cast away.
1221.

reentry is nice. you're used to it by then.

i miss you so much. i don't want to miss you. i didn't even really want to like you, but i do. so there. but i miss you as in "jesus christ, i really miss you" as opposed to "jesus christ my life is over because i miss you so much." i just feel a little wallow-ish today. can i have a couple days to wallow? do some moping, a little "well fuck me" & falling on my bed backwards? sure, i don't think that will be a problem, miss.

making a tape. making a tape. aj made me a cd with radiohead stuff on it. lovely. LOVELY. love it. sigh. white whine.

do we seem cheap to you? cheated, perhaps? i need a guitar pick if i'm going to learn how to do this right. i guess. i want some fucking money. rarrrr.



i just hate it.
15 march 1999.
when people are so in love.
they're so happy.
so fucking happy.

hey. i woke up early as fuck this morning. then went back to sleep. then woke up early again. no school. i knew we wouldn't. cameron is supposed to come see me today but i don't see how that's going to happen. i'm a little worried that he's going to come anyway & perhaps get snowfucked.
don't you hate it?

sigh. yeah. so. i should shower & check my mail for those tapes john sent me. today i'll make my eddie shrine, read some political science & pick my guitar up again. erin isn't here still. false hope, false hope.

we're turning sour by the hour. snowy. it seems that everyone is gone. my door is shuddering & shaking. trying to get inside. maybe the life i love is coming back on me.

today was going to be the day. dance if you want to dance.

it's no problem. check on me, see if i'm still here. the you that i refuse to see. you had me but it's over now. it's no problem. proverbial shrug of the shoulders it's no problem. & easy out the door again.

it's no problem.

get my attention.

again somehow.