VJ: DON'T DO IT! That will make you grow breasts!
Mark: Do it Madgrad do it!
Hasno: Yeah! Yeah!
RtR: Yeah, suave, yeah!
Madgrad: D'oh! Shouldn't you all be going to see "Know What Your Breats Did Last Summer"?
And now time for the NJ207 Special Thanksgiving e-mail: The Zelda Golden Cart Crisis Part 1. Starring: NJ207, Cindy (the sexy ninja cat-girl), and Duke Homer (think Homer Simpson wearing Duke Nukem's clothes). We join are (heroes?) in the E.B. store as they preorder their golden copy of Zelda.
NJ207: Alright, we just need to order the game (get a few of those South Park Dolls) and get out.
Cindy: Ohh!!! Men with golden Zelda carts are so sexy!!!
NJ207: So whats up, how about helping a guy get lucking my friendly E.B. employee.
E.B. Employee: Sorry, we don't have anymore golden carts.
Cindy: What no more golden carts! I don't want to play Zelda (or have sex) if there are no golden carts.
E.B. Employee: We have some lovely gray carts for you.
NJ207: Shut up, you die now! (NJ207 shoots E.B. guy) I tell you this ain't right! I wait 2 years for Zelda and now I don't get a gold cart.
Duke Homer: Don't worry NJ. Besides what is a cartridge, just some plastic and micro-chips.
NJ207: Your right, it's Zelda that matters.
D.H.: What the hell are you talking about, of course the gold cart matters. What I meant was that we can make are own special Zelda cart. But it want be made of plastic, it will be made of pure gold. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
NJ207's mom: We'll NJ it's time to home, tell your freakish friends goodbye and get in the car.
D.H.: See you Thanksgiving, we'll talk then. Mmmmm....turkey.
-NJ207
MADGRAD-Suave: Okay thats just sick NJ. Portaying a woman who wont have sex just because there are no Gold carts is just plain wrong. We all know that women require far more important things to have sex, namely jewerly and a lobster dinner.
Woman from N.O.W.: Your ass is ours buster!
MADGRAD-Suave: Oh s%#%.
Big Miguel Sanchez: mmm...Zelda...mmmm....
RtR: And people wonder why I wear a bullet-proof vest and riot helmet to work...
BWAHHAHAH!! I have my cow!!!! Since Isca neglected to mention that he owned my cow, I could steal it without any police intervention!! Now, I must save the world from Saddam Hussein who is actually....(looks around) whisper whisper whisper whisper!!!! (shows a picture) Yeah! I knew you didn't know that's what he really looked like!! Turkey is good, but better when the turkey is Pikachu!!! BOOM!!! Goddamnit!! Stupid XXX monkey, you knocked them out of my "show naked pictures of JJJ as Saddam Hussein's true identity and you'll have complete control of their minds plan"!! Well, go fetch them some porn and it'll do the same thing. My next requirements are a tanker of diddly squat, all of the pokemon beanie babies from KFC, the 64DD, the Dreamcast, Link's Adventure 64, and a rabid chicken.
-Gamer X
MADGRAD-Suave: Yes, yes. Our monkey is working well...I can't believe you were dumb enough to think that plain nude photos of JJJ could stop me. Behold, I have the true power....pictures of....JJJ...in...TUBE SOCKS!. BWAHAHAH!
BMS: No Madgrad, no one man can control that much power and not be tainted! OH GOD! Your hair turned white!
Cindy: Back! I will slay you! Heeeiiiiii!
::And with that Cindy charged Madgrad-Suave. But, she was no match for his new move...one with twice the destructive capacity of the STONE COLD FUNSTER....he unleashed the HELLCROWN!::
Cindy: Gasp...argh...
BMS: How could you?
MADGRAD-Suave: Why are you so upset? You have the same goal as I do, you puppet!
BMS: Its time for an excorsism! I must drive the evil spirits from Madgrad's body. Observe...Madgrad....I will give you nude photos of Leah if you fight the evil spirits!
Normal- MADGRAD: UGGGGGHHHH! EVIL SPIRITS GONE! ME WANT PHOTOS! Itchy..tasty...
BMS: This goes from bad to worse.
Hey guys,
Just thought I'd write you a normal e-mail today. First I want to say $@*! you Ragnarok the Red for dissing Final Fantasy Tactics. I know that it's a little frustrating, but once you get some of your warriors to learn some of the kick-ass jobs and abilities in the game, its no problem. Your just pissed off because your not as hard-core as all the other RPGers out their. Tactic games take a lot of time to beat you know. Don't make me send the special UPiSsed Postal squad after you. Oh yeah, and what the hell is that monkey eating?
-NJ207
MADGRAD: Ah, its good to be back to normal. I agree, I'll be posting a more accurate review of FF Tactics soon, because Rag's review did suck, and it sucked hard. Personally, I love tactical games, especially wargames. One of the games that I plan on buying myself for the PC is People'ss General, a modern variant of Panzer General Two. Mmmmmm....combined arms tactics....mmmm.. Oh, the monkey was eating a hot dog, but we got rid of it. It was too...suggestive.
BMS: The hell with FF Tactics. There needs to be Zelda Tactics d@mnit!!!
RtR: Ok, here's the deal. I personally didnt like FF Tactics because the game required insane amounts of level-building, your 'army' was the size of a regular RPG party, five; and many battles required more lucky hits & misses to win rather than actual tactical maneuvering and strategy. And dont EVEN get me started on the story (who did what to who now?!?) Of people I meet at work who have played the game, about half of them loved it and the other half, like me, thought it was the BIGGEST sack of sheiss. The bottom line is, this is my OPINION, if the game floats your boat, n'joy! To each his/her own. And BTW, I am hardcore and DO enjoy tactical/RPG games, having hacked through Vandal Hearts, Ogre Battle, Tactics Ogre, Dragon Force, Shining Forces 1, 2, 3, + the Game Gear and Sega CD versions, and Front Mission IN JAPANESE! *gasp* Well, NJ207, I hope your happy. You've reduced me to a pre-puberty 'software war', a symptom of system bashing. In doing so, I have just violated half of my video game morals. I must be punished!
Aeku & SMUG: (with whips) Yoohoo! Ragamuffin!
RtR: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Hasno: Shut the hell up, RtR. Tactics rules. All you have to do is fight about 25 random battles in Mandalia Plains, and then you'll be far enough ahead of the difficulty curve to kick everyone's ass (except for Velius.) Once you get to Chapter 4, your character's powers shoot through the roof, and the spells get to be incredible. And yes, the story line is hard to follow, but if you pay attention to it, it's not so complicated. Oh crap, now look what you've done. You've reduced me to a pre-puberty software warrior too. This sucks.
I thought I'd drop a line real quick before I have to go back to playing Zelda again. First of all, your site kicks ass, and the writing is great. Hopefully I will be able to frequent it(I found this site in the EGM subscribers' newsletter). I will email you guys about other things as well. I just wanted to drop a line and tell you what a nice site you have. Lastly, feel free to reply and check out my site. You have my email address now, but my site is
https://www.angelfire.com/il/Xgamers/index.html
I just started it and it is VERY early in construction. Drop me a line and tell me what you think. I'll be back to my Zelda now. =)
-Scott
MADGRAD: WOW! A nice letter, complimenting our site! Its great to have pleasant letters for a change, instead of ones from people plotting to kill us. Thanks for the compliment, and your site is cool too. Just beware of anyone named WEDGE, as they tend to be lazy bums.
RtR: Thanks for the praise, we work hard here at RM, and enjoy what we do.
BMS: Ah, a fellow Zelda lover. I'm glad a few people noticed that plug in EGM. It's nice to get a compliment. Keep up the good work on your site and trust me, over ten hours of Zelda at a time is not safe. All right folks I have a topic for the next batch of letters. The topic is... Zelda. Have you played they game in unhealthy amounts? Did you have to kill someone to get it? Did you eat your Thanksgiving dinner in front of your TV playing Zelda? Do you think the game sucks and want me to scream profanities at you for saying such a thing? Anything Zelda or any letters at all. We want letters.
Email: rabideditors@hotmail.com