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Chasing The Carrot

Chasing the carrot, that seems to be what I have done all my life.

I didn't realize that was what I was doing until just a couple of weeks ago.

I don't know if you believe in Angels or not.

But it seems there isn't a day in my life that

they don't guide me along my way.

I have been a very lucky person to be aware of the

communication that is available to us, with them.

I rarely see them,

but I do remember a few times.

I rarely hear an audible voice,

but I hear the whispers.

I have been able to all of my life,

but just of late has it been very evident to me,

just what it truly is that I am hearing.

When I finally admitted to myself,

and allowed myself the reality of it,

then and only then did I truly allow it,

to be an active part in my life, and become reality.

Their timing is perfect, just as this lesson they have

walked with me through.

Timing being perfect in my life,

and also timing with the time of the year,

of our Lord's resurrection.

One of the Angels that seems to be very active along my side,

is a little girl.

So many of the times she shows me things,

that would be through a child's eye.

As is this very recent lesson.

Each lesson that I go through,

brings me a step closer to being whole,

and a step closer to knowing what it is,

I have been put on this earth for.

I used to think it was to be born,

get married, have children, and grow old.

I sure have found out differently!

Yes, those are very important parts of life,

but not the whole reason.

It is within the workings of each and every one of those actions,

that the true meaning comes in.

It is our relationships that we develop and nurture,

it is the examples we show through our daily living,

it is what we teach others as we step by step walk through this life.

It is most importantly our reaction to life,

that makes us what we truly are,

and what we show as example to others.

I will start at the end of the latest lesson.

A week or so ago I was talking with a friend,

about a crisis that I have been living through,

especially most recently, in my life.

It has been a life changing situation.

At first I thought it was focused on one certain person in my life,

but now I realize that it has been,

the core to all my problems,

within the relationships in my lifetime.

As we talked, I saw a picture in my mind,

I told him that I was like the little rabbit,

that chases after the carrot,

that someone dangles in front of them on a stick.

Always holding on to the hope that one day,

no matter how badly I am treated,

or mistreated so to speak, I will finally catch that carrot,

and feast on the bounty of life and love.

I have allowed almost every person to hang that stick

right over my head and tantalize

me into doing their will,

in my anticipation of receiving love in return.

The most recent episode evolved around a close family member.

It has been life long that this has went on.

I truly needed and wanted her love,

and it would always be just out of my reach,

but I always followed that carrot around with great hope.

It was the very self centered crewel intentions upon this persons part,

that finally made me stop chasing

the forbidden vegetable in this case!

I had always been tempted by this person by monetary means.

It was her way of control, and I truly believe,

it was the only way she knew how to demonstrate love.

It began very early in my childhood.

It was the only thing that I knew,

as it was the only thing that was shown me.

If I would get into a tight spot,

she was always there to the rescue.

But it was never to be forgotten.

Also never to be forgotten was the fact,

that I did not posses the intelligence,

or ability to do any different.

That was a programed thought,

that was constantly drilled into me.

With these people, they play the game of favorites also.

For what reason I do not know,

but it works into the senereo well,

of them showing you that you are "not as good as."

Through out my life, if it wasn't an immediate gifting,

it was an innuendo of gifts to come.

It was her way of control.

She felt like master of not only her world,

but master of whom ever,

she could gain monetary control of.

The sad fact is, I am not the only family member

that this is affecting.

It has reached out to my daughter,

and now my granddaughter.

Not unlike the disfunction of sexual abuse,

that seems to go down the line,

from one sibling to the next.

Abuse is abuse.

Some scars heal, but the mental scars

are the hardest to erase.

This is what is called extreme dysfunction within a family.

It continues in its never ending circle

until one is fortunate enough to receive the help,

to gain exile from the core of the dysfunction.

The root of their power comes in the mental abuse,

that is part of the power they posses over their victims.

This came in the form of the constant reminding that we aren't good enough,

or can't do anything without them, or their help.

It creates a person that is called "Codependent."

In my recent back step from recovery, I finally had my eyes opened.

I finally gained my exile from my core of dysfuncion.

That brings me to now.

I couldn't imagine how God could have intended

this to happen in my life.

But deep inside I knew that there was truly a reason for it all.

For fifty years, I have lived the life of abuse,

and codependency has shown me.

That is a very long time,

and it takes a lot of persuading

to undo the learned behavior!

This incident truly opened my eyes to the blatant abuse,

that I had endured all of my life,

and the total absurdity of it all.

I realized that in less I stopped the endless circle now, it would continue.

They would continue to dangle that carrot in front

of me until it was too late.

I am truly exiled.

I had a wise friend tell me something a short time ago.
He said, "Exile is often freedom in disguise."

I never knew at the time

he was predicting my very near future!

What do the Angels have to do with all of this you say?

On the night that I was talking to my friend,

and telling him that I had behaved like

a rabbit chasing a carrot on a string,

I saw that very picture in my mind before I said it.

It was not three or four days later, we were in a local discount store,

getting some needed items, when we decided to check out.

We fumbled around trying to find the best check out lane,

when we just finally chose the closest one.
As we stood there waiting to check out, I was looking around,

at the usual things that check out line displays.

The candy bars, the small expensive items they place there

to get you to make an impulse purchase.

As I looked, I suddenly saw something that was totally out of place.

If I were to guess right, I would say that a child had picked up

this item in the Easter section,

and when they arrived at the check out,

I would imagine, the parent placed it to the side

with no intention of purchasing it!

Or, could it be that there is a little girl Angel,

that tends to place things right where I need to see them,

when I need to see them?

As often, shiny new pennies I find laying in places they shouldn't be,

just when I need to know I am not alone!

Well, anyway, that particular item that caught my eye..........

It was the very image in the picture at the top of this page!

My friend was with me, and has witnessed these kinds of things

many times with me,

and was not at all surprised at the incident.

He just shook his head in acknowledgment of the newest development,

of my close relationship with this little girl Angel.

I truly believe she picked it out personally as a gift to me,
to remind me of my exile, and to award me,

for my learning another very valuable lesson

during my sojourn here on earth.

There is that possibility that she also could have placed it there also,

so that I could tell the story,

and introduce her to my friends!

The real purpose of this is of course the sharing

of the way that God can guide us to his beautiful,

peace and contentment within our lives.

As with this time, and many others,

He needed the help of his ever faithful Angels.

As circumstance revealed itself to me, I saw myself as that little bunny,

running after the elusive carrot.

Placed in front of me by others in my life,

and even at times my own creation.

My relationships have been mostly of a codependent nature,

through out my life.

It really didn't matter how badly I was treated,

I would always hold out and continue to reach,

for the "carrot" called acceptance and love.

Recently it was dangled in front of me in a very big way,

but as it was dangling there just about to be attained,

it was taken away for good.

That was a new one for me. Now what?

Nothing to chase!

It was a moment in my life that I

was able to take a very good look at my own behavior,

and realize just what I had been doing in my dependence upon others

for my own substance.

It really is something to think about.

When I took inventory of this, I realized it was not just

this one instance that I have done this,

it has been with almost every relationship in my life,

and most instances.

I was creating my own situations of "strings attached"!!!

Think about your own life, are you chasing the carrot?

Are you hanging on to something that is possibly harming your growth?

It is easy to find out.

Just picture yourself, and your relationships.

Do you see someone dangling a carrot for what ever reason?

Do you see yourself imagining an illusive carrot

that someone else in your life may have to offer?

If so, maybe it is time to cut the string.

It is the only way that you can truly learn,

what it is that is needed in your life.

Not what other people and circumstance offer.

It is the only way to clear your vision to what,

God intends for your life.