So I see that you have finally made it here, beyond the terrors and things that lurk deep within the shadows of your own life. So its time to close your eyes, and start to see things in a different kind of light. Time to open up your mind and truly see the way the world is. Say to yourself "There is only me and no one else" and lock away in your tiny room, everything is poetic and everything means something and nothing at the same time. Don't be afraid of this confusion it can only teach you what you must know. Its safe to wrestle with your demons here, for no one can judge you inside your own head. I have heard that being alone is the only way to survive, that isn't true, being alone is merely exsiting, the only way to live is if you interact with other beings...The only way to survive is to love uncondtionally. No one is speacial or indifferent, its all relative if you want to get technical. Nothing really matters to everyone, or no one. Every thought that you have had there are at least a thousand people in this world that thought that exact same thing at the exact same moment, heh, you don't feel so unique now do you? Everything that is happening, someone else has done that -exact- same thing before...When you look at your significant other and smile, someone else has already had that smile and that feeling, no matter how much you want to deny it. The human body has over three thousand emotions, different degrees of each emotion and most we can't even discribe. You can't always just ask someone "Whats wrong" and they be able to tell you exactly what it is, because they might not know themselves. So you have to ask yourself, 'Have I ever been there?' and if you haven't don't worry so much about trying to understand everyone else, because you can't even really understand yourself. I have spent my life not alone, but surrounded by people, I am willing to admitt that I can't be alone, it scares the shit out of me. Even if its just one or two really close people to me that I keep, I have to have them, because I am afraid of what I am capable of when I am alone. Forgive me for my arrogance, I don't think I'm better than anyone, I just think that the decisions that my generation are making about thier lives are completly and utterly unimaginable. How could allow yourself to be not only beaten down but become totally obessed about the way people view you in the world? Who cares what other people think of you? I mean, if you can honestly look yourself in the mirror and say "This is what I want to be" then run with it, but don't come crying when you fianlly realize that your whole life is a lie. Everything that you have ever done is one giant out of control rapsheet of distruction, and its all going down hill. The only way to discribe everything that I feel about my generation is "The strongest and smartest men who
have ever lived -- and they're pumping gas and waiting tables; or they're slaves with white collars. Advertising has them chasing cars and clothes. A whole generation working in jobs they hate, just so
they can buy shit they don't need....We're the middle children of history, with no special purpose or place.
We don't have a great war in our generation, or a great depression. Our great depression is our lives. Our great war is a spiritual war."
Have you ever really watched Fight Club begining to end without a break? Its exactly the way I feel about life, granted it's just a movie, but the person who wrote it was really in tune with the way that this world works. There isn't a way to get ahead in life, no matter what you do. Don't you realize that not matter how popular you think you are, that you are never going to be the social 'norm'. Conformity is constantly changing like the greyhound chasing the rabbing around the track, you aren't getting any close to perfection, so why beat yourself down it acheieve something that isn't even remotly possible? Do you like not knowing that no matter how perfect or popluar you think you are that people are still constantly talking shit about you behind your back? Do you like not knowing that everyone really hates you because you are a fake, lying peice of shit? Do you really want to look back when you are 30 and realize that everything you have ever done is bullshit. What happens when you fall in love, do you simply shy away from that too because you might have to admitt that you are nothing like you present yourself? You are nothing, your life means nothing, you aren't even real to yourself, its all a lie, and its getting bigger day by day. You are a parasite, a disease and you will remain as such until you open your eyes and wake up. We are all dying with each passing moment, its time to start living while you still have the chance...
