"Menagerie Tonight"
Simon Jester

Something that's furry,
Something that's purry.
Something for everyone:
Menagerie tonight!

Something explosive,
Something corrosive.
Something for everyone:
Menagerie tonight!

No human beings,
Shelters or pounds;
Bring on the foxes, lions and hounds!

Decaffination
Makes consternation;
Coffee is mother, father, life!
Sanity tomorrow,
Menagerie tonight!

Something amusing;
Rarely confusing.
Something for everyone;
Menagerie tonight!

Something with cocoa,
Someone who's loco.
Something for everyone;
Menagerie tonight!

Nothing of news,
Or current events;
No jokes about the Vice-President.

Big, scaly Rom'eos,
Occas'nal cam'eos,
Endless new causes for delight!
Open up the web page,
Menagerie tonight!

(musical interlude)
Ladies and gentlemen, the entire menagerie!

Tony's a bovine,
Kevin is feline,
There's lots of other "ines;"
Menagerie tonight!

Cindy is British,
Lisa's amorous,
Mikey is on the go;
Menagerie tonight!

Dani's a mouse,
Brad is a hawk.
Who ever heard of creatures that talk?

Scott's an iguana;
Biff's just a moron
Who's very often impolite.
Creatures of all races,
Lots of furry faces,
Glasses and braces,
Action scenes and chases,
Algernon,
And Richter Hall,
DeMontfort U,
But no emus,
Action,
Traction,
Blow ups,
Screw ups,
Chuckles,
Chortles,
Laughter,
*gasp air*
Big football games,
A lovely horse,
And a sense of humor, of course.

Comic surprises,
Mascot disguises,
Revenge for a dalmation's plight,
Tragedy tomorrow,
Menagerie tonight!

"Brad"
CJGarver

Brad, in Class Menagerie
(Big, red bird)
Think about caffeination
Wonder why he likes it so much
Yes, Brad, living in 303
(Not absurd)
Think about resuscitation
Wonder if Kevin will breathe again.

Hawthorne studies law at DeMontfort
Takes part in wrestling, that is his sport.
His flannel is there, and so is his hat.
His fists are there, to beat up the cat.

So, Brad, in Class Menagerie
(Gee, he’s big)
Think about addiction
Wonder if he can give coffee up
Brad, guy who hates to go ski
(Coffee swig)
Think about the Griffin
Wonder who bribed him to do that.

He’s got a knife, attached to his pants.
The knife is there to skewer some ants.
If Brad is asleep, you can hear him snoring.
Don’t talk computers, ‘cause he finds it boring.

Brad, in Class Menagerie
(Likes to fight)
Think about Dalmatian
Wonder how he’d react to Ryan
Brad, might hook up with Dani
(Sure, yeah, right)
Think about isolation
Wonder why he doesn’t become a monk.

He types his reports, on a typewriter.
He chases Kevin, since the cat’s not a fighter.
His head is there to carry his hat.
His hat is there when he takes a bath.

Yeah, Brad
(Brad!)
Think about blood pressure
Wonder if it is getting too high
Yup, Brad
(Brad!)
Think about defilibrator
Wonder why Mikey fainted ...

Brad, in Class Menagerie
(Studies law)
Think about restitution
Yes, Kevin did get him back a few times
Brad, caffeinated fury
(Goes “Caw, caw”)
Think about dilution
Wonder why he won’t drink decaf.

Brad, in Class Menagerie (Why sing more?)
Brad, in Class Menagerie (Kevin’s floored)
His cup is there to hold in his drink, (Brad, in Class Menagerie)
The drink is there, allows him to think, yeah Brad.

"To Coffee!"
Lord Emsworth

To Life! To Life! The Coffee!
To Coffee, to Coffee, to Life
Here's to my dormmates (all out tonight),
To solitude and my heart's delight,
Drink the coffee of life, of life!

The Coffee!
The Coffee, the coffee of life
Though some may say otherwise,
Forget those other guys
Drink the coffee of life!
 

Caffeine helps us to be joyful
Albeit rather harmful to
One's blood pressure rate

With it, I'm not lonely and like being
The only Kansas jayhawk
From the Lone Star state!
 

To life, to life, to Coffee!
It serves as mother,
and father, and wife
All alone I would rather be
Me and my Ms. Coffee
Drink the Coffee!
Of Life!

To java, to mocha, to life!
It takes the coffee that's quaffable,
To make me near affable
Drink the Coffee! My life!

"Mr. Nekohashi"
Simon Jester

Mister Nekohashi, how do you washy,
Without touching water?
Mister Nekohashi, we know you can ski,
But it don't impress girls.

You're wond'ring what I am,
(kitty kitty, Kevin the kitty)
Tall cat or hairy man.
(kitty kitty, Kevin the kitty)
My name comes from Japan.
(kitty kitty, Kevin the kitty)
I am the modren cat!

I've got a secret
I've been hiding
Under my fur.
There's a mouse I've
Got a thing for--
I really want her.
And if you see me
Acting strangely
Don't get too mad.
I'm just a cat who
Needs to escape
From big grouchy Brad;
I got him mad, he will hurt me bad,
Then I'll be sad, because of that lad.

I'm not a feline
Who's svelte and active,
I take it easy.
I sit in front of
My computer,
Or my big TV.
I'm not a "puddy,"
I'm not a "kitten,"
Forget what you know.
I'm just a cat who
Angered Brand and
He's out of control,
Out of control.
He's out of control,
I think I'll just go.

I am the modern cat,
(kitty kitty, Kevin the kitty)
Perhaps a trifle fat.
(kitty kitty, Kevin the kitty)
I do not exercise,
(kitty kitty, Kevin the kitty)
And often I am snide.

Domo Arigato, Kevin Makoto,
Domo, Domo.
Domo Arigato, Kevin Makoto,
Domo, Domo.
Thank you very much you big orange feline
For making up solutions that sometimes are successful,
And thank you very much you big orange feline
For helping out your friends just when they needed it.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, they wanna thank you.

My passion's plain to see:
I love technology.
Machines to save our lives,
De-anthropomrorphize!

The time has come just now
To say my name out loud,
So everyone can see
My true identity:
I am Kevin!
Kevin!
Kevin!
(insert electronic-souding noises here)

"Flunk Out"
CJGarver

“Well I know you can’t stay
In college all your life,
So don’t go to that party tonight,”
Mom said, but it’s too late.
And I didn’t watch what I just said.
Now Dani is seeing red.
And now my ribs are shattered,
And I’m lying battered on the floor ...

So I’m going to go to the sorority,
Um … something-something-something-ority
Hey, you wuss, go grab me a beer.
Tell me I’m cool, I just don’t believe it.

Flunk out, with me now baby
Flunk out, with Biff tonight.
My father’s company’s gonna give me lots of money,
And everything’s gonna be alright.

No more doing spirit,
Putting on Griffin costumes,
You know I don’t want that no more.
And who cares about an MBA
Me communications major anyway
Doesn’t really matter
GPA is getting flatter than before ...

So I’m gonna go to a frat party
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-larty
Hey, dumb chick, go grab me a beer,
And tell me I’m cool; I just don’t believe it.

Flunk out, with me now baby
Flunk out, with Biff tonight.
My father’s company’s gonna give me lots of money,
And everything’s gonna be ...

And I don’t think it’ll be so bad.
‘Course it’s gonna really tick off my Dad.
`Cause the guy said that I can’t run the biz,
And the guy said that I won’t get smarter than this, no no no!

So I’m gonna go to a football party
Um … gee … screw this, I don’t like rhymes anyway.
Hey, there’s Kim, she’ll grab me a beer,
And tell me I’m cool; sure, I will believe it.

Flunk out, with me now baby
Flunk out, with Biff tonight
My father’s company’s gonna give me lots of money
And everything’s gonna be alright.

Yeah, don’t you drink that vodka tonight, she said,
‘Cause I can’t stay in college all my life

"Crumbling Richter Hall"
Simon Jester

Livin' on school slop,
Watchin' the ants drop
Off of the walls all covered with paint.
Givin' up caffeine
Can get you real mean,
We say he's addicted, he says he ain't.

We're wastin' away again in crumbling Richter Hall,
Lookin' for a way into Mikey's vault.
Some people claim that the R.A.'s to blame,
But I know (do do do doo doo)
It's just Vince's fault.

Tried out for football,
Didn't like it at all.
The cheerleaders were all way too much.
Tried exersizing,
Quite unappatizing.
One more knee-bend and I'll need a crutch.

We're wastin' away again in crumbling Richter Hall,
Lookin' for a snack with sugar, not salt.
Some people claim that the R.A.'s to blame,
But I know (do do do doo doo)
It's all Vince's fault.

She saw a kyoot ath'lete,
Got him by his feet,
Gonna hug him 'till she can't hug no more.
I saw a real beauty,
An equine Brit cutie.
Gee, I wonder what is in store.

We're wastin' away again in crumbling Richter Hall,
Goading big irate birds into assault.
Some people claim that the R.A.'s to blame,
But I know (do do do doo doo)
It's Vince's damn fault.

"Pretty Fly
(For a Green Guy)"
CJGarver

Hey, isn’t that Scotty? (Uh huh, uh huh!)
Get out of here Scotty. (Uh huh, uh huh!)
I’m gonna hurt you Scotty. (Uh huh, uh huh)

And all the girls say I’m pretty fly for a green guy.

3-point-1-4-1-5-9

DeMontfort’s had a lot of womanizers in the past
But most of them gave up when they were put in body casts
But this lizard’s resilient, doesn’t care `bout broken bones
Gonna wear his tanktop and show off his green muscle tone!

So what’s the deal? Is this guy for real?
You know he won’t get a girlfriend anyway.
Going to the beach, those girls are out of reach,
He tries all day, he tries all day.
Gonna go and ski, and avoid the trees,
And slow down by crashing into all the girls on the way .
He’s not a wallaby,
So, hey, do that iguana thing!

How ya doin’ ladies? (Uh huh, uh huh!)
Don’t I drive you crazy?. (Uh huh, uh huh!)
Mikey thinks I’m lazy. (Uh huh, uh huh)

And all the girls say I’m pretty fly for a green guy.

He studies calculus, since his major is math.
If he spent more time working he’d avoid the females’ wrath.
Checks out every girl he sees when he goes to get the mail,
But if he looks twice, they’re gonna kick him in the tail!

So don’t debate, he won’t find a mate,
Of course, I don’t think he gives a darn anyway.
Well maybe there’s Kim, she might like him;
Until his posturing wears thin.
Well the lizard king may never find his queen,
But knows square root of 2-3-5-0-7-8-fourteen
He’s not a wallaby,
So, hey, do that iguana thing!

He’s getting a tattoo,
Yeah, he went at 3 o’clock.
He wanted a red heart,
But they did a green shamrock.
Lisa says he’s far too pushy,
Dani thinks he’s far too male,
And if he hits on Cindy
She is gonna bruise his scales.

How ‘ya doin’ Sorrell? (Uh huh, uh huh!)
Did those girls beat you well? (Uh huh, uh huh!)
None of them think you’re swell. (Uh huh, uh huh!)

3-point-one-four-one-five-nine

So what’s to say? He won’t stay away.
Not even the restraining order keeps him at bay.
Gonna play cards still, hasn’t had his fill,
Of losing to Sara Seville.
Hey, wait a jiff, he’s still better than Biff,
At least no one wants see Scott Sorrell fall off of a cliff.
He’s not a wallaby,
CM could use more wallabies,
But Scott’s not a wallaby,
So, hey, do that iguana thing!

"Dorm in California"
Simon Jester

On a dark desert highway,
Cool wind in my fur,
Warm odor of catnip
Making me start to purr.
Up ahead in the distance,
I saw a flickering light.
My eyes were heavy and my paws grew tired;
I had to stop for the night.

There she stood in the doorway.
I heard her angry growl.
I was thinking to myself,
"This could be Heaven or this could be Howl."
Then she held up her clipboard,
And showed me the way.
There were animals inside the hall;
I thought I heard them say:

"Welcome to our dorm in California.
Such a cruddy place,
Such a fuzzy face.
There's plenty of rooms in our dorm in California.
Any time of year,
'Cept in summer, we're here."

Her face is angrily twisted,
When she's mad she burns.
She's got a lot of frightened, frightened folks
She calls worms.
They all go to their dorm rooms,
To study for a test.
They try to remember,
But most will forget.

I saw the football captain
Drinking Night Train wine.
They say he hasn't passed a class
Since 1989.
And still those students kept studying All through the day,
And late into the dark night. Yet they always say,

"Welcome to our dorm in California.
Such a cruddy place,
Such a fuzzy face.
We're living it up in our dorm in California.
What a nice surprise,
Bring your school supplies."

Coffee on the ceiling,
Soda in the rugs.
She said, "If you don't clean that up now,
It'll attract some bugs."
And in the guys' room,
They gathered for a snack.
The cat irritated the bird,
Who have him a smack.

Last thing I remember,
I was running for the stairs,
Trying to find a passage back
To a place with fewer scares.
"Relax," said the R.A.,
"Though I won't tre to deceive.
You can drop out any time you like,
But you can never leave."

"Mikey"
CJGarver

All:
Oh, Mikey, you’re so fine
You’re so fine you blow my mind
Hey Mikey, hey Mikey.
Oh, Mikey, you’re so fine
You’re always conscious of the time
Hey Mikey, hey Mikey.
Oh, Mikey, you’re so cool
You make Lisa sigh and drool
Hey Mikey …

Lisa:
Hey Mikey
You’re studying all night, and that’s just way too long,
Who really gives a care if you get some answers wrong?
The test is in six weeks, or maybe it’s just four, Mikey.

‘Cause when you say “You’re sexy”, you mean “You squish that ant”
To make you stop running, I’ll just push you in cement.
Of course I could just dive and knock you to the floor, Mikey.

Cindy:
Oh, Mikey, quick question, this really bothers me;
What do you plan to do once you get your three degrees?
Oh, you have low attention, I don’t understand,
Why she likes you, Mikey
Watch what you do Mikey, do Mikey,
Don’t break your nose, Mikey!

Lisa:
Hey Mikey
Now when you throw frisbees, I’ll catch them with my teeth.
I figure there must be some feelings down beneath,
Under all your speeches, and health-related rants, Mikey.

You’re friend Ryan is cute, we played connect-the-dots.
But I just thought of him as you, just with more spots.
I had a voodoo doll, looked like you with no pants, Mikey.

Dani:
Oh, Mikey, that looked painful, does it hurt the most
When you fail to pay attention and then crash into a post?
Oh, that was such an earful, what you just told me,
So who asked you, Mikey?
Watch what you do Mikey, do Mikey,
Don’t break your leg, Mikey!

All:
Oh, Mikey, you’re so fine
You’re so fine you blow my mind
Hey Mikey, hey Mikey.
Oh, Mikey, you’re so great
You never show up very late
Hey Mikey, hey Mikey.
Oh, Mikey, you’ve got flair
Why did you go and change your hair?
Hey Mikey …

Cindy:
Oh, Mikey, you’re unlucky, don’t you know that Vince
Wants to do things to you that would make even Biff wince?
Oh, Mikey, that’s just ducky, whatever you say;
We’ll ignore you, Mikey
Watch what you do Mikey, do Mikey,
Don’t chug those pills, Mikey

Dani:
Oh, Mikey, you’re so cluless, you don’t even note
Anything less subtle than Lisa clutching your throat.
Oh, you are such a mess, why do you bug us so,
It’s annoying, Mikey
Watch what you do Mikey, do Mikey,
Don’t cramp your wrist, Mikey

Lisa:
Oh, Mikey, you’re so fuzzy, so kyoot and kawaii,
Although my friends tell me I should seek some other guy.
Oh, sure, there is Damon, but I like you more.
You are my ‘roo, Mikey!
Watch what you do Mikey, do Mikey,
Don’t break my heart, Mikey!

(fade out)

"Cynthia Rydelle"
Simon Jester

And here's to you, Cynthia Rydelle,
Tony loves you more than you will know.
(Whoa whoa whoa)
So date him please, Cynthia Rydelle,
Tony's got a thing for those who neigh.
(Hey hey hey, hey hey hey)

We'd like to know a little bit about you, gentle horse;
We'd like to help you study chemistry.
Look around you, all you see are sweet, adoring eyes.
Stroll around the campus 'till you feel at home,

And here's to you, Cynthia Rydelle,
We know you are a long, long way from home.
(Whoa whoa whoa)
We aim to please, Cynthia Rydelle,
Would you like some apples or some hay?
(Hey hey hey, hey hey hey)

Find yourself a quiet place where no one ever goes.
Get away from all those lunatics.
It is not a secret you're the only sane one here;
Most of all you've got to stay away from Biff.

Coo coo k'choo, Cynthia Rydelle,
You exercise to get good muscle tone.
(Whoa whoa whoa)
Don't be so calm, Cynthia Rydelle,
We know you like Tony, though you won't say.
(Hey hey hey, hey hey hey.)

Sitting on the sofa with a textbook in your lap,
Studying up for your big exam.
Think about, it dream about it, memorize that stuff.
Why does all this have to be so tough?

(I'm gonna leave the Joe DiMaggio stuff alone. I hope you understand.)

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?
Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.
(Woo woo woo)
What's that you say, Cyntia Rydelle?
Joltin' Joe has left and gone away?
(Hey hey hey, hey hey hey)

"Bradley the Red-Plumed Jayhawk"
CJGarver

You know Tony and Cindy and Lisa and Mikey,
Kevin and Sorrell and Kingston and Dani,
But do you recall,
The other kid in Richter Hall?

Bradley, the red-plumed jayhawk,
Had a very big, gold beak.
And if you ever bugged him,
He would punch you till next week.
All of his other roommates,
Still do laugh and call him names.
Wait, that was only Kevin,
Tony doesn’t get no blame.
Then one sunny winter day,
Mikey came to say,
“Brad, your coffee is too thick,
Your habits make me go ‘Ick!’”
Then how Bradley did pound him,
As his friends pulled him away.
Bradley, the red-plumed jayhawk,
You’ll go to see the RA!

To the tune of
"Little Plastic Castle"
Simon Jester

In a dining hall on a campus,
Which is every dining hall on every campus,
On a day which is every day,
I picked up a textbook
Which is every textbook,
Read a chapter,
And forgot it right away.

And they say goldfish have no study skills;
I guess their grades are just like mine,
And the test scores, when they're posted,
Are a surprise every time.
And it's hard to tell if they're happy,
But they don't seem much to mind.

From the shape of your scaly head,
I recognized your silhouette
As you came in through the door and sat down.
Your great math skills eclipsed those of everyone in the room,
As they pused to sneer at the two boys from Richter Hall.

I said "Scotty, gee I'm glad you're here.
I really need some help with this.
I'm studying for a Trig exam,
I think I'm gonna flunk the test.
I don't know any of these functions,
But I know you are the best."

People talked about my friends
like they come in two dimensions.
Like Kevin is the sighn of my declining mind.
And I happened to be hefty
In the days when people judged us,
But I've shaped up, and I feel fine.

And if they could see me now,
Not afraid to be seen in shorts.
And I'm liked and admired,
And I'm really good at sports.
Quick, someone call my old high school
And send them my retorts!

In a dining hall on a campus,
Which is every dining hall on every campus,
On a day which is every day.

"I Am the Very Model of a Resident of Richter Hall"
Simon Jester

SCOTT:
I am the very model of a resident of Richter Hall.
I've information practical and also mathematical.
I know the diff'rence 'tween a digit and a polynominal.
I guess I must admit that I am really quite phenominal.
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters of the fairer sex.
I know just what they want, and that's big muscles on our arms and necks.
For some reason that hasn't worked (I'm guessing they're all lesbians).
And even worse is when a woman says to me, "Let's just be friends."

ALL:
And even worse is when a woman says to me, "Let's just be friends."
And even worse is when a woman says to me, "Let's just be friends."
And even worse is when a woman says to me, "Let's just be friends."

KEVIN:
I'm very good with CPUs and CD-ROMS and motherboards.
I also like to irritate my roommates when I'm feeling bored.
In short, in matters of the technological and tactical
I am the very model of a resident of Richter Hall.

ALL:
In short, in matters of the technological and tactical
He is the very model of a resident of Richter Hall.

MIKEY:
I'm majoring in Economics, and doubling up with Music,
And for a bit of a challenge I am trip-l-ing in Physics.
I'm really into fitness and am almost always on the go.
My roommate is a lizard; he's cold-blooded and is rather slow.
A dachshund's always after me; she says I am a cutie pie.
I need to find another person cute enough to catch her eye!
I'm quite a realistic guy who reads and writes and acts and sings.
While skating I've been known to get distracted and run into things.

ALL:
While skating he's been known to get distracted and run into things.
While skating he's been known to get distracted and run into things.
While skating he's been known to get distracted and run into things.

DANI:
When I've got my clipboard in hand it's ev'ry fuzzy for himself.
I'm often angry or stressed out because nobody wants to help.
In matters of school spirit or of confiscating alcohol
I am the very model of a resident of Richter Hall.

ALL:
In matters of school spirit or of confiscating alcohol
She is the very model of a resident of Richter Hall.

BIFF:
When I get outta this dumb place I think I'm gonna do some stuff
Like, I dunno, like, get a job and maybe do some other stuff.
I'm studying to be a teacher who teaches, like, gym and stuff.
I think this place is really stupid and I've almost had enough.
And look at this, they made me take a really big long double verse!
I'm really bad at spelling and my singing voice is even worse.
My head is starting to hurt bad, I think maybe I drank too much.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

ALL:
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

CINDY:
I'm majoring in chemistry because that is a field I like.
I work out ev'ry day using a treadmill and also a bike.
In short, 'cause I'm a college student and I am an animal,
I am the very model of a resident of Richter hall!

ALL:
In short, 'cause she's a college student and she is an animal,
She is the very model of a resident of Richter hall!

"Uncle William/Coach Carradine"
Simon Jester

We're so sorry, Uncle William,
We're so sorry if we've caused you some expense.
We're so sorry, Uncle William,
But our Droid has wrecked some seats, some goalposts, some walls and a fence.
We're so sorry but we went to the game today.
We're so sorry, Uncle William,
But if we should get arrested we'll be sure to ask for bail.

(spoken)
We're so sorry, Uncle William,
But we destroyed the DeMontfort field today.
We're so sorry, Uncle William,
But we're in a bit of trouble and we need a little cash.

(trumpet solo)

Clipboard on the noggin (noggin),
Clipboard in the gut.
Clipboard on the noggin (noggin),
Clipboard in the gut.

Coach Carradine had notified me
He had to have some players or he wouldn't have a team.
I volunteered to play but I'm really not that mean or violent.
(I couldn't really play if I wasn't violent)

Clipboard on the noggin (noggin),
Clipboard in the gut.
Clipboard on the noggin (noggin),
Clipboard in the gut.

Live a little, be an athlete, run around (run around).
Get your feet up off the ground,
Live a little, get around.

Live a little, be an athlete, run around (run around).
Get your feet up off the ground,
Live a little, get around.

(trumpet solo)

Clipboard on the noggin (noggin),
Clipboard in the gut.
Clipboard on the noggin (noggin),
Clipboard in the gut.

"Board to the Head"
CJGarver

Board to the head.
Board to the head.
Board to the head, it’s coming.
Board to the head, it’s coming.

That lizard bringing beer to his room,
He gets a board to the head,
A great big whack on the head.

That kangaroo who says sugar is doom,
He’ll get a board to the head,
It’s coming, board to the head.

Jayhawks dropping soda cans,
Cats who fry the toaster,
They should drop by so I can mess them up too,
They’ll get a board to the head,
A great big whack on the head.

A board to the head, it’s coming.
Board to the head.

Some bull just let that door slam into my face,
He’ll get a board to the head,
A great big whack on the head.

That dumb lion who acts like such a disgrace,
A metal board to the head,
It’s coming, board to the head.

Then there’s Cindy and Lisa,
Haven’t done nothing yet,
But they’ll screw up and you know just what they’ll get,
They’ll get a board to the head
That’s right, a board to the head.

I’ll dispense justice with this thin piece of wood,
I’ll whack ya, board to the head.
It’s coming, board to the head.
Against your skull, you know that it won’t feel good,
The RA’s board to the head,
The queen of whacking your head.

‘Course, I could just write them up,
But where’s the satisfaction?
Maybe next time they will all act like they should,
Or get a board to the head,
Excessive board to the head,
Humongous board to the head,
Gigantic board to the head!

"I Love Cuddling Furs"
Niall

(Lisa steps on stage with a leather jacket and coloured hair, grabbing the microphone)

I saw him rollerblading by the dormitory,
I knew his kangaroo fur was so silky!
My heart was beating strong, I knew that he was wrong...
But I could tell it wouldn't be long
Till I hugged him tight, yeah, tight,
 And I could tell it wouldn't be long
Till I hugged him tight, yeah, tight, singing:

I love cuddling furs!
So brush up all those pretty cheekruffs, baby,
I love cuddling furs!
So don't you run away, come hug with me!

He yelped and tried to leave but I held him fast!
"I've got a class," he said, "and it's getting past!"
I said, "can I fluff you up, you're such a cutie pup!"
But next he was getting up
An' gettin' away, No Way!
Next he was getting up
And I pounced for him, yeah him, singin':

I love cuddling furs!
So brush up all those pretty cheekruffs, baby,
I love cuddling furs!
So don't you run away, come hug with me!

(Lisa howls, then does a short guitar solo for the first two lines)
I said, "can I fluff you up, you're such a cutie pup!"
But next he was getting up
And I pounced for him, yeah him, singin':

I love cuddling furs!
So brush up all those pretty cheekruffs, baby,
I love cuddling furs!
So don't you run away, come hug with me!
(repeat several times with ripping guitars)

"Algernon"
CJGarver

Algernon, Algernon
Hyper-destructive Algernon
Wants to flatten the school
Biff made him look like a fool
Look out! Here comes that Algernon!

Can he build? Listen, boy
He can make O. Prime look like a toy
He likes to rave and rant
And then go build some giant ants
Hey there, there goes that Algernon!

With a loud, metal CLANK
During the halftime show
In a big, shiny tank
He arrives, don’t you know?

Algernon hired Ryan
To steal the plumes from the Griffon.
Doesn’t rhyme? I don’t care
By the way, he’s got no hair
To him, life’s just about revenge
Wherever there’s parts to scavenge
You’ll, you’ll find that Algernon!

"Tackle and a Pounce"
Lord Emsworth

I love you,
A tackle and a pounce,
A tackle and a pounce,
Though you hardly weigh an ounce,
Hardly weigh an ounce,
But you're cuddly as can be,
Cuddly as can be,
Which is just okay with me,
You cute roo!
(You cute roo!)

I love you,
A cuddle and a hug,
A cuddle and a hug,
'Cuase you're comfy as a rug,
Comfy as a rug,
Cause your fur is soft and warm,
Fur is soft and warm,
So you'll never come to harm,
When I squeeze you!

I love you,
And I cuddle without fail,
You bet your fluffy tail I do!
Doodle doodle doodle,
Doodle doodle doodle.
Doodle doodle doodle doo!

"Looking for the Feathers"
Simon Jester

I remember back in college,
We used to strategize.
Me and Ryan and Denise,
And all the techie guys.
We were building low-tech,
But it was high-tech then,
And today when I look at my old blueprints I remember when:

We'd build a giant robot;
We'd base it on the 'Droid.
We'd infiltrate Richter Hall,
And make them paranoid.
And if we went to a football game
And they wouldn't let us win,
We'd wreak havoc on their field
And destroy their stadium,

'Cause we were looking for the feathers,
To protect our school pride.
But we never could get them,
However hard we tried.

And we'd upgrade all our systems;
We'd revamp all the hardware.
We'd attack them in broad daylight,
'Cause we knew that they'd be scared.
We'd threaten and demolish,
But they wouldn't give in.
Even though we were superior,
We simply couldn't win!

We've built a lot of robots
Since 1999,
And a lot of vicious hardware;
Our work is really fine.
And we have gotten low-tech,
But we were high-tech then,
And today when I look at my old blueprints I remember when
We were looking for the feathers,
To protect our school pride.
But we never could get them,
However hard we tried.

"Class Menagerie"
Niall

In a strip, where I reside
Lives a bull, and company
Made some friends, and enemies
At DeMontfort U-niversity

Got a crush, out on a filly
She's as pretty as, can British be
Shares a room, with cat and hawk
All in one big Class, Menagerie

We all live in a Class Menagerie
Class Menagerie, Class Menagerie
We all live in a Class Menagerie,
Class Menagerie, Class Menagerie

Mouse and lion, iguana too
Roo and Foxschund, a brand-new plot
And then Vince, begins to draw… (short solo)

We all live in a Class Menagerie
Class Menagerie, Class Menagerie
We all live in a Class Menagerie,
Class Menagerie, Class Menagerie

We have dreams (we have dreams) and aspirations (and aspirations)
But chaos (chaos) barges in (barges in)
Still we hope (we hope) to entertain you (entertain you)
In our little Class (little class) Menagerie (menagerie!)

We all live in a Class Menagerie
Class Menagerie, Class Menagerie
We all live in a Class Menagerie,
Class Menagerie, Class Menagerie

"Kangaroo"
Leffe

Lisa sings:

Mikey, will you be my lovin' kangaroo
Put my arms around your neck and cuddle you real tight
Oh will you be my lovin' kangaroo

I don't wanna hug no hawk 'cause hawks they play to rough
I don't wanna hug no lion 'cause lions ain't the kind I love enough
Just wanny hug my lovin' kangaroo
Put my arms around his neck and cuddle him real tight
Oh will you be my lovin' kangaroo

Baby let me be around you all the time
run my fingers through your fur an' cuddle you real tight
Oh will you be my lovin' kangaroo

"Kangaroo"
Simon Jester

He's a kangaroo with great big feet,
And he keeps gettin' thinner 'cause he just won't eat.
But he's as pushy as he's thin;
When he sees a snack he'll jump right in,
Take it from you and throw it away,
And you will hear him say:
"Don't eat that!
You'll get fat!
Move around, you lazy cat!
I know just what nutrition's about,
And I won't rest 'till you've found out!
Be like Cindy, be like me!
Exercize regularly!
I'll bring you some water or some herbal tea,
And soon you'll be as fit as me!"

"Hall on Campus"
Niall

Oh give me a Hall, where the bizarre does crawl
And the deer and the antelope cram
Where always are heard several annoying words
Then the clipboard starts going "Wham! Wham!"

Hall, Hall on Campus
Where the deer and the antelope cram
Where always are heard several annoying words
Then the clipboard starts going "Wham! Wham!"

To the tune of
"This Land is Your Land"
Niall

This floor is my floor, this floor is your floor,
From the elevator, to Tony's room,
From the lounge's neatness, to night time's sleep,
This floor is made for peace and quiet! ...so SILENCE!!

"Oh Dani Girl"
Simon Jester

Oh Dani girl,
The guys, the guys are squabbling.
It seems that Kevin's bugging Brad again.
It looks like you
Are gonna get medieval
And whomp them several times upside the head.

But come you back when they are bruised and bleeding,
Or even when they're passed out on the floor,
And I'll be hiding underneath a table.
Oh Dani girl, oh Dani girl, I fear you so.

Talk Like A Dalmatian
CJGarver

All the Richter Hall students know
To stay away from Spottiswoode
If you mess with him (Oh way oh!)
He’ll make a plan to get you good.

Sabotage is too strong a word
For what he does, so don’t call it that,
After he knocks out (Oh way oh!)
Mikey’s roommate with a baseball bat.

Makes his play, then he walks away
Ay oh way oh, N-A plus H-2-O
Talk like a Dalmatian

The tall kangaroos on their skates
Get tricked by tapes, then he locks the door
He hates the roo (Oh way oh!)
So he’ll blow up the entire floor.

Stand by the fire escape and wait
For the alarm, or Tony Durham.
If it doesn’t work (Oh way oh!)
Sweet-talking like a Dalmatian

Take the blame for this little game
Ay oh way oh, N-A plus H-2-O
Talk like a Dalmatian

Claim your looks are irresistable
After Lisa plays connect-the-dots
Accept payment (Oh way oh!)
Then taunt the Forrest U. mascot.

If you want to find Ryan, he’s
Screening Algernon’s little toy
He likes the girls (Oh-wait, no!)
No, wait, I’m thinking of Pomeroy.

All the Japanese cats, they know
He’s dangerous and will strike again,
And thanks R. Smith (Oh yay oh!)
Made Ryan scheme like Dalmatian.

All those plots, plus all those black spots
Ay oh way oh, N-A plus H-2-O
Talk like a Dalmatian
Talk like a Dalmatian

"The 'Roo You Know as Mikey"
Simon Jester

Early Mornin', the third floor hall of Richter:
Eight tired students still asleep in bed.
The ninth, a kangaroo, is up and runnin'
'Round the campus with earphones on his head.
All along the college trails and paths,
He's runnin' hard and runnin' fast,
Gettin' his pulse up to optimum.
He doesn't stop or take a break
(Gotta maintain the heartrate!)
Over hills and curving 'round the bends.

Good morning DeMontfort, how are you?
Say, don't you know me? I run here all the time.
I'm nobody but the 'roo you know as Mikey,
And I just ran seven miles, but I'll go for nine.

Later on after a healthy breakfast,
Mikey's ready to attack the day.
First he rouses Kevin, Brad and Tony;
If not for him they'd sleep their lives away.
Kevin throws a pillow,
And Brad and Tony groan,
But Mikey's gone by now on down the hall.
He tries to wake up Biff and Scott,
But they're hungover so they'd rather not,
And Mikey warns them about alcohol.

(chorus)

Evening falls upon DeMontfort's campus.
It's been a long day; time now to relax.
But everybody knows it won't be long now
Before Miky sees them eating their snacks.
Now here he is and everyone
Hides their chips under their bums,
But he just gives them all an icy stare.
He yells at Keving and he jumps,
Revealing nachos 'neath his rump,
Leaving cheese sauce on his derriere.

Good night, DeMontfort,
Say, don't you know me? I run here all the time.
I'm nobody but the 'roo you know as Mikey,
And I just ran seven miles, but I'll go for nine.

All songs on this page are parodies and remain the property of their respective owners.
All original lyrics are ©2000-2001 by their respective creators.
"The Class Menagerie"and all related characters and locales are the property of Vince Suzukawa.
This page ©2001 by Dan Frioli