David's Pregnancy
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THE BEGINNING
We tried three months to conceive David, and finally on April 20, 1998, the stick showed 2 lines. We were happy, and we hoped it was a girl. Reuben was happy to have a baby on the way, but Aaron was too young to know what was going on. Reuben's daycare provider told us she couldn't wait, because we have such beautiful children. She wanted us to have 10 children.
Soon after I became pregnant, I quit my part-time evening position at a Home Improvement Center. I was worried about the smell of chemicals, and my now ex-husband was able to get overtime at three times what I was making. Just like Reuben's and Aaron's pregnancies, I was nauseated. And when I did get ill, I vomited all day long. In June, I went to my regular doctor because I wasn't feeling well, and they said I was dehydrated. They wanted me to stay in the office for another hour with my youngest child, but I needed to pick up Reuben from Preschool. I was able to leave both children with the daycare provider, and I went over to the hospital to receive an I.V. I kept getting sick while I was on the fluids. My ex-husband was at a conference in Cleveland, and I was alone. So, I called my wonderful friend, Sandy, and she came to stay with me for a few hours until my ex-husband finally got home. I ended up staying all night in the hospital. They monitored David, but I was still worried about what it was doing to him. It wasn't until after Labor Day when I stopped getting sick, two months longer than Reuben and Aaron.
In July, I really wanted to go home. I lived an 8 hour drive from my family. We didn't have a lot of money, but I kept begging my ex-husband, telling him I wouldn't be able to go home at Christmastime, since David was due December 28th. I told him if he didn't let me fly home, I would drive home with the children. I told him I knew the way. That convinced him. I flew home the end of July and stayed for about a week. I overdid it just a little by going to the zoo, the Strassenfest, and shopping at the mall. I had cramping and some spotting. So my mom took me to the emergency room just to check that everything was ok. And they did an ultrasound. They couldn't tell the gender, but they couldn't tell me it was a boy, either. So we were excited for a girl.
In August, I had my alphafetal protein checked, and it came back 1 in 143 chance that my baby had Down's Syndrome. After seeing a specialist in Akron, and having a Level II Ultrasound and amnio done, we knew we were having a little boy. I had some leaking of fluid, and my temperature was a little elevated, so my doctor sent me back up to Akron to make sure everything was o.k. But from then on, I started having dreams my baby, David, was going to die. I kept seeing notices in the paper of babies dying. I prayed if I was to lose this child to take him now - not later. (Which was a naieve, uninformed opinion, as if I could alleviate my pain by losing David earlier than later. Never say that to a bereaved parent, by the way.)
At the end of September, I started looking for a position in my field. I started sending out resumes online and through the mail. I really wanted to start my career back up, since I was so unhappy and feeling useless sitting at home. I found a position 45 minutes away, and I was hired. My dream job! I knew it would be difficult with a new baby and all, but I was willing to try. My ex-husband said he would look for a job in that city so I wouldn't have to commute. (He lied.)
Until December everything was pretty uneventful. I then had dizzy spells, false labor, and scares of toxemia. But when they tested me at the hospital everything was normal. I really wanted to have this baby in 1998 before the end of the year, so my doctor stripped my membranes on Dec. 29th, the day after my due date. I was in so much pain, but he said it should induce labor within 24 hours. I did have regular contractions for about two hours, then they stopped. At this point I was working at home, since my boss didn't want me going into labor 45 minutes away from home. So I just kept working on December 30th. But around naptime (2 p.m. on December 30th), it felt like David came up really high. I got scared, I didn't want him to change positions. I definitely didn't want a c-section. So I pushed down on him, and he didn't respond. The thought that he was dead flashed through my mind, but I just thought I was overreacting. I had so much false labor, and other false scares, I just told myself everything was ok.
On December 31st was my regular appointment at 2 p.m. My ex-husband's mother and father called at lunchtime asking if they had a grandson yet. They were on a cruise in the Caribbean. When I went to my appointment, my ex-husband stayed home with my youngest child because he was sick. My doctor asked if I wanted to try and induce labor again, and I told him I had noone to watch the children, so it didn't matter now. He listened for the heartbeat, and he kept pushing harder and harder each time he moved the doppler. He checked to see if he had changed position. He left the room and sent his nurse in. I started to cry. I had the dream again that morning that David was going to die, and I kept crying that the real thing was much worse than my dreams. They walked me down the hall to the ultrasound room, and it seemed like the longest walk of my life. By the time I was ready for the ultrasound, my doctor was back in the room. The technician said there was fluid in the stomach, and I kept looking for the flutter of his heart. Then he said there is his heart, and my doctor shook his head and said he was sorry. I started yelling, "Oh my God," immediately. I tried to call my ex-husband, Neal. The line was busy, and I remembered he was on the internet when I left. I asked the operator to break through. She said she was unable to, but I kept saying this is an emergency...our baby is DEAD!
MAIL
