Nick was sick of it all. He wanted some real peace of mind. He wanted this over. He wished it had never happened.
“Hey, you look depressed,” Brian said to him. “What’s up?”
He looked up. “Remember the time when we first got started?” he asked softly.
Brian launched into a comical imitation of a run-down computer. “Beep…checking memory…beep…nope, can’t.” He grinned.
Nick smiled faintly and looked away. Brian sobered and sat down next to him. “Of course I do.”
Nick’s eyes were far away. “Remember…how we were all excited and really into the whole thing? Lou and Donna and Johnny…first single? First performance?”
“What’s this? A walk down the memory lane?” Brian tried to joke. “That was ages ago, man. You feeling nostalgic all of a sudden?”
Nick shrugged. “I guess so. I mean, it was really cool back then. That feeling of doing something…something that I loved…really happy and whatever…”
Brian blinked. “And now?” he asked carefully. “Are you happy? Now that we’ve come this far?”
Nick was silent. Then he sighed deeply. “I don’t know.” He said in a small voice.
Oh help, Brian thought despairingly. Nick was falling into the depression pit again.
“Listen, Nick, I…” he started, laying a hand on his shoulder.
“It’s nothing, Bri,” Nick cut in, standing on his feet. “Just…don’t worry about it.” he turned and walked out, closing the door behind him quietly.
Brian sat there for a while then leapt to his feet and ran out the door, nearly running into AJ.
“Whoa. What’s the hurry?” he inquired.
“Where’s Rachael?” Brian nearly shouted in his face.
AJ blinked. “I dunno.”
“She was in the stage area when I saw her last,” Remo said helpfully.
“Right!” Brian pushed past them and ran.
“Nervous breakdown?” Remo suggested after a while.
AJ shrugged. “God knows.” He went into the dressing room. Nervous breakdown. Hah.
“Rachael!”
Rachael turned around and saw Brian running towards her as if a three-eyed monster was at his heels. She stood calmly until he caught up with her, puffing.
“Yes?”
“Did…did something happen to Nick? Did he get another call? Did you freak him out? What the hell happened?” he panted.
Rachael watched him, frowning. “Are you feeling okay?” she asked slowly.
Brian caught his breath. “Something happened, didn’t it? Nick was all going moody and nostalgic. I know him enough to see that he’s in the pits again. I think you’d better do something.”
Rachael’s face turned blank. “I don’t see why I should.”
Brian stared at her. “But…you…I mean…Nick…the calls…”
”yes?”
Brian drew a deep breath. “I thought you could talk to him about it. You are the only one that knows what’s going on with him.”
“I think you misunderstood something,” Rachael said tautly. “I’m hired as an investigator and security, not as a psychologist. If Mr Carter is ‘in the pits’, as you said, then I suggest he go and see one. As far as I know, nothing happened. I don’t see how I can help you.”
Brian swallowed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” He apologized. “But I thought since he doesn’t tell anybody about it, and he looked really alright today, I thought you told him something.”
Rachael shook her head. “no.”
“okay, then, um…would you happen to know why he’s acting like this?” Brian tried again.
Rachael looked at him coolly. “What do you mean?”
Brian knew it was hopeless. He threw up his hands in despair. “Alright, Okay. I got the message. But…” he looked at her. “You know, you can trust me.” He said seriously.
Rachael said nothing. Muttering to himself, Brian walked away.
“Your turn, Nick.”
He looked up. “What?”
Aaron was holding the control out to him. “Your turn. I already killed the Jenova.”
Nick took it absently. “Oh. Great.” He mumbled and stared at the TV screen blankly. God, he was tired. The show was an absolute energy-sucker. He felt like a listless jellyfish.
Aaron frowned. “You okay?”
Nick sighed. “Yeah.” He handed back the control. “I think you better get to bed, AC. Mom’s going to kill me if she finds out I let you up this late.” Jane was back at their home, and had promised to return the morning after, leaving Nick in charge of Aaron. Aaron was wild with delight at the idea, but now he wasn’t so sure.
“Since when?” he protested vehemently. “Come on, Nick. Just five more minutes. Please?” He begged.
Nick sighed again. “Alright.” He got up and headed for the en suite. Turning the tap on, he splashed icy cold water on his face and stared grimly at the mirror, water dripping down his hair and face. Hollow, empty eyes stared back at him.
Snap out of this, he told himself, shaking his head. You’re just feeling sorry for yourself. Snap out of…
I love you…to death.
His breath came out in a shudder. He felt helpless, lost. What was he going to do?
He turned away from the mirror. “Aaron! I mean it!” he shouted. “Turn that off!”
Rachael looked up from the files she was reading, turning slightly towards the wall which separated her room to Nick’s. Apparently he wasn’t a good babysitter. She listened for a moment, then turned back to her reading. Her eyelids felt like ten ton hammers. Ten more minutes, she promised herself, stifling a yawn.
Through the open window a warm breeze swirled in, revealing a balmy air and a sickly looking half moon. Aaron’s deep, even breathing filled the dead silence, the only sound in the room. Nick shifted restlessly in his sleep, his dreams filled with nightmares. Thousands of faces, all cutting their finger, dripping crimson letters on to thousands of white paper. Drip, drip, drip…
They’re gonna bleed to death, he thought almost detachedly.
I love you…to death…
Who are you? he asked.
Somewhere nearby, a wailing siren approached.
Must be the ambulance….he dreamed.
The siren became louder.
He opened his eyes and blinked in the inky darkness. Then the fog of sleep cleared, and he was aware of the phone ringing endlessly. Still groggy from sleep, he thought as he reached over, Aaron’s sleeping…can’t wake him…can’t…
“Hello?”
The voice was a blast of icy wind. “Hi baby. Missed me?” it purred mechanically.
Nick closed his eyes. This was a dream, he told himself fiercely. I’m still dreaming. I’m going to wake up soon, and all this would be just a joke…
“…I hope you got my letter, Nick. I wanted you to know that I’m watching you, everyday, every minute. And you know what I think about, baby? I think about you and me…together… and I’ll keep you always…but not yet…no…not yet…”
Maybe it was part of the hallucination. Maybe it was gut instinct. Maybe it was Fear. Whatever it was, Nick’s hand reached up to his neck and his fingers wrapped around the emergency button tightly, holding it for dear life. For sanity.
