As in most any guys lives, there are stories about girls, so to start…
She would strut in a provocative inviting manner down the hallway in her knee-high patent leather boots. Her low-cut blouse partly revealed wonderfully developed breasts and her short skirt caused great curiosity amongst the boys -- on account of the rumor that she wore no panties. She seemed to play the role, but she wasn't a Playboy bunny, she was just another high school kid. Kids would watch “It Takes a Thief” on television and go out and try technology learned from the show; they’d watch “The Untouchables” and be inspired to be gangsters, or they might play the role of Jimmy Dean even though they've never seen a Jimmy Dean movie. The power of media resonated throughout society with kids searching for their personal identity out of movie scripts, or living life according to advertising slogans. Media, along with other technology had become the driving force of culture, taking the reins of society like a madman steering toward a remote ominous catastrophe. Like me, this girl was just another kid on the ride. Just an innocent girl trying to be glamorous, and a beauty Queen she was, a pretty little girl who on this particular day he used her long satin blond hair tp wipe tears from her eyes, dragging her feet as she walked into a school assembly called in her behalf. But the entire school wasn't gathering together for the type of pageantry the young starlet might've inspired to; the meeting was called to quell obscene rumors about the poor girl as well as address the hot topic of the girls stole diary. All classes were canceled all day to hear pleas for the return of the distraught girl's diary.
Motivated, no doubt, by the illusion of becoming the young vixens hero, I began a quest to secure the missing diary. It was by habit that I’d carouse with the Hot Rod crowd, later to be seen groovin’ with flower eating Leary fans, or be hanging with Hell's Angels look-alikes, or even could be found lounging with nerds. It wasn't so much that I got along with everybody, but more that I didn't fit in with anybody, however, the diversity of my acquaintances provided an avenue for a successful investigation; I found the diary. For the promise of secrecy the diary was given to me, and without so much as opening the cover to peek inside, I wanted to the honorable thing and went straight to the girl and boldly presented it back to her. I was so proud, but my only reward would be a hard lesson about the wrong approach; she spit at me, hissed and jeered, and threw a fit like I was an attacker. I might've wanted to win her favor, but so would other boys, which caused me to instantly become high school public enemy number one in a bad way. Even the teachers seemed to look upon me as a scoundrel, but it was pointless to try to explain to anyone that I didn't steal the diary, or even read any of it. Eventually the teachers told me not to come back, the law didn't require me to go to school anymore.
To get an education, even beyond high school is more or less mandatory under the current régime. But a few years ago the natural abilities of the individual had real value, so I really didn't need to go to school anymore. And I had no friends anymore, so I went out looking for a job, but discovered that I didn't like being a short or cook, or library clerk. After just a few months employment decided it was time for vacation, checked out a few books, quit my job at the library to take a trip up to the mother lode, and there I listened to the wind blow in the Ponderosa Pine while I laid in hammock reading.
I was struck by a book called “The Master Game” by Robert S. DeRopp, and read parts repeatedly. I took notes that I carried around for constant review. Determined to understand what DeRopp was talking about, I concentrated on the message carried on a little slip of paper in my pocket: “STOP THOUGHTS; look over your environment with a calm, simple awareness… not naming, not desiring, passing no judgment. Don't allow your attention to be disbursed or immersed; Direct attention; digest impressions, except or reject. Know what you're doing and why.” Being somewhat isolated from the rest of the world allowed me to focus so intensely on these notes that I got it down – an esoteric message that catapulted me into a whole new world.
It was not just an idea, opinion, thought, feeling, or state of mind; it was a whole new universe. It is inexplicable, but I am compelled to reveal it to others. There are names for it, but they all lead to misinterpretation because they've been applied to the world that we know, rather than this parallel universe that is shrouded from us all. I wanted to make up a new word to describe it: “COSMOLUX”, but for here I'll just refer to it as the “Light”, because one of the features is that it's like everyone including myself was going through life as if we're groping in the dark, but suddenly for me the world was illuminated. It's like everything that I knew was like a big pile of paper scattered all over the top of my desk, and daily life was like sifting through a few papers on the top in a repetitive fashion like a Hypnoid. Suddenly, life's experience was not like a huge pile of disorganized papers with particular favorite routines of thought and behavior -- our habits, hobbies, and beliefs. No, not like a huge pile of papers, but more like the most perfectly organized books; Erudite tomes that seemed to reach infinitely, and with incredible accessibility – To articulate “Truth”. The more I try to explain by writing about this, the more likely for misinterpretation, because I add more words that have already been misunderstood. So don't jump to conclusions, and read carefully.
In this state of Cosmo Lux I was free of wants, had no thought of desire; no habits whatsoever; not even a fraction of lust -- it was a Divine Indifference -- ugliness or beauty did not exist, and I was in a world that went beyond good and evil, and; I had WILL. Upon entering the Light I had POWER. Previously I had very bad acne, but overnight my complexion was perfect, and my overall health was better than I had ever experienced. It seemed that I had a peculiar command over other people at least for a moment, and with my thoughts, just looking at people, I could make them very happy, or tremble. I didn't know how to use this power, but I had a message to deliver, and I could freeze people in their tracks and make them listen. The power wasn't absolute; I couldn't make them understand. Then one person suggested that I had a far-fetched hallucination. The light was flickering, I could not remain within its graces alone, and it seemed impossible to reach out to anyone else. People were locked up in a world of Darkness that was even a world very antagonistic about the Light, or the Truth. I had to get documentation. I could not maintain the Light unless I brought other people to it, and work to build a Matrix upon which it could stand. It was time to reside in the mundane world, and do research.
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There may be suggestions that lead to Christianity, but first of all let me point out that Dogma gets in the way of Truth -- BIGTIME. Also, if Christianity was supposed to lead to the Light, then why hadn't it done it in all these years? Well, I'll admit that Jesus talked about the same things that I am, but there's something suspicious about the “big picture”, and you can't see the big picture unless you have on the Light. Research suggested a wicked trick. Christianity had developed not to lead to the Light, but to contain the Light, and use it as a lure to enslave people in Darkness. Whatever, I’d research it more extensively later, but at the onset I had to find validation with a more universal perspective anyway.
The Reality that I was experiencing was not unique to me, it couldn’t be; that would be too horrific a curse. I was desperate to find support to prove, or an example of someone else, so I could help dismiss any argument against this profound bliss, this state of perfectness, completeness, power; this unfathomable, inexplicable thing that really was happening to me. People could see that I had some kind of skill, but they weren’t amazed enough. I couldn’t explain it, and had to find a description of such a thing somewhere. There were things that support the idea of such an experience, like William James saying we use only 10% of our brain; compared to how we ought to be we only realize a small fraction of our latent potential, etc. There were things that seemed to outline the components of the experience like the Tao Te Ching. And there were sources that tried to teach it like Gurdjieff’s “All and Everything”, and Ken Keyes Jr.'s “Handbook to Higher Consciousness”, but none of them describes the specific experience for the kind of validation I wanted. Like Jesus, Siddhartha the Buddha, talked about it; RM Bucke, called the experience cosmic consciousness, but his book by that title only distressed me, because it claimed that only one in several million people was capable of it. Then I found a book by P.D. Ouspensky, interestingly titled “In Search of the Miraculous” not only described the experience, but illustrated many of the features of it that I was struggling with.
So all I’d have to do is get some people to read all these books and maybe I could get them to understand. Get people to read? No way. I was encouraged by the research, but a viable strategy for spreading the Light was still elusive. The Light is like an awake-ness that is so much beyond normal that it’s like I’m trying to talk to dead people.
I still had some of the Light, but the world cast a heavy shadow over it. If it just flickered for brief moments there was immense power there, so I decided to see if I could use that power. Perhaps I could set an example to get people's attention.
I was 17, and I wanted an impressive girl, cars, and a cool job. As soon as I made the decision, it's as if I had given my three wishes to the genie in the lamp; magic happened. Within a few months, at age of 18, I own five cars, 40 acres of real estate, had a high paying management position, and was engaged to marry a runner-up in the Miss America beauty pageant. Sure, people were impressed, but in the wrong way, and it wasn't going anywhere. I had people reading, and paying attention, but the fake that they understood when they didn't have a clue; just so they could hang around me, and see what I do next.
I was cursed by the Cosmo Lux to perform a function. I had to open the Light. I realized that like with the magic genie, I got three wishes and then lost the power. I knew about the light, but couldn't get to it anymore, unless I brought someone else to it. It's what I was trying to do anyway, but it's easy to fall into Darkness.
I was doing enough of having people reading books. And one day somebody ran up to me, across the street, and said that they didn't know why, but they had to give me his book. I'd seen enough of this off target Cult activity, but this guy was really sincere. He said he wasn't trying to put anything off on anyone, it was his book, and he wasn't planning on giving it away, but it for what he had to give it to me. He said that he read it eight times, and it looked like it. I took the book, called “Autobiography of a Yogi” by Yogananda, and looked at it for a minute, but didn't think anything of it, and just put it with my pile of other books. I had enough of books for now.
I was about to become a rich teenager, with a promotion to an executive position, and to celebrate I went drinking with old acquaintances; to make them envious.
I was in a bad position, and the mysterious force that I had tapped into was not going to let me remain there. Amazingly, as if enough incredible things hadn't happened: I got drunk and woke up in jail, and it was no big deal, just that one of my acquaintances had thrown rocks through somebody's window. But for some reason I was held in jail for five months without knowing what I was there for. I thought they couldn't do that. I didn't have anybody's phone number, and nobody knew where I was. The one phone call they had allowed me was answered by someone's babysitter; who evidently forgot to tell anyone. I thought I would sue. I lost everything: my fiancée, my cars, my job, and 40 acres of real estate. I was about to lose more, and for years I would keep court transcripts handy to prove to people who didn't believe it, but I got sent to prison for a crime the didn't even happen. Today I have proof of the innocence of a person sitting in prison right now, but it doesn't matter; the system is wicked, and full of lies.
To be continued…
{I was sent to prison with the possible life sentence… got drafted to go to Vietnam the next week… got rejected by the Army because I was in prison week after that… remembered from the Cosmo Lux that there is a reason for everything… realized how difficult my duty would be, and the problems of doing it within such an errant society... and officials called me into a room, and asked me what I wanted to do; I didn't understand, but then they said they knew I didn't belong in prison, and if I signed the papers that I would sue that they get me out. I was only in prison a month, and experience everyone should have I thought. All sorts of extraordinary things happen to me when I get out. Then one day I was doing a business deal with someone who is suddenly fussing about something, insists he has a problem, about a book; he just can't get Chapter four. I thought it an odd way to interrupter our business dealings, but I ask him, “what's the book?” He said, “Autobiography of a Yogi”. I didn't say anything, but when I went home and looked at Chapter four in the book that I still had on my shelf, and it was a description of the experience I had; the Cosmo Lux…. another time somebody insisted I take a book from them; he said the book was banned, and in a way he seemed right, but I thought there was freedom of the press; it had information about society that I thought people should know, but it was true you could not find this book in any library or bookstore. So I looked for others suppressed books, and found; “Which Way Western Man?” By Simpson. Chapter five in what might be one of the most ‘dangerous’ and controversial book of all is ‘An Added Faculty of Perception’ ….}
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