At this point, you're probably asking, "What's in it for me? How do I make God give me money? Well, here's what you get:
1. A package so beautiful I won't want to open it. Wow. That little picture just gives me goosebumps. I can't wait to get the real thing.
2. An unusual book. I'm supposed to keep it with all my bills and stuff so I know to send them money, too.
3. An FAQ. They have all the answers to all the questions I may have. Yes, there's a God, a heaven, and worldly riches beyond my wildest dreams! Doesn't the Bible say something about going after worldly riches being bad? Oh well. No matter. These people are giving me stuff.
4. More testimonies. And I haven't finished reading all the ones they've already sent me.\
5. A prayer coin from the Bible days. Ok, it's a replica, but still, it's just like the one from the Bible days (meaning from the beginning of time to about 100 A.D.). I guess their money never changed until after that. I'm reminded of another Bible thingy. Didn't Jesus say to give Caesar what is Caesar's, and give God what is God's? The coin has Caesar's face on it, so I guess I should send it to Rome. On the other hand, there's no Caesar there anymore, so I'll probably just send it to Metallica, since I had Enter Sandman going through my head the other day.
Another interesting thing I noticed is that it says my new Financial Partner is named Jehovah God. I wonder if he has any less popular relatives, like Doug God or Terry God. Maybe Jehovah is just the Christian God, and there's also an Allah God, a Yahweh God, a Vishnu God, and L. Ron Hubbard. I don't know. This whole deal sounds pretty shady to me. At least I know Jehovah God's full name.
6. More junk mail. Well, that just seals the deal, there. I can't wait to sign up.
