good time talking. Anyways...after like 20 minutes or something...Poto started pretend he is falling asleep and I could see Nancy peeping at the corner of her eyes...she kinda smiled and i also looked at her expression sideways..and poto's...and I can't resist smiling too...okay...so Poto finally caught sight of us watching him..and he's like..oh man.!....i'm hungry...how bout let's go eat. Well...everybody moved and shuffled their books and....was instantly ready to leave. So...we left for the Jap restaurant Yokozuna near University.
While we r walking..it was hailing!. but....gladly..wasn't those big stones. Just tiny pebbles. Weber was lucky..he has a car...Nancy and Ellen had to walk using Nan's jacket for shelter...as for Kev..who had an umbrella....I'm surprised he did not offer it to the girls...what happened to gentlemanly airs? Later when they stopped waiting for crossing....He did offer to shield the girls...so...I thought he actually looked like TOTORO for one three second. I had my hood..so it was fine. Poto too.
well..food was great...but ..we over ate...paid 16 dollars each person.
we had fun conversation.
anyways...for some reason..I start talking about making some side cash...I told the girls we can cook something and sell it to the U. I'm sure some people will order from us....then...poto keep on saying...how come you sound so dar han gar...to come up with all these ideas?..are you very dar han..then nancy told him my schedule. You don't know leh what she do. Tuesday she go swimming. Thursday she go ballroom, Wednesday she work, sunday she work..and she only take two courses. Poto was like Oh!! that's why! So that's why GUM DAR HAN har!. It's not like the normal way of saying..when he talks, he has this grin on his face...and he slurrs a bit too when talking.
Anyways...everybody was joking about me selling siew long bao in University. I didn't laugh so hard for such a long time...but I think this few weeks..I've been laughing so hard.
Sunday Sept 12th
What can I do without nancy. Although disappointedly we didn't make it to June's place and for the movie...she still did come back out again to drive me to her house and together we watched a movie and I ate kimchi noodle. Then...we went together to work...although I was still kinda slow...she had her bad moods..but she still was nice at the end. What a hou lou yao. Give me tips too.
talk to the Jap class people online MSN.
here is an interesting conversation:
Kel:tho nancy's compy occassionally crashes during a chat too...
Mesays:
yea. Probably those die hard virus
Kelvin says:
is your anti-virus program updated, and/or have a reliable firewall program installed?
Me says:
mm...I don't know. My bro incharge. We have two computers. this is the horrible oine
Kelsays:
lol
so bro takes the power-unit and leaves the horrible one to wither up and die
Me says:
guess so.
Mesays:
the survival of the fittest always are taken care of better
Kelsays:
sigh
how true...
Me says:
yup. human are too intelligent
Kelv says:
perhaps we're too smart for our own good...
Me says:
that too. intelligence can kill..whereas compassion heals
Kelvsays:
although I honestly don't see us being "controlled" by AI someday, I think something similar will happen
Talked also to Nancy, Ellen, and Potou. Me and Nancy were closets.
Saturday, Sept 11th
was lazy..wouldn't want to get up. So early in the morning. Phoned nancy to see if she really is interested in going..cuz instead of 11...the whole TA associations meet up is cancelled to 10:30. It is almost 9 now. However....she was undecided....and I guess finally we both decided to go. I'm glad she was positive about going...if not..I think there is a high chance I would back down. Oh well..I need to go out there..and socialize...else where am I going to change my lifestyle or have a normal, fun, exciting social life??. I can't be a bum.
We stood at the LRT...and waited...waited....there's other people standing around too...all chinese. All looking forward to this thing..or...just feeling alienated or out of place. Some tall guy who is quite handsome I say...with his other two tall guy friends..walked in...He looked at me..and then again turned his head..and finally ask me a question...are you taiwanese? I said yes (um...no actually it should be...but who cares...Don't mean to lie...) He ask again...are you here for the Taiwanese associations meeting? I said yes...then he walked away. Nancy turned her head and asked: Why he only talked to you and not me or the others?. I said: "That's because I smiled at him. hehehe".
Well..anyways....we found out he is the president of the Taiwanese club....hmm, i'm flattered....however..I'm old...If I'm like a 19 yr old...i would be falling head and toes and keep on building castles and day dream about this guy. Too bad I'm over that age.
Lots of games to play...met a few girls...and some old guy acquaintance called Kenny.
I had a lot of fun.
I was happy that nancy could accompany me to get my new cell phone. She looked kinda tired by the time I finished with it. We send each other messages. I was having fun with it.
I went online in the evening on MSN...and I talked to the tzu chi's youth groups in vancouver...it was fun.
Nice to keep in touch.
A very verrrrry social day I suppose.
A people day.
Friday, Sept 10th
Met Quyen and her sisters at the LRT. We had a very fun talk. Then they start asking me about Poto...is he ben? he is ben?...I said..No he is poto..you must be mistaken...his name is poto!. They insist..no no...but this guy is ben! my girlfriend's bf's friend!. Well..anyways..I assured them...nope..Poto is Poto!...however...Later..i found out..Poto is his chinese name..his english name is BEN.
and Poto got very curious who a bunch of stranger girls know his name! it's a small world Poto.
Discovered Poto is dating! At first..I already guessed something weird going on about these two people...then finally at the end...I saw them holding hands..hah..gotcha.
I can't help forget when Poto says Sa Sa mey ...we all thought he is trying to say sashimi or something...but....he is actually trying to say Sasame.
Kelvin...got a bit irritated by us girls not able to make up our minds..to leave the restaurant or sit down! "it is just the difference between tatami rooms and tables!" Well...for a minute there..I really think that guy has his head on his shoulder..he is right...i'm such a trouble! ..me and my desire for a sense of beauty and perfect drop of background to compliment the whole group image .
Nancy was quite cool. She took charge of this whole event...and she help ordered the food..etc etc...and she also went two times back and forth from U to cinema to drive us bunch of people. Without her...this group would not have start.
Tino...everytime we ask him something or say something...he is always so shy...and quiet. It is intersting how everybody persuade him to try the Beef tataki...raw beef...and he did...however..at the end...he took a few piece of lemon and start eating it...I can imagine the taste must be that awful.
Weber and his brother...they are so tall...but I can say they are the most good looking and graceful or charming guy in the whole group.
The other japs....well....I feel sorry for the guy...he is almost kinda left out....cuz everybody either starts talking cantonese or mandarin or to close friends.
Kelly...she is just awesome with her japanese. I keep on thinking...She could just pass being a japanese. she was just chatting away with Kano san?.
As for me....well...Had a great time eating my tempura, and avocado sushi...and tried the age tofu..first time...and eda mame. Good!
Next time no assorted tempura...yam is actually better.
later...got back home. Nancy phoned and amazingly...we were talking again for more than two hours...Unbelievable how we can talk and talk......
I said..nancy..I think we can become best friends.
Thursday, April 22
Went shopping with Veronica at WED and later to South side mall. Conversation was great. We shared a veggie pizza. She picked dressed for me to wear. I have to thank her for finding me a very very nice evening wear.
Wednesday, April 21 th
Maria called and she is coming over on saturday for piano lesson. I am eager to show her my ballroom dresses. Also, letting her see the fabrics I have to make some new clothings out of it.
Saw Tracy today at the LRT. I was going to get on the Lrt, and she was about to get off the train. We smiled to each other. It was a great feeling to be able to walk forward and meet a friend amongst a crowd of stranger.
Veronica phoned...and oops...I thought she said she was going to call me. We had some discussion regarding the word "ditch", "jerks" and "career and independent women".
Eric phoned later and told me his dilemma about purchasing the ballroom ticket. He missed the deadline.
Tuesday,April 20th
It is sooo nice day today...In the morning, I opened my email and it was great to see emails.
Tang wrote me an email...so short: "You have one more day to go. Hopefully you are finished writing your paper by now and say "NO" to nightmare. Good night!
I laughed. That's it? That guy! Guys..go figure
Got a short email from my penpal, but it was very nice. He told me where to get the 311 song plus those cool pics of marine tanks. He is operating one. This is my first...befriending a friend from the army..and someone who writes deep.
Eric wrote again..I was happy because at the end of the letter, he said.. your friend. This is the first time. So..I say, this is truly the beginning of a friendship.
Will be meeting Veronica and Joshua for jap food..yup...all on Joshua...that's because he got help from us to do his essay.
The Jap food was great. Poor Joshua, have to pay 23 something for all of us. He was a gentleman. Veronica lost something at the bus stop and he went back to pick it up for her..and later, he opened the doors and let us girls walk out first. He also poured tea for us and everything. Yup..good old Joshua.
It was nice to be able to walk with Veronica and Joshua back to U. Joshua split later and he headed to his gf's place. Me and Veron walked to the bus together. I waved to Veron later. Two friends gone way now...and finally..myself...go home.
Tang phoned in the afternoon. This is a surprise. IT is first time he ever phoned me. We had a lot of laugh over the phone...but don't know what we were laughing about really...guess we both were very happy talking to each other. We made plans to go out on Friday.
Heather was very funny today. She wrote on my message board and told her story of her visit to the Chinese doctor.....
"so, he suggested that I do physio too! Oy! Now that hurts!! HE was jabbing his elbow into my back (got a big bruise). Then they put oil on my back (stung like you'll never believe)then they put those suction cups to my back... left 6 big mega freaky hickies.... Oy!..And for the BIG finale. he cracked my back, neck, and hip (right and left)... ooooooh!
And it realy isn't a back massage...I mean, he really nails that elbow on ya!
After Tang phone..Terry phoned. I thought it was Tang..so I said..hi Tang....oops. Anyways...my partner reminded me about setting the time to practise our dancing. Right. So it is. This Thursday morning.
wow...today...is sure a people day.
Saturday, April 17
Dai D phoned and said he'll be late. He phoned again and said he is here.
Hmm..somewhat...he has toned down and kinda more calm I think. More tolerant too. Don't know what he is thinking sometimes...I think I'm so outspoken most of the time...I could see him being offended..but he just swallowed everything and said nothing.
However...it was fun playing chess with him. I think today my mind seems to be very bright today. I won the first two games and we tied on our last. He said he want revenge later.
I treated him his favourite Cafe Late. (That's because he has treated me so many times already) I had the Cream late at second cup.
Later he drove me to the interview at white ave. He was nice because he offered to walk me upstairs. I felt so protected. It was a bit roudy that place...I think working in the evening there might not be a good idea as an office desk clerk. He waited there too for my interview to end. So nice.
Somehow...later...I phoned my sis to pick me up..but she can't..so I have to phone my dad. Taking the bus is okay for me..but I'm wearing a dress...but thank goodness he offered to give me a ride home as well...so...again...what a gentleman.
Friday,April 16
Talked on the phone with Dai D. He said he saw my dad and his scooter broke down again. I think he must have yunfun with my mom and dad cuz he always bump into them...but I don't even bump into him or his family..I have totally no yun fun with him I think.
I forget when we were suppose to meet tomorrow, got it mixed up.
Evening..wrote him an email and with an elegant pic of a girl...I told him to please dress up for tomorrow cuz I feel like wearing my elegant white dress..it's been such a long time since I pampered myself ...feels like I'm always in my PJ.
Thursday, April 15
It is strange to be friends with an ex
Chen wrote and tell me to call her to go shopping whenever I feel like it...now why wouldn't she call me and set a time instead? why do I have to set the time with her? it is so strange. I already told her..tuesday..after tuesday.
It was nice to see Lina. She got a ride with us. She is going to see her ortho. It was nice of her to invite me to go shopping and stay at her house tonight..however...all because of my 30 pg essay..I cannot go. sigh with disappiontment.
Heather is very playful today. Came to my blog and pretend to be someone. I thought it was a guy...yoi she said...and what a relief for me...so it isn't some guy I know in my life who came and read all my personal things.
Lee...I hope she is fine..seems like she is under some depressive spell. Om mani padme hum and may the good karma surrounds and protect her and open up doors of happiness for her.
Josh replied my email. Said he laughed and thought we were going out today. I thought having Veron around with us would be more fun and besides...half of the notes I lend him is from Veron..so it is more fairer that she get treated as well.
and...for some strange reason...sometimes..talkig to Dai D..it feels like I'm walking on minefields.. Why are we still so incompatible even if we are just friends? or am I just imagining?
Evening: Don't know what overtook me...must be that sexy love music and my imagination. Guess I was thinking of some roles played by some women on the TV....and although I said I'm not flirting...I have to laugh because it is obviously...flirting shamelessly but safely with a pen pal. He is probably thinking..what's with this girl. Anyways. I thought it was somehow very fun. Besides...I really do admire his writings on the blog. I think in the future we won't write again to each other...but...I think it is already quite enough..just thinking back to what I wrote to him...It makes me smile.
Monday, Apri 12
Wrote to Dai D. A long email. So much...but...it is all the best of my spirit. Which is of giving and love
Replied Lina's email as well. She's so wise a women. Her emails are quality eventhough they aren't quantity.
Sunday, April 11
Went out with Maria and Illana for movie Big fish. I wasn't very dressed up. My hair was oily. Eee. In the past..when I go out...I always make sure I'm dressed well.plus the good hygiene..but I've been so sloppy these days.
When I saw my friends...I was a bit embarassed.
Maria was looking stunning with her tank top..she's always looking gorgeous and sexy. She's always the beautiful one. I should pick up her habits..keep it like a no change thing. Always look the best when going out.
Thursday, April 8
Wrote emails to all my friends.
Told my guy best friend I have a nightmare. He told me he has a nightmare too yesterday. Gum weird geh.
In the evening, dai D friend phone me...however, strangely..I don't feel like phoning him back to talk. Just feel like retreating to silence, lying low...in my own quiet cave. Was relieve that he wrote back and said a short message and i need not phone back.
Guess today is a very social day...but more like just want to be social from a distant. Today..it is also the day when xbf changed his email address...that is...the only account made speacially for me is deleted...well..that is the past. I've deleted all the emails he send me long time ago. It is just horrible feeling to see those times when we used to be lovers. It is good in a way...gives you a sense of relief..and not get dragged down to having emotional roller coaster ride.
Wednesday, April 7
Funny thing today is Joshua. Anyways...the story need not be retold. I manage to get Japanese vege Obento free meal in return for my giving him essay tips.
not bad at all.
Evening, Dai D phoned and told me his work story. He got into argument with this women at Staples. I guess he knows his responsibiity and won't let anybody boss him around. He said he would have helped if that women have asked him nicely. One of life stress hey.
Tuesday, April 06,
IT's been such a long time since I updated my blog. Anyways...I felt these days..my journey...now back to leading the life of a single without a lover....it feels like the Universe has taken away my lover and replace him with all kinds of different people...and now..I've been meeting so many people...I don't know if I can truly write them all down here...and I just feel grateful that they are part of my life for now...or that I'm interacting with at the present moment.
Firstly..wanna talk about my day. It was nice to enter class in the morning to see Veronica and Joshua. Hehe..get to smile to both of them...it would be such a cold darn feeling if I get into the class and like a robot sat there without human contact and leave. I notice Veronica's tall frame and long slender arms. I quite admire her posture. I was slouching...so I also sat up and be mindful of my posture. As for Joshua...that guy...he is such a panda. He should go sleep!
Mm....well...Heather wrote and said she wants to go gym tomorrow...oh...sucks..can't go cuz tomorrow I have essays...but I can't wait to show her this new studio I discovered..she will love it..cuz they have those beams around to hold so she could stretch all she want and do those ballerina moves.
Lina wrote...and it was beautiful....we were both grateful that we were there for each other during the period when both of us is having the same problem. I decided that I will keep our emails of gratitude for each other. THe best past is...I can stay over at her place when there is a party. Lovely isn't it? Now I have two friends that hold ..stay over pajama parties or whatever party you call. Yuri and Lina.
Then....who else...I think I have to write about Tracy...that gal broken her toes or something and couldn't walk...I'm surprised she just wrote me a short sentence email and said she has an accident...and some other friend of mine..Ai..she already know long time last week...and it happened last week..and talk about best friends...it is strange she doesn't let me know sooner....but I hope she will get a fast recovery. I will be visiting her..I told her that..and the prospect of it sounds fun too for both of us.
Next...my partner Terry...well..not much to talk about..but just have to laugh about this small world...his friend James also knows my brother...and we going to practice dancing.
And....eric...thanks to him...I discover this fantastic site.
and...of course...David...I think I've been writing him lots of emails...friendly ones...and just chat whatever. wonderful to get someone to pour my heart out to.
Okay..I'm done. not going to write.
Saturday, Feb 7
Whoever is a true friend...are the ones that stayed through the good and bad times. After years of trials...they are still your friends....and old friends are the best..like old wine. THey are treasures. Yuri, tracy and Maria are my old wine friends.
Today...watched animation totoro and whispers of the heart with Yuri. She cooked tong yun tomato and choi soup. It was good with cilantro and mifun.
Friday, Feb 6
Was checking my email. An email from Tracy. she said she is at the library but she don't see me. So...I wrote back. While I was typing, she suddenly appeared behind me and slapped my shoulder. I looked at her bewildered that she was just sitting on the other side of the table. Later she went to her classes....she doesn't seem like she is happy...I think her mind is loaded with worries about school exams and essays
While I was reading and almost about to fall asleep, Yuri came by suddenly. I was surprised to see her..but it is a good surprise...if she didnt come..I think I would be sleeping in the library...now I'm so wide awake.
Later we went to white Ave, visited different stores, ate at a chinese restaurant..ordered hot pot, but the zha leung is not good. She was busy thinking about her elementary prep stuff for the kids...such a good teacher...she cares a lot about her work....basically..I was anxious to get on the bus and meet my xbf later (he just came back from Australia..and I know today we'll be talking about how far we'll take our relationship)...so I basically drag her out of the kids book section.
Later we parted at the LRT. She took the bus home.
Tuesday, Feb 3
I was depressed last thursday so I didn't attend the Jap class. I was feeling so fatigue.
I asked Joshua to lend me Jap notes. He did lend me. It was very nice of him. Today we talked a bit and I gave him some of my chocolates which Yuri gave to me. We talked together while we walked out to the hub..and I felt like I want to split eventhough it is nice to have his company. He went to Lrt, I went to rutherford. I'm obsessed with internet and computer. All day I'm thinking about my ex...will he email me. It isn't a very intelligent of me to see him as whole pie instead of just a tiny piece out of a pie.
Missed Tracy, she emailed me but I have a class so couldn't join her for studies.
How nice to have a sister. I was feeling nausea when I was taking the bus. When I came home, I told her I'm sick and can she cook me some noodles. She did and she was so kind. At that moment I felt so grateful to have her around. I can't imagine how awful and ill I'll feel if I have to cook for myself. I wonder for people who live alone...if they are sick...who will take care of them.
Saturday, Jan 31
Mom said Feng phoned yesterday night..and will phone me in the morning. I actually felt strongly that I have nothing in common that I share with this guy....should I really go out with him or no?....
I'm afraid to see where I'll be...what's my future with him will be.....I don't want to hurt him...neither do I want to hate myself later...
I know love takes time...everything grows with time....same with my x...I didn't love him first time or second time..just like...but afterwards...Love became an infatuation ...however....even infatuation has to be stifled and be sentenced to death.
Decay of everything is inevitable
Today...at the dance...met June. She is cousin of Soo F. She drove me home. That's how I got to know that she is a buddhist and a vegetarian. She shared my feelings and beliefs...the struggled we've gone through...people who were anti buddhist anti vegetarianism.
Jeff....I was happy to meet him. I think although he is younger than me...he is very attractive. Handsome and charming. He loves philosophy, self discipline and bonus....he is into swimming, eating healthy ( almost fully vegetarian)...and he goes to the temple and loves the vegetarian food there. We danced and danced...and after each dance, he still holds my hand and I was looking forward to another dance with him.
He said he'll come look for me this wednesday after my dance lessons.
I wonder....I don't mind him being my best friend. It would be fun....I'm not sure about dating a younger guy...it affords me with more insecurity.
Friday, Jan 30
Study with Yuri, lee at the Rutherford. Later went to Eaton centre to meet my sis. Went to Yuri's house. She cooked vegan lasagna...and we watched a korean cartoon series and chinese series movie. It was good.
Thursday, Jan 29
Emailed some friends. Talked to some friends over the phone.
Wednesday, Jan 28
Everyone seems fine. Veronica phoned in the morning and ask how I'm doing. Still hung up over x...but fine.
Feng wrote and said he wants to know whether I'm totally over with x before he goes out with me. I told him...I will decide after my x comes back...and I will contact him when I'm ready to start a fresh
Bumped into Elley. Wow...she has been with her bf for four years...I felt happy for her....I mean...four years?. I couldn't even keep mine for 7 months.
I told her about my dilemma...and she suggested the idea of coming out on Friday to cheer me up. She is sweet. I'm glad I introduced movie Fushigi Yuugi to her. She really likes it..and her bf bought her DVD for Fushigi Yuugi since she loves it so much and finally get to see the ending. Wow....It is nice...that a lover buys her things that she loves.
Feel so lonely....
Tuesday, January 27
An email from Tracy. She asked me something about a guy..and his intentions. I guess we've been so close to each other...we don't even need to really talk politely to each other...just throw the question. I guess in a way..it is good. Feels like family friend ...then again...I've no complaints...doesn't matter...cuz you just accept unconditionally your friends...no matter what they do and etc...cuz you know..no matter what...they will still be your friend and stand by your side. They are the ones who stayed late, listen to you talk about your problems. They are the ones who could put up with you and still likes you enough to want you to be their friend
I think I must have sat for a long time..my mind...dwelling in unhappy thoughts about my x...still feeling hurt...My appearance must be wearing down kinda...but it doesn't matter anymore. It is strange...when friends are around...I just become more aware and alert. He told me he went to a basketball game last weekend. He is taking linguistic as well. I see. We went to class together. He went out to get bbq lays potato chips. That guy...makes me so hungry...that crunchy sound makes my stomach growl
I wrote to all my friends. I also wrote to Feng...told him I would like us to hang out saturday, play basketball, badminton, chess...and hopefully he is not angry at me still...and i consider this as a hang out...and maybe get to know someone who could be interesting...not thinking in terms of date or friendship.
Monday, January 26
Ah...how wonderful to have friends! So cool all of them!. Today..I want to explore...what guys think...what is considered good quality for the guy in a women. J said...good quality in a women?...mmm, cute, pretty, easy going, communicate well, sociable,good temper....good figure. MMMM...okay J.Talked to Fel...he got into car accident..how horrible.Talked to Damon. He is the best guy advisor I think among all my guy friends. He is awesome. Everytime I talk to him, all my problems just drift away and I always feel better and inspired for the better. One good point. I should find a guy who is a gentleman...not a dai nam yun, who cares about me...who cares about intelligence and talent? What's the point of dating a guy who doesn't know how to be nice to a girl? Also...I have to learn balance, independence, don't get angry over little things...although women are mostly sensitive...but...try to reach a balance. Yes sirree!. Feels like I have a best guy friend and Dai lou now...someone whom I can find protection and can go under the wings.
Sunday, January 25
Talked to Maria. Why she always say the right words at the right time. I love her so much. Sometimes..I feel like I'm talking to a saint. She is always so graceful, so docile and gentle.
I told her about what my xbf told me...the reason why he doesn't want us back together. After she heard the reasons...she said: "Oh..no."...in a way...she said that she sympathize me that I have to go through this which must be so difficult for me to handle emotionally...and she did say that my case is worst than all her other breakups...she could feel how hard it is when a lover say something like that to another lover.....in a way...I felt comforted because she felt for me ...felt my suffering. She told me she likes me and I'm her best friend...and she's right...my xbf did not appreciate me. However..I did told her that I've written him emails and left a voice message full of affections....and he never returned my call or emails...Maria felt my pain. I felt consoled. Someone understands what I'm feeling now....respected my feelings of hurt and pain at this present moment...that it is something genuine and real....and to be respected.... instead of asking me...what's wrong with me...or ridicule my feelings and putting my feelings down by saying that's ridiculous..how long have you dated? just six months...and etc...
Saturday, January 24
Chae phoned in the morning..said the restaurant food is too expensive and she decided not to attend. High class restaurant....bummer...I'm not going to pay 20 something for a piece of cake!....Sigh...no outing...
Why...why am I stuck here...in this miserable town. No money...my moving space limited.
Friday, January 23
Meet up with Heather. I think next time...it is still best to arrive to an agreement of where exactly we should meet. I was walking back and forth a few times untill I find her. It was a very weird experience....cuz me and my friends in the past always have to just tell each other where to meet. I was disappointed that she already ate...and my purpose is to meet her and treat her for lunch....however...I bought the vegetarian dream pita pazzaz for both of us. She refused.....however...later out of compassion for me...just to make me happy...she have to forcefully adjust her diet. In a way..i'm glad she ate ...else it will be wasted. Usually...I thought the food is good...but today...strangely...it is not good..tasteless...almost taste like cardboard. Impermanence. Why something we like so much....always turn out kinda disappointing in the end....I guess that thing we like so much always depends on our mood. The first time experience is always the best afterall.
Anyways....I told her my problems...I feel kinda sick...like something weighting me down...and I couldn't really focus or concentrate. I'm just...so lost...however...I think my state of depression will meets its death soon.
Dilemma...have to meet Tracy and Jason today...Yuri, Soo F. and Veron..couldn't make it. In the morning Yuri phoned and asked for big sis..she aren't home..and she was disappointed that I'm not going to old folks...I think I could sense in her tone of voice...however...I think this friend of mine is good...she'll make sure I don't get lost. I told her I will try my best to make it. Doing some good deeds will be good. Afterall...what's that quote again? "If you lifted the burden of others...you're doing well...if you didn't lift the burden of others...you aren't doing well....and I hope...I didn't burden anybody."
Chae phoned. She said there will be an outing tomorrow. Going to an expensive restaurant. It is her friend's party..there'll be like 10 people around. She said I shouldn't be shy and her friends are all very nice. I thought it would be good for me to get out of the house and meet new people
Felix phoned. He got back from HK. My old friend...feel so comfortable to hear from him. His voice always calms my soul...but it seemed like I'm always the dominant in the conversation
My bro phoned. We had a talk about relationship. He said to me....I shouldn't sacrifice my values..values are important....I know....I already know yesterday night...I was regretting that I said something which is so difficult for me to do. I now worry...whether I can keep the promise...those changes that I'm going to make if we come back together...or am I worried that he still won't consider coming back to me....well..anyways..the more I talk about him...the more pain I felt...I keep on feeling...I'm not independent enough...not strong enough...but what makes me feel better is when my brother said to me: You know...you are nice...you are not bad at all you know....just sometimes...you get carried away with your emotions and anger....but you are a nice and fine person. Don't feel such low self esteem about yourself.
It is healing when people say that to me.
Thursday, January 22
Morning...met up with Heather...she so nice...offered to check my essay for me for free.. She helped me edited the grammer mistakes and sentence structure...what an angel. I didn't do anything for her. She does not need repayment
Jap Class, talk a bit with joshua..he looked very good with his yellow sweater...today he didn't really talk to me...or walk me out of the class....but I understand...he has a gf...and since I already know from yesterday he has a gf....I should stay away from him too.
Wednesday,January 21
Writing my essay...so hard to do it....but still have to do it....my mind is jumping back to my x...then here back to my x...and here...I still love him...still love him...crazy I am.
Yan came online..that girl..I laughed when I switched the cam on and saw her life typing messages to me. I was like...I look so horrible now...don't think I can put myself in the Camera. In the past I give her advice...now she is giving me advice...strange how the world works sometimes....it's always up and down, up and down, switch roles..up and down.
She said a simple sentence: "Find someobody who likes you and treats you well." It is so simple...I mean....why am I infatuated with a guy who hurts me constantly?. If he can't stand my ways..and can leave me...then how come I can't?. It is true. I need to start looking for a guy who will treat me well and make me feel good about myself and likes me a lot. That's all it matters.
Tuesday, January 21th
Morning...it meant so much to me when I see two friends greeting me with eagerness and a smile. There's still someone in this world who thinks i'm lovable. I sat down beside Veron. and we exchanged notes during class. I told her about my break up, and she said: "Oh god..girlie..are you okay?"...anyways...eventhough it was kinda tough for me while I sat in class and my eyes was a bit teary..but just having her around...makes me forget about sorrow.
I think the only thing I looked forward to in this whole day is my next Jap anthro class. Joshua. I was so disappointed when he didn't show up. Is he not going to show up? I watched everydoor fling open...not him...not him..nothim... is he coming soon?. 15 minutes passed...then he finally showed up. I was so happy. I flashed him a smile when he saw me. He smiled too. He sat in front of me..ah...just seeing his presence makes me feel happy. A friend around. I must be feeling that lonely. He was slow haha..the teacher was talking so much and he couldn't kept up...so I'm glad I could help him a bit. I gave him my notes after class. Later we walked together to hub and he suggested let's go eaton centre to have a drink..I said sure!. I talked so much to him. He was like..whoa...you so talkative...I thought you the quiet type!.. anyways...I don't care....I told him I was depressed for the last two weeks...just getting stuff out of my chest...he was a good listener...and...later we decided to stay longer and he treated me french fries. Afterwards...he walked me to my bus stop. He is nice...however..he is very religious..and he is christian...and also...he has a gf...it is a good thing I found out today..else...I might start having wishful thinking...I watched his figure go while I'm in the bus...feeling awful and lonely again.
Sunday, January 18th
Today...I checked my email. Thinking of that 'speacial someone'...he is in vacation. Feel so lonely...why...
Daniel wrote...wow. Second email. It feels good reading his email. He talked about the first time we met. I never know that I also will leave a perfect image of myself in someone's heart just for that one day. He said i'm smart...wow...someone actually thinks I'm smart. Strangely...why the ones I truly love thinks I'm slow?...I guess they know me too well..
I phoned Damon. He is so nice. He always know when I phone I have problems. Well...he is a good friend..like a big brother. I told him all my problems and he gave me sound advice...without being judgmental..being fair to both sides....it was good...I didn't want my friend to just stand on my side and not look at the whole perspective.
Saturday, January 17th
Went out with Maria and Dima, Yuri, Feng, Soo fan. We went to see this movie called Love Actually. It was beautiful movie...love...everywhere you can see and find love. Strangely...I've been quite emotional these days...just watching someone suffer a break up or grieving...I started grieving myself and my tears just wouldn't stop flowing. Now adays...I cry when I want to. Laugh when I want to. Indulge in my emotions. It is not bad releasing feelings and feeling the moment.
Later we went to join chaesun and her group of friends.
Strangely...I feel like a group leader today..organizing time, inviting people, planning group activities..etc...even where to sit...everybody looked at me if that's where we are sitting...quite strange.
well...I have a good time. Thought I'm so good in chess..but Feng beat me so badly. Can't believe it.
It is nice...different friends...different personality. I love them all the same.
Friday, January 16th
Kept in touch with James. My college xbf. It is strange how we nearly got into dating each other...we dated...but emotionally dated...and it was sweet and at the same time...I really think it was just a friendship date..we did nothing but hold hands.
He was wonderful xbf. So good to me...everything he consider my feelings first...me first. It is strange...this is what I exactly want in a lover...too bad we can't be lovers...because other conditions aren't met.
Anyways...he still is a good friend. He was kind..still makes me feel I can rely on him no matter what..always be there for me. It is fun too...since he is going to be a hairdresser soon...it will be fun to have a friend to fix my hair...and with discount. ^ ^
Monday 23rd,03
Maria emailed. So happy. It has been such a long time since i talked to one of ma best friend. That gal's been in Banff for a week. She was working there...wow. I wanted to call her but it is always not the right time...I've been so busy with many things. Same as her. She tried call me, but I'm not always home too. I miss her so much...but so happy to receive some news from her.
Tuesday 17th,03
It has been strange lately.I keep on meeting new people. Today...I met a new girl called BOO...yes..what a cute and strange name. She is Russian...also...Ukranian...Danish....etc etc...she also speak a lot of languages. We talked last time. Today, we took the same bus..and we exchanged smiles...and she came over to sit and talk. She told me a lot of funny stories at work. I found out she is very talented...she sings and perform in opera's theatre...worked as a forensic in the military...(yup work with real corpse)...and she was tested to have high IQ. There's some dark side too in her...she told me she suffered from depression...some kind of stress disorder which could cause her to lie in bed for days....I told her...I don't think stress can kill you....she told me...sure it can...it is number one killer....I was stressed to the extent of having my lips and nails turned blue.
Anyways...that is so shocking news. Here sitting, talking, facing me...is a very confident young lady who looks like the type that don't take any crap from anybody...someone who fears nothing...and yet...she is that fragile.
She was brave. She could tell me everything good and bad about herself.....and I don't have the courage to reveal so much or open myself up to her. Revealing your greatest weaknesses you suffered from to others is something I usually don't like to do.
Wednesday 10th,03
I guess sometimes...I talk or write about something...and I made it sound like people are forcing me to do things?...^ ^
actually....I guess that is my mistake...nobody can really force me to do anything. I have my own mind and my own decision. When I want to do something...I'll do it...when I really don't want to do something....I won't do it. However...if it is a question that I don't have a yes or no answer....I usually will see where the wind decided to take me.
Heather asked me whether I felt pressured to go see Miss Saigon. She said she read my blog about me being broke.. ( hehe...sorry...I do always talk stingily regarding financial matters...and people close to me knows how tight I hold to my purse) Actually....I have this tugging desire to go...cuz I've never seen it...and I also don't want to miss the fun...how could I stay home while my friend is going to be all dressed up sitting in the Auditorium watching Miss Saigon?..in the past..I said I'm broke...cuz I don't have a job...and I can't afford so much...but now...I got a job....what am I doing sitting at home then?. Anyways...yes..I think I will find Miss Saigon show fantastic. ^ ^ Something new to anticipate for...and no...definitely...I'm going for myself and for the fun. I do look forward to seeing Miss Saigon and I also look forward in taking ballet lessons.
I want to thank La Mer for broadening the horizon of my interest....I felt each friend can bring wonders to your life....make you go to places where you've never explored before.
I used to be a frog in a well...and perhaps...I still am....gladly....I have different kind of friends that came from different world system...so...I get to hear and explore their world.
Monday 8th,03
Yuri phoned in the morning. She said she can make it cuz the moving is cancelled. We talked like we used to. I told her yesterday I got so angry...and she did told me about her own experience in realizing that anger really does nothing but cause suffering. I agree too. Still..."it is so difficult to not get angry". She tried to convert me into being a Vegan. I was saying...well....if I become a Vegan...that means...no cinnamon bun...? no chocolate?...no ice cream.
Well...I could choose soy pizza...and rice dream is good...and soy ice cream...and dark chocolate...
I guess I won't miss out a lot too.....and...eating healthy seems like a good choice....but....it will be hard if I eat with family or friends. So....turning Vegan might be another thing to think about.
Went swimming with La Mer....wooo...we did eight labs in a roll with everything included. ^ ^ NI SU!
We actually didn't play badminton....cuz I dropped all my couses for summer and decided to work full time...can't rent badminton racquets....darn...oh well.
Saturday 7th,03
Work: Joan told me about her B party...sounds so fun..ten people almost. She sang Kala for six hours...wow...what a party indeed. She got E trained today...so got raised 25 cents.
Something funny. One guy answered the phone and I told him I'm doing a survey but strictly for women. He said sure...he has three wives..told me to wait. So he told me...I'll ask for my First wife first...Strangely...a women did come online...but disappeared very quickly....He came online again and told me his second wife will talk to me....then....somehow....I realized....it was just a guy pretending to be a women....that voice...so weird. I don't know whether to laugh or frown...cuz later..it got more strange...
Today....was my lucky day... got a lot of completes. The supervisor did his monitoring today...and I got for the first time 100% perfect...no mistakes for the day..phew. I was lucky. He didn't caught me last time doing all those mistake.
Met two more girls in my work place. They both asked the same question. Are you still in High School?. The first one I told her...oh no!..why? do I look that immature to you?...the other..I said..oh no...I'm very old!.
The first one is going to see Miss Saigon. The other one was Muslim...it was funny...with my head phones on..I can't really hear what she said about her name...so I said: "Fallilah??" Sorry...it was so ugly the way I pronounced her name that she started giggling. She said it was hard for people to pronounce her name and she was going to give up on me!..I was saying: "no no..what is your name?" I took off my headpiece. She said: "Fa....something" So I said:" Fatimah?" (Yea...that is the closest I could think of that is most common). Finally...I got her name the third try. "Oh...Fadumah!."
I was so tired, I had my eyes shut and one hand holding the phone...started using the phone cuz my left ear began to hurt with the head set. My supervisor caught me answering my phones with my lids shut...startled me when he start talking to a girl sitting opposite to my computer desk...well...I think he don't mind...cuz I actually caught him grinning...to him it was a funny sight. Anyways....so for the next half..my eyes started getting watery..lids was just drooping..and Fadumah kicked my chair and said: "Hey girl! don't fall asleep on your job!"...I told her..i'm not sleeping..just resting my eyes.
....^ ^ Yuri came back to Edmonton. Wow...it was a delightful surprise...we planned to meet up tomorrow..but...however...disappointed later cuz we have to cancel the plans made....cuz she decided to call her cousin up to move her things on that day we suppose to meet. There goes the mood. Drain away. Well...like she says...what is more important? Moving? or meeting friends? Of course moving is better. Sure. ( hey..I thought it was the other way round!).
Have a long chat with La Mer. Yea...I found we so alike each other.. both are so upbeat and we talk and laugh..and then get all out of topic and out of focus. ^ ^ haha.
I was telling her....oh...really? I didn't know you think of me like that...and same as her probably cuz she's like...really?? am I?
Saturday 7th,03
Was a bit late...but it was okay. When me and my sis arrived...saw Heather surrounded by a whole bunch of Koreans. They all want a piece of Heather...and she was so cute and sweet to them...answering every question they flung in her direction. I could see her smilling so happily and radiating with metta.
Heather told me I looked like spring...cuz i'm all pink and red....and I told her she looked like...winter....but...I guess I should have said...she looked like the dark night...cuz she was wearing black. ^ ^
Winter....where did that come from?
so discover Mijun? meant...beautiful star. She's quite adventurous.
and Song Hee was actually quite traditional and conservative like my sister. We went to IMAX...and me and Song Hee stood below the Dragon. It was her first time meeting the dragon...and when it breathe fire...Song Hee jumped out of fear with unexpectation. That was funny I thought..and I can't help teasing her. Later we took a pic with us all gaping with fear with the Dragon breathing fire behind us.
Heather and my sis was selfless and offered to take pics for us three instead. I thought about waiting another 15 minutes later so I can take pics for them..with the dragon breathing fire....but everybody got impatient and don't want to wait ..so we left
It was me, Song Hee, and Mi Jin's first time drinking the bubble tea in the new tea cottage.
There was this time me and Heather walking through a crowd of people holding our peach greentea and lychee greentea drink...and a women suddenly nudged heather and called out "WHISKY?"...we were like laughing...whisky???? where did that idea come from??? I guess our brownish drink with those ice cubes fooled her...plus I thought my cheek was very pink with blush...so perhaps...she thought I was drunk or something.
Heather and I share some taste for clothings...we found a lot of nice clothings in XXII store...but Mijun and Song Hee...plus my sis prefer the styles in Sports's Check store.
Anyways...long day...Me and heather missed the dolphin show...cuz we decided to shop for more...so we met up with the others later. I guess by then...everyone tired after a long day of walk.
Friday 6th,03
So we smiled to each other and made up. Then, we sat silently beside each other enjoying peace and study.
Isn't this cute picture?
An email from Dorothea Sunshine R. from RAOK.
Today at work. Joan asked me what project I'm doing today...so I told her I'm doing the survey of Ben-gay? (don't know what it is all about)..she said I was lucky...she has to do project G38...Always maxi pads.
Anyways...so...It was not very okay..cuz I was interviewing my respondents sensitive questions...such as...do they have heart disease, muscle aches pains....athritis? diabetes?...etc etc. and some answered they have everything on the list..( one thing I don't like about my company is that everything so restricted...leave all personal feelings out. Then...I was talking to another respondent and she said she has suffered none of the whole entire list of ailments..wow...and she is 59? I really wish to tell her that is so good for her!...but can't say that. Sigh )
Talk about sensitive...I now understand why Joan thinks mine is better.
...well...later...Supervisor said all the females will have to do surveys regarding Pads.
At first...I was introducing myself..then I was reading from the screen informing the respondent that we r going to talk about sensitive issues...etc etc...but when I get to the list of...do you use maxi pad, kotex pad..etc etc..then tampons...I started laughing, Gosh...and I still have my head piece on and my little microphone intact. ( ahhhh!!! You know...it is really a dilemma...because I wanted to laugh...but then....at the same time..I wanted to cry because I can't control myself from laughing) I ended up pronouncing everything weirdly....and I probably sound like I was half crying and laughing over the other line..and my respondent couldn't hear what I was saying...she started questioning back whether I'm fine and maybe we should do the survey next time...just so embarassing...then Joan looked over grinned: "You can't do that you know". I told Joan I can't do it...else I'll start laughing again. Joan said for her first time...it was the same for her...it was so embarrasing. She told me just do a few and you'll get use to it. I decided to do other project instead...but later a few hours I came back to do this Feminine care product survey again and ..phew...I guess my funny bone was gone.
Also there was another incident where I was introducing myself and my saliva got caught in the middle of my throat and I start coughing directly at the mic. Of course...that person hung up on me.
Joan's birthday tomorrow. Thursday 5th,03
Didn't have a good night sleep yesterday...and my mind keep on running and running. So, I thought I'll feel better deleting everything I wrote here. Perhaps this is called attachment. After all these six years of friendship...stupid.
Anyways. No heart in peace when there is this thorn not pulled out.
It is so true.
Like the Bodhisattva says:
If one possesses hatefulness one loses even one's own happiness and benefit.
At Work Place: Met a HK girl called Joan. She is first year student studying Engineering. How smart. She said I looked like the business type...and I have to gape. Um...what degree? um um ARTs?.
Anyways...she was very nice and offered to give me lift too on the way home. I found out she lives close by my house. I was happy cuz she asked me to save a seat for her next time I arrive early at work. The window seat. ^ ^ Today..I was about to sit there..but...the sun reflected in the computer screen was so glaring, I decided I won't sit there....what's the point...I still have to pull the blinds over the window...can't see the outside...so..Joan took the seat...and...I was surprised..cuz she actually worked without pulling the blinds over the window..I was asking her...how she manage to see the screen?. She said...it was fine...work was just too boring for her. She likes looking down at the street and building. I told her I probably will look up at the sky and clouds. She laughed. I guess she is the practical type and I'm the dreamer. ^ ^
Wednesday 4th,03 Silly argument. Saturday 29,03
Today at work... in the bathroom while I was about to go out, I bumped into this girl. She started talking to me..so I stayed and waited for her. (I guess I do care about feeling at home at work...at least we all need friends to make us feel at home in a place full of strangers). Later we ate lunch together too. Found out she is from Thailand. Met another boy who is from Indonesia?..but he is a CBC. Well...so far everybody is friendly. That is good.
Been such a long time. Me and my sis went for movies together. Just a sister date. How rare. It was nice.
Friday 30th,03
Today...something speacial and rare. I went swimming with my sis.
Wednesday 28th,03
Went swimming with Tracy. It was fun. I almost fall asleep in the hot dry Sauna. Didn't want to go anywhere but just lay there lazily. Tracy went out finally cuz she felt suffocated. haha. She is the beginner and I'm the senior.
Replied some emails. Yuri's teaching ended...and so she'll be going to Montreal soon. Well....I'll be seeing her and Ryan again. It is amazing...I wonder if a great change took over us.
I finally remember the korean girl's name. Song hee.
Tuesday 27th,03
The korean girl replied. So happy.
I'm just going to put down the last part of the email.
"............................................
My friend miss you... ^^;;
If you don't mind... we(me and my friend...) can have a tea time.
".................................."
A very delightfully sweet and cute email. I feel happy.I do look forward hanging out with them.
Was surfing at Yuri's site. A homepage does represent a person's ideal. Well...I think I forget how cute she actually was. I also forget in the past how warm she can be, and how kind she can be...and always so generous. It is hard when there is distance. It is hard when there is less communication. It is inevitable...sometimes...you just kinda stop talking about things that is not related to any of us. Slowly...slowly..it is as if I'll be staring at her main page...that whole forest of leaves...that serious...detached kinda of feeling. Then...if I click and enter the little world of hers...I discover many treasures that is hidden out of view by those thick green forest leaves. I do admit, I get very lost and see my friend only like the forest leaves and nothing else...perhaps...I see the Big buddha there...and many cute decoration....but..all the treasures are to be discovered only if you use your time and energy to pay attention...you'll find there are many doors where it will lead to treasures of virtue, compassion and wisdom. ^ ^
Saturday 25th,03
Today went swimming. Was early...swam alone for half an hour I think? felt a bit lonely. I think if I have to lone something like swimming...I'd rather do meditation and yoga myself....but how nice to have a swim friend along
While we were dressing our hairs, two korean girls came up to us and ask us to write english. Like and dislike. I thought the girl was asking me to help her write what she like and dislike about edmonton...so..I keep on asking her:" what you like?"...and she keep giving me a question mark look and ask me back...um...ye...ye?...what u like?...I thought she didn't understand me so I gave hand gestures...at the end.. I realize it was my fault..cuz it should be me answering the question...what I like and dislike about edmonton haha....ooops...sorry for the confusion.
Was happy cuz she contacted me with email today! She said she would like to be my friend..and I have exactly the same thought.... I wrote back and told her I felt honored if she thinks I can be her friend. Well..i'm just happy. This is nice surprise. It is strange me and La Mer keep on meeting new people at the pool.
I think I ate too much onions today...poor girl...one of my friend asked me to help her with essay...and although I offered to help...but....I guess she could tell I was impatient....and I'm so sorry....like I don't want to be bothered with anything last minute...um....but then...it is good. Force me to be aware that I have a very small heart.
Sometimes...we are motivated to be kind or nice...but it lasted only a few days...
...and then back to that old nasty habit. Yea..I agree with the quote...if you stop improving or stop being good...you just become bad.
Dear la mer is so into theatre and opera. She was so excited about the coming show "Miss Saigon". I was interested in Miss Saigon too...but aren't very happy with the ticket price...pay $60 ...get the worst seat....can't see anything...pay more than 60....well....I don't know...but then..you pay for the quality...don't see these kind of show everyday. I'm pondering. Should I go or not. It will be a fun experience and will be my first time.
Saturday 25th,03
So glad so glad! So nice weather outside!!.
Went swimming with LaMer. I feel with other friends...if I go swimming...it is more like playing with water....but with LaMer....it is a different case....she set goals.( this is why I like swimming with her most...it means I really have to swim hard everytime we go swimming together). You can see my eyes widened everytime she suggest an idea. "Okay...we'll do four free style back and forth without stopping and...(add more)" We did try swimming without stopping...everything included, freestyle, breastroke, dolphin, backstroke...um..she did mention sometimes butterfly....( I can't do butterfly!!) I think we did seven already in the past...so maybe our next goal is eight labs without stopping....wow...today....I'm out of breath! and I didn't really swim that much.
Just happy to find a friend that loves swimming and water the way I do.
Cool, see Fenny and met a new friend today. They are progressing in swimming
Yea..I'll try remember to not stay infront of the computer....all that radiation!....it is bad to have addiction.
Wednesday May 21
I think I got very high and drunk over the idea of universal love...so I wrote to all my friends. Then...in the morning..I woke up...and I thought to myself...um....did I overdo it?.
haha...oh well.... ^ ^
Tuesday May 20th.
I just want to thank everybody who put up with me and more 'ME' talk. Sorry if I did drain anybody's energy....and.....I just want to thank all the angels out there who looks out for me in times they thought I'm in danger and do not know how to take care of myself. ^ ^ Hugz. Thanks.
Sunday 18th, 03
Sunday 18th, 03
AHHH....all well again! Weather real nice outside!.
Two vitamin c 1000 mg and rest work wonders.
Time to stay out of doors in this sunny weather..I should I should.
Friend 1
My friend phoned from Jasper and ask me to tape this show which will be on tonight.
The channel 8 does not exist on my TV channel...and I was a bit worried that I might disappoint her when she comes back from vacation. Gladly...out of sheer luck....although it was not broadcasted on the same time and not the same channel on my TV...I manage to discover that it was playing on other channels... so with relief..was able to tape it up for her.
Phew...
Friend 2
Was reading Joseph Conrad ..heart's of darkness...this book really was a difficult read...short...but a bit complicated....I felt my head was about to burst having to analyze the negativity of human cruelty. There were much truths to be told there...and quotes that provided insights.
I thought about the depressiveness of helping my friend do her essay...in truth....this is not easy..and it will take up time....and I'm sure she is more frustrated than me....and...as a friend.....a friend's duty is to lift the burden off a friend.
I do admit...i'm not so kind and selfless....usually when I do something....it is just a breeze....usually it is easy task...like it does not take up much effort...and I am very good at it....but...I was actually irritated and started to regret...not because I don't want to help...it is because I found out this is a difficult read for me....and it is consuming my time.
I pondered about doing things for others....and when I think like this...I gave rise to a self...and the other...and...ego...and then..selfishness arise.
If I have to do this everyday for others...what will happen to my life?.
I think about the bodhisattva. In every moment, every thought...all is devoted for others...there is no pause...no rest...it continues day and night and forever...that is the great Bodhisattva's vow. How great.....
And...here...all I am facing is just a book.
Wow....I'm so petty minded.
Then...I think ...if nobody ask me for help today...I would have spend my time similarly like all other days....everything done for myself....in indulgence...would I think myself as useful...guess I wouldn't say so. A day of self serving...consider it fruitless and a waste of time.
So....I should be grateful that my friends ask me for help. If I ask someone for help...I must believe that... the person is capable of helping me. So...I should be happy that someone actually feel I am dependable. Well...that's good. I don't think I can do anything otherwise...small simple thing like this....I can do a perfect job.
"Being kind is good for the kind".
"whenever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness." ---Lucius Annaeus Seneca
So...I should wish....may everyday be like this. May everyday people come up to me when they need help. Small or great the task. Now...this will be a fruitful life...this is call truly living. This is what is called meaningful.
All plans cancelled for saturday and sunday.
Too cold outside. Will stay indoors.
I came down with flu and fever.
Can't enjoy anything good at this rate
My fun loving spirit is dampened
Spare me!!!
AChooo!
Saturday 17th, 03
P.S: I did go out but I came down with the flu in the late afternoon.
Wednesday 14th, 03
It is nice to know the schedule of your friend. At a certain time ...at what location....you know where your friend is. When you feel the desire to socialize, you can just go to that specific place to seek out companionship.
How nice to have found my friend without setting up a meeting. We both happy to see each other.
How nice to be able to share a very full meal and drink. I'm not stuff too heavily. Everything just right.
How nice to know that your presence is always welcome and you won't made to feel uncomfortable. Everything is honest and truthful between the two of us. Looking back...we were in the past always arguing..but at the same time always sharing our grief and suffering...and...of course...the laughter and smiles.
