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I never had a "normal life" but then again what is normal?
I had a very bad childhood. Not really knowing what was wrong with me, the professionals made matters worse by telling my parents that I was retarded, slow and worthless. This only created more problems at home and at school for me. I was teased and put down by the kids as well as the teachers for my violent twitching and behavior problems. One teacher labeled me as hyperactive. My self esteem plummeted as I was tossed into special ed classes, and had weekly sessions with the school counselor. No one knew that I had a neurological problem, that was a medical problem. My father who also had the syndrome, tried to slap the problem out of me believing that discipline was the only answer. I thought I could hold in the twitching, or control my movements or what sometimes flew out of my mouth. This only made the symptoms worse.
We believed the professionals, but I am not sure they really helped or hindered my situation in life. As I got older, my TS got tougher. It became harder to manage and I began losing more and more controll over my body. As I grew into a woman my tic's became worse.(tic=involuntary movement of the body, and face, ect.) My mind was racing out of control.
My entire life was spent seeing how long I could stay drunk and on street drugs. My life was full of hate, despair, anger and compulsions. I was desperately looking for something but not really sure what.
(Here is a passage from the bible: Proverbs 26:28-27:24 chapter 27 verse 5&6; Open rebuke is better then secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend ; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Verse 7; The full soul loatheth an honycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.)
I hated myself and this world. "WHY ME LORD?" I asked. It seemed many times that life was a punishment and that I couldn't go on anymore. I tried staying drunk or worse, and when that didn't work I tried killing myself- 3 times. It is not from failure in trying to kill myself, that I am here today. It is because it was not my time to go. God saved my life! I was just about to die when I blacked out. I only remember pieces of what happened.
My family has a hard time coping with all of my illnesses. I will not be able to tell you about all of them because I would be typing for days on end. I will cover the ones that are bothering us at this time. As you may or may not know TS can change and it is not the same for everyone.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Is for example one of the disorders that I have. I count, and clean, and do things over and over until I get it right. I have to touch things just right or I will go crazy (and take everyone around me, with me.)
Allergy disorders; I have bad allergies and when they flare up my tic's get worse. Here are the reasons why; chemical imbalance in the brain and bad transmitters really go wild when my allergies kick up.
Deppression; This disorder I hate the most, you can be depressed without having TS. However, TS can cause depression. I have been given so many prescription drugs to take, that I feel they are slowly killing me from the inside out.
Chronic Stress; Due to the intense stress in my life, I have had several nervous breakdowns over the years. I have developed some coping mechanisms; I do all I can to ease the stress in my household. I have not taken work outside my home. I try to keep my life free from chaos by organizing, and I find when I have had enough, my body means it has had enough.
I have had to travel a long hard road to get where I am today.
To find out more about TS be sure to click on the link that says: TSA or Harvard. That site is run by people like me, you, and by professionals alike.
Last updated on 12/1/99
Links
National TSA _ Harverd
Click here for my links page --- this page will link you to much more
Click here for my Friend Lissa's Place Angelic Bits and More
